The Chthonologist

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Grim Tales. If I did, this would be on the SNAFU website.

"You know, I'm sure there was some way this seemed like a smart plan," Junior commented idly as he finished off his sandwich while glancing down at his attempted captors.

Shock, Lock, and Barrel groaned as they laid trapped half way under their flipped tub, its feet wiggling around in vain attempts to right itself while Junior sat onto of it.

"But for the unlife of me, I just don't see it," Junior finished, tapping his spear against the tub.

"We're really sorry, Kid-" Lock started, only to squeak as the spear stabbed down next to his face.

"The name is Professor Grim or Professor Reaper. I did not go swimming in the Styx and systematically catalog twenty Leviathanic species to be called kid by a Samhainian wannabe devil," Junior instructed sternly.

"...What did he say?" Barrel asked in confusion.

"You idiots, he's the Grim Reaper's son, Jack's nephew! The big shot scientist guy that explores and documents all the dangerous creatures of the Underworld- and wait, you're a kid?" Shock asked in legitimate surprise.

"Oh? You've heard of me?" Junior asked with a head tilt.

"Nope/Notta," Lock and Barrel answered bluntly.

"Don't pay them any attention, Professor," Shock said, offering a smile that was only slightly forced. "I read all of your Species Collection edition on the insects of the underworld. Your tale of defeating a Parvatian Swarm with the aid of the Thriae was amazing!"

"Hehe, good times. But I only did that because I needed a favor from Persephone. Though, of course they didn't call me in when it was affecting the Asphodel Meadows. No, Hades had to wait until the souls in Elysium started complaining," Junior complained.

"Typical," Shock agreed with an eye roll. "Hey, my edition isn't up to date: did you ever find out how a swarm of Hindu Death-Bees got all the way to the Greek side of the underworld?"

"All I determined that they didn't get there on their own," Junior answered with a shrug.

"You following any of this?" Barrel asked curiously.

"Not a bit, no," Lock answered in annoyance. "Look, Smart Guy? We're sorry. There, happy? Now can you let us up now?"

"No idea why I should. I could just feed you to some of my friends," Junior stated bluntly.

"Wait, what?!" Lock exclaimed in fright.

Junior sniffed idly. "Well, he definitely wet himself."

"You're not serious, right, Professor Grim?" Shock asked with a very, very nervous smile.

"Am I not?" Junior asked with a head tilt as he jumped off the tub, using his spear as a leverage device to flip it over. "Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. You all climb back in that tub, point me to where you were going to take me, and I promise that none of you-"

"The Club House! Right over that way!" Barrel yelled, already in the tub and pointing out in a given direction. "Just around those hills, you can't miss it!"

"Hmm, he's fast," Junior complimented as he leaned the spear over his shoulder once more.

"Barrel, you coward!" Lock exclaimed with a growl, trying to hide his embarrassment while ignoring his soaked pants.

"Umm, P-professor?" Shock asked sheepishly, holding her witch hat nervously. "A-assuming you're not going to feed us alive to something that will slowly consume us for ten thousand years...can you sign my hat?" she asked hopefully.

"Seriously?! Am I the only one that remembers why we're here!?" Lock yelled in disbelief.

"Certainly! Always happy to meet a fan. Shock, right?" Junior answered with a brief smile, taking a pen from his pack and signing the hat. "Professor Grim SRT Junior, to Shock."

"Thank you!" Shock declared as she put the hat back on and climbed into the tub. "If we live, I'm never washing this hat again," she said dreamily.

"You never did anyw-ow!" Barrel remarked, earning a smack on the back of the head.

Lock growled as he turned on the skeleton, watching him with complete disinterest. "If you think I'm going to crawl in there like a good little victim, you got- what are you doing?" Lock asked in confusion as Junior brought his fingers up to his lip-less mouth.

Against all conventional logic, Junior let out a fairly loud whistle, followed by ominous silence.

"Lock, get in the tub!" Shock advised urgently.

"What? Was that suppose to do something? Call in the hounds?" Lock asked with a scoff.

"Something like that," Junior answered in amusement.

