This idea popped into my head during a raid. And I'm never picking up 'Archangel' again, so here's my contribution.
So yeah, I made my opinion of the current content available for this series, I myself had tried my hand at it when I was younger and stupider (Still working on becoming a real boy.) So now I return to it, with an idea in my head and mockery in my heart.
HIghschool DXD/Naruto/Minor Warcarft.
"No, go away." Said the dismissive voice of a black haired male, his hair fluttering in the breeze as he sharply turned on his heel and began to vacate the area. His cold black eyes unflinchingly icy as he did so. He had fair skin and a decently handsome face if he did say so himself. Around his neck hung a necklace with a wolf's head, dark blue sapphires acting as the eyes of the steel creature. He wore a uniform, a black jacket over a white dress shirt, with matching trousers and black sneakers. Once more adorned with a wolf's head upon his belt buckle, this one had one red eye and one blue.
One of the more striking features was the black lines from his jawline to his cheekbone, they were vaguely triangular in nature but could be described as 'whisker' like.
"Strays are hunted and killed for sport, you know." Said the person he was speaking with, a redheaded girl with striking blue eyes, she was quite the looker herself, but he wasn't much for trivial things like breast size, besides he was more of an ass man. That and if he wasn't initially attracted to someone it would just never happen. She was a female version of his own uniform, though instead of it being a jacket it was this odd shoulder-cape thing, that and she wore a skirt instead of pants.
"That's nice." Said the male, stopping, he was feeling the theatrics come to him, and was thoroughly enjoying how this looked in his head, "I still refuse the offer though."
"Do you understand! You'll be killed because of your own arrogance!" Snapped the girl.
"Arrogance, that's a bit harsh don't you think? I mean this whole situation is your fault really." He turned, internally giggling at the amount of fun he was having right now. "You didn't ask if I desired this, you didn't, and still don't mind you, seem to care. All you wanted was more power and assumed, correctly I suppose from what you've told me thus far, that I could give you this added power. You forget yourself, girlie. I am no weapon to be wielded. I am a person, as much as you are. I wont bend at the knee purely because that's your wish. I'm not your obedient lapdog to play with. So fuck you, and fuck your little club. I'm no stray, I'm Menma motherfucking Uzumaki and you can suck a dick. Good day." After his thorough verbal thrashing he turned and began walking away from the riverside park bench.
"I said good day!" He had to catch himself, almost bursting out laughing as he FINALLY got to say that line for real. 'Oh my self I am simply having too much fun' Even in his head he was being overly dramatic, it added a little bit of spice to his day, he enjoyed it.
The girl frowned deeply, her eyes falling as she looked down to the blood splattered ground he had previously occupied. She had no idea he would react this way, she'd wasted a precious piece upon him, it made her blood boil at her own idiocy. She assumed him to be a Sacred Gear wielder, which he could still possibly be but those spectral beasts he summoned, the storm, earth and fire attacks, they all looked like magic. Perhaps a human with magical capabilities? Not unheard of. Then again he'd need some of higher being's blood in him at some point.
He claimed to be a 'Shaman' she had no idea what that was, and when she said this he merely tsk'ed at her and rolled his eyes, muttering a 'Typical'. What was that supposed to mean!? She'd never heard of a 'Shaman' before and was naturally curious.
Sighing she rubbed her forehead, perhaps that Issei boy would be a better choice, dangle a little flesh in his face and he'd be eating out of her hand. There was an unnaturally large amount of magic circulating the boy.
Looking up at the retreating figure of her recent...Failure. Her frown returned, who even was this boy really? He'd only just shown up at their school and immediately made it abundantly clear he didn't want anyone to speak with him unless it was completely needed. He was anti-social, had little self control when it came to amusing himself at others expense and currently had no friends, she figured he'd be easy pickings. You know one of those hard on the outside soft on the inside kind of people? Nope.
