I once had an excellent roleplay with a trickster Sollux, and I wanted to write the storyline of it as a fanfiction… Fuck, I've had half of this written up for about 8 months or so! Now I just need to write the next chapter to finish it… Enjoy!


Eridan had just settled down at his husktop to try and find a way to entertain himself; everyone else on the meteor was asleep, or so he assumed seeing as it was rather late. He had just opened the Trollian window to see if there was someone online who would possibly want to have a conversation with him, when the words flashed up on Eridan's screen.

- - twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulusAquarium [CA] - -

TA: hey, eriidan!

TA: ii wa2 ju2t thiinkiing about you.

Instead of Sollux's usual sulphurish yellow, the text was a glaringly bright shade of gold, and somehow this was even worse. The seadweller rolled his eyes and typed a reply, thinking that maybe the arrogant hacker had gotten a taste of his own medicine, and was experiencing the humiliation of being hacked himself.

CA: sol is that actually you

There was barely enough time to blink before even more lines flashed up.

TA: ye2!

TA: you're 2o 2iilly, ed, who el2e would iit be?

TA: ii'm 2o happy that you're 2peakiing two me, we 2hould 2ee each other.

Eridan found himself rather skeptical of this; in all the time that they had spent on the meteor, and even back on Alternia, he had never known Sollux to act so excited, or to use this shade of text. He frowned as he began conversing with the person who claimed to be his rival.

CA: havve you eaten that disgustin mind honey shit or somethin

CA: because you dont seem like you

Yes, that was most likely what had happened. Eridan didn't know much about the mind honey and its effect on trolls, but this seemed like the most likely explanation.

TA: nooooooooooo.

TA: only 2ome candy.

Eridan wrinkled his nose. This didn't seem like any kind of reaction towards any kind of food that he had ever seen before.

CA: wwhat the fuck kind a candy wwould make you like THIS

TA: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!

That wasn't the laugh that Sollux usually typed, what the fuck was going on?

CA: sol seriously are you okay

TA: of cour2e!

TA: ii'm ju2t

TA: 2o


Eridan stared at the screen. This wasn't right, something was most definitely going on here, and the Aquarius didn't know whether or not this was some kind of weird trick to incite some sort of reaction out of him.

CA: right somethins wwrong

CA: are you evven sol

TA: you're beiing even more 2iilly now.

TA: are you even ed?

This was no time for jokes. Eridan felt his patience running out very quickly.

CA: sol im legitimately somewwhat wworried about you

TA: awwwwwwwwwww!

TA: you're worriied about MEEEEEEEEEEE?

TA: how cute.

Oh hell no. Eridan did not need this bullshit, he didn't care whether this was Sollux on the other end, or not. He was now royally pissed off.

CA: only cause youre actin so fucked up sol

TA: what do you mean?

CA: look usually i wwouldnt give two flyin shits about your unusual behavviours theyd nevver be any a my concern

CA: but this shit is just TOO wweird to ignore so wwhat the fuck is goin on wwith you sol


Enough was enough. Eridan couldn't stand reading any more of that damn yellow text anymore, he was going to confront the bastard now. No one got away with antagonising him in this way, especially not Sollux... Or someone pretending to be Sollux. Eridan honestly didn't know which one was worse, but regardless of that, he was going to kick someone's ass for this blatantly disrespectful display.

Besides, a part of him was actually worried for his rival. What if someone had killed the mustard blood before he did? Unforgivable.

CA: right im goin to come round

TA: ye2! you 2hould defiiniitely come round!

TA: ii'll be waiitiing iin my block.

TA: behiind the tran2portaliizer.

CA: right

CA: wwell all im sayin is you had better be the real sol

CA: or youre in big fuckin trouble

- - caligulusAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] - -

Eridan grabbed his beloved Ahab's Crosshairs rifle and checked it over quickly; he didn't want to run into trouble with this guy and find out his gun wasn't working. His worries were laid to rest when he found that it was in its usual perfect condition. Obviously.

The seadweller held his rifle to his chest as he strode proudly past his wand piles to the transportalizer, thinking that this may just prove to be fun, especially if he got the chance to duel someone, and possibly kill them.

