Update: Hey everyone, I am still alive! Yes I am. Life and all getting in the way. But I reread this thing, and I am honestly not really happy with it. But I can not bring myself to remove it, so I will start trying to fix it. My problem is my being in my head, not really putting everyting into words. I think this chapter is not more to my liking, and also fixing the error with Harry having to be at a wedding and having dinner at the same time. Do not know how I missed that the first time.

Again, I will not promise when I will update, life it way too unpredictable for that, but for now, here is a update of chapter 1.



I have not written anything in a long time. I have not had the time or inspiration to write. But suffering from a little heartbreak right now.

I have had the most amazing two weeks of my life, I met this guy over the internet, and we really got along and shared everything. But guess the whole "honest" thing we agreed on, well today he told me honestly that he was having second thoughts about us, and that's that.

So a little heartbreak. Two weeks not that long, but it felt much longer.

Anyway it inspired me to write again. I'm not going to go out of my way to promise when the next chapter will get out, but I will always finish my stories.

I have finaly decided to write one of my absolute favourite pairings, Snarry. So this is a guy-guy pairing story, if you hate it, then don't read it!

Not too sure about these ratings, but its rated M, for mature stuff that will happen.

This is my first one of those, and I hope it will be okay. Whether the update will come sooner rather than later is honestly dependent on how this chapter is received, whether its popular or people hate it.

And just to mention it: English is not my native language. There will no doubt be mistakes grammar and spelling, I only have my spell check to rely on, and it's not flawless. So don't hate the story for my mistakes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or the world of Harry Potter. That all belong to J K Rowling herself.


Chapter 1

Harry was hurt, deeply and emotionally hurt. He had never ever imagines something like this happening ever. But now here he was, alone in a hotel, unable to go home. His home was occupied by Ginny. Sweet, loving, kind, Ginny, who had cheated on him. Who had for the last 6 months been cheating on him.

Harry had walked in on them in bed. He had had to see them gatherer in their bed, having sex.

Harry was sitting on the bed in the hotel room, bottle in hand. Drinking. Alkohol. He had never liked it, it tasted horrible, but that's what people did, drown their sorrows. His face broke and he let out a sob. After all they had been through, and she just threw it away. She. Harry did not want to dwell on it. He did not want to think about it.

He got up and walked over to the window. They had won the war. They had won, he had beaten Voldemort, he was suppose to get his happily ever after. But this was as far away from it as you could get.

Harry turned around, hearing knocking on the door. Nobody knew where he was, Harry frowned.

He walked over to the door and opened it, and Hermione was standing there. She had that look, that "I am so sorry" look on her face.

"Harry," Hermione said taking a step inside the room. Harry closed the door and his face broke again, another sob escaped him. He could feel Hermione's hands around him. She was a hugger, she always hugged people. And now it felt really good.

"Harry, I honestly don't know what to say right now. I don't think there is honestly anything I can say to make you feel better. But I want you to know that I am on your side," she said.

"Hermione," Harry started to say.

"No Harry, listen. Ron and I broke up, and we survived it. I was still friends with Ginny but I won't choose her over you! Harry you are my best friend. I will always have your back, I will always be there for you, like you have been there for me," Hermione said, and Harry could feel himself starting to cry, really cry. He had not cried in a long time, but now the tears was falling, soaking Hermiones shirt.

"Shh," she said.


Harry woke up, blinking.

"Here," Harry looked up to see Hermione holding out a potion for him.

"It looked like you had a lot to drink last night so I figured you'd need it," She said, giving him a small smile.

"Thanks," Harry said taking the potion.

"Hermione, what happened last night," Harry asked putting a hand to his head.

"I came here, and you cried, then I cried too, and we fell asleep in bed together. I woke up, and got this from home," Hermione said sitting down on the bed.

"Harry, we are now going to go get some breakfast, then take one day at the time," She looked him in the eye, basically telling him that him that arguing would be pointless.


It was 2 months later, to get Ginny out of his house, he had had to sell it. It was his house, but she had refused to leave and go home to the Burrow. So he had sold it. That house only held memories of them together, and he had no problem with selling it. He had wanted to move in to Grimmauld place, but had bought the house when Ginny protested.

In these 2 last months he had realized how much he had done for her. How much he tried to please her, how much he had changed to make her happy. She had never done anything like that for him. Why had he stuck it out like that, why had he not seen this earlier. Harry kept berating himself like this everyday, and then Hermione would tell him to get it together, and that he had been in love, and you go the extra mile for love.

Well he had, she had not. She had spent his money, buying crap, crap she properly had always wanted but that one really did not need. Buying dozens of shoes that looked more or less the same. Buying expensive clother, quiddich equiptment, and just crap. She had coersed him into getting her a key to his vault. He should never have done that, never! She could not handle money, she did not know how to be smart about it.

She even tried to justify it. "Its not cheating when with another woman.", "Two women can enjoy each others company, and its not cheating."

How could she even justify it. So apparently she was gay, no wonder she had never really enjoyed it. Bloody stupid woman!


Harry had been invited out, it was Seamus and Deans bachelors party. They were getting married. So here they were in a gay bar, drinking and having several guys giving lap dances.

"So it's not awkward that you are both here together?" Harry asked.

"No, this way we both know what the other did, or did not do. And we promised no judging, tonight is tonight and tomorrow is forever," Seamus said smirking.

Harry smiled and shook his head and walked over to the bar. Some people just understood each other. They could just be comfortable like this. Ginny had not even allowed him to go out on his own, she could no problem, but he could not be trusted.

Honestly she was judging how he would act based on how she acted!

Harry ordered some Pepsi, and took a long sip from it.