He was just plain unfriendly. He rejected every advance she attempted, even before she resurrected him, he'd been slamming his powers against some Fallen Angel that was actually loosing quite handily, now that she thought about it, it was her fault he died to begin with. She wanted to make a really cool entrance but ended up accidentally shooting her blast towards him because she sneezed, he ended up getting distracted long enough to take a light spear to the gut, the rage in his eyes was so strong that the Fallen actually flinched, he summoned a pair of transparent blue wolves that began mauling the angel as he bled out, he died face first on the ground and as he did the wolves seemed to flicker out of existence before finally disappearing, the Angel bailed with serious injury, but still managed to walk away.
She resurrected him for two reasons, one being that he was obviously strong enough to handle himself and would make an amazing addition to her peerage, and she did kinda get him killed so she did owe him for that.
She had no idea he'd be so ungrateful.
"You're a dickhead by the way!" Came his shout as she turned, still far away but she did hear him, her shoulder slumped and a cloud grew over her head.
"My work here is done." Now back with the black haired Shaman he quickly broke off into a jog, he had more important things to deal with. Like raiding. With a click of his fingers he shifted into the form of a white wolf, transparent as the previous ones, but he did go a great deal faster and couldn't be seen properly in this form.
A Shaman, one who communes with nature and uses the power of the elements to rip shit up, heal wounds or rip shit up with melee weapons. He did so enjoy clobbering people with a mace, did he do this often? Fuck no, but that didn't mean he didn't practice during every bit of free time he had.
It happened a few years ago, he was playing World of Warcraft, yes fuck off he enjoys it, eat a dick. Playing a Shaman, yes the same as himself, some crazy magic shit went down and he got given a choice by his grandpa, of all people turns his grandpa was some crazy Demon Lord who really hated politics, and jumped shit into a human world. Anyway, his grandpa show's up out of nowhere and is just like.
"You want some magic?"
"Cool. Works with your imagination. Go nuts."
Duh, magic from something he was familiar with, pfft. Like it was even a question. So his grandpa somehow managed to break the fuck out of reality and 'Charged his mana to be aligned with the desired state'. Basically his G-Daddy juiced him up with magic and now he could use whatever he wanted, he liked Shamans so that's what he went with since he liked games so much more than he liked reality.
And that's how he got Shaman powers. He still raids, now he uses a Hunter though 'cus shamans got fucked over hardcore in the last patch.
"Like every other time!" He looked moodily at the sky, "Blizzaaaaard!" He exclaimed in mock rage.
School was never fun, whoever said it would be was a lying bag of dicks, dicks that were filled with smaller dicks. Because fuck that lying bastard. He slipped in a single earbud and pretended to listen to the teacher drone on about math, he fuckin' hated math. He did pause for a moment and wonder what exactly he was going to do with his life, his parents were...Wherever the fuck they were, with Grandpa so he was on his own for now. He lived off money that his Grandpa left him, which was fine for now but not exactly good for the long term.
"Where did that old fucker go anyway?" He wondered aloud.
"What was that, Uzumaki-kun?" Asked his teacher, Menma just waved the man off. The dude was nice, he liked his teacher, he just hated the subject.
Maybe he could start a crime family..? That'd be pretty cool. And now that he was, apparently some weird zombie thing, he probably didn't have to worry about dying much. Maybe. He actually had no friggen idea what would happen if he got too old.
A knock at the door stopped the lesson, behind it was the apparent 'Prince of Kuoh' Yuuto Kiba, the blonde pretty-boy who smiled way too fuckin' much. Menma didn't like him. Mostly because people that smiled all the time creeped him the hell out.
"Ah, Tohuro-sensei, I've been sent to retrieve Menma Uzumaki-san, it's a rather important club meeting that he's currently missing out on." Now Menma was presented with two choices, sit in a class that he hated, though liked the teacher of. Or go to a room with a bunch of people he hated, to get out of said class...Oh the choices.
"I'm not in your club, kid. Come back when puberty catches up." Said the black haired male with a dismissive wave of his hand, the hatred that radiated off the girls was delicious.
"Uzumaki-kun, you shouldn't skimp on club duties, if they are of such import that the rest of your club members are doing so, it is your responsibility to go. Come back after you are done and pick up the work you're missing." Said the Teacher with a fond admonishing tone, he enjoyed the black haired youth's pessimism, it was amusing and ironically brightened up his day,.
