OK, this is really more of a plotbuilding thing though there is some funny stuff in there too... I'm sorry about doing so much bad things to Akane, but let's get things straight: 1: Ranma is a jerk 2: Akane is an emotionally challenged violent maniac (obvious from the anime)

On with the show!

Oh, and PLEASE read my EVA fic people! PLEASE!!! I BEG OF YOU! It has no reviews! Why?!?


Chapter 3: Consummation...or not


Akane ran, ran like her life depended on it. And perhaps it did. For a reason she could not hope to describe, all the misery of the past 2 days reappeared before her as Ranma spoke the words she did not need to hear from him. This marriage was a sham, and he hated it.

And if that was the case, then why couldn't she? What was there for her in this marriage other than duty and sorrow? Akane could think of nothing. Over and over the events of the past days were replayed in her head, and over and over those events caused a single tear to fall down. The meetig in the bathroom, the fight after making up in her room, the morning after where they had another fight, the wedding and Ranma saying he did not want her. Why did it hurt so much?

Akane's eyes were now so hazed by her tears she could not clearly see the ground before, and ran into someone. When her hands and knees connected with the cold stone tiles of the pavement, Akane's mind snapped out of its vicious circle of despair. Her mind replaced the emotion of sorrow into an emotion she had grown familiar with over the years, the one escape from everything that would hurt her. She got murderously angry. The boy she had run into however, seemed totally oblivious of this and started to speak, an angry scowl on his face.

"Sorry about that, lady. But I'm in a hurr ynow, so I don't think I can help you much. Say, can you tell me which way is Nerima? I need to find a certain---"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" She shouted at the stranger who was absently rubbing his ears, a scared look on his face as Akane felyt her angry aura flaring. The conscious part of her mind would remind her she looked frightening at the moment, a feat inherited from her father, but her anger suppressed these thoughts. The boy, who wore a leopard skin bandana around his head, suddenly started blushing furiously, as he stuttered to find the right words.

"Err... I'm sorry, I never meant to run into you I just..." He dramatatically hid his head in his hands. As he cried.

"Can you ever forgive me? It's not my fault, it's all the fault of Ranma, he just---" Akane was boiling at the moment and the boy did not know that apologising to a steamed Akane was like trying to eat her cooking without gaining at least several holes in your stomach.

"KEEP OTHER PEOPLE OUT OF THIS! NOW GET... OUT... OF... MY... WAY!" Akane screamed as she held the pitiful boy up by his shirt and accentuated the last words with a firm punch. The defenseless boy went flying over a wall into a park. Akane could hear the splash of something heavy colliding with water.

After Akane had heard that satisfying splash, her anger vanished completely. Suddenly, some words the boys had said got through to the now reactivated part of her mind which controlled reason and common sense. The notion that the boy was not actually to blame for this also got through to her, making her feel dreadfully ashamed.

"The boy mentioned Ranma... perhaps he knows him? Oh... I do need to apologise, it was not his fault after all... and I'd very much like to know what he has to do with Ranma..." Akane suppressed once more the feeling of sadness as she thought of Ranma, and trotted around the wall into the park in which she found a rather large fountain. She reasoned the boy should be in there. Akane suddenly felt very angry angry once more at what she saw was left from the boy's fall. She could see his clothes floating atop the water, his bandana and tigerstriped shirt and also saw his backpack laying on the bottom of the clear fountain.

'That pervert! Undressing himself in public! No doubt he ran into me just to feel me up! Keh, I can't believe I thought for a moment he could tell me something about Ranma, he probably has some weird vengeance wish over Ranma saving a girl from his perverted ways! I should have hit that pervert a lot harder.'

Akane turned around, feeling reassured as the earlier shame had now vanished, and even felt good at pounding someone again without feeling bad. She didn't believe she would have missed the perverted horde, but things were just not the same when you didn't have some heads to smash in. Her earlier sorrows forgotten, Akane strode home cheerfully whistling.


Ranma was pissed. He sulkingly strode home, his earlier run turned into a slow stroll as he recollected the happenings of the past days and especially his relation to that perverted girl Akane. Or, marriage to that perverted girl Akane, he corrected himself. And now there he was. Settled, chained, cold, wet and female. Life couldn't get any worse than that.

Ranma made a mental note not to think such things again as he was addresssed by a young man he had seen bound and gagged earlier at the wedding. He soon wished he had remained as such. He inspected the young man who bore a bokken and wore traditional kenpo [1] garbs. He had a self- confident scowl plastered upon his face, which soon turned into a lecherous smile as he gazed upon Ranma. Ranma shuddered, he did not like that grin.

"Verily, I had in my blind folly almost mistaken thee, fair maiden, with one of the most loathsome creatures upon this fertile green world! And what a cruel mistake it was! What horrendous slander to thy beauty! What injust insult to thy fair complexion! What, pray tell, fair maiden, is thy name?" the boy had spoken swiftly and in a quasi-dramatic semi-poetic style which made Ranma queasy to no end. He thought it best to just give the idiot his way, as that was usually the best solution to such stupidity.

"I am---" Ranma was rudely interrupted by the youth holding up his bokken, a flash of blue thunder passing breaking the clear skies apart. Ranma absently wondered how he managed that, but was otherwise unimpressed.

"Ah, but is it not customary to give one's own name first? And what glory the name of this person hold, for it is the proud insignia worn by generations of noble warriors who sought to safeguard goodness in this world, who sought to keep beauty, the white unspoiled virgin flower of beauty, fair and strong! For the name of this person and all his forebears is Kuno! Also known as the Blue Thunder, and I---" Ranma rolled his eyes and fought to keep his attention on Kuno, as he had addressed himself, but could not keep himself from interrupting.

"Yeah whatever. My name's Ran..." Ranma made a mental note to keep his two forms separate. He did not want this lunatic to find out his true identity.

