Author's Note: Here we go fans... This is the beginning of my multi-chapter Clarke/Lexa fanfic. I know that a lot of you have wanted me to continue "That Time of Year" but I was in the process of ironing out the details for this fanfic. I was trying to figure out how I could write a fanfic post Mount Weather that was my own because that fanfic "The Wrestle by Coeur-d'astronaute" is so good and I wanted to be able to tell a story that wasn't similar. So for obvious reasons, I will not be touching the concept of the Ice Nation's Queen because that fanfic is tackling that right now.
If you're curious, I got the title from (ironically) a Clarke/Lexa video I saw on YouTube. Here is the link if you'd like to check it out: /watch?v=TaAL43LTuVg
Backstory: This is set after the battle of Mount Weather, however one of the main concepts of this fanfic is the idea from 2x14 that Clarke's not ready to be with anyone right now. In this fanfic we'll see the both of them fighting this.
EDIT: For those of you coming in now after the 2x16 finale, this fanfic was posted after 2x14 but before 2x15 so I wrote this with no knowledge of the finale. Everything that occurred in 2x15/2x16 have not occurred in this fanfic. I ran with the idea that their original plan worked. Lexa did not betray Clarke and Clarke did not kill everyone in Mount Weather.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show, I am writing this purely for fun, nothing more.
Please let me know what you think so far. :) If there is anything you want to see or would like, let me know and maybe I'll try and incorporate it at some point.
Italics = Thought
Loving you is a Bloodsport
For decades, the grounders lived in fear of the mountain men, of their power to melt them with mist or their abilities to kidnap their warriors and turn them into reapers. They had learned to live their lives one day at a time because they didn't know when their lives would end. Would they get caught in a cloud of yellow mist and be melted away or would they get caught and turned into a reaper to then feed on the people they loved? That was their way. They found their own way to live, to make sure that if they lost someone it didn't affect them.
Death has no cost, life has no worth. It's how they learned to live their lives.
When Clarke came along with the idea to join forces, to fight the mountain men and stop this terror they had all been fighting. Of course the commander jumped at that chance. She wanted to see her people free. Using the technology of the sky people and the grounders knowledge of this land, they were able to defeat the mountain. Kill the president Cage and free both of their people in the mountain. It was everything they all wanted.
Lexa was off in the distance helping her warriors to get their dead up on carriages to give them a proper warrior's ceremony. While Clarke was outside the mountain doors helping bandage up some of the warriors that had sustained injuries in the war when a familiar face came running out of the big steel door.
The voice echoed from a distance as Clarke stood up from her work and looked to the voice that had called her. That familiar voice she hadn't heard from in what seemed like a while. "Bellamy…" She was able to get out just as he came rushing into her and pulled her up into a big hug. "You made it."
"Thanks to you," He pulled back to look her over making sure she hadn't injured herself too bad. "It was a close call back there but if you guys hadn't come when you did I might not be standing here right now."
Clarke couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, "I'm glad you're okay. I was starting to worry that you didn't make it. Jasper and Monty had come out earlier not mentioning much of you."
"Yeah well, I'm sure Jasper wanted to make sure that everyone kept that one wing sealed off so that those people in the mountain that were against the treatments could be saved and not killed. If it wasn't for them, our people and even myself might not be here now." He admitted knowing just how important Maya was to Jasper.
Clarke nodded, "Yes, I've made it clear to the remaining grounders and guards that they leave that wing off limits until my mom and the med team can get here. So they can determine a course of action for those that can't circulate the radiation like we can. Hopefully they will be able to find a solution." Finally she took in his outfit. "Are you wearing a guard uniform?"
He chuckled, "Yeah, when Maya cut me loose I was able to get a hold of a guard's uniform. That's how I was able to move so freely. That is until they found that I was not one of their own. Then things got a little tricky."
"Well you were able to survive and that's what counts." She pointed out as she placed a hand on her shoulder in congratulations. "We could really use your help in the rebuilding of Tondc." She stated as she turned to walk toward another injured grounder. "That is if Lexa is planning on rebuilding it or not."