"You look really uncomfortable over there," Harry turned around and saw a nice blond guy smiling at him.

"Yeah, got invited to a bachelor party," Harry said turning around to face the guy.

"So you wanna dance?" the guy asked giving him a coy smile. Harry looked at him. What! That guy though he was… What!

"I don't really swing that way," Harry said trying to leave.

"You sure?" The guy asked. "Because it really looked like you were checking some one of those strippers out." The man said stepping in front of him blooking his way.

"…" Harry did not have an answer. Was he? Here he was a 20 something guy, he had been in a committed relationship with a girl for over a year and, was he gay?

"Looks like you're not as sure as you sound," the guy smiled again, "So a dance?" the guy continued smiling and started to try and drag him on to the dance floor.

"What, no!" Harry said trying to pull his had away. Could the guy not take a hint.

"Come on, I can see the way you look at me, you want me," the guy pulled him closer, and Harry could smell the alcohol on the guys breath. Harry started to feel sick at the smell, reminding him way too much about how his uncle had often come home.

"I believe he told you no," Harry turned his head, and saw Severus Snape giving the guy one of his best glares. Harry was speechless. He had not seen this guy since he was lying in St. Mungo's almost dying.

"And who the fuck are you?" the guy asked letting Harry go and walked up to Snape pushing his muscular chest against him.

"That is of no concern to you," Severus said, not giving any indication that the closness of the man (or the buffness), was anything to be concerned with.

Harry actually saw the guys stance falter, he had really expected Snape to back down, Harry smiled. "He was not all that good looking anyway," the guy sneered and left.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked. Harry nodded.

"You look like you could use some air," Severus said matter of factly.

"Harry! You are not dancing!" Dean said stumbling over to him.

"Hey, Dean, I'm gonna leave, I'm not feeling well, you know me and alcohol," Harry said.

"You'll still be there tomorrow right?" Dean asked.

"Sure, would not miss it for the world," Harry smiled and gave Dean a pat on the back.


"So what have you been up to Professor?" Harry asked standing outside the club. Harry looked the man over. He had not changed much, looked very much like his old self. His hair was better looking though, that was a pluss.

"Not much," the man answered.

"What do you do?" Harry asked trying get an insight into what the man had been up to.

"You know what I do Potter," Severus said calmly.

"You're still at Hogwarts?" Harry asked, why had he not known that, how had he not know that! He had wanted to talk to the guy, but he had disappeared from St. Mungo's before Harry could even try.

"Yes, Minerva wanted me back, I said on the condition that she took over the position as Headmistress, and that I got to have my old position as potion master back," Severus said again in a matter of factly voice.

"Guess I don't pay attention to what's going on," Harry said.

It had been a weird night, not only starting to question his own sexuality, but also suddenly running into Severus Snape.

"I was going to talk to you, but you disappeared from St. Mungo's," Harry said walking.

"I wanted to go back home, and as a potion master I am more than qualified to take care of myself," Severus said.

"I get that, always nice to go home," Harry said smiling. He has always hated to hospital wing at Hogwarts.

"Now you look like you have gotten some colour back in you cheeks, I must then be on my way," Severus said stopping.

"Can I see you again?" Harry asked. He wanted to ask the man so many questions.

".." Severus tried but Harry cut him off.

"Look I would just like to talk, that's all, just talk. How about dinner at my place, well grimmauld place really," Harry said. "There is the wedding tomorrow, but on Sunday?" Harry crossed his fingers.

Severus looked like he wanted to say no, but then his eyes turned to look into his.

"Sunday at 4 then," Severus gave a tiny smile and then disappeared with a small pop.

Harry smiled as he walked home.


Harry got home and sat down on the sofa. He really did not know what to think about this night. Severus Snape, he honestly did not know what to ask the man, and at the same time, needed to talk to him.

And, had he been checking that guy out? He had never even contemplated the idea of him liking men. He had liked Cho, and Ginny, and … And who… Nobody else. He had kissed Cho, and he had had Sex with Ginny. But it was not always all that satisfying. But she liked it soft and slow, not really something that got him going. He always missed something more… more.

Could he really be attracted to guys? Wait, Snape was there, was that man gay?

Harry shook his head, and went to bed.


"So you're telling me that not only do you think that you could be attracted to guys but that you also have a date with Severus Snape!" Hermione said squeeling.

"I told you that I am not sure anymore, I was unable to say no when I was asked, so that something. And I did not say a date. I said I invited him for dinner. I had a dozen questions for him and then he disappeared, and he was right there at Hogwarts. Did you know?" Harry asked.

"Well yes of course I knew, if I said no, you would not believe me anyway. Harry I would have told you, but there never seemed to be a good time to do so, and you were happy," Hermione's face had a look of concern.

"No its fine. I guess I want to be mad, but I'm not. I," Harry said thinking. " I'm not sure if I would have been ready to talk to him before now either. I was ready, but I'm not sure if I would have been ready. Does that make sense?" Harry asked.

"He is the last connection to your parents. He is not just someone. He means something. And maybe you're right, maybe now is the right time to talk to him. The war was over, has been for some time, and everything is calm," Hermione smiled.

"Well no time to think about this, we have a wedding to get to," Harry smiled getting up.


Harry had been in the kitchen all day to get everything ready. He just hoped the man would like it. He had not exactly paid that much attention to what the man ate at Hogwarts, he had been more busy hating the man.

He felt so nervous and almost giddy. If Harry had not known better he would have thought himself to be in love. No, Harry Potter loving Severus Snape, that was ridiculous.


So that's the first chapter. I wanted to write more, but my back is protesting. Writing in bed is a bad idea ;)

Anyways hope people will review, as I said, when next chapter will appear will be completely dependent on how popular this story is.