A/N: I just watched a bit of Inuyasha... It's great! I loved it! I love Miroku the lecherous monk. HAHAHA! Especially when he starts grabbing the girl.
I just got a couple of new Ranma ½ books! There was an entire stack of these things at the local Half Price Books! I got Nine and Ten... tee hee more books for me!
By the by... I hope you forgive me my little indulgence at the end with Legolas...
Lady of the Ring
A Fangirl's Romp Through
After getting the fire-kangaroos to let them ride them, Frodo and Dervla had a nice small one for themselves. Ryoko and Legolas bagged two of the largest ones.
"What do these fire-kangaroos do?" Frodo asked.
"They can hop a thousand leagues in a few hours..." said Legolas.
They started riding, or that should be hopping. Th kangaroos hopped over the mountains easily enough, but soon would come up the swamps.
They started picking up speed. Frodo could smell something burning. Dervla smelt it as well. "What's that funny smell..." Dervla said as she started climbing Frodo's head in between the jerking hops.
"I don't know, Dervla... it smells like... like..." Frodo said as he sniffed the air.
"BURNING HOBBIT FOOT HAIR!" cried Dervla.
"YEOWCH! MY FEET ARE BURNING!" Frodo lift his feet away from the flames. "What the..."
"There's fire coming from the kangaroo's feet!" Dervla shouted as she gripped onto Frodo's dark curls.
"I should've warned you! The kangaroos make fire with their feet when they pick up this much speed!" said Ryoko.
"Hence the name Fire-Kangaroos!" Legolas said. Legolas' head jerked up suddenly. "Uh-oh... we're nearing the swamps!"
The kangaroos didn't stop. They leaped from rock to rock, making Frodo have some control problems as he struggled to hang onto his kangaroo's neck. Dervla was having the same problems. As small as she was, she couldn't hold onto Frodo's curls for long.
"Oh no! Help! I'm slipping!" she screeched.
She fell from Frodo's dark curls as they soared through the air. Frodo had just a glimpse of her wild red hair before he saw what had happened. Then, like a cheesy B-grade movie, the slow motion acting came in handy.
Frodo reached. His hand graced her tiny legs. Her words came to him. "Hhheeeellllllpppp mmmeeeee, Fuuurrooooddooooo..." came the slow motion sound effects as well.
Suddenly, the scene started running at normal scene and Frodo grabbed Dervla. He pulled her up as he pulled himself up just as the kangaroo landed on a rock. He breathed a sigh of relief.
"Um... Frodo...?" came Dervla's voice.
"Yeah, Dervla, what?"
"Where is you hand?"
Frodo brought his hand up and saw that he had grabbed Dervla around her torso. He could feel her squishy breasts under his first and middle fingers. She glared up at him angrily.
Frodo blushed and placed her on his head as they leaped into the air again. He grabbed onto the kangaroo tightly and winced in pain as Dervla angrily pulled out a couple of hairs.
"And you were so free when you first showed up!" Frodo growled.
"Doesn't matter!" Dervla growled.
"My personality at it's worst..." Ryoko said with an amused grin.
"You came up with that twit?" Legolas said as his kangaroo came up beside Ryoko.
"Of course! Where else could she have come out of!" Ryoko said as the floating and buzzing hearts appeared out of nowhere again. They surrounded Legolas and he had to bat a few of them away with and arrow.
"You are a very strange girl!" he cried as they cleared the swamps and started up the largest, darkest and creepiest mountain.
Isolt was having the hardest time trying to remember the password into the Mordor gates. She beat on the gates with her fists. "WAAAAHHHH!! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!!" she bawled.
"Who is queen that ring for?" asked the first orc.
"The Evil Queen Chtib!" shouted Isolt. The wind picked up suddenly and a sign blew over that said, 'Here be Mordor!'.
There was a thundering sound that was coming closer. Isolt knew what it was and she didn't waste any time. She panicked.
"EVIL QUEEN CHTIB! EVIL QUEEN CHTIB! EVIL QUEEN CHTIB!"
The thunder became a loud thumping. Soon, three kangaroos with flaming feet showed up. Suddenly, the wind picked up and became a gale. The gates blew open.
"The gates are open! She's gonna get in!" cried Ryoko.