"Ugh, you know I won't do it anyway." Menma stood up, grabbed his back and waved farewell to the only teacher he liked before walking death row, at least that's what it felt like.
In the hallway Kiba kept on a small smile as Menma progressively got a fouler snarl on his face, "Stop it." Demanded the Shaman, making the blonde raise a confused brow, "Stop fucking smiling so much. I'm sick of your peppy shit. It's insufferable." Growled out the taller male, whilst Kiba seemed to be more fun-sized, Menma was at an even 6 foot. He was quite pleased that he was still growing, he didn't like the idea of being short.
"Ah, apologies, Senpai. I'm just in a good mood today." Replied Kiba. Continuing to smile.
"Oh really." Menma wrapped an arm around the boys shoulders and held a hand before his face, sparking with electricity. "If you don't pull that fake fucking smirk of your pretty little face, you won't have it anymore. Comprende shit head?" Kiba's face fell into a stony silence, Menma moved his hand away and ruffled his hair. "Good bitch." He said with only mild venom in his voice.
"Why Buchou resurrected you of all people, I'll never know." Said Kiba lowly.
"Because the stupid cunt shot me with a big arse red ball of death whilst I was fighting some bondage fetishist. Effectively getting me killed." Kiba's whole body went rigid as Menma spoke, his eyes growing sinister in nature.
"Y-You dare speak about her like that...!" Snarled Kiba as he turned to Menma, the taller merely got in his face and smashed his forehead against the shorter males nose.
"Fuck yes I do, you little twat. Grow up, words only hurt those who let them." As Kiba whined about his nose being broken Menma rolled his eyes, slipping in his second earbud and enjoying the relaxing tunes of the Beetles. He enjoyed most English music, mostly because the people that did that music where he was were always trying to eye-fuck the camera, or make him think with his dick.
He was above such trivial things. Not that the rest of the world was any different, oh no if anything some were worse, that's why he stuck to most of the older stuck and EDM because the video quality was so shit back then that the audio is all you'd want and EDM typically doesn't have many lyrics, just beast that resonate well with him.
"Physical violence on the other hand. Hurts like a bitch, as your whimpering can attest to." Snickered the Uzumaki, normally he didn't pull this kinda crap, but Kiba was undoubtedly on Rias' dick, so would more than likely be one of her little bitch boys. Demons, or Devils whatever the fuck they're called he didn't really listen.
"Aaand the hero enters center stage." He announced opening the door and flicking his hair, "Alright I had my grand entrance I'm bored." He body language shifted as he crossed his arms and walked to the nearest seat. Spotting a couch he made a beeline, pulling out an earbud and crossing his legs in a way that his right ankle sat on his left thigh, looking around the room it looked more like a lavish, but small, house that any bachelor would salivate over. Well, minus the long table in the center that could go, maybe a big TV on one wall with various lovely reality escaping machines.
Menma's eyes glazed over for a moment, slipping into a moment of melancholy, because even if he could do what he could it mattered little. Angels, Devils, all that had no effect where he was.
"Fuck you grandpa, but at the same time...Thanks I guess." Grumbled the Uzumaki, "Fuck these mood swings." Sighing the young man rubbed the ridge of his nose.
"…" He felt a stare on him, turning his gaze to his side and downward he found the source, a short girl with white hair, cat head shaped hair clips and yellow eyes, she wore a female uniform. She was really cute to be honest, he liked cute things.
"Hi." He greeted simply, she merely continued to stare at him, "Something on my face..?" He questioned, touching his cheek, she shook her head but continued to burrow into his soul. "Right." Was all bothered with after that. "Stupid cute things, not annoying me..." He grumbled, blowing a strand of hair away from his eyes.
"You're him." Said the tiny woman. Menma returned his gaze to her, a little confused. "The boy who doesn't like people." She certainly did take that insufferably adorable emotionless petite girl thing to a whole new level.
"Yep." He responded simply.
