"Matsuoka Rin. That Olympic hopeful that was in the news not long ago? Damn Kid had his whole life ahead of him too, fucking shame mate." They d been talking about him and Rin didn t realize that until the heavy wings on his back registered in his mind. From then on, he followed his body and was there when he was flown back to Japan.
Closed casket was necessary. Rin s head had been cracked open like an eggshell and there had been partial brain matter mixed with dirt and oil from the train. Glass was still embedded in his face and down his right side, but it was the left eye that was missing. Rin could barely look at himself even while his mother and sister had to be there to identify his body.
In his confusion, it wasn t until he was sitting on the casket during the funeral that it finally hit him that he was dead. Rin Matsuoka was actually, fully, completely dead and there was nothing that he could do about it. The redheaded angel wept quietly, seeing Sousuke and Makoto as well as the two teams there to mourn his unexpected passing. His mother cried the entire time and his sister did her best to be strong but Rin could see her crumbling easily. It made his stomach hurt and his chest tighten. He didn t want them to upset about this
But there was one that he wanted to see the most and that was Haru.
Rin stood with a flutter of ivory feathers and searched the chapel for his friend. If there was one thing he regretted, it was the fact that he couldn t fulfill his promise to see Haru again. Well, this way didn t count, did it?
"Haru?" He called out the best he could but Rin didn t think that his voice would ever reach Haru s ears again. It did bother him. "Haru! Please please talk to me, say my name, anything. I m sorry, I m so sorry, I shouldn t have gotten on the train that day. I should have stayed home and just slept in. I I should have done a lot of things but I didn t. Haru!" Standing in the middle of the chapel, Rin cried out for his friend, hoping that somehow someone would hear him.
Rin had never felt so alone in his existence.
This wasn t really happening right? It was a dream right? Haru stood with his cell phone to his ear in disbelief at what Makoto had just told him. It wasn t true, clearly he must be hallucinating. How could Rin, Rin of all people? Rin who had his whole life and his dreams ahead of him. How could he be gone? Haru sighed heavily as he felt his face grow wet, it felt warm and wet as he reached up to see what was causing it, soon realizing it was his own tears.
The phone slowly slide to the floor as he fell to his knees. He was going to tell him. They were supposed to meet up soon. He had finally gotten up the nerve and now? Now he would never be able to let him know. Now it would be forever buried in the depths of his heart where it had been almost his entire life.
It was still unreal, it was still too cruel. It was still not fair. It hurt. Nothing had ever hurt quite like this. Losing his grandma was easier than this, at least she had lived a long life. At least she had dreams that came true. At least she was able to love Haru bit his lip as he stared at the coffin in his utter disbelief. Rin was not in there, he told himself over and over again.
But he knew, he knew that wasn t true. He saw the news and he heard what everyone said and he wanted to see for himself because he couldn t get it through his head that Rin was really gone. He simply can t be. He was so full of life. He light up a room like no one else ever had. He was it. He was that one person that Haru wanted to be with. Wanted to kiss. Wanted to hug. Wanted to do all the stupid things you do with someone you love.
But he hadn t even told him he loved him. Haru didn t want to show emotions in front of others and Haru was usually good at hiding it but this time, Haru was too damn devastated to care what others thought.
His friends tried to comfort him. They tried to give him words that were supposed to make him feel better but no words would make Rin come back to him. No words would ever be enough, at least not this soon.
Right near Haru, Momo and Seijuro were standing and watching the area. Gou had picked pallbearers in Makoto, Haru, Seijuro, Sousuke, Nagisa, and Rei. She was gathering them all together near the end of the ceremony, not noticing her brother s spirit watching them closely. Alright, let s get him moved to the hearse
Momo, in his excitement, grinned and went to hug Gou, wanting to comfort her. In his movement, the redhead managed to nudge the casket with his hip. Rin watched in slight horror as the top of the wooden box opened and his body dumped out onto the floor. In the flurry of movement, Rin couldn t tell if his body had hit Haru or not but his stomach dropped in pure dread.
His mother screamed. Sousuke was grabbing Momo with Seijuro and moving him out of the way, while Gou took a step back, looking sick. Rin s body wasn t a nice sight, it was still battered and quite bruised with his limbs in awkward angles. No No, don t let them see that! God dammit, Momo. Rin could have screamed but he didn t, going through Sousuke and causing his friend to shiver while he headed to Haru s side.
Several others were gasping and there were low murmurs when they saw what he looked like. Rin s mother was in tears, her sobs being pulled violently from her body as she knelt to touch her son s head. My baby my beautiful son, what happened to you? Did you feel it? Oh god please send my angel back to us Wherever he was laying, she pulled him to her chest, crying on his corpse while Makoto stood frozen with a near-sick look on his face.
Haru was gathered around with all of the other pallbearers, he wanted to be there for Rin in the last way he could, plus Kou had chosen him as one. He didn t have the heart to refuse anything like this and he didn t want to anyway. However he still had trouble believing that it wasn t all a nightmare.
Momo was out of control and Haru felt anger for a moment at him but was also soon horrified and devastated more than before because the mangled body was clearly Rin. He was almost unrecognizable. Haru knew that red hair well though and it was also clear it was him because of his mother clinging to him for dear life.
Haru was in some daze as he walked a little closer, staring in his disbelief and reaching out to touch the red hair as if he needed that to truly believe this wasn t sleeping. It was real and in all irony the hair was soft. Damn it.
Haru seemed frozen as one of his friends seemed to be pulling him away from Rin because they were trying to get him back into the coffin. Rin was the one in that coffin and Haru could no longer deny that fact as fresh tears fell from his eyes.