There was a fwoosh and a crackle as Eridan stepped onto the pale grey floor panel, and appeared in Sollux's respiteblock. He blinked for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the darkness; the only real source of light came from the abandoned husktop in front of him on Sollux's desk. Eridan's lifted his gun a little, and listened for the tell-tale noises of life around him. There were none. No crackling psionic energy, no shuffling, no breathing, "Sol?" He asked the darkness.

He walked over to the husktop, but as he reached the desk, he felt something thick and sticky land on the back of his neck, and begin crawling down his skin. Eridan jumped and spun around, coming face to face with Sollux, "FUCK!"

Something was wrong.

Sollux's eyes were brighter, and even in the dim light, Eridan could tell that Sollux's skin was lacking its usual grey colour; instead it was a pale shade of yellow. The mustard blood's clothing was so much more colourful; his shirt was split down the middle, one half a shade of salmon pink, and the other a baby blue. His trousers were split blue and pink too, but the sides were the reverse to the shirt. Sollux's shoes, on the other hand, matched his shirt. Everything about the lowblood was different, and as Eridan backed away from him, he noticed that Sollux's hair was chartreuse, and there was a trail of thick, gooey honey oozing out of his hairline.

The bastard looked insane.

"Oh, thorry ED, I didn't mean to thcare you, cutie pie!" Sollux's face split into a grin. He continued moving forwards, trying to stay close to Eridan.

The seadweller's lip curled upwards in distaste, "who are you callin' cutie pie? Have you ingested soporifics?" He noticed that Sollux was floating, but there was no sign of the usual psionic energy holding him up, "why do you look so fuckin' weird?"

Sollux shrugged, "I didn't eat any thopor, thilly," his face lit up maniacally, "but don't worry, you're going to be jutht like me thoon!"

Eridan snapped his teeth together angrily, trying to threaten the taller troll, "I'm not goin' to be anythin' like you. I'll never be anythin' like you." He didn't know what the hell Sollux meant by that, but he sure as hell wasn't about to find out. "I don't know what you've done with Sol, but you need to give him back." This thing in front of him couldn't be the Sollux Captor he knew, this thing was an imposter.

The colourful Captor leant closer, "aww, come on, don't be thcared, thilly! Come here and I'll give you a kith." To punctuate this point he tapped his own pursed lips.

"I don't WANT a fuckin' kiss! I want the real Sol!" Eridan recoiled, and felt his ass bump into the desk. Shit, "you can't be the real Sol, he'd never want to kiss me."

The Sollux that stood in front of him actually pouted, "But I AM the real Tholluxth!" He complained, "I'm the real Tholluxth, and I DO want to kith you." He crossed his arms and looked childish as hell.

Eridan shook his head, this wasn't right. This guy was an insult to the real Sollux; an embarrassment to the pissblood's name, "no. He wouldn't. So where is the real Sol?" He smirked a little at the thing's expression, "an if you really think that you're the real Sol, then you had better fuckin' prove it to me."

"It'th me, ED!" He whined, "How can I prove it to you?"

That was a tough question, how could Eridan prove undeniably that this guy was a phony?

It took him a moment, but Eridan finally sneered victoriously, "Only the real Sollux would be able to log into his husktop. That things more encrypted an protected than anythin' else on this fuckin' rock, an the Sollux I know would sooner die than give out his password." He pointed to the desk lazily, "If you can unlock it, then I'll believe you."

The imposter shrugged, then floated over to the husktop, "that'th easthy, theeing ath I made the pathword for it." He tapped a number of keys with one hand, and laughed as the husktop signed in, and the desktop's background appeared.

Eridan's eyes widened, and he shook his head disbelievingly, "but that ain't possible, you're not him."

The thing turned to look at Eridan with it's strange, pupiless eyes, "I did it, tho you have to believe me. That wath the deal." He folded his arms grumpily, "that wath a pretty boring tetht, theeing ath I wath uthing the huthktop to talk to you, and invite you over!"

This fact had slipped Eridan's mind, and he cursed himself for being so foolish. Even so, the thing had passed his test, and he doubted this colourful freak would have been able to best Sollux in a fight and take his place, so what had happened?