"Why did Buchou want you in her peerage?" She asked curiously.
"Who knows. She did shoot me with some fireball though." The girls eyebrows raised into her hairline, "Yeah, some winged bondage fetishist decided I was super bad and tried to kill me. Then bam, fireball to the side of my vision, avoided it, died because of that." Explained the black haired male. Letting out a low and sharp whistle he summoned a Spirit Wolf, it put its head on his knee as he began rubbing its head.
The girl let out a hiss and her hair seemed to stand on end, Menma smirked. "He's just a big ol' puppy. Don't be so salty." The wolf began wagging its tail happily. The girl didn't seem to budge on her opinion, so he just ignored her.
"Ah the newest member, welcome Uzumaki-kun." Greeted a silky voice, Menma looked over to see a girl with tits the size of his head, long black hair tied into a ponytail whilst her violet eyes stared amusedly at him, Menma looked her up and down silently for a few moments.
"Hmm..." He hummed aloud, 'Yeah, I'd hit that. Doesn't exactly look like girlfriend material though.' Then again he just generally disliked people, so she could be a perfect woman with a wonderful personality, and due to his nature of being a pessimistic fuck, he just didn't pick up on this. Who knows?
"Oh, straying eyes, fufufu such a dirty look in your eyes." She said with a smirk on her face, Menma's eyes immediately locked with her own, and she felt like she was in the belly of the beast for a flash of a moment.
"I would paint your insides white, lady. But I'm not undressing you with my eyes." He admitted offhandedly, Akeno's cheeks actually went a little pink at that bold statement, unexpectedly honest. She didn't exactly know how to respond.
"How crass..." Came Kiba's voice, the dried blood on his fingertips from trying to block the flow, Menma's face broke into a grin, "Why she bothered with you, I'll never know."
"Want some more broken cartilage little man? I heard there is some in the knee." Menma's sharp canines became quite pronounce at this, Kiba merely grunted in disgust before cleaning himself up. Menma's wolf merely crooned for more attention, the Uzumaki smirked down at the blue beast and placed his hand atop its head.
"Ah, Kiba-kun what happened to your nose?" Came the familiar voice they all knew, for good or ill. Rias appeared, her face crossed with concern.
"He did." Was all the answer that was needed, the Shaman merely chuckled at the blonde's words, Koneko seemed to have calmed and was slowly making moves towards the blue wolf, starring intently at the magical construct.
"Already causing trouble I see..." Sighed the King, her Queen vanishing to fetch some tea. She observed the black haired Shaman intently, his body language had changed from yesterday, he was at ease, he seemed to be in his element at the moment...Whatever that element was, she had no idea. Did he actually like people disliking him?
"Hey, you asked me here. I didn't have to come. Like I said, I'm not joining your little bitch-boy parade." He said easily, gently taking Koneko's hand into his own and smiling at her, placing it atop the wolf's head, who easily leant into the touch. Koneko's little frown disappeared and instead formed a tiny smile.
"Not so bad is it?" He asked quietly, getting a shake of the head in response. His black eyes rose back up to Rias and he stood up to adress her, the wolf moving to sit its head on Koneko's lap as he did so. "So you're going to have to do a lot better than 'Belonging and family' I already have both of those."
"You made yourself public enemy #1 how on earth do you think you have those things!?" Exclaimed Kiba, his eyes dark.
"Well I happen to have an actual family, the fact that I don't know where they are is inconsequential, and I don't need real people to feel like I belong somewhere. Now say you have something for me to turn into paste, then yeah. I'm down, but let's not pretend that we're even trying to be friends. You want my power, I want nothing to do with you. That presents an impasse, so what are you going to do about it? Little princess." Menma crossed his arms, as he looked into Rias' very soul.
"…" Her jaw hung loose and her shoulders were slack, it took a moment for her to realize he was serious. She cursed the situation, if she didn't need more strength in her arsenal then she would have never considered him of all people. "What do you want?" She asked, a frown on her face.
