AN: This is going to be SatanXYuri. Shit's going to go down eventually. Hopefully there will be someone out there that will enjoy this. Hopefully their name will be Kevin. And they'll be a belly dancer or an accountant.

"12 dozen glazed doughnuts, please," I ordered, nervously twirling my bright green credit card around in my gloved fingers.

"That'll be $100," Nodding my head, I swiped the card. I can't believe I'm charging 100 dollars on a credit card for doughnuts. Aren't credit cards supposed to be for emergencies? Well, I guess this does qualify as an emergency.

"Are those for a party?" The clerk asked me.

"No, my comrade's lives depend on these doughnuts," I said.

Seeing the clerk confused by my response, I grabbed my doughnuts and I was on my way to the forest where everything started.

Back then, I was an Exorcist working for the Knights of True Cross. My team consisted of Kanae Sugase, an aria, and Hideki Akamatsu, a knight. We didn't work every well together. Every time we went on a mission they'd only be concerned with one another. The mission was secondary to their unresolved sexual tension. Hideki was always trying to impress Kanae and vice versa. That's how I got in this situation.

Our mission was to investigate a flood of demons coming from the area. Swarms of coal tar flew past us, producing a strong wind that sent my wavy hair flying. After a lot of bickering we decided to get closer to see the source. In the epicentre of the coal tar tsunami laid a disgusting pool of floating heads. Hideki, wanting to assert his manhood, tried to slash it with his zweihander, causing the heads to get angry. He looked like he was about to fall in…

"Hideki, wait!" I shouted, running to him while shooing away the coal tar. I had to stop him before it was too late. If he fell in, neither of us would be able to retrieve him.

As predicted, he fell in. Terrified, Kanae tried to pull him out but the heads kept getting angrier, more violent. One head revealed sharp fangs as it bit into her arm, dragging her in.

"No," I fell to my knees in desperation. I was a Doctor, what could I do?

Regaining my composure, I stood. Alone and cowardly, I watched my teammates disappear underneath the heads. I couldn't do anything. No, I had to do something.

I bit my lip.

I had a plan.

I scooted closer to the edge and lowered my body down into it, as a swimmer lowers themselves into a pool. Except in my case the pool was a demonic cesspool. (Note to Satan: Not the most welcoming gate. Might want to work on that if you want that tourist industry to blow up.)

"All I have to do is find my teammates and run back through the gate," I said, "It's going to be fine."

Finally, I fell on to the white marble of a bathroom. I stood and looked to the direction I fell from, up or down? I was too disoriented to tell. There it was, the Gehenna Gate. It seemed to be closing now. I watched my small chance of survival wither and die.

"It's going to be okay," I tried to reassure myself, "Stay focused, find your friends. Who knows, it may open again."

I started to look for signs of my friends. I quickly noticed a terrible smell and a few drops of blood on the marble leading towards the exit. Although I was terrified, I bit my lip and marched on. Avoiding various uniformed demons, I followed the trails through a maze of corridors until I reached a dungeon-like area. Except in this case, the dungeon was a Starbucks café with a few cells and torture instruments.

I hesitated. This is Gehenna, be cautious, this is foreign land… I'll need a weapon.

I reached into my pocket with sweaty hands, searching for the best weapon. Breathing rapidly, I pulled out a metal nail file. I clenched my fists and walked into the dungeon.

Two demon men stood face to face, a blonde, facing me, and a black haired man, facing away.

"Oh, look. It's another one," The blonde said. He ran towards me, claws aiming for my neck.

When he was within range, I stabbed him repeatedly with my excellent filing skills.


His screams of agony seemed to have worried the other demon because, soon enough, I hit the wall. The one I stabbed looked eager to bathe in my internal organs, while the other stared at the bloody nail file in my hand.

"Can I borrow that?" He asked, "My nail broke when I threw you."

Upon examination, his long nail was indeed broken. I wiped some of the blood on a nearby napkin and, hoping to earn a free pass out, I handed him the nail file.

In complete silence, this extremely weird demon just stood and filed his nail. Finally he determined that he had salvaged what he could and he handed it back to me. The metal was especially warm, leading me to believe that this black haired man was a fire demon.

"Thank you."

"This bitch is freaking dead," The blonde, now fully healed, lunged at me. His bright red flames spewed out of his body. I guess they're both fire demons. Well, 'Birds of a feather flock together.'