Isolt grabbed her staff and made a rip in the air. Light poured from it and she shoved the orcs into it. Then, she threw herself in. The rip started closing up.
"Hold on! We're almost to the rip! We can make it!" shouted Frodo.
Frodo grabbed onto Dervla and jumped from his kangaroo. He soared through the air and then, he fell into the rip.
"We've got to get there!" shouted Ryoko.
"Hold on!" shouted Legolas. He grabbed Ryoko around the waist and jumped. They flew through the air. The rip was becoming slower. Then, they fell together onto cold stone floor.
The fires of Mordor were dead. Frodo shook with fear for another reason entirely. He was in a palace. In front of his was a high chair with a blackened figure in the seat. It was a woman, that much he could tell, but she looked to be nothing more than a shadow.
Dervla had slipped into Frodo's shirt again, but this time she had held onto his collar. Her arms held her aloft in the V on his shirt, against his rapidly beating heart.
Ryoko opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She was on solid ground. Her blonde hair was in her face, as usual, but she noticed much lighter hair pouring itself over her. It graced her arms. Then, she saw an arm next to one of her own. She saw an arm around her waist.
She turned and saw the beautiful face of Legolas. His dark eyebrows contrasting with his hair. His eyes were closed. Most uncharacteristic of him. "Le-legolas?" she whispered. "Legolas?"
His eyes snapped open. "Why am I on the ground? Next to you...?"
"You grabbed me, nimrod, and dragged me through the rip with you...!" She growled at him and elbowed him in the ribcage.
He grabbed her hands and brought them around her, pulling her closer to him. "Stop it!", He hissed, "Listen..."
Frodo could hear his heart beating in his ears. Isolt was standing next to the throne. She had a sickening, satisfied look on her white face. "How kind of you, Isolt... you brought visitors... and one I've been waiting to see..." said the shadow.
"What do you want, now that you have the ring...?" Frodo said.
"I don't want a piddly little shimp like you!" growled the shadow. Frodo was suddenly knocked off of his feet. Dervla fell out of his shirt and rolled onto the floor. Suddenly, she grew to her normal height.
"Although... I would like to have a nice tiff with my dear sister..." said Isolt.
"Isolt... I have SUCH a BONE to pick with you!" growled Dervla as she got to her feet. Her wild red hair swirled around her.
"GUARD THE OTHER TWO!" growled Isolt to the three orcs. They didn't do anything. They were asleep. Isolt growled and zapped them each. "WAKE UP! Go guard the other two!"
"Yes ma'am!" said orc numero uno.
"Right away!" said the second orc.
"I'm beginning to truly resent this woman..." said Pete the orc as he got his sword out.
"Do you have a sword, Priestess?" Legolas' harsh whisper came into Ryoko's ear.
"Of course not! Do I look like I could carry one on my belt!? I'm wearing a shirt and jeans!" Ryoko growled.
"Borrow one of mine... but don't use it until I give you the signal..." His whisper said. Ryoko felt the hilt of a sword fit into her upper hand.
The three orcs appeared around the two of them. Legolas still had Ryoko pressed up against him on the floor. The entire scene would have been rather lovey dovey, except there were three orc stooges about to hack away the two of them and Ryoko was about two remarks away from slicing Legolas to bits.
Ryoko's heart pounded in her ears. She closed her eyes tightly. She was trembling with fear and anxiety. Then, she felt Legolas loosen his grip on her. "Now...!" came his whisper in her ear.
She rolled away from him. She narrowly avoided one of the orcs's sword. She kicked at one orc's legs and swept him off of the ground. She had time to stand up now and slice one orc across the chest with her sword.
Legolas fought with one orc. He was used to using both swords at once, but he had to make due with just one. He saw Ryoko make her move. It came in a blinding flash of elven metal and blood. She slashed the orc across the chest. It would take more than that, though.
Dervla hit the ground at one of Isolt's blasts. Dervla had no clue as to how to combat this psychotic woman. "You took away my memory back up there... Thought that even if I was shot down here, I wouldn't remember enough to be much of a bother to you, didn't you!"
"Of course!" said Isolt as she shot another blast at Dervla. Dervla caught it in her chest. She flew backward and hit the wall.
Isolt had not noticed that Dervla had actually caught the shot. It was in her hands like the arrow was for Isolt. It suddenly morphed into a blindingly bright silver staff with a bladed head. In the center of the three blades, there was a bright crimson ball.