"...ko. Tendo Ranko." Kuno barely noticed the interruption, Ranma noted, as he was now weaving the words he had just spoken with his own.

"Oh, fair Tendo, great was the gift that God gave to man as he blessed the Tendo family with a beauty unlike to any save God himself may know! What mother hath begotten such fair children? Whose are the womb and breasts that nurtureth such fairness? Of what divine heritage cometh she? By the grace of the Gods who have blessed thy kin, I would date thee!" Ranma nearly fell asleep as Kuno reached another 'climax' but was shocked awake by the last words. He could feel anger flaring.

"Could you repeat those last words for me please?" Ranma asked, trying to remain calm. Kuno did not hesitate to repeat what he had just said.

"Linger not, my fair Tendo, in this corrupt world where thine eyes shall lose their sheen, thy body its vigour, thy heart its passion! Date me, for together we shall be evergreen! Together we shall shine brighter than---" Ranma was thoroughly pissed now, and interrupted Kuno with a well aimed kick to the chin, sending him flying off to some unknown place.

"Fuck off and don't come back. Asshole." Ranma spewed obscenities as his life had just hit an all time low when he heard a pitiful squeal beneath his feet. Turning his eyes toward the pavement he was now walking on, he saw a small black pig with a bandana around his neck. Loathsomely, Ranma picked it up. He inspected it for a moment then almost absently flung it away. But before he could do so, the pig let out such a heartwrenching squeal, Ranma could not help but be affected. He once again brought the pig closeto his face to inspect it. It was small and furry, warm too. And what was that... was it blushing? Ranma's scowl turned into a smile.

'This pig is... cute.' As soon as Ranma though that, his face darkened again. He was NOT supposed to think that, that was not manly at all. The pig squeaked lightly again, and all Ranma's revolve cracked.

'I can't just leave it here... it might get attacked... killed even.' He thought

'I can't keep it myself, that's not very manly... I know, I'll give it to Akane! Girls like cute stuff! It will be the perfect make up gift!' Happy to have thought of this genius plan, Ranma put the pig on his shoulder and ran.


Akane could hear footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Ranma running toward her. Her mood fell once more, but she made a mental note to appear cheerful. After all, they would be together for a long time.

She sighed.

'Perhaps he will even grow to... love me.' Akane's insides turned to jelly just at the thought of that. When Ranma suddenly jumped beside her however, she was slightly surprised. He spoke

"Yo" A female voice said. Akane turned her head to see where it came from and the nsaw a redhead staring at her. Akane mentally berated herself for forgetting Ranma's curse for a second. She plastered a smile on her face, hoping it did not seem fake and saw that Ranma flinched back a little.

'That jerk! It's not like I'm dangerous or something!' Akane had half the heart to pound him. Ranma seemed to recover and cleared his throat. He spoke with his usual arrogant demeanour.

"Geez, Akane, what's the reason you were givin' me the evil eye just now? It's not like I done somethin' wrong or nuthin'." Akane still tried to keep smiling as she answered.

"I'm not giving you the evil eye, I'm smiling." She spoke through clenched teeth which were still artificially curved up in a half-smile. Ranma blinked a few times before breaking into howling laughter. He slapped Akane on the back, which turned her fake smile into a look of surprise and a little later even a look of amusement as she found Ranma's high-pitched laughter was contagious. Ranma suddenly stopped and addressed her, still smiling.

"Geez, I didn't know you were so uncute." He once again broke into fits of laughter as Akane stopped her walking and glared at his back. She did not notice the squeal of approval from a little piece of black fur on Ranma's shoulder. Akane swiftly ran up to Ranma and grabbed him by his collar.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" She screamed as Ranma flinched. He grabbed the ball of fur from his shoulder and started stuttering as he tried to speak.

"Er... what I mean is, uhm... I didn't think I'd... I'm sorry that... errr... HERE!" With that, Ranma tossed the black pig into Akane's arms. Akane was taken by surprise and dropped Ranma as she examined the black pig now securely nestled on her upper left arm. Akane's face brightened visibly as she held the pig to her face. She giggled girlishly and her eyes sparkled with a newfound joy. She squealed:

"Oh it's so cute! It's so fuzzy! Oh, and so warm too! And it..." Akane paused as her face darkened.

"...bit me." Akane's happy expression had turned into a scowl as she noticed the pig attached to her middle finger. She angrily removed it from her finger and one again made moves to pound Ranma. Ranma on the other hand, was fleeing, trying to do a reverse crawl as he saw an angry Akane nearing.

"What was that, you jerk? Some kind of lame joke? Hmm?" Akane was suppressing her temper to give him the benefit of the doubt. They WERE married after all, and married couples were not supposed to fight, right?

"I... I... err... meant it as an... apology gift! I... you... you seemed rather sad so I thought I could make it up to ya with sumthin'!" He managed to stutter out in response, still flinching frightened. Akane's mood brightened a little. Very little.

"So you gave me a pig which tries to attack me?" Her aura was still flaring, and though Ranma was horribly stupid when human relations were concerned, he was not as stupid to cross a seething tomboy with the strength of an ox.

"I... I..." He stuttered, then managed to regain his normal arrogant, indignant poker face.

"How the hell should I know it doesn't like you?" Akane's anger vanished. He did have a point and he had meant well. Now honestly smiling she moved towards Ranma and helped him to his feet. He looked at her as if she had grown three extra heads. Akane felt a surge of anger rising in her, but suppressed it. They were making progress now.

"Thanks for the gift. I appreciate the gesture." She said, still honestly smiling. Ranma's look turned from one of surprise into one of great fear.

"You... are you bein' kind to me before you pound me into tiny bits?" he asked in a scared voice (or as scared as Ranma can possibly get). Akane really felt her face fall for a moment as she had to keep herself with all her might from doing just that to him.