"No, it is not," The black haired demon said, grabbing his hairy arm, "Calm down, Ifrit."


I was in shock. I wasn't dead. I went to Gehenna, spied on some demons, stabbed one, and I survived. They started to walk away and I asked, "Can you release my friends as well?"

"This whore! My bud here did you a favour but that's not enough, huh?" The blonde glared at me.

The black haired demon turned his blue eyes towards me and said, "Doughnuts. If you bring me 12 boxes I'll let them live."

"12 boxes?! Do you mean a one case? And why doughnuts?" I asked.

His eyes now held excitement and curiosity, "I've never had doughnuts. Are they good?"

"Uhh, yeah," I stuttered, "But are you sure you want 12 whole boxes? That's 144 doughnuts."

He raised an eyebrow at my statement, "Are you suggesting I can't do basic math?"

"No, but-"

"Yes, I am sure. Now go get me the doughnuts, human," he said, clearly tired of our meaningless conversation.


"Here," He cut open his arm with his nail. Blood poured out of the wound as he chanted in a strange language. Once the gate was open he said, "By the way, my name is Lucien Octavius Satanus Aurelius Baal, but everyone calls me Satan."

"It's not Lucifer?"

He glared, "Do you want to die? No? Then I suggest getting me those doughnuts," Shaking his head, he muttered, "Why does everyone get it confused with Lucifer?"

"Why did you open the first gate?" I asked the king of Gehenna with as little fear I could.

"There was an odd smell in my bathroom. Sort of like Coal Tar mixed with a wet Hobgoblin."

Ifrit turned red and said, "Urr, Satan… that was me."

Satan's sapphire eyes held terror, disgust, and awe. He quickly wiped the emotion from his face and turned away. He grabbed his coffee and walked out of the room. Ifrit then walked in the other direction, leaving me in a demonic torture café with a teeny-weeny portal and my friends locked in a cell. I quickly ran around searching for a key of some kind in the room, but it just wasn't in there. I jumped in and turned up in an alley in True Cross.

-Weird head gate thing-

"Huh Yuri? Is that you?" Said a white haired young man with various crosses all over his garb. He had a rifle and a sword on his belt. Oh, and he was holding a potato in each hand.

"Hello? Earth to Yuri."

"Oh! Hey Shiro! It looks like my best friend has come back to haunt me."

We laughed and made casual conversation until he mentioned he was a candidate for the new paladin.

"Wow! That's so cool. I wish I could've been there when you found out. Your facial expressions are always hilarious."

"Yeah, I went to your house but you weren't there. Then I heard you had a mission to some forest investigating a foul demonic scent and an overabundance of coal tars."

"Yeah, weirdest mission ever," I said. I suddenly remembered about my teammates. "I haven't been here in so long, where can I buy some great doughnuts?"

"Are you… Pregnant?" Shiro went pale.

I felt like I was about to vomit, "Hell no! Why would you-"

"Mood swings, food cravings, nausea, etc." Shiro said in what he thought was an intelligent voice.

"I'm just trying to buy doughnuts. Those delicious pastries could save lives. Figuratively of course!" I tried to play it off as a joke, but the future paladin wasn't stupid. I knew he had just made a mental note of strange behaviour. And, especially after a mission where my team went missing, if he told I would be evaluated for possession. I awkwardly laughed and fidgeted with my fingers.

"Shiro, please… just help me get the doughnuts."


In Gehenna, elections were taking place. Satan walked up to the podium to announce the names of the new parliament and prime minister (Of course, all those positions were below him.)

"Eric Wing

Stacey Barresi

Catherine Sanders"

The list went on and on, until he reached the prime minister. Without thinking, he read the name as printed on the envelope.

"And the prime minister is…Duck-Duck-William."

Realising that the name was pronounced "Da-Dah-Wee-li-am" the demon king tried to hide his embarrassment but blushing is an involuntary reflex. He coughed a few times and ran his fingers through his somewhat long black hair.

The audience watched their supreme dictator/ friendly neighbourhood spider-man blue flames guy, fail miserably with sick amusement. The sadistic demon gatherers were divided into three groups; the ones throwing potentially harmful things at Satan, the ones laughing at Satan, and the ones who just got up and left. The third group was presumably moving to Assiah to escape Satan's painfully stupid ways.