"But... but... That was MY lightning strike! You took my weapon!" Isolt said. Her bottom quivered like a toddler's and her large yellow eyes watered. "MEANIE! MEANIE!" she cried.
Frodo saw the staff. Suddenly, he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He gazed up and saw the shadow. She was even more frightening than before.
Legolas knocked one orc out. Ryoko was busy blocking the blows with the sword in her hand. It sliced her arm. Blood streamed down through her shirt, staining it an awful color.
Legolas saw it. "Never! EVER!" He growled as he rushed the orc. He sliced the orc across his back. "Harm a lady!"
Ryoko hit the ground on her rear grasping her wound in pain. "Glad chivalry hasn't died out yet..." she grunted.
Legolas beamed at her cheerfully. "It's what I do best... though I didn't feel much like killing them..." He looked at the other orc she had struck. "And I see you didn't either."
"I've got an idea to do when I get out of here..." Ryoko said with a grin. Legolas's smile remained.
"I see that you have dealt with the orcs..." came the voice of Chtib. And then a house down in the village blew over. Sorry.
Ryoko and Legolas snapped their attention over. Dervla stopped whacking Isolt over the head with her staff and glanced over as well. Frodo was being held aloft by the shadowy figure. "FRODO!" Dervla cried.
"Aw... I see you..", Isolt paused to spit out some blood, "Have got yourself a boyfriend...but I guess size doesn't count, does it..."
Dervla glared at Isolt and whacked her over the head with her staff. "Shut it!"
"I do tire of this... Maybe I should go on and kill the runt while he's here..." said Chtib. Sorry villagers, again.
"No!" cried Ryoko.
"Yes... it is you..." the shadow said. She dropped Frodo to the ground. He coughed some as he rubbed his neck. The shadow came forward, closer to Ryoko. Legolas stepped a little closer to her side. "I have been waiting for you, dear author..."
"Who are you... I don't recall thinking up you..." Ryoko said.
"You didn't! How could you when I was created by someone else!?" The shadow growled angrily.
"Who then were you created by?"
The shadow seemed amused. "Who? Don't you recognize me, dear AUTHOR?"
"Uh No! You're nothing but a cheesy shadowy figure!" Ryoko said.
The shadow growled angrily. "THAT'S IT! I'm tired of all of this!" She grabbed the bottom of the shadow and lifted it away, like it was a garment. "THERE! SEE ME NOW!"
Ryoko gasped at the sight in front of her. It was a girl no more than the age of sixteen. She had an upturned nose and long blonde hair. Her eyes, though, made her look extremely evil. Ryoko sniffed in irritation. "I don't believe it..."
It was Pansy Parkinson. She was in her Hogwarts uniform and robes looking mightily pissed. "How dare you scoff me!" she growled.
"How dare you make a come back!"
"You ruined my life when you introduced that damned character Astra Knight!" Pansy growled. "If she hadn't shown up, I would still be with Draco!"
"And she still has the delusion..."
"My little Dracie! Oh how I wanted him since I first met him!" Pansy swooned.
Ryoko nudged Legolas, who had his bow out and an arrow in his hand. "Shoot her now so you can spare us from her swooning!"
Pansy heard her. "For taking my dear Draco from me... I'll kill you, Author!" She whipped out her wand and pointed it at Ryoko. "AVADA KEDA--"
Ryoko was much quicker. She hit Pansy in the jaw with her elbow, sending Pansy to the floor in a heap. Ryoko brushed herself off. "I may not have the same strength, but I can still kick her ass...!"
"You don't want to kill her?" Frodo asked. Dervla was beside him, brushing the dark curls from his white forehead.
Ryoko turned to Frodo with a surprised look. "Didn't your travels with the ring keep that blood lust of yours to a minimum?"
"Sorry... It's just that... when she wakes up... she'll just cause more trouble..." Frodo said.
"I don't think you'll have to worry about her...", Dervla said, "Once Ryoko is out of our world, Miss Parkinson won't be able to do anything any longer to us..."
"Correct-a-mundo, Dervla! She can't do anything except weep for her own fricken loss..." Ryoko said with a wide grin. "Draco ain't hers in my stories, nor will she ever..."