"No, jerk, I REALLY appreciate it!" she nearly screamed at him. He seemed relieved now and sighed as he started to walk again. Akane followed by his side.

"Oh... well that's sure a relief." He said, smiling at Akane. The smile made Akane feel slightly giddy, and she smiled back. Their faces were horribly close to eachother, she suddenly noticed. She could nearly feel him breathe upon her, as a glimmer appeared in his eyes she had seen only a few times before... she recognised it for what it was and knew that same glimmer was in hers. If only they could just...

Suddenly, a few small teeth around one of her fingers snapped her out of the wonderful moment she was in. She raised her hand, now once more scowling, to reveal a little black pig attached to it once more. She removed it as she addressed a grinning Ranma.

"But YOU keep the pig, Saoto... I mean, Tendo!" Ranma's face fell.

"But I.!" he tried to complain, but Akane interrupted him.

"It's either that or dinner tonight for this pig!" Akane saw she had defeated Ranma as he took the pig from her. He put it inside his chinese shirt, while he soothingly spoke to it. To Akane's amusement the pig had a nosebleed and passed out. She giggled at the sight, while Ranma just glared her.

"Seems you got a little pervert on your hands Ranma!" she quipped. Ranma's glare intensified, he was about to open his mouth, but for the sake of peace, Akane decided she should speak before he could.

"What are you going to call him?" Ranma closed his mouth and he rubbed his chin as if in thought. From the short time knowing him however, Akane realised there could not be happening too much in that red head of his. Hers. Whatever. Akane was snapped out of her reverie as Ranma had a loud 'eureka' moment. Akane smiled at him expectantly.


"I'll call it 'pig'!" Ranma shouted triumphantly as he struck a winner pose. Akane just stared at him incredulously. Hoping she would not insult him, she subtly tried to ammend his invention.

"Don't you think that is just a little too cliché?" Ranma stared back at her with empty eyes.

"Cli... what?" Akane made a mental note not to use big words in front of Ranma anymore.

"I mean that it is bit of a standard name." Ranma looked thoughtful for a moment, before having another idea.

"Yeah you're right! I'll call him 'cute pig'." It took all all of Akane's endurance not to burst out laughing. This was definitely amusing. She decided to continue.

"You sure?" she asked sweetly. Once again Ranma looked at her with a blank stare.

"Why not, Akane?" Akane could not keep her self from giggling. Ranma's expression changed to an indignant one as he hmphed.

"Well, I'd like to see you try better, Akane." Akane smiled once more and thought for a moment.

"Why not P-chan?" she said. Ranma once again gave her one of his blank stares and then rashly slapped her on the back.

"Man, Akane, you sure are good at such stuff! That's a brilliant name! Do you like it, huh? Do you, P-chan?"Akane smiled at the cute sight of her husband... wife... whatever, playing with the still unconscious black pig. Or, mistreating rather. He... she, was happily tossing the pig into the air and spread its arms while making martial arts maneuvres with it. Akane wondered how long the pig would last in Ranma's 'caring' hands.

"You surprise me Ranma. I'd think that you were more of the type for food than for pets." Akane said warmly.

"Well how would YOU know? You've only known me for two days." Ranma snapped back irritably. The mood, which had been cheery before, darkened tangibly. The fragility and negligible content of their now marital relationship brought to light. Akane spoke to keep herself from once again falling into a vicious circle of despair.

"You just seem like the manly macho type and I don't think that---" Akane was interrupted by an irritated Ranma.

"It's VERY manly to boss pets around. Besides, even if it weren't, I'm a girl now so who cares?" Akane thought both were weak arguments but dropped it. It was only ruining the atmosphere after all. She decided a change of subject was in order.

"I do wonder why it didn't like me though." She said. Ranma snorted and started a response. He'd wish he hadn't.

"Keh, it probably felt you would try to do perverted stuff to it. Animals feel such things you know. And there's no telling what a perverted girl like you would do to a furry pig like that. Judging from experience though, I can say that you would probably try to have your way with it as soon as you are out of ----*CLUNK*----WAAAAAAHH!!!"

The last thing Ranma saw before being launched into the air was the heel Akane's shoe.

"INSENSITIV JERK!" Now furious, Akane dashed towards home, hoping to find comfort in her house. What a terrible day this had been.



"Ugh where am I?" the bundle in Ranma's arms seemed to squeal an answer, and Ranma smiled at it as he dusted himself and the pig off. It was clear he had landed in the guest room of the Tendo Dojo, a new human sized hole in the roof.

"Seems we're rather dirty huh? Better take a soak in the furo." Ranma said to the pig. As he ran from the room he had crashed into towards the bathroom.

"Can you believe that tomboy? Not only is she a pervert, she just can't stand the truth! Stupid violent..." Ranma saw the pig nodding and squealing. Ranma smiled once again.

"It's almost like you understand me, y'know? Heh, lets get soaking." Ranma said as he flung away his clothes, entering the bathroom. In the mirror he saw he was still a she. Ranma still had trouble seeing himself that way, in more ways than one. It seemed P-chan was also having some problems, a small puddle of blood was forming under his snout. Ranma smiled.

"Never seen a pretty girl naked before, huh? Heh. I hope you can swim perverted pig!" And with that he tossed the pig into one of the tiles of cold water. Ranma then emptied a tile of water above his own head, cleansing himself. He took the pig out of its own tile and held it in his arms. Or, her arms rather, as he noticed the pig had another snout-bleed as he pressed it against his busum. Though the pig could see him as a 'she', Ranma would never admit his female side as a part of him, and inside his mind, he was still a 'he', not caring how much water was flung at him.

Ranma tossed the dazed but not quite unconscious pig into the furo and opened the hot water tap.