Bellamy looked confused and grabbed Clarke's arm to turn her back to him, "What do you mean rebuild Tondc? You weren't able to get there in time?" He looked around and could see the commander in the distance. "The grounder's commander is alive." He pointed toward Lexa in the distance. "I know she had to be there, if you didn't get there than how is she alive?"
A look of realization came over Clarke as it occurred to her that Bellamy wouldn't have known about Tondc unless Raven told him and from this reaction, she's guessing Raven didn't say anything. "Uh… I did get there in time."
His eyes go wide, "Then why did you let it get bombed?"
There were a few grounders and even guards around them that overhead this very sentence. Whispers began to circle that Clarke of the sky people knew about the bomb and didn't say anything to anyone.
"We didn't want to evacuate the village just in case it got back to Mount Weather. Bellamy, if they knew we knew there was a missile coming they would have known we had a spy on the inside." She tried to explain. "They would have known about you." He was fuming; Clarke could see it in his eyes. The way his jaw tightened to the fire forming in his pupils.
He exhaled rather loudly through his nose, "We, huh? This was her. Wasn't it?" His face said it all, Bellamy was pissed.
Before Clarke could do anything he was off on a mission toward the commander. At first Clarke thought he was just going off to cool off until she noticed the direction he was heading. Then she knew she needed to get there quick before things went too far and they found themselves in a whole new war. One Clarke would have difficulties choosing a side for.
"This was your fault!" Bellamy accused the commander once he was within a few feet of her.
One of the commander's warriors turned toward Bellamy reaching to pull out his sword. He was only able to get it pulled out a little bit before he noticed the commander's hand go up to stop him in his tracks. She turned to him and he got the message from her eyes that she was alright and didn't require his assistance in this matter.
Was all the commander was able to get out before Clarke ran in and stood right in between them, "Bellamy stop!" She put her hands out in front of her to get him to stop with his accusation. "This is not her fault. I made the decision all on my own."
"Is that what she's made you believe now? She's got you wrapped around her little finger doesn't she?" Bellamy couldn't take his eyes off of the commander. If it were possible fire would have been coming out of his ears he was so mad. What she'd done to his friend, he was not okay with.
"I would never manipulate-" The commander tried to get out but Clarke cut her off again.
Clarke moved right in front of Lexa so that Bellamy couldn't see her and hopefully he'd stop sending her death glares. "This wasn't her. I decided all on my own not to tell anyone about the missile. Yes, she was the one to make the argument but I didn't have to go along with it. I chose to go along with it on my own accord."
He could help but laugh a little, "Your own accord. Really? Because I think she made you make that choice. Just like she made you change your mind about sending me to Mount Weather." He continued to accuse Lexa with Clarke in the middle. "You say it was all you but you know what… Ever since we joined up with them you've become just as bad as them."
"Bellamy, if you weren't in Mount Weather, we all wouldn't be standing here right now. We wouldn't have just won this war." Her words echoed all around them.
The grounders around them cheered in victory. Lexa being one of the people stuck in this conversation raised her hand above her head to stop the cheering so that she could continue to listen.
"But you've changed. This isn't you. The Clarke I know wouldn't have let a missile kill hundreds of people to preserve a mission. The Clarke I know would have found a way around it." He stated fighting back the emotions he was feeling in this moment because the anger was getting to be too much.
Finally finding her backbone it was Clarke's turn to accuse him, "This isn't the first time we've had to make a hard call Bellamy and you know that. When the grounders were bent on killing us in the dropship, we found a way out of it." Tears were beginning to build up in Clarke's eyes from the anger and sadness that took over her in this moment. "I had to make the hard call to close the dropship doors with you and Finn outside the ship. That was me! I had to choose to keep our people safe so I shut the doors and let the rockets burn everyone outside of the ship. Hundreds of grounders died that day and even some of our people but I had to make that call. You say I've changed, you say that I'm a different person now… I was different from that moment on." She couldn't help the air that fell out of her mouth from that burst of anger that overwhelmed her. "The grounders that are here today," She looked around at the circle that had formed around them. "Some of them probably lost people in our plan. That's on me. I killed them. I chose to shut the doors. I know that if I wouldn't have, we'd all be dead right now. I know that but I still did it. These grounders here," She motioned the ones around them with her hands, "They chose to fight alongside us. With the people who killed their friends, their family. So yes, I," emphasis on 'I', "chose to not tell anyone about the missile. I chose to let all those people die because it was what was needed for the mission." She was starting to calm down a bit as she stared at him for a response.