"Lock, please, now?" Barrel squeaked, sinking behind the rim of the tub.

"Oh, put a sock in it you two! He's nothing special! He just surprised us, that's all!" Lock said confidently as he strode over to Junior with a glare.

Or, rather, he tried to.

Lock fell on his rear as something large landed behind the professor. He sniffled and whimpered, his friends cowering in the tub, as he stare up into the face of a very, very large bat with a very, very hungry maw. "What...what is that?" Lock asked in sheer terror.

"And now he's soiled himself, lovely," Junior mentioned before gesturing to the creature standing over him protectively. "Boys and girl, allow me to introduce you to Camazotz, Vespertilio Minus-Deus Mortis," he explained with a smirk as he patted said creature on the wing. "Or, in words you can understand, Lock? He's a Bat-God of Death."

Lock shivered and paled, feeling the saliva dripping from the fangs of the animalistic deity, right onto his face.

"You sure you don't want to get in the tub?" Junior offered with a smirk.

The little hellion ran to his friends, crying the whole way.

Junior just shook his head. "Ahh, I remember when I used to scare that easily," he said nostalgically before looking up at the bat god. "So, Big Z, up for this?"

The divine beast let out a great, screeching roar in response. Without further ado, Junior leapt up and stood on the base of the neck of the bat, Camazotz taking to the air and grabbing the tub upon take off.

"WOWOWOWWOWOW!" Lock screamed in terror, back pressed down against the porcelain as he stared up at the Death Gods. "I thought you weren't going to kill us!"

"Technically, your friend there cut me off before I could promise anything," Junior reminded neutrally.

"Barrel!" Shock rounded on the youngest of the trio, already crying his eyes out.

"I don't want to be Bat-poop!" Barrel shouted.

"Stop screaming! He's not going to eat you," Junior assured in annoyance.

"He's not?" Shock asked in relief.

"No. Isn't this Halloween town? I thought you all enjoyed a good scare?" Junior taunted coolly.

Shock laughed, nervously and awkwardly, as the boys looked relieved.

"So, we'll just drop you instead."

"Wait, wHAAAAAAAAA!" Lock screamed, his friends joining as Camazotz released his feet, the bathtub now freely falling through the night sky, crashing right into Oogie Boogie's clubhouse, slamming through the ceiling and several floors.

"You know, it's probably a little petty and definitely overkill to call in a god to scare three brats," Junior mused as he stood on the back of said bat-god, before smirking. "But I can't say it isn't fun. Shall we be off?" he asked, getting a small screech in response. "Don't worry, I'm sure there will be plenty for you kill on our next stop."

With that, the pair took off into the night.

"Well, lets see what we can fit into my schedule," Junior murmured as he sat down on the furry back and pulled a notepad out of his bag. "Request for Hellhounds. Request for Hellcat. Requests to help breeding Hellfoxes- well, we know who those are all from," Junior muttered in annoyance as he skimmed down. "Lets see, the Ice-Mermaids of Cocytus? Not that interested. The Tribe of Semimanes? I'll save that for when I have a lot of free time on my hands," he murmured, getting a chuckle from the bat-god. "Its not a joke! You want to try talking to something with twenty-five hands and fifty heads? Yeah, I didn't think so, Z. Let's see, what about the Grootslangs?"

Camazotz snorted at that.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, you're tired of all the different giant worms and serpents. How do you think I feel? Pretty soon, I'll have to update my Leviathanic Editions into separate books, Water-based and Earth-based," Junior grumbled, shaking his skull at the notion. "Well, let's make a stop at Aku-City, I have to get some gems and everything in case we need to bargain our way out of a mess- yes, the Grootslangs take bribes. I don't know if that means they're intelligent or just really like shiny stuff."

Camazotz hummed in understanding as he flew on, gliding through the veils and barriers between realms with utter ease, before chirping an inquiry to Junior.

"Yes, I gave out the presents. Minnie loved the little quadricular mass of gastrocnemii," Junior answered begrudgingly. "Named it Aetha Javalin of all things."

Camazotz just grunted patiently.