Satan ran off stage. He could never show his face again. The event aired live, so he couldn't even kill all the witnesses. He ran to his palace and then to his room. He stepped into his huge closet and picked out something he hadn't worn in years. Taking the long forgotten clothing in hand, he walked to the bathroom and started to get dressed.

I paid for the doughnuts and walked out the store. Shiro was waiting outside.

I spotted the exorcist and said, "Well, it was nice seeing you, but I've got to run."

He grabbed my arm, stopping me from leaving. "What's going on?" He asked.

"It's nothing."

"…Yuri. Just tell me, will whatever you're doing end up hurting you or anyone else?"

"…No," I said. I hadn't realised it then, but that wound up being the biggest lie of my life.

He nodded and released my arm. "See ya," He said, although I couldn't help but sense worry in his voice.

I walked back into the forest to find the spot where the gate was. Then I jumped in once more. This gate was really getting on my nerves. With it's weird heads and goo. It's no wonder Satan never comes to Assiah.

I fell on top of the infamous drug lord Satan or whatever the demons call him. He let out a high-pitched screech that I could not distinguish from my own.

"Get the fuck off of me!" He started to push me off him, potentially hurting the doughnuts in the process.

"Stop struggling! You'll squash the doughnuts."

All things went quiet. Even the doughnuts were no longer speaking to me, although I had originally attributed that to the sad fate that awaited them. Satan was clearly shocked and, this time, made no effort to subdue it. I stood up and looked down at the pathetic demon king lying on the floor. Looking at his clothing, I made a strange observation.

"Why are you wearing a dress? And a tiara. And 5 inch pumps," I asked. It was going to take years of therapy to get that image out of my mind.

His black fluffy tail swished around with rage before he realised it was out and promptly hid it. "It's called individuality. Learn it," He growled.

"No, it's not. There are plenty of drag-queens and crossdressers."

His glare wasn't that impressive, but it still managed to scare me when I realised that, no matter how foolish, he was the king of Gehenna for a reason. I quickly apologised, stacked the doughnuts, handed him the towering stack of doughnuts, and requested my friends.

"I'll go get them," He said, "…I can't believe you got the doughnuts."

"Exorcist vow number 1: Always protect your friends."

He scoffed, "Exorcist vows? I always knew it was a cult."

"It's not like that! It's a code of honour!" I shouted.

"Don't yell at me, human," He growled. "Now shut up and follow me."

I followed him as instructed.

As we walked back towards the café, I saw a few things I was too frightened to before. Expensive vases on pedestals, gorgeous paintings, and a wall sculpture of what looked to be a lion-goat. The entire palace was filled with black Victorian style décor. It didn't look like a stylistic choice; it looked like he was too lazy to get it changed.

"The gothic castle thing really needs to go," I said.

"Do you like death? If not, shut up, human," Satan growled as he grabbed my wrist.


"Are you stupid? How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?" His grip got tighter and I tried to pull my arm back, but when the demon let out another growl and yanked me, I gave up. He continued to essentially drag me to the café torture chambers. When we got there, a well-dressed demon woman, who I recognised as the barista, was poking at my teammates with her long manicured nails. "Sit," he said as he gently placed the doughnuts down on the table and threw me at a chair.

"Milord!" The sudden noise shocked the demoness back to reality and she turned to look at Satan.

"Hello," He said as he took the key out of the microwave.

Goddamn it! If only I had checked inside the microwave.

"What kind of idiot hides a key in a microwave?" Hideki shouted. Silence quickly overcame everyone as Satan's murderous aura poured out from his demonic pores. "Like, seriously. How thoughtless and irresponsible do you have to be? Can't microwaves explode from metal? That's a safety hazard. What if that went off while you weren't here? We'd be dead because you put a key in the freaking microwave! Are you fucking shitting me?! I didn't sign up for this! I was just trying to protect Kanae over here, but NOOOO. You have to take everything personally. It's not our fault you opened a gate! Take responsibility for your actions, you shit maggot!"

"….." Satan froze in place. He slowly turned his head to my screaming teammate and glared.

Hideki banged his red face on the bars and screamed, "Why aren't you responding, you shit guzzler? Can't think of anything witty to say, huh? GO FUCK YOURSEL-"

Kanae poked Hideki.

"What?!" He asked, still raging.

Kanae pointed at blue flames flooding out from the demon's body. The way fear twisted his eyes into wide brown hopeless holes was terrifying. Their fear quickly spread to me as I felt the hairs all over my body rise. The demoness looked like she would have pissed her pants if not for the fact that they probably were Gucci or whatever.

