Recommended OST - Play: Tooi Hi No Kizuato
A cruel world. A cruel heart.
It felt like...I don't know, the world hated me or something.
I know, I know, that's not really how things worked. The world didn't actually hate me but that's what it felt like. Back then I mean.
When I was a kid.
It's like…everyone, they had a mom or dad you know? Sometimes even both. Everyone had a home to go back to. A warm bed waiting for them. Someone to tuck them in. Maybe even a bedtime story.
Someone to play with.
A friend, a sibling, a family. Even a dog.
Everyone but me.
I had none of those.
It wasn't fair.
I didn't understand why, but I knew that much. It wasn't fair.
For the longest time I thought that it was me, you know? That maybe, there was something wrong with me.
I mean, if everyone else had a family or friend but me then...then maybe I was the problem.
That I deserved it or something.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't, but that just was how things were. How'd they've always been...how they'll always be.
I tried fixing it.
I tried, I really did. I tried to be better.
But it just didn't work.
No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I...just kept ending up where I started.
I don't know why no one wanted me.
But I hated it.
What was wrong with me?
Why did everyone have someone? Why did this world give everyone somebody to love them? Why not me too?
I didn't know.
But I really, really hated it.
Then one day, I met someone cruel.
The cruellest person in the world.
And he asked me to be his friend.
Just like that, everything changed.
Hikaru is cruel.
He wasn't a kind person.
Ah, I mean, he was, just not to everyone.
It's...how do I put this?
I'm not sure if he even noticed but I think, I think Hikaru hates the world.
He tries to hide it but I could tell.
And maybe that's why...well, the world hated me, right? So I guess only someone who hated the world back would ever want me?
Does that make sense?
It was kinda weird but it worked.
Hikaru is cruel.
Hikaru is cruel to nearly everyone….but to Hanabi, he's really kind. Neji too. And his Mom. And Dad.
And Hikaru is really, really kind to me.
He is cruel to almost everyone, except to his family.
I didn't even know why. It's just ...
Hey, hey, Hikaru~~
Did you know when we first met, you were crying?
You did! You really did!
Even when we first fought, you wouldn't stop crying.
Your eyes were dry though and no tears fell, but I can tell. I know better than anyone you can cry without tears.
And back then, you were most definitely crying.
It's weird. I think that was the first in my life that someone cried for me.
That is why, no matter how cruel you are to others, I don't mind, because I know that to me, you're the kindest person in the world.
The world is nice to almost everyone … except for me.
But that's fine.
Because Hikaru is kind to almost no one but me.
I wish you wouldn't look so sad though.
All the time.
He doesn't look it but he's a real crybaby.
He'd cry, cry cry, all day if you let him.
But people never seem to notice.
Maybe because he never seemed to shed any tears.
But I knew.
I knew because I was the same.
I knew better than anyone that you don't need tears to cry.
And Hikaru was crying.
Like, all the time.
I hated it.
I hated seeing him cry.
But I hated seeing him pretending he hadn't been crying even more.
Like this one time, I spotted him watching a family play in the park.
He froze in the middle of the street. Just stopped suddenly as we were walking home. I called out to him but he didn't reply. I don't think he even heard me. He was staring to his right, towards a park.
When I tried to see what he was staring at I realised he was watching a pair of children, who looked so alike they must have been twins, running up to their father. He just kept watching them of with those eyes of his.
His eyes, they always reminded me of the moon you know? Full, bright.
...And so lonely.
He turned his gaze to me.
Not a tear to be seen.
But I knew.
Hikaru was crying.
Even as he stood there in the middle of the crowd, with a face so blank it could have been made from stone, I knew he was crying.
Slowly, so not to startle him, I reached out and held his hand. He let me. Like he always did. And when I pulled on him and led him back home, he just followed meekly after me. Not saying a word.
He didn't stop crying all day that time.
I really hated seeing Hikaru cry.
I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I could do.
I held his hand.
I held his hand and didn't let go.
All day long. I followed him around. Even when he fell asleep I refused to let go.
I wanted to let him know that I was here. I'm here, so don't cry, Hikaru.
I'm not going anywhere.
That's why...even if...
I know you hate the world, Hikaru.
But that's okay.
Because even if the world ends up hating you in return, it doesn't matter.
You're my friend Hikaru.
So even if one day the whole world becomes your enemy then I'll just have to kick the world's ass, won't I?
I would always be by your side.
I'm never letting go of this hand.
No matter what.
That's a promise of a lifetime - Dattebayo