Hi there! This is not only my first fiction for Constantine but my first fic in english too, so I really appreciate your opinions :) My language is not perfect (to be honest, far away from that) so if you find a mistake, let me please know.
Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this story! It wasn't easy to decsribe the scene in my head authentically :D But I tried do my best. It should be a multipart story, but I'm not totaly decided yet. It all matters on your rewievs ^^ Thaks for reading!
He kissed her.
She still couldn't find out what had exactly happened. One moment they were sitting, talking about her vision of him dead and next moment he was so close to her she could smell his aftershave and she just froze. Her mind froze to become a messy bundle of emotions right after that.
He kissed her.
She hated her own subconsciousness for repeated these words that were spreading through her mind every time she stopped being concentrated to don't think about it, don't to remember the feeling his lips on hers, soft, almost like a dream.
It felt little bit strange but nice at the same time. For one moment she felt like a normal woman in love. Like the woman who was studying at university, dating a boy she met at the college, and whose father wasn't freaking bastard. But then she looked up and saw his dark illegible eyes and for one moment she felt irrationally guilty and that memory pissed her off.
He also sleeps with a lot of women and doesn't really look very uncomfortable with the thought I know about it. Then why I should care about what he feels and thinks?
She didn't know answer for her question but her conscience didn't seem bothered with it. It really didn't seem to listen to her brain at all.
She yawned and got out of her bad in mill house to do something before she really gets crazy. To do anything that would help her forget the guilty feelings in her soul.
After she put her hair quickly in a messy ponytail (if you had hair like she have, you would understand that trying to get them under control is almost impossible) Zed looked at herself in a mirror. She did looked tired but it wasn't as bad as she was scared it will be after restless night full of confusing dreams, so she just put a little bit of mascara on her eyelashes and lipstick on her – he kissed her – lips. Then she put on her casual clothes and decided to go down. Maybe she could have warm breakfast for once, finally.
It was quite early morning so if there wouldn't be a lamp on, she wouldn't probably see anything. Zed didn't expect anyone to be in the kitchen but when she made sure there really was nobody, she could swear she heard her relief and realised she was holding her breath all way down.
Her cheeks turned red with awkwardness. She was acting like a stupid teenager, whose parents had caught him with her first boyfriend! But there were some catches. Firstly, she wasn't teenager anymore, secondly, Jim wasn't the first who had kissed her, and finally, John definitely wasn't someone like her goofy father so there was no need to feel awkward about anything.
Yet, she did.
"Zed?" said a low voice quietly behind her. She felt her heart rising and panic started to flood like a tsunami. She couldn't have that conversation now. She couldn't talk to him at all! It was far earlier then he used to get up. She didn't expect to meet him, not so soon after that... incident. She was confused with her own thoughts and feeling and imagination of him talking to her and asking her questions, she couldn't answer by herself, scared her almost to death. She hadn't even thought about what she is going to tell him, let alone to prepare to face him!
A big hand touched her left shoulder and she jumped out of her skin with fright.
"Easy, easy, it's just me," he said and only after that she finally recognized the voice and felt unbearable stupid for her thoughts and the way her body had been acting. Had she begun to be so obsessed with the demonologist that she would start to hear him everywhere now?
Perfect, Zed, just perfect.
"Hey, I'm talking to you. Do you listen to me?" Chas asked concern in his eyes. She blinked.
"Sorry," she said and smiled slightly, really really trying to convince him that everything was absolutely fine, "you little bit scared me. That's all. What have you talked about?"
Chas turned to a kitchen counter so she couldn't see his face, but she knew him long enough to see the message he had sent to her. She bit her lip. He didn't jump on the bait, she should have expected that.
"More coffee?" he asked and this time she didn't even tried to fool him. He already knew and she didn't think she had enough power to try to convince more people then herself.
"That wouldn't be bad."
Her thoughts were still again and again going into that moment, when she actually thought he was John. Her heartbeat rose only at the thought of him. She wasn't really that type of person who suffers from overconfidence (there were other for playing this part anyway) and she didn't tried to persuade herself that she could handle this.
Damn, how can things go so messy in one stupid moment? She thought and then she had to almost laugh. That wasn't very clever rhetorical question since she had already been lucky enough to make sure of that.
