"You've never had an Oreo?" JJ's mouth hung agape in mock horror as Spencer Reid examined the vibrant blue package in front of him.
The jet's engine hummed reassuringly in the background and they broke through the dark rain clouds, washing away everything but the gruesome memories from the team's last case. They collectively sighed in relief however, and the change in the agents' demeanors was almost physically palpable.
"No," Reid arched his eyebrows and smiled, tentatively removing one of the chocolate treats to analyze. "I never bought them, even though I did basically all the grocery shopping growing up."
JJ's teasing expression strayed nearer to sympathy for only a moment. "That's a lot of self control for a child. Probably for the best though, I got more than one cavity from these things, that's for sure." She bit down into one of them and leaned back in her seat, chewing thoughtfully.
"Though I admit, I used to be really curious as to why people liked them more than real cookies. There was a debunked rumor that they were actually vegan. While it's untrue, it makes me question how processed they are since that was widely believed for some time." The doctor scrunched up his nose and turned the package over on the table, reading the ingredients. "How fake are they."
'Hey, you watch your mouth, kid." Morgan distributed three strong drinks to the table and eased into the seat next to JJ.
He slid Reid's drink forward with a little excess force, grinning. "You'll hurt their delicious feelings."
"Unbleached enriched flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate -" Reid only paused from his tirade to breathe, "is basically flour that has had any of its nutrient value removed and replaced with preservatives. Palm and or Canola oil -" He gestured air quotes around the 'and or', cookie still in his fingers, and barked out a laugh, "Genetically modified I'm sure. Don't even get me started on high fructose corn syrup."
"I agree, let's not." Morgan frowned and pulled the package away from Reid, muttering quietly, "Shhh, don't listen to the mean man, you're perfect..." As he popped a whole one in his mouth.
This however, only succeeded in kindling Reid's mischievous rant. He straightened up in his seat and eyed the circular treat he was holding. "That's not even mentioning the study done at Connecticut College, proposing the idea that Oreos are potentially as addictive as cocaine..." He pursed his lips across the table at his companions.
"Yeah, not even mentioning it..." At this point, the conversation had apparently been overheard by everyone in the jet, as Rossi's good-humored jab was audible from somewhere further down the cabin.
Derek sighed and sipped his drink. "I don't know why I was surprised you'd never had an Oreo, it's Dr. Spencer Reid we're talking about here anyway."
"Okay, sure. Some of these things might be true, but that doesn't change what they are..." JJ reasoned.
"What, modified and processed lumps of chemicals that induce type two diabetes and statistically would have a shelf life of something close to eter-"
Reid gasped as he came to terms with the fact that he was now holding nothing but air and instead, Agent Hotchner loomed over him with a stern face.
"If you're going to formulate an opinion based on statistics before deciding to make one with your own person," Hotch bit into the cookie, the corners of his mouth twitching visibly as he strolled back to his seat, "Then you don't have a right to make a comment at all."
Stunned into silence at last, Reid's jaw hung open and he looked down in disbelief at his empty hand. His companions at the table were beet red, doing their best to hold back hysterics.
Between silent laughs, Morgan managed to pant out, "I told you not to mess with Oreo's, man."
"Whatever." Spencer countered weakly, a blush dusting his cheeks as his buried his nose in a particularly large book.
It was discovered later, however, that sometime between everyone dosing off and touchdown, the Oreo package had been emptied, and Reid mysteriously had a stomach ache.
"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions."
-Leonardo da Vinci