He pulled himself away from whomever it was that was trying to control him but he wasn t paying enough attention to the person to even know who they were. He didn t care. Nothing seem to matter anymore. It all seemed so trivial.
Haru wanted to leave. Like his old self that was always leaving. Always going home. He wanted to shut the world away for a while. He stayed though. He stayed for the Matsuokas but mostly he stayed for Rin. He didn t want to regret more than he already did.
Seeing his own body was surreal and it was even worse knowing that his mother was seeing him like this. What he did catch sight of was Sousuke walking over to her, barely noticing Haru, and trying to convince her to let his body go. You need to let him rest. Come on let s put him back in the bed, right?
Sousuke had to talk to his mother as if he were still there to get her to give an almost unseen nod. The woman sobbed softly as she laid him down, stepping away from Rin s body while Makoto was doing his best to pull Haru from their friend. Haru.. Haru listen, it s alright, everything s going to be okay. Rin wouldn t want you to cry like this, just stay here and we can give him a proper burial, okay?
Makoto s soft voice in combination with the sight of Sousuke picking up Rin s corpse had the angel s tears falling just like Haru s. He could see Sousuke s trembling arms and the way his eyes watered when he laid Rin back in the righted coffin. Seijuro and Rei had put it back into place for him, making it easier for Sousuke to gently lay Rin down.
What surprised him further was seeing Sousuke press his forehead to his. Sleep, brother. You don t have to worry about a thing, we ll be alright. Sousuke s wavering voice and the way he reverently closed the casket again had Rin covering his mouth as his heart broke.
"No.. No I have a lot to worry about, Sousuke! Look at all of you. I " Rin found himself gravitating toward Haru and standing in front of him while Sousuke was helping Rin s mother to her feet. "Haru please, please look at me. Tell me you see me, anything " He reached out to try and touch Haru s cheek but almost whimpered when he went through him. Rin wanted to scream.
"Haru, look at me," Makoto whispered. "Come on. Don t you want to give Rin your present? We can open his casket and put it in his hand, okay? It was something special wasn t it?" Rin didn t know what Makoto was talking about but he wanted to see some kind of emotion in Haru s eyes other than hurt and despair. It was breaking his heart, it was so intense that Rin was almost certain he could feel it rolling off of Haru s body.
Haru was so focused on Rin at first that he didn t hear Makoto trying to get him to calm. Haru wanted none of that, he knew his friend meant well but this was not what he needed right now. His tears were not something he could shut off like a faucet of water and he knew Rin of all people would understand because the adorable idiot had always cried so easily.
Ironically, Haru smiled at the memory of Rin and his tears. He was such a caring friend and he always had been. He was always so good at waking Haru up and pushing him in a way no one else seemed to be able to. Rin had saved him even when he hit a low back in high school when he d been confused about his future.
Haru snapped out of it as Makoto was talking of a present. How did he even know about it? Had Haru told him? In his current state of mind, he couldn t answer that question and at this point it just didn t matter. He took the painting he d made of Rin from his pocket and stared at it. Rin has never seen the things Haru had drawn of him. He had an entire sketchbook of nothing but Rin. But this one was special because it was a painting of Rin in his beloved pool of cherry blossoms. All because he had been an adorable romantic idiot. Haru sighed as he approached the casket where Rin once more laid and placed it at his side.
In the mist of all that was happening, Haru reached out and touched his own cheek. For some reason, he d felt something and it had momentarily caused his heart to race. It almost felt like Rin was there for a moment but clearly he was hallucinating because Rin was in the coffin that he wasn t far from.
"If only I could ve told you." Haru muttered softly almost under his breath as he once more heard Makoto. Haru backed up and sat down in a pew at the back of the room. He wanted to be alone but he didn t feel right just leaving. Things would probably need to settle before they took the casket to Rin s grave. It was right next to his dad. Haru remembered Rin speaking fondly of him. He must ve been his hero or something.
Rin would ve met up with him today. Haru realized as it dawned on him what day it was. He sighed heavily. I wanted to tell you today .
Seeing Haru so upset wasn t something Rin liked and neither did Makoto. Their gentle friend was doing all he could to keep Haru from falling into despair but it was clearly not working. Rin didn t think it was going to work at all and if Sousuke s presence barely had Haru responding? Almost nothing would
Rin watched Haru put something in the casket with his body and looked at it, it was truly a beautiful piece to behold. The painting looked out of place next to Rin s mangled body but there was nothing that could be done about it now. He almost sobbed, hearing his mother still crying into Sousuke s chest nearby. At the same time, Rin wanted to touch them all, get their attention and just scream that he was there so that they could each go on with their lives.
But that couldn t happen. He brushed one of the heavy, ivory wings against Sousuke s wounded shoulder, making the large boy shiver at the touch. His own eyes were brought back to Haru and how he was acting, touching his cheek and it dawned on Rin.
Haru had felt that.
Haru had felt that!
Rin s eyes lit up and he tried to keep himself from getting his hopes too high. That was a dangerous thing and he wanted nothing more than to do it again. When Haru went to the last bench in the row, Rin passed by Makoto when he started speaking to Rei and Nagisa a moment later.
"Told me? Haru, what did you want to tell me today?" This was breaking his heart further. He wanted to learn what secret Haru held and he wanted to know more than anything. Rin reached out once again to touch Haru s cheeks with both hands, his wings spreading out to encompass Haru. "Please tell me, Haru. I want to know, I m here now with you, just like I said. I wanted to see you alive and whole not just a piece of wreckage from a train. I beg you, you idiot, just tell me!" His voice cracked slightly and Rin found it hard to say anything further, a sob breaking through him to join the rest that were filling the room.