note: special thanks to jewls13 for helping me think up of a plot.

note 2: Okay, this is just an intro to everything, so the main plot hasn't even started yet, so don't kill me and say how boring I am. I'm really not. I'm fun, and exciting! Yeah... Anyways, I haven't really written anything much more than this introduction, so if I get positive feedback I'll continue. So, feel free to tell me if it sucks.

ONE: Squeak , Lard, Phone Call – I Don't Know Why They Are All Together

"What's that sound?" Lorelai asked.

"What sound?" Rory looked around her.

"It's an irritating squeaky sound. Can't you hear it? It sounds like Megan Mullaly on fast forward," Lorelai stopped walking and spun Rory towards her. "It's coming from you."

"Okay, first off – ow," Rory pulled away from Lorelai and rubbed her shoulder where her mother had just grabbed her, "Second – It's not coming from me. I don't even hear anything. Can we keep walking? I'm not going to have time for breakfast if we keep stopping every fifth step to check out weird noises."

The both of them began walking, when two seconds later, Lorelai stopped again. "Okay, now that's just freaky. The noise has started again. It's your shoes."

"My shoes are fine."

"Your shoes are freaky. Take them off."

"I'm not walking barefoot through Stars Hollow. What if I step on a nail and get lockjaw?"

"Then I will say I'm sorry," said Lorelai. "Remind me to get you new shoes tomorrow."

"These shoes are fine. And they are new. We just bought them last week."

"Then remind me to return them," Lorelai stopped, and took in a deep breath as she stood in front of Luke's Diner. "Ahh, I smell muffins a-toasting and eggs a-scrambling."

"Can we just go in?" Rory said, walking past her mother and pushing the door. Lorelai soon followed, and they both sat down at a nearby table.

"Right on the dot, I see," said Luke, coming up to them, holding up his notepad. "What do you want?"

"World peace and telepathic powers," said Lorelai. "And Rory wants bigger boobs."

"Hey!" said Rory.

"And," Lorelai continued, "Edward Norton."

"I meant to eat," said Luke.

"So did I."

"You're sick."

"I'm adorable," said Lorelai. "And we want coffee."

"Okay, death in a mug, coming up," said Luke. "Anything else?"

"Erm, would you say that scrambled eggs and a couple of sausages are terribly unhealthy?"


"Then I'll have those. And put them on a big plate," said Lorelai, "And pour some oil on it. And then deep fry the whole thing, throw in a couple of cigarettes and marinate it in alcohol. I have a death wish."

"You know, one of these days I'm just actually going to stop listening to you. And then what are you going to do?"

"I have Rory," said Lorelai, putting her arm around Rory.

"My unfortunate destiny," sighed Rory. "I'll have the same thing, by the way. Except without the cigarettes and alcohol."

"Done. Anything else you would like me to clog your arteries with this morning?"

"Well, if you could hook me up with an IV filled with lard, it'd be great," said Lorelai. "Nothing says 'good morning' like lard in your veins."

"Hey, Luke," Rory asked, "Where's Jess?"

"Oh, I don't know," Luke slid the notepad into his front pocket, "I think he went to school, but he probably had some gang meeting to go to. I hear there's going to be a round table discussion about whether to use green or blue paint to vandalize the town hall."

"I say green, because it gives an eco-friendly statement," said Lorelai. "And plus, you know, it blends with the ivy."

"And you wonder why Taylor once banned you from town meetings."

"Yeah, yeah, throw that in my face again. Geez, you slap that man one time and he takes it so personally," Lorelai said. She turned to Rory. "Aww, you feel sad your honey's not here?"

"Don't call him that," said Rory. "I was just wandering where he went, that's all."

"Well, get used to it," said Luke. "The only way I know how to figure out where he goes is to read the news and list down the areas with a sudden peak in crime rates."

"Oh, that's funny," said Lorelai. "I'm somewhat disappointed I didn't think of that, first. Darn, I'm losing my razor sharp wit."

"It's not the only thing you're losing," Luke mumbled under his breath as he walked away.

"I heard that!" Lorelai called out. "And if I had my razor sharp wit, I would have made a stinging comeback, but since I don't, I'll just wait for my food. Consider this your lucky day, Billy Ray. Hehe.. Billy Ray. Man, I'm funny."

"Classic," Rory added.

"Okay, enough about that," Lorelai turned to Rory. "I've thought of a great excuse to get us out of this week's Friday night dinner. Get this – you have contracted a life-threatening disease, and I have to stay home and take care of you. It's virtually fool-proof."

"Yeah, except that if I had a life-threatening disease, maybe I should be in a hospital instead of stuck at home with you."

"I'm better suited to take care of you than a hospital."

"You couldn't even grow a Chia Pet, what makes you think you can take care of me when I'm suffering from a life-threatening disease?"

"Okay – first about the Chia Pet, that was a total rip off. I did everything the damn box said to do, and it didn't grow, so it's not my fault. "

"You left it in the kitchen cabinet for six days without sunlight or water before you remembered you were trying to grow a Chia Pet. Anyways, I don't think Grandma will believe that I managed to catch three life-threatening diseases in the past two months."

"We'll tell her you have a weak immune system."

"She'll see right through you."

"I'll tell her we had to get you one of those plastic bubbles for you to live in – like John Travolta. And you can't leave your bubble, because if you do, you'll die. And the bubble won't fit through the door, so I can't take you to Friday night dinner," said Lorelai. "I'm a genius."

"What if Grandma actually comes to visit?"

"Then we'll have to get you a real plastic bubble as backup," said Lorelai. "Now, finding an actual plastic bubble that's big enough for you, that's the real challenge. Do you think Styrofoam would work as well, because I saw some big pieces leftover at the Inn. Maybe we can fashion it into a crude box."

"This conversation has gotten longer than it should have," said Rory. "I propose we end it."

"Proposal rejected," said Lorelai. "Where is our food?"

"It's only been three minutes, mom. Luke isn't Superman."

"Oh, really? Because I don't think it's a coincidence that we never see the two of them together in the same room at the same time," said Lorelai. "Now you think about that. Should I go bug Luke?"

"You're going to go no matter what I say, so go ahead."

Lorelai gave a small giggle and walked up to the counter. Luke was on the phone, looking and sounding agitated. She waved at him, but he ignored her – he was too busy screaming obscenities into the phone. Lorelai shot him a surprised look as he slammed down the phone, fuming.

"I'm guessing their deal on aluminum siding wasn't really a bargain?"

"What?" Luke said, his voice still loud and angry. He realized this, and then calmed down, speaking in a softer tone. "No, it's just … never mind. Oh, you're probably waiting for your food, I haven't even put the order through yet, I'm sorry, the phone rang and I -"

"No, it's okay," said Lorelai. "What's going on anyway? I've never seen you use such colorful language before. Except for the time Taylor hung those colorful streamers all over your awning without telling you. By the way, I have to tell you that that morning, I learnt three new words. I was so excited I used them on Michel immediately when I went to work the next day."

"It's nothing," said Luke, "Just some … it's my problem. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? It looks pretty serious to me."

"No… I mean, yeah it's serious, but I don't want to bother you."

"Are you kidding? You're not going to bother me," said Lorelai. "Maybe I can help you."

"Oh, I don't think you can help me with this one," Luke sighed, "But thanks anyway. I'll get working on your eggs… and your coffee. God, I forgot to give you coffee, too."

"I'll flog you later," said Lorelai. "I'll use my custom made Hello Kitty whip, too. Look, Luke, you can tell me. It sounds like a big deal. Who was that on the phone?"

Luke took a deep breath and leaned forward. "My dad's lawyer."

- to be continued -