"Yo, P-chan, I'll be out for a bit. Gonna make me some hot chocolate. Enjoy the hot bath, I'll be joining you in a minute." With that, Ranma left the furo and P-chan, who for some odd reason seemed to be wanting to flee the bathtub. Ranma shrugged it off and left the bathroom, wrapping himself in a towel.


Akane entered the house, slightly panting. She felt dirty, doubtlessly cause by the defilements of her personal liberty on this day. She decided a bath would be in order. Not bothering to announce she was home and ignoring the 'occupied' sign on the bathroom, she entered, undressed and stepped into the furo.

To collide with the same young man she had collided with earlier. There was but one markable difference. He was, as she had reasoned when she had seen his clothes floating, naked. Not only that, he was aroused, for some odd reason, as she could feel...



Ranma dropped his hot chocolate onto himself and turned male.

"YOWCH!" He yelled, dropping the cup and swearing an oath. Grumbling he turned his head to the source of the sound. It was Akane, he concluded, but her yelling didn't make sense. After all, wasn't SHE the pervert? But, wait, P-chan was in there! P-chan could get seriously hurt if Akane got into one of her fits!

'Better rescue him.' Dropping any other thoughts about it not being the manly thing to do, Ranma ran toward the bathroom, in which he found a panting Akane staring at a hole in the wall and a speck of something that seemed to be a man growing tinier in the distance. Akane dropped her fighter stance and turned around.

To give Ranma a full frontal.

Ranma could not control his nose from bleeding profusely this time as sweat glistened on Akane's naked form. He had to keep himself from ogling but managed to turn away from her, hiding a blush. He had seen Akane's surprised look at finding him, then saw her give him a questioning glance as he turned away.

"What is---?" Akane started, and Ranma pointed at her towel which lay neglected on the floor. He could hear her fuming and heard angry footsteps nearing.

"YOU PERVERT!" She shouted. That did it. This slut whom he was forced upon was calling HIM a pervert? Not frightened by the nudity of the girl in front of him, he did what he was best at: gravely insulting people.

"What do you mean pervert? Who is the one that humps around without thinkin'?" Akane flinched but regained her composure swiftly.

"I mean you storm in here half naked hoping to ambush me, well think again!"

"I could if I wanted to! We're married! I could take your beautiful body any way I wanted to and sate your perverted needs, but I---" Ranma stopped in mid-sentence and berated himself for suggesting those things, knowing it would get him another trip into the uncharted realms of the solar system.

'When did I have a death wish? Ugh, stupid mind.' He was standing there raising his arms up in defense for the violence that would ensue after this comment on Akane's perverted ways. But when he saw Akane look at him with glistening eyes, hands folded in front of her smiling her most cute smile. The world seemed to turn pink and fluffy for a moment, and if Ranma had not been mesmerised by the sight before him, he would certainly have vomitted at the queasiness the aura Akane created was invoking.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" She asked, her voice slightly meek and soft. Ranma found himself at a loss for words. Although his mind screamed at him to run away from this and shout some insults on the way out, his body denied it. Instead, his body allowed his mind nothing more than to stutter.

"I--err--that is... I mean, what I---errr..." As a grace of the gods, or curse if one wishes, he needed not answer as the towel around his waste chose that exact moment to drop to the floor. Akane's face turned from blissfully expectant to demonically vengeant.

"You PERVERT!" Swiftly, grabbing his towel and putting it in front of his private parts, Ranma withdrew from the bathroom, an angry, and still naked, Akane in hot pursuit.

"Whaddaya mean pervert? You're the one who's coming onto me! Slut!" Akane threw a small object Ranma could not identiufy as it passed his head to him.

"SLUT!? You came into the bathroom just to have your perverterd way with me!" Akane retorted. Ranma had to prevent himself from snorting. How ridiculous. Did she believe him to buy the 'virgin innocence' approach when she had tried to come on to him for two times now? Pfeh, stupid perverted tomboy.

"Yeah, and you won't get any from me! I wouldn't tuch you with a 6 feet pole if you were restrained! There's no telling just how you would try to abuse me!" Suddenly, the loud baning of Akane's footsteps stopped. Ranma turned around to see her covering herself up with a towel, fuming even more ominously. Ranma smirked in triumph. He had hit home. Time to go in for the kill.

"I would not have touched you even if you payed me! Heck, the only reason I'm still with you is because pops made me! As soon as I get the chance I'll dissolve this phony marriage and be on my way out of your perverted clutches!" Ranma could see the girl before him growing smaller with each word he had spoken. And as he finished, he found himself not feeling as good as he had hoped he would after verbally pummeling. Akane's was now downcast and Ranma thought he could hear a sob. Feeling the strange emotion of pity once more invade his heart, he moved to lay a hand on her shoulder. She tensed.

"Akane, I'm sorry I---*CLUNK*"

"JERK!" And with that, Akane had gone, leaving Ranma to pull the splinters out of his upper lip as he removed his face from the hole in the floor.

"Perverted tomboy" he muttered. Sitting himself down on the ground he started thinking. This girl, she was an enigma. First perverted, than innocently pure, first friendly, then maniacally violent. Ranma decided that---.

"I'm home!"

Ranma's face fell into a dark scowl as he recognised the voice of the person that just entered the Tendo household. She was the one responsible for this hell, she was the mastermind behind it all. Ranma cracked his knuckles. Girl or not, Nabiki was in for a treat.


Ryoga found himself once more flying through the skies of Nerima, and once more it was thanks to that banshee sent straight from hell, no doubt family of Ranma. He was the only one who would strike at Ryoga through his one weakness, seemingly cute girls. But Ryoga now knew that this hellish violent tomboy was not cute in the least.