"Milord, I think you should c-calm down." She trembled with her head down, violet hair covering her. She almost looked ready to cry. She tried to keep her spiked tail from shaking, but it was of no use. Green eyes looked up at the flaming demon lord with hope.

"Monday, get Doughnut-Human and get out." Satan growled.

My eye twitched at the sound of my new nickname. Monday's tail danced in glee as the demoness quickly stood and walked over to me. In a moment of either selfishness or common sense, I ran out with the demoness. We were covered in sweat which I blamed on the heat, although it was definitely partly caused by fear. Trying to calm down, I played with my fingers as Monday bit at her long nails. The situation was extremely stressful, causing me to attempt to make conversation with the fanged woman.

"My name's Yuri Egin. Lower-Second Class Exorcist." I held out my hand.

"I'm Monday, the barista." She took my hand with apprehension. "You're not going to try to exorcise me? Right?"

"If you're not going to kill me." I laughed. "So, you work for Satan?"


"What type? Err- Who are you kin to?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked as she glared.

"What type of demon are you?"

"You mean my race?! What kind of question is that?" She shouted, fangs showing.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude." I apologised. "I was out of line, I'm sorry."

"…okay," she lowered her shoulders.

We sat quietly for a few moments before she asked, "Did you see the elections?" It seemed this 'shy' woman was actually a gossip queen in disguise.

My clueless face was her cue, "There was an election and Satan had to read the new officials names. Well, he messed up a pronunciation and ran off crying."

"So that's why he's wearing that dress," I thought out loud.

"What? That doesn't make sense. Never mind, he looks like a tulip. A giant, flaming tulip." Monday said.

"Oh. I thought it was more of a prom queen look." I suggested. We shrugged and decided that it didn't matter what he looked like because, in the end, he still looks ridiculous. "Anyways, I love those heels of his. The rhinestones really finish the look and they're hot as hell."

She stared blankly. "Never do that again. I thought the tiara was perfect. The rumours say it belonged to his dead sister or something." Monday giggled.

At that moment, Satan walked out of his torture café. His legs were covered in my friends' blood and his heels left bloody footprints. The sound of his heels clinking made me think of a sexy librarian, just without the books or the glasses. He turned to the violet headed woman with hatred in his eyes.

He said in a quiet forceful voice, "I never had a sister. But if I did, then it would be wise not to mention the traitor to me. It might cause me to get angry, hypothetically of course." He cocked his head to his left and walked up to her, either caressing or scratching her face with his claw.

"If I were you I wouldn't return," he continued. "Or you might end up like this imaginary sister of mine."

He walked to a table, picked up a vase and threw it on the ground while mumbling something. He crushed the remaining glass with his heels and picked up the flowers. He placed them on the table and stroked the plants with love. Twirling a pink flower between his fingers, he ordered a passing servant to clean the mess and walked back towards us.

"Monday, you're dismissed." He said to the barista as he turned to me. "Human. Your friends. They're-"

"Dead. Yeah, I figured," I glared at him with my arms crossed, "You didn't keep your end of the deal."

He attempted to hand me the pink flower, "Then I-"

"Owe me."

He growled, "Stop-"

"Interrupting you." I smirked.

He lunged at me but I dodged and shook my finger. "Remember, I bought you 12 boxes of doughnuts. So you have to do me 12 favours."

He stopped trying to attack me as he realised I was right. He was bound by his demon honour. "…Fine."

"Let me go back to Assiah."

"No." He stated firmly.

"What the hell?"

"You know too much. You'll tell all the filthy exorcists about my dress." He looked absolutely mortified at the thought of the "filthy exorcists" knowing about his odd form of expression.

"You're embarrassed," I said, laughing. I felt a warm hand grasp my neck and heard Satan's growls. Oh dear...

"And you're dead," He said. His threat fell on (almost) deaf ears, seeing as I had leverage, if I lived long enough to say it.

Even though the lack of air made it quite painful to think, let alone speak, I said, "Remember, the doughnuts."

He instantly dropped me and as my head span I saw him walk away in the direction of his bathroom, walking as elegantly as a cross-dressing blood covered demon could. Everything seemed quieter and I didn't know what was going on around me. My thoughts wandered until everything went black.