"I left before Mom and Dad found out what their gifts were," Junior answered, prompting a sigh from the divine bat. "Oh, don't you start with me! I showed up and I went to a lot of trouble to get those gifts. Honestly, Dad's was the hardest, even if it was probably the least dangerous," Junior grumbled, glaring down at his ride. "And just when did you become my self appointed therapist?!"

Camazotz snickered in amusement.

"I don't pay for one because I don't NEED one. Besides, would you trust a therapist in the underworld?" Junior countered, Camazotz shrugging in acknowledgement. "Exact-Ooof!" Junior grunted as the flight came to a sudden halt. "Why did you stop?" Junior asked with a scowl as he looked out in front.

The were above the wastelands just outside Aku City, but said city was brighter than normal with flashing lights and very loud music.

"Oh, great, Chi's having a performance. Perfect, just perfect," Junior bemoaned, wiping a hand over his face, knowing Camazotz was not going in there with his sensitive ears. "Fine, I'll walk. It's not like I'm in a hurry or anything," Junior decided as he grabbed his backpack and spear securely before jumping off the bat-god without a second thought. He fell for thousands of feet, completely unafraid of the jagged rocks his small body was racing towards. At the last second, his shoes glowed golden, his fall slowing to a snail's pace until his feet touched the ground softly. "And my editor thought I was wasting my time with Hermes," Junior murmured with a smirk, looking up to see Camazotz fly off. "Now, I just need to find a place that is open with this going on."


"Minnie, you better get a leash for that thing," Mandy warned flatly as they made their way out of Halloween town.

"Doth thee hast one I may borrow, Mother?" Minnie asked curiously, holding Aetha in her arms, the little Javalin Dragon yawning adorably in her new mistress's grip.

"Oh, I'm sure she's got plenty," Grim teased with a smirk, to Minnie's confusion,

Mandy ignored her husband. "You might just want to use a chain until you're sure it won't just jump out a window."

Minnie winced at that prospect. "If it were among my skill set, I would attempt to replace any broken glass panes Aetha might become the cause of."

"Hm? Oh, I don't care about that. I just don't think Junior will be happy if your gift died falling down the side of the mountain," Mandy pointed out flatly.

Minnie paled, having forgotten just how high their home was, before clutching her beloved pet closer to herself.

"Doncha worry too mooch, Minnie. Itsa Dragon; If it can't fly, I'ma sure it be sturdy enough ta survive de jump or smar enough notta in de firs place," Grim reassured in amusement.

"Thank you, Father Grim," Minnie said, letting out a breath of relaxation. "...what doth thee both believe we should plan for Brother's birthday?"

"You're assuming he'll show up," Mandy forewarned with a scowl.

"An ya wonda whose faul dat is," Grim grumbled out of Minnie's hearing.

But not Mandy, who sent him a warning glare. The Reaper of Death just gave her a flat look, daring her to say it was false and start a scene in front of Minnie.

"...I'm sure we can track down something that will get the Professor's attention," Mandy said idly. "I'm just waiting for him to bring back a pet of questionable intent."

"Huh?" Minnie asked in confusion. "What doth thou mean, Mine Mother?"

"She means she's expectin Junior ta come back wid a catgirl or doggirl or something like dat on a leash," Grim explained...bluntly.

"Subtle much?" Mandy asked with an eye roll as Minnie blushed.

"I'ma reapa, Woman! Me job is ta get to de poin," Grim countered.

"T'would Brother...truly be interested in such...things?" Minnie asked, glancing to the side of the road with a blush across her face.

Both parents looked to their youngest before glaring at each other. "Now look what you did/Now look wha ya did."

End of Chapter

Well, that was long overdue. Sorry, I only recently got started to back into the swing of writing for GT. Hope you all enjoyed the professors little moment here. Hehe, I've been looking forward to introduce Camazotz. And, honestly, its funny trying to make up all these scientific-sounding lines for Junior. I am an expert of nothing myself, so am just doing the best I can ith google and wikipedia. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this.

PS There's a Naruto poll on my userpage, for any that are interested.

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