Thanks to the when the proposal video of Ivan Chernenkov from BMP2 GREE came out, I became so emotional that I wanted to try and see what I could write in his POV after that sneak peek. The POV wasn't out yet for him, but that never stops me.
I didn't know what that word meant.
I was alone with no one to go to after my lessons. My toys, while entertaining, weren't enough. Even the servants tried to play with me, but it wasn't enough to fill the void inside.
When spring came, I would be sent to meet up with the other princes. They too were not enough. I stayed silent, often observing them while they talked and played.
I wasn't interested at the time and looking back, I was too numb to even care.
Snow was what I saw a lot and when I was allowed to go out several months after meeting with the other princes, I came upon two wolf pups. They were curled up near the bushes inside the garden that I was allowed to play in. It was so cold that I could see them shivering.
I took them in despite how the servants said that I couldn't bring them in. I immediately went to my room and covered them with blankets and watched them. I didn't pet them. They were like me in a way, who kept others at a distance.
When they woke up hours later, they backed up while whimpering. It had to be a natural instinct for them towards us humans due to what we have done to them. Still, I kept them in my room and snuck food to them after my lessons.
One of the maids found them and I remembered yelling for the first time in my life that I would keep them and take care of them on my own. Naturally, they were shocked to see me, the Prince who hardly showed any emotion, yell in earnest with tears that I hadn't even notice that I would take care of the wolf pups. They argued that when they grew up, the wolves would be dangerous. I knew that despite being a child due to reading so many books in the library after my lessons since my toys did nothing.
While I didn't have their full permission and was told that they would talk to my father about it, I kept looking after the two pups. I soon named them Snieg and Yuri. I took them everywhere with me and insisted for meals to be brought to my room until they grew older and got used to the staff slowly.
Still… Even with Snieg and Yuri, who would sleep with me on my bed and play with me, I still felt like something was missing. My sisters were married already, my father busy, and my mother…did I even have one.
Even with the tuggings and happy barks, my world was like the world outside when it snowed: Timeless and frozen. I could never understand why spring was so celebrated. It was just a season, just like summer, autumn, and winter.
The time came when my father sent news that I had to think about marrying. A letter. Not in person. While it would have made me angry, I knew that it was my duty. I had to find some woman who could survive in this country. A woman who wouldn't be bothered by its harsh terrain and life. She would have to be healthy too.
Not once did the word "love" cross into my mind. I didn't know what it was. I had grown without it just fine and didn't think I needed it.
Until this unknown warmth suddenly appeared in my life. It was you, but I didn't know until you left after giving back the ring.
I was so confused why you left at first. You had everything here, you would be royalty, and you only needed to give me an heir. Then those days happened where I expected you to show up or say something about what I was doing. You were never afraid to share your opinion nor were you afraid of me and Snieg and Yuri.
I kept thinking why you were on my mind. Then, I realized it. That warmth that I had gotten so used to, and gotten to know without realizing it until now, was gone. It had melted the numbness inside me by making me laugh, by showing why exactly spring was celebrated. I realized what a jerk I was to you, and I wanted - no, I needed to apologize and needed you with me again.
For once, I could put my thoughts into words. Words that now come so easily when I'm with you along with the warmth you give me that I don't ever want to lose.
You opened my eyes and melted my world of ice and snow that used to stand still. Now, it shines with sun with you right next to me and I look forward to each new day that comes for the both of us.
I know what love is now.
-With love from your husband,