"I want a lot of things, most of all is being left the fuck alone, but since that isn't an option anymore, I suppose...Hmm." Menma brought a hand up to his chin in thought, what did he want? Beating the ever loving shit out of things was obviously a given, no one amassed power for no reason, that'd be pointless. Then a thought occurred to him, theoretically he could use any power he wanted, and the Warlocks did have a certain power. "I want the soul of any Sacred Gear wielder we come across." The dark grin on his face made them all pale.
"Y-you what!?" Shouted Kiba, fuming.
Menma created a purple crystal in his hand, "Soul Shards...Take the power of the fallen to augment my own. Who's to say It won't work on a Sacred Gear. This way, I get stronger for my own desire, and you get a bigger sword, so to speak." With in a second Kiba crossed the room with a sword forming in his hand. The wolf in Koneko's lap turned feral and leapt at the boy a second forming at Menma's side and biting into the Knight's leg.
Kiba fell as the beasts loomed over him, Menma's smirking face only making him rage further. "Someone's grumpy."
"You sick fuck! What kind of person are you! Ripping out people souls just to get stronger! There are other ways to remove a Sacred Gear! Why are you so damned vile!?" Menma shrugged.
"Well I don't know those ways, and I really don't think my moral compass is any of your concern, little man." Menma felt something wrap around his neck, and a shorter figure lock his arms, weighing him down. Looking around he saw Akeno with a whip, that sorted that. And on his back of all places rested Koneko, locking his arms behind his back.
"Let him go." Demanded Rias, anger clear in her face.
"Hmm...So weak you can't even defend your own, not wonder you need help." The words came out a little strangled but he was pretty clear spoken for someone with a rope around his neck. Koneko pulled tighter his arms threatening to give way.
"You do know the angrier you get the happier I am, correct? Go ahead and break a few bones, I don't need my arms to cast, and those wolves tear apart your little White Knight fucker. Choke me out, I set them on you." Menma's grin kept up, even as his eyes slowly became bloodshot from the lack of oxygen.
With a low whistle he called them off, Kiba immediately got up and slammed his fist right into the Shaman's cheek, making him stumble as Akeno's whip left his throat and Koneko got off his back.
"You are scum." Spat the blonde, Menma hand was coated in a green glow, a wave of it seemed to ripple over his body, the bruise that came from the strike vanished, the redness on his neck faded and all the joints in his arms set back properly.
Standing up the Uzumaki kneed the shocked boy right in the sternum before grabbing him by the hair and staring bloody murder into his face, "Mess with the bull, you get the horns. Remember that next time you come at me with a sword because you forgot your tampon you quivering little pussy." Snarled the Shaman, throwing him down.
"Those are my terms, accept them or not. I don't care. I've got shit to do." Menma's wolves gave a howl before vanishing as he walked out of the clubhouse.
"Buchou, you always do bring the best guests." Said Akeno, with a small frown, Rias fell back into her chair and rubbed the ridge of her nose whilst Koneko helped Kiba up.
"Stupid allergies..." She cursed lowly.
Walking into the apartment he was greeted with a small meow, looking down with a beaming smile he saw his grey cat, Miyo looking up at him. "Hello sweetie, how was your day? Did you miss me?" He asked, taking off his shoes and hanging up his bag, the cat meowed once more padding along behind him as he went into the kitchen.
"Oh really? That sounds lovely." He said with a small chuckle, opening the fridge and squatting down onto his haunches, grabbing a drink from the lowest draw of said household appliance, he gave a quick scratch to the cats head and shut the door.
Moving through the house once more he sat at his computer and booted it up, patting his lap as sign to the feline to jump up, she did so and made herself comfortable. This was their day-to-day, get home, grab a drink, play WoW a bit then make dinner, shower, play another hour then bed.
Menma leant back into his chair and sighed contently, "Life might get a little hectic from now on, Miyo. A bunch of cunts are trying to make daddies life hard." The cat merely meowed obliviously and nuzzled his stomach.
"You always know what to say to make my day better."
So yeah, I dunno if anyone will like the consistently foul mouthedly of this incarnation of our friendly protagonist, but hey. That's it for you.
R&R if you wanna see more.