"CURSE YOU RANMA!" He shouted, as he recalled the horrendous events he had been through, the countless humiliations, the calamities that had well nigh killed him. Balling his fist and threateningly raising it in front of him, he swore, once more, to himself that Ranma would pay for the disaster that his life had become.

"Ranma! Watch your back! Because I will be there to destroy---!" Ryoga's solemn promise was cut short as he found himself creating a small crater in the same park he had been earlier.

Cursing the demon-banshees in league with the devil himself, Ryoga found that his clothes and backpack were drifting in the fountain he had first landed into. Smiling, Ryoga decided this had been a good day. After all, he had met that awfully cute girl with red hair. Immediately, he teared up as he thought of her. Pictures of the redheaded girl and himself running over green fields being distorted by Ranma and his banshee companion stealing her from him. Then those pictures were replaced by the redhaired girl refusing his pleas of love.

Ryoga felt his heart of glass shatter as he thought of the ominous outcomes any of his advances undoubtedly would have. Picking up his clothes from the fountain, paying close attention to not getting overly wet, he dressed himself. He then proceeded to draw a small tree out of the ground to fish up his backpack.

Now fully stocked, Ryoga turned to the empty park to make his solemn plea of vengenance to the unyielding (and unauditive) trees before him.

"One day, I shall kill you, Saotome Ranma!"

"It doth seem our plights are the same, thine and mine, for I too tirelessly seek the downfall of the knave Saotome." Ryoga turned to see a boy about his age, perhaps a little older, dressed in very odd garments carrying a bokken.

"Do you know where he is?" With that, the face of the boy darkened.

"Verily, I do! His presence doth defile the sacred compound of the Tendo dojo where the angelic Tendo Akane abodes, whose heart belongs to me!" Ryoga looked at him weirdly.

"Who is Tendo Akane?" Ryoga saw the boy rummaging through his loose fitting garbs to come up with a few photographs.

"This picture is only a shadow of the fiery angel's true beauty, but it conveyeth the sense of utter awe one receives only from glancing at her! And now she is joined by her angelic sister with red hair, Tendo Ranko! Seldom hath such a heavenly pair graced the earth!" The boy now had his fist up in a dramatic gesture. But when Ryoga saw the picture, his face fell. It was THAT girl, who was spawned from hell directly. Obviously she had ensnared this poor soul. And---

'Wait, did he mention redhaired sister? Could he mean her? It's got to be! Akane called her Tendo too!'

Suddenly enthusiastic, Ryoga addressed the bokken wielder.

"Do you know them well?" He asked.

"Verily so, I have wooed them both and they are, as every soul of the fairer sex, enchanted by my way with words. Many times have they answered to my pleas of love! Yet I am undecisive and can not choose! God, in his benevolence, hath put forth all his cruelty in creating these two perfect creatures!" Ryoga smiled and thought this day was getting better and better. This guy was a pro at courting girls! Now he had a chance with Tendo Ranko! Ryoga could not believe his luck. Shyly he spoke again.

"Could you err... give me some tips on how to err... well, you know. I could help you destroy Ranma so you can court the hellish bitch-I mean, Tendo Akane freely." The boy seemed to be considering his offer, then smiled, raising an outstretched hand.

"This handshake will signify the unbreakable alliance that doth from hereby exist between my and thy person. As brothers we shall be!" Ryoga took it happily smirking. Ranma was dead and Tendo Ranko would be his. Together with this boy, he would conquer his problems! He was snapped out of his reverie by the boy talking. As he talked, he walked in the direction of the exit, and Ryoga followed hoping not to get lost.

"Now, our names should be exchanged, brother, for our cooperation to be succesful. My name is Kuno Tatewaki and I first must tell thee that girls are odd species. They show their appreciation in often seemingly odd ways, but thou mustest not despair if they physically abuse thee, for their spirit then dwells with thine own. The fairer sex hath problems showing their appreciation to the initiative our strong masculinity embodies!"

And so they moved on, exchanging ideas and thoughts.


"Yo Nabiki!" Nabiki jumped as she recognised the voice to be that of her brother in law. Quickly regaining her calm, she realised he would be angry. Nabiki hastily came up with a mental battle plan. Putting a face as emotional as she could up. She didn't know Ranma too well but had assumed he would be as gullible as every member of the male sex.

"Yes Ranma, what is it?" She said, her eyes slightly glistening, her face a tad sad. Nabiki could see his angry expression falter for quite a bit before it reinstated itself. He was even more gullible than assumed! Akane could control him like putty if she had just inherited some of the same genes that had passed along to her! The fool responded to only the simplest of stimuli... this could be fun yet.

"I--err... the wedding. Yes, the wedding! You think you can---" Nabiki willed a tear to go down, and hid her face in her hands.

"Oh Ranma, did you not know?" She said, passionately sobbing. She could hear Ranma stutter once more. Nabiki smirked into her hands while continuing sobbing.

'Now for the coup de grace.'

"Did you not realise the sacrifice that I made?" She showed Ranma her face, teared up and with the saddest expression plastered upon it she could muster. Ranma had now gone from confusion to wide-eyed shock.

'Oscar voters, it's spelled NA-BI-KI.' She thought to herself.

"Sa--sacrifice?" Ranma managed to splutter.

"Ranma, I had hoped I could have hidden it from you, but now I must let you know!" She said, her voice gaining a more dramatic edge. Nabiki made a mental note to tape this next time the opportunity arose.

"Know... know what?" he asked, seemingly dreading the sight before him. He really was too easy. Time to destroy what is left of his intentions.

"Ranma... I... I am in love with you! I have been ever since we met!" he nearly fainted. The fool.

"I...I ... then why?" Nabiki turned herself away to increase the dramatic value of the moment. In a weak voice she answered.