After getting out of Mordor and back to Mirkwood forest, Frodo, Dervla, Legolas, and Ryoko had to part ways. Dervla stood tall with her staff beside her looking as dangerous and lovely as she.
"Thank you, Priestess Ryoko, for your help..." Dervla said as she hugged her would-be creator.
Then, she went to Legolas. She hugged him as well. "Thank you, Legolas... for your sure arrows... and helping dear Frodo and I to get the ring back..."
"Yeah... It's going back home with me..." said Ryoko as she held up the ring on her right hand.
"What does that thing do anyway?" asked Frodo.
"This? Nothing... It's only a bauble off a Legolas bookmark that I've got. It was on the tassel and it was drivin' me nuts, so I took it off and gave it a name in my utter boredom." Ryoko said with a grin.
Dervla then turned to Frodo and shrank to his size. She smiled at him. "And you, Master Frodo... Thank you for helping in every way you could..."
"It was nothing, really..." Frodo said as he blushed slightly.
Dervla's smile grew a little wider. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Frodo's. It startled him for a second and then, he returned the pressure. One of his hands entangled itself in her wild red hair. Then, she drew back slightly, her nose was still touching his.
Ryoko stretched with her hands behind her head. "Ah...! They do make a cute couple...! But what about you and me, Legolas... I think we could be good..."
Legolas gave her an annoyed glance. "You the secondary creator of this particular universe and I a character in a book... oh yes that goes together quite well..."
"Oh hush up.. Why don't you be a dear and kiss me... You know you want to..." Ryoko nudged Legolas in the ribs.
"I wouldn't stoop so low..."
"Come on... you know you think I'm cute!"
"I prefer orcs..."
"You think I'm a cutie, come on, admit it!"
"Male humans are cuter than you..."
Ryoko punched Legolas in the stomach. "Thanks a lot, NIMBOID!"
Legolas grabbed her fist. "That hurt!"
"Of course it did! I hit you didn't I!?"
Legolas pulled her towards him gruffly. "You are seriously getting on my nerves... The little pink hearts that I have to beat off... The drooling stares from you... I get better girls in the girls at my father's court!"
"Then, why don't you just let me go and go to them. NYAH!" Ryoko stuck her tongue out at him. She wrenched her fist from him.
Legolas and Ryoko glared at each other. Frodo, having his tension suddenly drip out of him after Dervla kissed him, shook his head at the two. "Just kiss her and get it over with, Leggy! Besides... It's not like you'll have to deal with her ever again!"
"Don't call me LEGGY!" growled Legolas.
Then, Ryoko, who had been slightly hyperventilating the entire time, decided to take action. She jumped on Legolas, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him on his lips. She jumped off of him. Legolas stared down at her. "Sorry... Figured that since I'm actually in this universe, I might as well have a little bit of fun, albeit a little fangirlish..."
Legolas smiled down at her. He bent down to her and pressed his lips to hers ever so lightly. He lingered for a moment and then pulled back. Ryoko, meanwhile, was drooling with hearts appearing around her. Legolas batted them away in a slightly irritated fashion. "It's been a slice..." he said to Ryoko.
Dervla sidled up to Ryoko. "Ready to go home?"
Ryoko nodded numbly. Dervla created a circle with her staff. It turned to blue fire and sparkled in the air. Ryoko walked forward into it like a zombie and disappeared.
Frodo smiled at Dervla. "Will I get the chance to see you again?"
Dervla smiled at him, having returned to her normal size during the tiff between Legolas and Ryoko. "You will..." Then, she blew him a kiss and disappeared.
Legolas sidled up to Frodo. He winked at Frodo. "So... are you making any wedding plans, little man?"
Frodo gave the beaming elf an annoyed side glance. "Get off of it, LEGGY..."
Meanwhile, in the land of Mordor, The three orcs sat around a fire, eating some roast spider. "Mmmmm... good meat..." said the first orc.
"Good..." said the second.
"I do protest the entertainment, though..." said Pete.
Isolt, who was singing into a karaoke machine and dancing a sort of jig, growled at them. "When I figure out how to get this spell off of me and I get my staff back, I'm going to do so much to you three!" she growled and pulled at the chains holding her.
"Aw... shaddap and sing, Isolt!" growled Pansy, who was also doing some singing into her own microphone.
And they all sang happily ever after... I think...