My Evil Twin is a Vampire!
By Christina Kamnikar
Copyright 1996


For those of you who came in late (Waitaminit! You yell. How can I have come in late?? This is the Prologue! Patience, Gentle Readers. All will be explained.) please read the following explanations. Those of you who have managed to discern exactly what I'm going to say, may now skip to the story contained in Chapters 1-15. There will not be a pop quiz at the end, but we will expect you to be able to discuss the plot next Monday....

Early in the 1990's, the production team of Bedard & Lalonde worked on a Canadian television series built around a present-day vampire. No, not FOREVER KNIGHT. This is earlier. DRACULA:THE SERIES, ran for 22 half- hour episodes in 1991, telling the story of Count Dracula and his conflict with Gustav von Helsing, grandson of his original nemesis. Count Dracula was played by Geordie Johnson (Jerry Tate in the FK episode "My Boyfriend is a Vampire") as an entrepreneur named Alexander Lucard, eager to control the world's wealth and create new vampire converts. Lucard's occasional sidekick and enemy in the series was Gustav's son Klaus, who was played by... Geraint wyn Davies (who went on to be Forever Knight's Nick only a year later).

Of such coincidences are truly twisted fanfic born.

But enough trivialities. Don't touch that dial--- Go directly to the story. Do not pass the Raven, do not collect any Ribena....

Chapter the First

In a lush penthouse suite somewhere in Toronto, a man is singing in the shower.

"L is for the way, I look, at meeee---"

He is alone, happily getting ready for an evening out. A visitor to Canada, he's enjoying his stay in this very expensive hotel, and looking forward to his plans for... well, that would be telling.

"O is for the only one, you seeeee---"

If any members of the Metro Police Department were present (and there's no reason why they should be, it's not as if this man were known to Interpol or anything, although he richly deserves to be on several Wanted posters) they would recognize the singer in question as homicide detective Nick Knight. The handsome blond now soaping up his hair and using the nozzle of the shower head as a microphone is obviously the same man who makes regular spectacular arrests at the 96th, and is currently partnered with Detective Tracy Vetter (Commissioner's daughter, aspiring police chief, and occasional klutz).

"V is for the *very*---- EX-tra-ordinary----"

In fact, this is completely and totally not the case, although Nick Knight's acquaintances could be forgiven the obvious mistake. Klaus von Helsing (for such is the name of our Frank Sinatra impersonator) looks remarkably like Detective Knight. He even sounds like him. This is not due to any diabolical plan or cunning stratagem plotted by God, Fate, Count Dracula, or even the late-night DJ known to Toronto as the Nightcrawler. It is simply a cosmic coincidence.

Nick Knight and Klaus also have one other very important thing in common. They are both vampires. (Blood-sucking creatures of the night! Parasitic predators who long to sink their teeth into the nearest willing female neck! Charismatic chameleons who look really nice in tuxedos! You get the idea.) Nick is somewhat less, well, sanguine, about his condition than Klaus is. He'd really rather be mortal, and be able to date his coroner friend Natalie Lambert without worrying about accidentally killing her with an excess of, ummmmm, enthusiasm. Klaus, on the other hand, will throw a temper tantrum if anyone even dares suggest the possibility of becoming mortal (as his human father Gustav does, any time he can manage to corner him).

"E! is even more, than anyone that I adore, and---"

The fact that each of these two nosferatus is completely oblivious of the other's existence (even with the small size of the vampire world population, and admitting the fact that Nick knows practically everyone, everywhere, and *even* allowing for Nick's master and creator LaCroix being an old acquaintance of Klaus's master Count Vladimir Dracula) is solely and completely due to the fact that Klaus is much, much younger than the former Chevalier d'Brabant. He's only been undead for about sixteen years, and was only alive about twenty-two when he became a vampire. He looks about thirty-five, the age Nicholas was when he was brought across, but that's skillful dressing and acting on his part. Nick is 800 years old, but the world is a big place; and he hasn't been to Europe in the last 30 years.

So it isn't, really, all that big a coincidence that neither of them knows about the other. Yet.

"LOVE, is all that I can GIVE--- to meeeee!"

There is one other major difference between the two men besides their age and attitudes that we should mention at this time. Klaus is certifiably, genuinely, utterly, beyond a doubt, loony toons. Mad. Insane. Cuckoo. He is logical and practical one moment, and then he's giving into truly silly impulses the next. The sort of man who will shape an elaborate, stunningly complex plot guaranteed to secure him financial security for a hundred years, only to have it sabotaged by his own need to gloat over his victims, or stick a whoopee cushion on the chair of a departing CEO. Despite this, many women find him charming. Animals and small children take one look at him and run in the other direction.

Nick's a bit neurotic, but most of his neurons usually manage to fire in sync. Women also find him charming. And he doesn't hang out with children or animals much (except for Natalie's cat Sidney, who thinks he's very strange).

"LOVE, is more than just a game for MEEEEE!"

The following story is what happens when two sets of doppelgangers (for there is another set in this story, which we'll get to in a moment), two master vampires, one mortal coroner, one vampire hunter/deserted father, and one confused homicide detective all meet up in the same city at the same time while Jerry Tate ("The Jerry Show") is doing an episode called "Separated at Birth!"

"Love was made, for me--- and MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Or, "My Evil Twin is a Vampire!"

Stay tuned.