"I, I could see the way you and Akane looked at eachother, and I knew that you would not be happy with me. But I want nothing more than for you to be happy! So I thought to put up a wedding for you two, since I love you and my sister too much to see you unhappy! But inside, my hearty was breaking!" It had had the desired effect.

"You... I'm sorry, I... I didn't know." The idiot. She turned herself back to him to see him looking at her with pity. Oh, this was more fun than extorting Kuno.

"What can I do for you to make it up Nabiki?" Nabiki once again turned her back, though this time it was to prevent him to see she was laughing her head off. He was just too easy. Once a girl went all cute on him, he was nowhere.


"Come on Nabiki, just name it!"

"I... you..."

"What would make you happy?"

"I'd be happy... if... if..."

"What Nabiki?"

"If you'd give me 10000 yen!"


As Ranma went back to his room, he couldn't help but feel deceived. He quickly rejected the feeling as Nabiki had opened herself to him like no girl had ever done before. She had to be sincere, hadn't she? Judging from his experiences with Akane, the family was weird and twisted, so perhaps a little investigation would be in order.

And Nabiki's happiness was expensive too.

As he walked into the guest room, he found his stuff gone and his father rolling up the futon he had slept on the previous night. Time to get rid of all the pent up agression.

"Hey pops!" his father yelped in answer and tried to inch away from him as he stammered something unintelligible. Ranma smirked.

"Say pops, dun' ya think the wedding was a bit of a disaster?" Ranma was satisfied to se his father tremble in fear. Ranma cracked his knuckles to emphasise his point.

"Why... would I think that, boy?"

"I didn't get to kick your butt yet today!"


And with that, Ranma kicked him out of the window, jumping to follow him as Genma made his way through several walls of local Nerima buildings.


A knock on the door. Akane quit her selfpitying and hopeless sobbing and waited for the person behind the door to speak up.

"Akane, I need you to help Kasumi with shopping!" Akne smiled. Her father. Just her fathr, not that jerk of a husband of hers.

But shopping? Would it be okay to get out of the house when feeling like this?

'Perhaps it will cheer me up' Akane reasoned.

"I'll be going in a minute dad!" Akane shouted at the closed door. She could hear her father grunt in response. She dried her tears with a handkerchief and picked some casual clothes to wear to the mall. Couldn't go there dressed in a bathrobe after all. Looking at herself in the mirror, Akane decided there were no traces of the tears she had shed. She sped out of her room, barely catching a glimpse of the seemingly new sign on the front of her door. Where there before had been a duck, she now thought to see a bright red horse inscribed with the words 'Ranma and Akane's love suite' hanging there. Berating herself for imagining such horribly lovesick and perverted thoughts about her jerk husband, she sped out of the house along with Kasumi.


"Let's see. I barge in to the house with an arrogant smirk on my face, destroying all competition. I say 'I would date thee'. She'll squeal happily and then I'll beat her up so that I can date her. Then we'll live happily ever after." Ryoga nervously repeated at an approvingly nodding Kuno. He smiled and put a hand on Ryoga's shoulder.

"Thy mind soaketh these matters of grave importance like a sponge doth water." He said. Rummaging through his robes, he pulled out a small booklet.

"Here thou shalt find the great opus of the well-famed Shakespeare whose mind perhaps is up to par with mine. Shouldst thou reecite his work, thou shalt undoubtedly experience the sweet taste of victory. Good luck, my friend, nay mine own brother! Then tomorrow we shall get rid of the Pig- tailed knave that doth pollute the Tendo manour!" Shoving Ryoga off out of trhe palace like house, Ryoga moved through the street, seemingly unaware that he was heading straight for the Osaka Highway.


"...and then he we all went!" Akane laughed as Kasumi smiled along with her. The shopping had definitely done her some good. Already she could engage in small talk again and doubtlessly if she just ignored the whole wedding business and kissed up to Nabiki a little, Ranma and consorts could be out of her life as well. Shoving away some unexplainable bad feelings that rose up in her chest at that last thought, she entered the Tendo house, dropping the bags unceremoniously on the floor mat as she saw two burly men carry a bed into her room.

'Wait a second... that is no ordinary bed, it is a bed for...'

"Daaaad!" As Akane screamed, Kasumi walked in behind her.

"Oh my! I thought they'd be finished by -EEP-" Kasumi absently mumbled before clapping her own hands over mouth. At least Akane thought that was what she said... but she couldn't right?

'After all, this is Kasumi we are talking about. She would never join my father and sister to try to shack me and Ranma, right?' Nevertheless, Akane did not feel reassured. And for that reason she barrelled straight through the pair of men which were attempting to shove the oversized bed into her room to go find her father. She found him playing Shogi with mr. Saotome. Before she could explode in anger however, her father raised his attention from his Shougi game to her.

"Ah Akane! So good to see you! Have you seen the new bed we bought for you?" He asked jovially. Akane felt a surge of anger rising within her, but managed to suppress it to a minor twitch. Or perhaps not.

"YES I NOTICED IT! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO! ME AND RANMA ----" Her screaming was interrupted by her father howling in fits of crying and mr. Saotome holding up a hand to interrupt her.

"My daughter! She hates me! She hates the gift I bought for her!" he bawled. Akane looked on angrily.

"Gift? I don't see how..."once again Akane was interrupted, this time by her father's friend..

"Tendo told me you wished for a larger bed, so we decided to give it to you as a wedding gift." Mr. Saotome stated matter of factly.

"Then it isn't a plan to get me and Ranma...?" At that, both fathers started laughing and if she didn't trust her father so, she'd say they were laughing nervously.

"Haha! Tendo, what silly ideas your daughter has!" mr. Saotome laughed while slapping his friend on the back.

"Ha! She sure does Saotome, but that is what makes her cute! Right bunny?" Akane's father laughed. Akane was now growing suspicious, especially at her father's use of her petname. She was about to open her mouth when she heard a distinctly younger voice speak up from behind her.