As he walked in, the demon king took off the, previously white, red dress and his sequined diva pumps. He grabbed a spare black nightshirt from his closet and threw it on. After brushing his fangs and fixing his hair, Satan sat on his bed. He soon discovered he couldn't sleep. His gaze danced around the room, looking for something. He despised being spied on more than anything. And, although he didn't wish to upset the intruder, he couldn't take it. He could swear that she was here.

"I know you're there." He reluctantly said.

A thin woman slipped from the shadows. Elongated ears and razor sharp fangs were clear signs that this woman was no human, but the radiant aura and warm glow suggested she was a more ethereal being than the average demon. She shared Satan's black hair and blue eyes and appeared to be acquainted with the demon. Her pearl blue dress went slightly past the knee, but when she walked you could see there was a white ribbon tied to her leg. The accessory seemed to be holding some sort of object and as she strode over to the fire-spewing demon, regret formed in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Satan asked mockingly. He stood and curtseyed, "Why would my dear sister grace me with her angelic presence?"

"Satan. I know what you're planning."

"Oh really?" He asked, "Then you should know that I wasn't going to kill all the humans, yet." He hated many things and many things hated him, but couldn't stand humans; the different ones, the undesirable walking lumps of flesh. He stood up, his long white night shirt sliding against his slightly toned thighs. Putting his hands on his hips, he sarcastically said "But now that I think about it, Lynne, maybe you're right? I really should burn every one of those disgusting apes. I know you'll love hearing them screaming in agony."

"Satan. You know what you're doing is wrong." Lynne persisted.

Satan snarled, "Actually, I'm not doing anything. I haven't done anything for the past century or two. No full scale invasions, no bombs, no getting Astaroth to make a weird disease.

"I'm doing nothing."

The smirk on his face as he said those words frightened the angel enough to run, but she stood in place. She reached for the item tied to her leg with a ribbon. -A dagger soaked in the highest quality holy water and various other demon poisons. He stood still as she ran towards the demonic king with her weapon aiming for his upper body. When he moved slightly to the left to avoid her attack, he bumped into an opening door. A certain brunette human walked in and gazed upon the situation. She looked left to right and back to left, trying to determine if she was going to bother.

She spoke, "Can I use the bathroom?"

The demon king and the "angel" blinked. They rubbed their eyes in unison and Lynne said, "We're kind of in the middle of killing each other here."

"Just go in," he said. "Make sure to bleach everything your disgusting human ass touches."

The human woman glared at him and its eyes suddenly lit up. It held up a finger as if to say, "Wait," and ran to the bathroom. It ran out with a container of bleach in hand and pushed him on to the bed. It sat on his lap as it struggled with the container of bleach. Finally, after three whole seconds, it opened the bleach and poured it all over Satan. The demon king had no concept of what just happened and he sat still, covered in chemical cleaners, with his mouth open. In reality, no one knew what to do, but they all knew the human won. It stood up and watched the flushed demon king attempt to register the situation.

Pulling himself together, he started, "Human. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you insane?" His voice didn't have the usual anger, now, it just held amusement and approval. "That was great."

"You get a kick out of the strangest things."

He stood up and walked to the bathroom to wash off. I turned to the demon woman.

"So you guys were playing murder? Huh? I used to love that game before I watched Star Wars," I joked.

"What are you talking about? I knew humans weren't the brightest, but you're just retarded," She growled, obviously missing the, admittedly terrible, joke.

"It was a joke. Why were you trying to kill him?" I stretched my arms as I fell back on his bed. It was a nice bed and the white covers were soft.

"He's evil!" She shouted and then quietly mumbled, "And bad for my reputation… All the angels think I'm pretty cool. Until they find out that's my brother. Ugh," she ranted.

"Oh. You're his sister?"

"Sadly. Are you his girlfriend?"

I choked, "If that's what they're calling prisoners nowadays…"

"You're his prisoner?" She stood up and ran towards me, checking for cuts, bruises, or abrasions. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?!"

I pushed her hands off me, "I'm perfectly fine but he choked me a while ago." Her strange behaviour confused me.

He walked back in and Lynne asked, "Why are you keeping her here?"

He glared at both of us and said, "I want to."

"So what? She probably has human things to do when she gets home."

"Well, too bad. She's not going home," Satan said.

"Wh-what?! I can't stay here! My goldfish-"

"Shut up," He said as he plopped down next to me on the bed. He turned his head to look at his sister on the other side of the room and I noticed his giant ears. They were slightly curved and long.

"You have giant elf ears," I said and laughed.