The silence that descended between them was punctuated by the quite humming of the husktop on the desk. Eridan glanced at it again, wishing that an alarm would sound and alert him of the fact that a wrong password had been entered, or something. Unfortunately, the desktop remained unlocked, and the system stayed silent, "maybe... Maybe you really are Sol." He mumbled.

Sollux shrugged in an exasperated way, "that'th what I've been telling you!"

"But you haven't explained why you look so different." Eridan scolded, taking a step towards the floating troll, "or why you're so fuckin' peppy."

The colourful abomination continued to grin, and the expression only served to make it seem so much more intimidating, "I found thome candy and I ate it," he murmured, closing the gap between himself and Eridan, and resting a hand on Ahab's Crosshairs, "and now, I'm happy."

"But that shouldn't a changed you." Eridan's eyes flicked down to the hand on his rifle; he didn't want to antagonise Sollux because he knew what the psionic could do normally, and with him being in this state, he would very likely be even more unpredictable. After a second, he moved one of his hands to hover above Sollux's, and was about to pluck his fingers away from his gun when Sollux snapped.

"Don't touch me."

Eridan froze. He moved his eyes from Sollux's hand to his face, and frowned as he tried to comprehend just what the hell he was seeing. Sollux's eyes were flickering back to their usual red and blue, and he looked as though he was in pain; his mouth opened, and he grimaced.


A single syllable had never before made Eridan's throat constrict in that unfamiliar feeling of fear. His pupils became thin slits as he stared at Sollux, "wwhat?" He whispered.

Suddenly the colours and the smile had returned, "jutht kidding!" Sollux laughed a little, and tilted his head, regarding Eridan with a strange kind of curiosity.

"Sol," Eridan swallowed, his tongue clung to the roof of his mouth, "wwhat wwas that?" Eridan didn't allow his eyes to leave Sollux's face, and he searched it for another glimmer of normality to return. He wanted to grab hold of Sollux and shake him for all he was worth until he snapped back into his usual surly, pissy self, but the warning still clung to Eridan's mind and he knew that he wouldn't allow himself to so much as touch the twitching troll.

"Nothiiing!" Sollux shook his head as he spoke, but he flinched, and it almost looked as though he was a glitching husktop screen; his colours returned for a split second, but it didn't last.

Eridan tried baring his shark-like teeth, "don't fuckin' lie to me!" He snapped, taking a hesitant step to the side, trying to get around Sollux to the transportalizer. He had quite honestly had enough of this troll's bullshit; he was going to go get Karkat, and have him deal with the Gemini.

Sollux looked Eridan up and down, and tilted his head again, "it wath nothing, okay cutie?" His voice was sickly sweet, "where are you going?"

"You're actin' even weirder, Sol, an you just told me to run. Remember?" Eridan's trigger finger twitched, he had put up with enough of this bullshit, and he didn't even know why he had humoured the Gemini for so long; he should have just blasted the fucker away the second he saw the state he was in, he'd be doing the guy a favour really.

This tiny movement didn't slip past Sollux, and before the seadweller could even react, his rifle had been ripped from his hands by the insistent and erratic tendrils of light, and thrown across the room. Sollux's eyebrows knit together, but he continued smiling in that strange and creepy way, "no I didn't, it was jutht a joke."

Eridan could have slapped himself for being so slow, he could usually match Sollux for speed, but he had been distracted by the state the psionic was currently in. His eyes flicked to the gun, and he calculated how long it would take to sprint and dive for it, and what kind of chance he had before being caught and attacked. "No Sol, I don't think it was a joke." He frowned a little as he counted the seconds in his head; he'd need to run, dive, grab the rifle, turn, aim and shoot. Shit. He'd need to distract Sollux to have even half a chance to do it.

"Why would I tell you to run? I'm having thuch a great time!" Sollux followed Eridan's line of sight, and snorted, "And why are you looking at the gun? That won't work, thilly."

"Look, you sounded normal for a second there," Eridan frowned, and glared at Sollux, "an why the hell wouldn't it work?"

Sollux shrugged, and mimed zipping his mouth closed.

