A/N: Cowboy Bebop references, but they won't kill ya. Little introspective piece on Seto while he duels Pegasus and loses his soul with flashbacks to the match against Kaiba's dark side.

Honda's POV. Slight hints of shounen ai.


I saw you die the other day.

For some reason, it disturbed me.

So while the others looked to Yuugi, I looked to the so-called you and mourned what I thought you had become.

I wanted so desperately to believe Mokuba's claims that it wasn't really you up there. When I learned that he was right, the sense of relief was as crushing as it was uplifting.

But when I first saw that thing standing there . . . when I first saw it summon your Blue Eyes . . .

I think I died a little too.

They said you were a ghost, only there to take your revenge. I couldn't have dealt with that if it had really been true. I hate ghost stories- not as much as Jounouchi does, but I do.

He was scared of it, you know. Not because he thought it was you, though you'd think that would have helped, but because it was real. He hates ghosts, and he's so superstitious it's not even funny anymore. I worry about him sometimes.

But never in my life have I worried about anyone as much as you.

At first, I just worried that you'd hurt Yuugi. But it didn't take too long before I started worrying that you would hurt yourself. You were so devoted, after all. To Mokuba, to your company, to all your so-called goals. In the end, they mean nothing. Only Mokuba should matter. Only he will ever matter.

Strange, but that thought makes my chest feel tight.

I wish I had been stronger. Sure, I found his body, but I lost him long before then. He was five fucking feet away, and I let that bastard take him without even noticing.

He is your brother. How could I have failed you so?

And why do I even care if I have?

It's not like I made you a promise. We've hardly spoken, and never politely. I never promised you anything.

Besides, what could I give you anyway? You've got everything you need, and whatever you want you can afford easily. If even Yuugi's friendship was not enough for you, what use would mine be?

I feel strangely disconnected as I watch you dueling Pegasus. Yuugi wants you to use the "heart" of the cards; you want to win by yourself. You don't quite get it, I think. And somehow, I already know you've lost. This game- I never understood it as well as the others, but I'm not stupid.

After all, I can see them.

I can see that look in Jounouchi's eyes- the last-chance gambit has just gone up in smoke, and he knows it without a doubt. Yuugi's expression is frightened, but he's trying to hide it. Of course, he sees it too; no one knows this game better than him.

Or, in a nutshell: you're fucking screwed, Kaiba.

This morning, I woke up from a nightmare a lot like this.

So you're dead again.

"Bang," I whisper, pointing my fingers into a mock-gun and taking careful aim.

I watch your body hit the ground.

* ende *

. : life is but a dream : .