"I think I'm going to make some eggs. Would you like to any, too?" his voice disturbed her thinking once more and once more she felt grateful for that. She had already discovered that thinking about past wasn't exactly very good idea if she didn't want to start to regret herself and end up curled in the sofa unusable for the rest of few days.
"Yeah, I suppose so," she answered, sat at the table and watched him. Soon after he started, there was an amazing scent wafting in the air that cause that her saliva started to converge.
"It smells amazing," she sighed and took one bite right after a plate landed in front of her. "You're great cook. I bet John would be dead by hunger already if he hadn't had you."
Chas laugh softly and she was surprised to hear him laughing so blithely. For most of the time they had already spent together his face was still full of worries about John, her, his family and all poor people they had to save. She tried to remember when she smiled so brightly for the last time but failed. It was too far away in her past, full of fear, uncertainty and pure evil, so she wasn't even sure she had laugh like that at least once in her entire life. Maybe when she was so small she didn't see the bad side of her father. It was a very short period of her life, the only one bright. It was before he discovered she had visions, which always fills. Before she wasn't his little girl anymore, before she became just a tool he used. And for one inconstant moment, she envied him even through that she knew he deserve to be happy.
Steps on stairs interrupted them and her body tensed.
"Mornin'" John yawned, stretching. He didn't look at her or him. He just made his way right to a coffeemaker and took some aspirin. His head was probably hurting awfully (not that he would ever admit it). She couldn't imagine how much alcohol he had drunk and how many cigarettes he had smoked, but she was sure about one thing. He also didn't sleep very well this night.
"John, don't drink down aspirin with coffee," said Chas warningly.
"Yea, mum, don't worry" answered blond and rolled his eyes. Then he drew water from the tap and typically sarcastic grin had appeared on his face, "mission complete."
A quiet chuckle escaped her lips and that was the moment when his gaze met hers. It was so short that she wasn't sure what she had exactly see in his eyes, but for one moment she could swear she saw hurt and uncertainty.
Could she possibly mean something to him? Something more than just another person in mill house? And why was she even dealing with it? It still didn't matter what he thought. It wasn't his life. She wasn't part of his life so that he wasn't part of hers. Simple. And because of that if she wanted to date Jim, she will and no one especially he isn't going to stop her.
He had no rights to do that.
It wasn't fair! He didn't seem very interested in what she thought about his dates and "girlfriends". He didn't felt guilty, so either should she!
Anger filled her up and the way he acted like nothing happened, his cool behaviour. Everything just pissed her off.
And he just looked away, took a sip of coffee and acted like he didn't notice anything. "Having good mood, don't ya?"
Except she knew he did.
Chas looked at her and there was something in his eyes that calmed her down. Almost like if he knew what was happening and she thought, for the first time actually, that he maybe knew much more than he let others thought he knew.
"Yep, man," Chas smiled happily. "Renee had called me earlier this morning-"
"Night, mate, night," Constantine skipped into his story. Zed slapped him looking indignantly at him. John just shrugged and moved his lips offended in silent "What?". This time it was Zed who rolled her eyes. Then she turned to Chas once more.
"And what had she told you?"
His grinned became much larger before he answered her. "Do you think Emily is nice name for a girl?"
The time froze. They stood there looking at him with open mouths.
"WHAT?!" He sounded shocked but he wasn't the only one. After few next moments that felt like eternity, Zed finally got through it and hugged the high man so tightly it could actually hurt.
"That's amazing, Chas," she smiled warmly, "and Emily is a perfect name. When is Renee going to give a birth?"
"I don't know yet," Chas answered, smile didn't leave his lips, "but I have booked my flight already. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all, mate," answered John before he turned around and disappeared in his room.
"What THAT suppose to mean?" asked Zed little bit angry but little bit confused to. She looked at him, in his brown honest eyes. He looked like he wanted to say her something she should have already known.
And then she realized what it was. She looked into his eyes once a more and hoped she didn't look so frightened as she thought she did. Her mind was screaming at her, her heart was pounding heavily, but she didn't notice. Noting else mattered than the thought in her agitated mind.
No, no, not at all. It couldn't possibly be...
But his face said she was right. Chas is going to fly home, so she John are going to have to handle next case on their own, but until that they will stay in the mill house.
And the worst part?
They will be completely alone.