"Heh, that IS cute, Akane-bunny!" Akane blushed furiously at hearing that voice utter those words.

'Ohhh... HE heard me!'

"D-Daaaad! You embarass me!" She stuttered, while running off trying franticly to hide her blush from Ranma and escape the laughter of the two older man.

She noticed Ranma wasn't laughing, and reflexively pounded him into the ground.

Akane tried to deny the smile and look that could only have been described as lovestruck on Ranma's face just before she pounded him into the ground.


"Dammit Ranma! This all your fault! You keep me away from my Ranko!" an angry Ryoga shouted to a wall. He started running, all the while mumbling to himself.

"When I get my hands on you I'll---" his ramblings were interrupted by a run-in with a sign. Absently rubbing his nose, though the sign was in worse condition than he was, he got up cursing.

"Ranma, why must you hinder me so I--- wait a minute... Ten-do-do-jo... YES! I found it! Now we shall be together Ranko after I get rid of Ranma for you! Now what did Tatewaki say about courting? Ummm... the moon doth wane with thine abonimable shine? No... that's not it... err... The being that brought forth such as thee can be no other than diabolical! No... still not it... Ah I've got i---" Ryoga's Kunoesque (but not quite) ramblings were interrupted by a splash of water from an unknown source as he reverted to his pig form.


"Akane, I know we are a little late, but dinner is ready, would you get Ranma for me please?" Kasumi inquired. Akane looked up from her homework and turned to the kitchen out of which Kasumi's smiling head was sticking.

"Sure sis. Where is he?" Akane asked while standing up. Kasumi looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I believe he's training in the dojo" she said.

"OK, be back in a flash!" Kasumi only smiled in response as she withdrew into the kitchen. Akane walked off casually, reaching the sliding door to the dojo before long. Opening it she got ready to yell a 'dinner's ready' at Ranma when she saw he was running through a kata. Deciding she wanted to see how good he really was since she had not gotten a clear impression after that horribly short sparring session the day before, she sat herself down in the doorway, staring at a focussed Ranma.

And she was greatly impressed. The way his moves flowed from one motion to the other, how one perfectly guided stretching of an arm was exquisitely supplemented by a slow kicking movement and then with a slow mesmerising turn to the right, all performed with haunting precision, had Akane hooked. Somewhere in the back of her mind she made a mental note to ask Ranma for some kata-training. Her attention was wholly snapped back to Ranma as he bowed to an invisible person, finishing off his kata. Akane thought he had finished altogether and made moves to stand up, but once again stopped when she saw Ranma disappearing into the air with a mighty 'HYA' and saw him jumping around kicking and fighting an invisible enemy.

Not long after, Akane's admiring stare turned into a full ogle. The way he moved had her entranced beyond words, each of his movements accentuated with a mighty yell as he hopped up and down, back and forth, showcasing his extreme agility and speed as well his brute strength. Sweat was starting to show on his brow as he dilligently placed several punches on a training dummy, still wholly focussed. Akane was reminded of the day before in the bathroom, and imagined him now in that same state of undress as he jumped around. She imagined the sweat dripping from his naked sculpted form... then she imagined him accidentally landing on her, taking her down with her and how he would place his---

To say Akane's brain was fried would be an understatement


Ranma broke another training dummy when he saw Akane sitting behind it with the most far-away look in her eyes he could have imagined. He was still a bit pissed she had pounded him to the ground for no reason after he called her bunny. With a slight snort he approached her and was about to call out to her when he noticed something in the corner of her mouth... It couldn't be... it was.

Akane was drooling. Trying not to snicker, Ranma repressed his own feelings of how cute she looked all dreamy like that and put on his stern serious face and walked up to her. He noticed she was not snapping out of it. Ranma waved an arm in front of her... still nothing.

'This is priceless.' Clearing his throat he positioned himself in front of Akane's right ear.

"YO AKANE!" Ranma yelled. Akane jumped in response. She spotted him and blushed the deepest red he had ever seen she started fidgetting with her skirt.

"Ra-Ranma, I err..." she stammered while keeping her eyes away from Ranma's. Ranma just smirked. Time to tease her. With a smirk on his face Ranma continued.

"Stop having perverted dreams about me. It aint gonna happen." Akane raised her eyes which had widened to the size of saucers to Ranma's eyes, and Ranma (though not being the brightest boy in the field where social matters were concerned) immediately saw she had been caught redhanded. Not knowing what to think after quickly having repressed the oddest feeling of flattery and longing, he did the next best thing. He flushed a bright red himself and went on the insulting tour.

"You really WERE thinking perverted dreams of me? Filthy nympho!" He yelled angrily though his flush remained. Akane too retained her flushed colour as shouted in answer, Ranma noted. What could it meam?

"Who are YOU to talk insensitive JERK!"


Akane tried to hide the feelings and images she had only just been playing before her mind's eye in the deepest vaults of her memory, hoping to hide them forever. The way Ranma was towering over now didn't help the situation any.

"Why are you tryin' to blame me violent tomboy!"

The way he said it, angry yet flustered at the same time, as he moved in closer to show his authority over her made him ever so much more sexy.

'NO NO NO! Got to get those thoughts out!'


Ranma noticed Akane's heart was not in the argument, and his mind floated back to the situation in the bathroom the day before, when she came onto him and kissed him with fiery passion. She had had a same aggressive, yet shy sparkle in her eyes then as she had now. As she moved closer to shout in his face at even closer range, as angry people tend to do, he noticed it all the stronger as his eyes darted down for only a second, noticing her puffy lips, the bit of drool still not wiped from the corner of her mouth. She looked so cute, so adorable so...