This little motion infuriated Eridan; he hated being left in the dark about anything, especially when it made him feel stupid. If Sollux was going to treat him like a wriggler, he'd do the same; he forced his voice to sound less pissed off, "Just let me talk to the other Sol, okay?"

Mentioning the other side of Sollux had been a mistake; Sollux's expression darkened, and he grimaced a little, "what other Thol? It'th jutht me. SHUT UP!" The electrical energy crackled to life again, and flickered around his hands dangerously.

Eridan put his own hands up in submission, and kept his voice level, "let's just stay calm." He frowned a little, maybe if he made this into some kind of game? The Aquarius forced himself to smile slightly, "why don't we have some fun?"

The psionic energy fizzled out, and from the way Sollux smiled suddenly, it seemed that he was very pleased with this suggestion, "fun? Okay!" He nodded with an almost comical amount of enthusiasm.

There was a chance that his idea could backfire, but he knew that he had to at least try, "good. How about you talk to me with that jokey voice again? That was really funny," Eridan was on the verge of crossing his fingers for luck. He just wanted to talk to the normal Sollux, and find out why the hell he would try and warn him to run. Surely this colourful side of the Gemini would be easy to trick, it wasn't like it seemed to have the usual cunning and brain power that Sollux usually had. Right?

Then again, it also seemed to have Sollux's worst traits, like his mood swings, and nasty temperament.

But this didn't matter, because Eridan honestly believed that he would be able to use his greatly superior intellect, and unmatched cunning, to outsmart the thing. There was no way in hell he was going to allow it to get the better of him, even if it was his rival in some kind of fucked up state.

Bright eyes narrowed, and Sollux spoke slowly and clearly, almost as if he was trying to force what he was saying into Eridan's think-pan, "it wathn't funny, and I'm not going to thpeak like that again." He took a step closer to Eridan, "that wathn't a fun idea at all. You're not fun, Eridan."

The loathing was apparent across the thing's face, but it was nothing like the usual hatred that the land-dweller wore when regarding Eridan on any other night. This was far worse.

"I am fun, I just want to quickly speak to the other Sollux, real quick, an then we can play together, just you an me." The seadweller kept his voice smooth and low, and tried to soothe Sollux with his words, afterall he had gotten himself out of countless tricky situations using only his wits and words before.

Unfortunately, those situations were with trolls that didn't appear to have a wiggler-like attitude; Sollux stamped a foot, and hissed loudly as his eyes flickered brightly, "HE'TH NOT FUN, I'M FUN!" He screeched, looming over Eridan with his psionics crackling wildly around them.

Static electricity filled the air, and Eridan felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. His eyes widened, and he daren't move while Sollux had his little tantrum, but he desperately wanted to knock the fucker out.

But the mood swing was over almost as quickly as it had started, and Sollux lowered himself to the ground once more. His voice was softer when he spoke again, though his words were somehow worse than anything he could have screamed, "If you don't want to play with me," he looked Eridan dead in the eye, "then you can't play with anyone else."

Before the psionic could make good on his threat, Eridan held up his hands again, and forced a smile on his face, "course I want to fuckin' play with you," all he had to do was appeal to this thing's playful side, just to buy himself some time, "come on, that was only one idea that I had brewin' in my pan is all, how about a real game instead? You an me." He swallowed the lump in his throat, and held his poker-face as the bright creature in front of him took a moment to think about it.

The thought was a relatively short one, because his face broke out into a wide grin, "that'th better! What kind of game?" Sollux asked cheerfully.

"How about a nice game a doctors." The cogs in Eridan's mind whirred and clicked; if this thing was quite wigglerish, then maybe this was just the chance he needed to get some information out of him. Afterall, it seemed to Eridan that all he needed to do to win this was to act happy, and dangle some promises of games in front of Sollux's face, "you be the doctor an I'll be the patient. That sounds like a lot a fun, right?"

"That thoundth like tho much fun!" Sollux quickly agreed, and he dragged a chair over to Eridan using his psionics, "okay patient, what theemth to be the problem?" He pulled another chair over, and didn't seem to be the slightest bit phased as the legs squealed as it dragged across the floor. As soon as it was close enough, he jumped onto it, but never made contact with it; he simply hovered above the seat with his legs crossed.

