Fandom: Witch Hunter Robin
Title: Anata wa dare?
Pairing: Amon + Robin
Description: After a certain case, Robin has once again been chastised by Amon. She realizes what she has been running away from inside of her mind...
Disclaimer: Witch Hunter Robin isn't mine.
Anata wa dare? (Who are you?)
By miyamoto yui
My eyes turned to Amon, but he only rejected me.
All the same, he turned away with his silence filling the room and that had answered nothing for me. He walked away without me even asking the question.
But how could I have possibly asked now?
I watched him through my glasses, the ones prescribed by the doctor. The ones he had gotten so upset about because it had taken two hours away from work…
With his hands in his pockets, his expressionless face stained my eyes. I couldn't help but look at him walk further and further away from me.
I wanted to reach out my hand, but I knew I shouldn't have. So, they stayed planted at my sides like a tin soldier waiting to be pushed down with a single breath.
What did you think of me?
The one question that kept on bringing me down and kept me quiet. It was something that wouldn't go past my lips.
My hands became fists, but then, I looked quickly to the ground as my fingers found themselves interlocking. My eyes were becoming blurry.
I hated myself for it. For being so weak.
I didn't know how or what he did. But his aloof attitude in regard to me made me feel so useless.
And he made sure that that was so.
On automatic mode, I looked up and he was already gone. I stood in the middle of the room as I felt Micheal's eyes burn my skin while he stared at me from behind.
It was very silent indeed.
He didn't even bother to pretend to be typing anymore.
I took my glasses off almost wanting to break them in my hands. As I turned to Micheal, there were no more tears on my face.
I had a knack for things like keeping my tears from falling even when my eyes were full of them. I had learned too well from the past.
I tilted my head as I looked at Micheal. "Would you like some coffee?"
Without an answer, I just went to the counter and started to prepare two cups for the both of us. I poured the sugar and the milk into the black substance. Putting in a spoon, I swirled it around and watched the mixture change into a light brown color.
Taking up the cups, I took one over to Micheal as he sat in his seat trying to appear preoccupied with the computer screen before him.
"Here's your cup," I softly said as he turned to me and took it graciously.
For a moment, I lifted my right hand as if to ask him a question and then, I put it down again. Instead, I backed away and stood by the tall window.
I glanced up to the white moon before me. With one arm folded, I took a sip of my coffee in silence.
"How many times must I tell you to use your glasses?" Amon had said to me just a few moments ago.
The statement stuck in my head.
As usual, I had nothing to say. Passively, I listened to his cold tone as it seeped into me. Wanting to absorb the reason for his mind-set.
Why was he so cruel to me?
"You cannot kill the witches," was his next line. "That's why we have this system."
His eyes stared right through me and I glanced back at him.
I took another sip of my coffee, but it wasn't helping me. I felt colder and colder inside.
Clenching his right hand, Amon had continued to stare at me. "I don't know how they do it where you came from, but that's now how we work. And if you continue to not use your glasses, your powers will eventually get out of control."
We can't control you.
That's what he wanted to add of that sentence.
I could handle all of that. Really.
I was used to him chastising me. He was the one who knew the rules after all; I was trying to find what kind of game we were playing.
But it wasn't that.
He turned around and sighed.
The first sign of emotion in anything to do with me besides anger and much resentment.
It was then that he monotonously said, "If you don't control your powers, one day you won't distinguish between anything."
I couldn't tell if it was the voice of experience, or concern. But it was definitely a warning that shook me to the core.
My eyes had widened for a moment, and then I stood there frozen. I couldn't find my voice as he walked away from me.
My hands shook at that moment as I remembered again, "If you don't control your powers, one day you won't distinguish between anything-"
"Robin-san?" Micheal asked me as I turned around startled.
"Yes?" I asked as I took another sip of my coffee.
He averted himself and faced the computer.
Finally, he said, "Don't let his words get to you."
I smiled with a melancholic expression.
Micheal...the person who had a leash in this organization...
Why were we so alike? I knew the answer only too well.
I pushed myself off the wall. As I passed him, I stood next to him for a moment. Patting his head, I smiled while not looking at him eye-to-eye.
"Arigatou," I simply said as I took my hand away.
Nonchalantly, I walked away. Placing my cup on the counter, I took my coat and left the building.
As I walked, I found myself running. I ran through the alleyways of the dark city.
On some random, abandoned street, I crouched down to the ground like a bum on the street. My arms hugged my knees as I buried my head from the moonlight shining over me.
Then, I stared at the moon once more and at the wall in front of me.
"I know I should have worn my glasses..." I mumbled to myself as the cold air blew smoke from my mouth.
I felt so restrained with them.
"The girl was fifteen years old like me, Amon," I whispered to the brick wall in front of me.
I hugged myself tighter.
I closed my eyes as I recalled the scene as I stared right at her, expressionless and strong.
"Why did you do it?" I said with my eyes. "Why did you kill that child?"
The brown-haired girl with freckles looked to the ground. "It was a mistake."
She looked at me as we stepped a bit closer towards her.
She smiled at me.
A smile with no remorse.
"The weak must die. It was a sacrifice for my power. Someday, I shall be remembered because of what I did."
I couldn't understand why humans needed to feel privileged once they knew they were Espers of some sort. It just meant more responsibility.
"You're so weird, Robin!" a classmate once rudely told me when I was seven. He pointed at me in ridicule.
"It was an accident," I cried back.
It also meant you were pushed away more from humanity...
I didn't know why, but I found myself throwing my glasses to the ground.
But being sturdy and annoying as they were, they couldn't break for me.
My eyes became slits and I had to be controlled as Amon's nails grated through his gloves right into my arms to constrain me.
"That's enough," he firmly commanded.
Laughing, the girl added as she was being burned, "You and I are no different."
At the end of everything, Amon had thrown me to the ground. His eyes looked upon me as if I were trash. (He had waited until we were at the office to scold me.)
Just who am I to you, Amon?
That's what I had wanted to scream when you were walking away from me.
Deep inside, this was the nagging question that gnawed on me like leprosy attacking my body.
When you told me, "...one day you won't distinguish between anything,"
I realized what had kept me from answering or questioning you all this time...
It was the true question that I had run away from.
I could kill witches.
I couldn't kill witches.
Always so sure if I could do something with my powers at the spur of the moment, confident.
Knowing the target,
Seeing their humanity before me,
Or was I imagining it?
Wasn't giving yourself to God
The same as selling your soul to the Devil?
I buried myself into my own embrace and sighed as I looked at the moon again.
Always staring over me. Foreign and so familiar to me.
A tear finally fell down my cheek.
I wanted to kill that girl, Amon. She reminded me of something I wished to forget.
All the pain deep inside of me with their ghosts rising from the shadows of my heart.
Whenever you look through me Amon...
You remind me of how hateful I could be.
How much I don't like my weaknesses.
You know why?
Because I know there will come a time where I won't be able to tell anymore.
If I become so withdrawn, I won't care anymore.
The fine line between witch, human, beast, and god will be crossed.
She made me see it when I held my hand out to kill her with my fire.
I was no different than when she had killed the five-year-old boy to absorb his life force and manipulate it for her spells.
I couldn't face the moon anymore. I buried myself more into my arms wanting things to disappear.
They were turning black temporarily.
I didn't want to see anything anymore.
While silently sobbing, I asked,
"Just who am I? Who are you, Sena Robin?"
Author's note: I am in love with this series. Hope you enjoyed the fic because there's more to come.
This reflects the self-doubt I've been feeling and I couldn't express it any other way...
December 10, 2002