Bellamy didn't look as pissed off anymore but he still didn't look like he understood it either, "What we have to do to survive, it doesn't define us… Do you remember that?" He asked already knowing her answer but wanting to hear it anyway.
"Of course," Clarke nodded feeling a lot calmer.
"Well you've crossed a line with this one. What we did to the grounders with the dropship was us trying to stay alive. What you did to the people of that village…" He stopped for a second to shake his head, "You crossed a line. A line I don't think you'll be able to come back from. Their blood is on your hands and your hands alone." With that he stormed off in a fit of rage.
"Bellamy," she called after him but he was gone. Her shoulders slumped down in defeat. After winning such a huge battle, she never thought she'd feel this way so soon, so defeated. She should feel exhilarated; excited that the war is over but in this moment she didn't know what she felt.
The warriors around them went back to what they were doing while Lexa stood there unsure of what she should do. On one hand she wanted to be there for Clarke, try to make her feel better but because the argument was partially about her she wasn't sure if she should do anything. So she waited and watched Clarke. The least she could do is be there for her if needed. If not, well she'll go back to making sure the dead get put where they need to be for the ceremony that would occur that night if everything was set up by then.
Clarke just stood there frozen in place. There was so much she could be doing in this instance but she couldn't get her legs moving. Of all the people who told her that she was wrong, she thought Bellamy would have understood. Maybe it's a Blake thing, Clarke thought as she turned to leave when she almost crashed right into Lexa forgetting she was there.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I turned the wrong way," Clarke apologized putting her arms out in caution just in case she needed to catch the commander.
However, just like usual the commander was too aware of her surroundings to fall over if someone were to crash into her, "It is alright Clarke. I am fine." She wanted to ask Clarke how she was, she wanted to comfort her but she didn't know if Clarke would be alright with that. Clarke had told her she wasn't ready to be with anyone right now. She didn't want to push the blonde further away.
Clarke stood tall again, "Then I guess I should get back to bandaging up the rest of the wounded." She turned to leave when a voice she never would have expected stopped her.
The blonde turned back around to face the commander, "Yes."
Lexa just stared at Clarke not sure what to say. About a minute or so passed and nothing was said, they both just stared at each other waiting for one of them to speak before Lexa found her voice again, "Do you have enough bandages? Do you need more? I could get someone to—"
She was cut off by Clarke stating the obvious, "I know what you're doing."
"I do not know what you mean." Lexa looked at her confused.
Clarke sighed, "Yes, you do." She could see from the look on Lexa's face that she was right in assuming she knew what the commander was thinking. "I appreciate what you're trying to do. However no distraction will keep me from thinking about the fact that the one person I thought would understand why I did what I did now looks at me like a stranger. I just want to feel like I'm of use and bandage up the wounded. I'll see you later." This time Clarke turned around and never looked back.
Lexa was stuck standing there feeling the jealousy coming back to her. She wanted to feel sorry for Clarke but there was something about Bellamy that Lexa just didn't like and knowing that the blonde was stuck thinking about him was not settling with her. Not one bit. So she did what any person would do in this situation, she stuck to the work at hand. She went back to ordering around people and making sure that everything was set up correctly for the ceremony that night. They all knew how it went, they were all used to it by now, and she knew that, but she wanted to make sure they knew her presence was there still in this time of need. That even though the sky people were probably here to stay, they wanted to know that their traditions were still there.
The commander looked off in the distance several minutes later and spotted Clarke bandaging up one of her warriors arms, she could see the playful smile she was witness to here and there. She always thought it was nice to see her stone cold killer warriors having a good time with the leader of the sky people. It said to her that they would be okay. That even with this war being over, they would be able to mingle their worlds together and start building a home for the both of them united as one. She was excited to see where that would lead.