(Book opens and turns as Narrator reads.)
Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess, but she had a curse on her of a fearful sort. Her parents had her locked up in a castle tower guarded by a dragon. Many brave knights went to save the princess, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep for true love, and true love's first kiss. (Narrator tears a page from the book. His arm is human) Like that's ever going to happen!
(Narrator is revealed as a human creature named Titan with no lower jaw, his left eye gone, no left arm or legs, and metal attachments for cybernetics. A harness raises him out of the roof of the house in the forest and starts putting his cybernetics on. He had a red optical array for an eye and metal limbs that looked human. He grabs a bucket of water and uses it for a shower. After the shower, he jumps in the lake for a swim. After his swim, he cleans out his chimney, then paints some keep out signs. Meanwhile, some villagers gather to plan out how to get rid of Titan. Meanwhile, Titan lights a fire with his flamethrower attachment, has dinner, and sits in his chair. He hears the villagers outside, peeks out the window, and sneaks up behind them. The villagers look at the house behind the bushes)
Villager 1: That's it. That's where he lives.
Villager 2: Let's get him!
Villager 3: Are you crazy?
Villager 4: Yeah, he'll grind your bones to make his bread.
Titan: Erm, yes, well actually, that would be a giant. (Villagers turn and gasp as Titan advances on them) Now, cyborgs, oh we're much worse. We'll shave your livers, use your skulls to break in our new nine irons. We'll squeeze the jelly from your eyes! (then looks thoughtful) You know, that's actually good on toast.
Villager 1: (waving torch in front of Titan's face) BACK BEAST, BACK! I WARN YOU! (Titan licks human hand and puts out torch) Well...
(Titan roars and reveals his arsenal while the villagers scream even after Titan stops roaring and the torches are blown out)
Titan: This is the part where you run away. (Villagers run. Titan puts his arsenal away and laughs) AND STAY OUT! (He notices poster on ground, picks it up, and reads it) "Wanted, all fandom based creatures. Reward on turning in."
(Titan lets the poster fall from his hand and returns to his house)