This was almost too easy, "well doctor, I ate some funny sweets, an now I just can't control my moods, especially in regards to excitement an pure happiness. What do you recommend?" Eridan hesitantly sat down in the offered seat, not wanting to bring about another tantrum due to not adequately playing along.

Sollux made a face as he thought long and hard about the issue, then smiled, "eat more!" He replied triumphantly.

"No." Eridan frowned a little, then quickly relaxed his expression to prevent himself from looking threatening or angry, "I want to get better."

Once again, Sollux tilted his head, and regarded Eridan with wide, bright eyes, and a crooked grin, "don't be thilly, if you're happy, you're okay! I'm the doctor here, not you!"

This was infuriating for the Aquarius, and he struggled not to grit his teeth, and insult the thing floating in front of him, "well, I was led to believe that you was the best doctor around, so I thought you would be willin' to impart all your best medical advice. Come on, help me out an tell me how I'd get better."

"I don't know." Sollux shrugged, and shook his head before folding his arms smugly, "it'th not my division."

Eridan inwardly seethed, and he physically bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something that he might not live long enough to regret. After taking a moment, he smiled, "well, aren't you just the most helpful doctor I've ever experienced?" He hoped that he hadn't sounded sarcastic enough for Sollux to be able to pick up on how pissed off he was.

Instead of looking offended, Sollux perked up, "oh, wait!" He exclaimed, slapping his own forehead, "you jutht need to wait it out!"

"What?" Eridan blinked owlishly, hardly believing that the creature had just given up the secret to defeating it, "wait it out, huh." He began planning ways of how he could trap the creature somewhere until whatever it was that was going on in its head wore off, but where on the meteor would be suitable to house a raging psionic? The sound of Sollux's voice brought Eridan out of his thoughts.

"Or you could kill it."

The youthful tone made Eridan's skin crawl, and he tried to suppress a shudder, "so kill it or wait it out. That's a hell of a choice, doctor." His eyes flicked towards his rifle on the floor. It was so close. He would just need to jump for it, grab it, turn around, and shoot. Then again, the more Eridan played the action out in his head, the less the likelihood of actually working it seemed to have; it would take him more than a second overall, and the sea dweller honestly doubted whether even a second would be fast enough to be able to shoot this Sollux.

"Why did you look at the gun?"

Eridan's blood almost froze in his veins. He had only glanced at his Ahab's Crosshairs, he didn't think that it had been long enough to catch the attention of the erratic troll, and yet he had noticed.

Sollux swapped his attention between Eridan and the gun, and tilted his head, "it won't work, you know." His voice was cloyingly sweet, and had a musical lilt to it as he spoke.

"I wasn't…" Eridan clenched his fists at his sides, and watched a drop of honey fall from Sollux's hair.

"Shhhh," The creature held up a hand, and smiled. From possibly anyone else, this might have been a soothing gesture, but this thing looked so psychotic that it simply served to make Eridan's heart thud faster with fear, "but you don't have to worry about that."

Eridan swallowed as his mouth suddenly felt very dry. His voice rasped when he spoke, "why?"

"WHAT, DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING THTUPID?" Sollux's voice hit the awful volume again, and he leant forwards towards Eridan with his top lip curled in distaste, "DID YOU REALLY THINK I HAD NO IDEA WHAT YOU WATH TRYING TO DO THERE?"

The orb-like eyes in front of him gleamed with a burning maliciousness, and Eridan shrank away a little, "no, I didn't, I wasn't tryin' to do anythin'." His mind went into overdrive, and he tried to figure out a way that he could beat this thing, and quick. The rifle was almost definitely out of the question, and retrieving something from his sylladex would probably take far too long to be effective.

Sollux unfolded his legs, and set himself down on the floor; he stood in front of Eridan once again, looming over him menacingly, and looked him over with a mixture of fury and disgust, "too bad, Eridan. I liked you ath a playmate." In one fluid motion, he slammed his palms against the back of Eridan's chair, one either side of Eridan's shoulders, "we're going to play another game, but thith time, I'm choothing it."