... utterly kissable. Ranma tried to throw away the feelings he had, but his mind kept reeling back to the memories of the kiss the day before and every time he thought of it, it increased in imaginary vehemence and pleasure. It was a vicious circle and Ranma knew it. He was temporarily snapped out of his circle, to his great fortune, by a shouting Akane.


Only a few inches. So tantalisingly close... he could smell her breath. Even the saliva she seemed to be spraying him with as she yelled seemed to be highly erotic now.


Once again he had moved closer. Images of Akane's daydream were mixing with images of the day before when they had so passionately kissed, at least as she remembered it now, and the boy before her was exciting her to no end. She was beyond trying to hide it now, the hormonal fires inside her mixed with memories and imagination having grown too hot and was only trying to hang on to the argument in an attempt to hold on to the argument. As she waited for Ranma to say something she suddenly remembered that it was her turn. Confused and excited she looked deeply into his eyes and thought she saw some sparkle mirrored there. Losing the last of her resolve, she saw Ranma do the same as she put her hands on both sides of his head as she felt him put his hands to her hips.

"To hell with it" she huskily whispered, and thought she heard Ranma do the same. It mattered not as she closed the gap between her mouth and his. The world exploded in an all consuming fire.


Ranma instinctively raised Akane with his hands as she suckled his tongue. Getting lost in the sensation, he toppled and fell flat on his back, the soft form of Akane grinding herself up to him as close as she could as he wrapped his arms around her buttocks, trying to help her get as close to him as he could while all the times their lips remained locked. After a time which to Ranma could have been of any length, his sense returned and in the periphery of his consciousness he heard the sliding door opening. His eyes widening as he snapped back to the world of the living, he released Akane and unceremoniously dropped her to the wooden Dojo floor, lips first.

She moaned, Ranma hoped it was in pain, as the sliding door opened fully to show a smiling Kasumi. There was one thing Ranma had learned in his two days stay. Kasumi, was kind caring and clueless. He sighed in relief as he tried to get control over his raging hormones while he saw Akane stand up and whilst fidgeting tried to straighten her crumpled clothes.

'What have I just done? God, I'm not ready for this yet. I hope Kasumi didn't notice us.'

"Ranma, Akane, time for dinner." Ranma sighed again at Kasumi's words.

'Thank God it was only this.' Akane had straightened herself and answered calmer than Ranma thought she could after that... that...

"Yes, sis, we'll be out in a minute."

"Don't be too long. You don't want the fathers to see you two making out like that!" Ranma's jaw was on the floor, while Akane's eyes were bulged to the far end of the dojo. Seeming not to notice this, Kasumi left. Ranma mentally corrected himself on his opinion of Kasumi. That woman was evil.

Ranma saw Akane turn to him, the most forlorn expression on her face. Once again, what they had done twice now was flung back in his face at him full force. Growing irritated, he scowled down at her. He couldn't, no WOULDN'T allow this girl to bind him. He was a free man. Ranma saw she made moves to speak.

"Ranma I---" she started wistfully. Ranma interrupted her, trying to come up with the harshest words he could.

"Akane, let me make this clear to you. If you do that to me one more time, I will dismember you, girl or not, and feed your remains to the dogs. Got that?" Ranma felt sorry for his words as he saw one of the most sorrowful and depressed expressions on her face he had ever seen anywhere. His resolve almost as he saw her run away, once again, crying. But Ranma knew deep down inside that if he were any more lenient. This would happen again, and he could NOT let that happen. He was his own man and would not let this girl rule his life.

But why did he feel so empty because of what he just did?

Sighing, shoving all problems aside, he too left the dojo to take supper to him.


I really was planning to make this a lot longer, but it got too long without it so I decided to stop here. 'Tis a nice place to end.

Now, as for answers to reviewers, I will be mailing most of them but I will handle the ones here who don't give an e-mail address.

Urazz: 'True love' as illusive as it may seem is a thing that can hit you on the spot (especially if you are sixteen) and parents and people around may recognise this as being beneficial to them. It was supposed to be beneficial for Nabiki (who justified her action by saying it was beneficial to Akane too, which may or may not be the case in the end MUHAHAHAHA), but turned out not to be.

Kathy: Ukyou won't be making an appearance probably since there is simply no room for her. Shampoo will though *cackles evilly in anticipation of that event*

Final-Fan: I will try. I have no pre-readers (hint, hint) but I will try.

Ikillyoupig: Actually your vast powers of deduction are wholly wrong. My first language is Dutch, my second Servo-Croatian (though I am told the dialect I speak is called Bosnian nowadays). The latin languages only come at place 5 or something. I speak a little French yes, but the reasons I use many latin words in my English might be because I have Latin in my school :) Anywho, the conflict will probably shift all the time. Honestly, I used to read a lot of WAFFy one-shots in the past until I woke up in the morning and said: "No, that is just friggin impossible" One of the charms of the Ranma-Akane coupling is that Akane is oversensitive and Ranma over- insensitive :) Add to that that they are both horribly dense when social matters are concerned (and I have a feeling Akane is rather dense as a whole. If you are well educated and still manage to do stupid things you ARE stupid. If Ranma had had a different education things woulda been different.)

That's all for this time, Read and Review!


Teaser for next time:

"A date? But won't Akane be angry?" Ranma asked curiously. Sayuri sweated profusely at that.

"Err... no of course not! It is tradition for the groom to have many mistresses and courtisans! Once you are married, you don't date your wife and start dating other people!" Sayuri had thought this up rather quickly, but realised it was even half-true. Thank God Ranma was so dense... and sooooo cute!

"You sure about that?" Ranma asked suspiciously. Sayuri just nodded her assent. Ranma smiled enthusiastically at that as he stood up.

"Okay! This afternoon sound fine?"


As you can see, I think the concept of romantic marriage is rather ridiculous :)