He growled in response.

After a long silence, his sister stood up and said in a frustrated tone, "Okay. I'm not going to be able to kill you today, so goodbye and I hope you choke." With a wave of her hand she disappeared.

"What's her problem?" I asked the psychotic demon.

He started to tell me but then said, "Why would I tell you, human?"

"Why not?" I said with a smile.

Other than a quiet 'hmph,' he didn't respond.

"You're not that bad, you know. You're interesting." I moved slightly closer to his face to see his reaction.

He grunted and crossed his arms, "You think I'm insane."

"You are. But you're okay. You just have really intense mood swings." I laughed and closed my eyes as I snuggled against his shoulder. He tensed immediately causing me to laugh even more. I was exhausted.

"Are you always this unaware of personal space?" He growled.

"Yep. And I'm not getting off either." I snuggled closer and gripped his arm tightly. "You're a cool friend."

"I'm not your friend." He poked me in the side with malicious intent.

I snuggled deeper into his arm, "Heh, who'd have thought that I'd befriend Satan, the king of demons and the enemy of mankind."

"We are not friends. You're my pet. Get off me."

He continued to growl, glare, and threaten me until I fell asleep.

Satan hummed a low tune as he waited for the human girl to get off him. Fifteen minutes later, it still hadn't moved so he resumed poking the girl with his claws. He realised it was asleep so he picked the girl up and threw it onto the floor. He walked over its still sleeping body to his desk where a notebook sat. He opened the notebook to the next available page.

"Dear Kevin,

Today was an interesting day," He wrote, "A group of disgusting humans fell into my bathroom and dirtied it up with their blood. The first two died under what I'd call 'mysterious circumstances' and the strange one gave me some doughnuts. They were good and I owed it so I let it live. It saw me dressing up as RuPaul so I couldn't release it back into the wild. I have taken in the spotted doughnut human as my pet and it is adapting well to it new environment. It must be very glad to finally be out of the disgusting polluted realm humans live in. It poured bleach on me and I found that hilarious, although it did start to burn after a while.

In general, today has been a good day. Sure, that human male made me angry, but everything's fine once you pour their blood all over the dungeon. The fact that I haven't just murdered this human yet surprises me. I hope that I'll get to kill it soon. It would be a waste to let this human live for much longer.

In addition, please let me know when you've secured that job at the law firm. I really do wish to see your "Danse du ventre" days over. I miss the 8th century when you worked as an accountant for that brick company. Those were quality bricks.

Goodbye for now, my love.


***Extra Scene: A Satanic Morning***

"Milord, it's time to wake up. You have an important breakfast meeting."

"Grrr, too early. Screw the meeting, I'm tired," Satan grumbled through his pillow. His dark hair was tangled and scattered and dark circles were visible beneath his eyes.

"Milord, you've already postponed this meeting…Three times."

The demon king let out a continuous groan as he slowly sat up. He rubbed his swollen eyes.

"You can leave now," Satan said.

After the servant girl left, Satan rolled out of bed naked and headed to the bathroom. He grabbed a towel and stuck his hand in the already prepared bath. Seeing that it was to his liking his, he cautiously got in. He grabbed his 'head & tail' men's shampoo. He gave a slight smile as the citrus scent hit his ears. He purred as he lathered his tail. Bath time was one of his favourite times of the day.

"Thank the Goddess for daily baths," He said.

"Milord! You're late and the Prime Minister's secretary just called! You need to hurry!"

"Tell him to wait. I'll be there eventually," Satan said, dismissing the girl with a wave of his hand.

Satan finished his bath and dried off. Feeling much happier than usual, the demon king skipped to the scale. He stepped on and waited for it to calculate his current weight.


The number flashed on the screen.


"OH MY GODDESS! I GAINED 5 KG!" Satan flailed around the bathroom in shock, agony, and disgust. 'This couldn't be right,' he thought.

He reweighed himself and got the same number. 62. He looked down to his stomach and saw that he was developing a bit of a stomach. He grimaced. What could have possibly caused this weight gain?

"The- the doughnuts! That human made me fat!" He said, falling to his knees, "But, they were good…It's…not fair."

"And I was just about to ask for more…"

If you've gotten this far, take the time to review! It only takes three seconds to type, "Kill yourself!"

^I made Satan the same height as Yuki, so Satan's 180 cm or 5'11, so he's not actually overweight, just overreacting.