This is my first try at a Sherlock fic, most likely the only try. :) Hope you all enjoy.


John was walking up the stairs making his way to the living room, he stopped when he heard a loud moaning. John's eyes went wide as another moan followed, 'Should I dare go up there?' John wondered as a woman's scream filled the air. "Sherlock!" John yelled running up the remaining stairs and into the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks seeing Sherlock. Sherlock was sitting at John's desk looking down at John's computer his eyes wide as more moaning filled the air. John tilted his head. "Are you really watching porn? And on my computer of all things?" John asked shocked that Sherlock was even watching something like that in the first place.

Sherlock looked up from the computer giving John a quick glance then looking back down. "Yes I am. I'm doing research."

The computer's speakers rattled as a woman started to scream over and over again. "OH TEACHER!"

John came closer to where Sherlock sat fascinated with what was on the screen. "Could you please turn that off?" He asked feeling overly uncomfortable as his cheeks started to feel warm.

Sherlock looked up. "No, I can't do that. Sorry." He told his best friend looking back at the computer. "Why is she doing that?" He asked as if the computer would explain it to him.

"I don't care what she's doing!" John yelled thinking Sherlock was talking to him. "And could you please go watch that in your room?" John begged reaching for the laptop to close it.

Sherlock quickly reached up and smacked John's hand. "Don't do that. And I like it right where I am." Sherlock leaned in closer to the laptop his gray eyes growing wider. "This seems like a strange way to get the job done." Sherlock told himself as the woman on the computer started to scream again. "Why would you choke her?" Sherlock asked the 'Teacher man' as if he would give him an answer.

"Please stop it Sherlock. Really, you should go to your room." John told him.

"Do not talk to me like that John, I am not a child and I will not go to my room." The last bit Sherlock said in a deeper voice mocking John. "I can not stop watching it for I am learning!" Sherlock said freely his face set in a serious jester.

"Learning?" John knew that Sherlock and Molly had been seeing each other for a couple of months now, but surly they had already gotten to that part?

"Yes learning. Molly has given me plenty of hints." Hints that Sherlock failed to understand so she flat out yelled at him.

Molly would make a move on Sherlock and he would clam up and suddenly have a case that he had forgotten about. Just the other day Molly was kissing him and even sat in his lap but then his eyes went wide and blank as he zoned out and didn't talk for almost two hours. Then he jerked, looking around he couldn't understand why Molly was sitting across from him. She looked angry but her eyes told him more as they were red along with her makeup being smudged from being upset sometime ago.

"Alright! I'm going to make myself some tea." John said hurriedly out of the living room.

In the kitchen John once again stopped cold in his tracks as he looked around the kitchen. "Oh my God!"

Littered all over the island in the middle of the kitchen was banana's, cucumbers, other veggies and different sized boxes.

John walked over looking down. There was Condoms, of every shape, color and even glow in the dark ones hanging around the room, from clothes lines Sherlock had strung up in the kitchen. They held water, and various vegetables. Looking closely at one he found it held a breakfast sausage. He frowned. "Sherlock! I will never eat another sausage after this."

Then he slipped on something and fell. He put his hand down to help him get back up and it came away slippery, and John lifted his hand to look, he knew what this was...and the scent of Strawberries wafed up to him. "Oh my God! the man went to a sex shop!" He finally got up and wiped his hand on a towel.

He decided he would have tea elsewhere. Turning he left the kitchen, seeing Sherlock was ignoring him for the stimulating scenes on the computer. He was sure he would get a virus from that. Sherlock needed his own computer. He grabbed his coat and left the apartment.

Sherlock didn't notice him leave, and his mind was going over angles and what each person was doing. He still questioned what he saw, wondering why ordinary people would want to do all that. When they could cut out all the steps, and just get it done. Save a lot of time and energy too.

()()909()()

Mrs. Hudson opened the front door to her two favorite mens home and stepped inside. "Sherlock? John?" She called out hoping to get a reply. Not receiving one she walked up the stairs. The room was slightly messy, the mess that she would soon clean up since she hated clutter. She reached down picking up what at first glance looked like a comic book. She smiled as she stood back up. Looking down her smile faded as she saw the cover. "Oh my." On the cover was a bare naked and clearly breast implanted women. She opened to the first page revealing the sinfulness of the magazine that the pages held inside. The magazine was snatched suddenly from her hands causing her to look up. "Sherlock!"

"Don't touch my work." He told her taking his seat in his favorite brown leather chair that was close by. He tossed the magazine he had taken from Mrs. Hudson on the floor.

Mrs. Hudson looked to the floor, shock showing on her face as she looked at the many magazines that littered the floor in front of his chair surrounding his feet. "Playboy?" She asked him stepping closer. "Wouldn't Playgirl suit you better?"

Sherlock looked up glaring at the old woman. "Mind your own business." He told her harshly his voice low as he flipped the page reading over the new one.

It was then that Mrs. Hudson noticed that Sherlock was not reading a Playboy but a Kamasutra book. She tried to hide the smile that was forming on her lips as she wondered why Sherlock was suddenly reading such a book. "Would you like some tea?" Mrs. Hudson asked knowing he loved that she always made him tea, and she hoped it would help him think better since he seemed to be in deep thought.

Not getting a reply she smiled as she made her way to the kitchen.

Sherlock looked up as Mrs. Hudson's horrified scream filled the air hurting his ears. He placed the 'book' on the side table and hurried down to the kitchen. "Is everything alright?" But he quickly hurried over to the woman as she was sitting on the floor.

Sherlock helped her up looking worried. "Are you alright?"

Mrs. Hudson pushed Sherlock away with gooey hands. "What in the world are you doing?!" She asked disgust in her voice. "What is this?" She waved her hand in a circle.

Sherlock looked around the kitchen at his handy work he had done earlier in the day. He wanted to see how each condom worked and how flexible each one was and which one held up the best. He checked each brand to see what condom slid over the cucumbers and pickles the easiest. He liked some better than others. He tossed some around the room to see how they held up and took a bite out of one to see how good it held up to sharp objects.

He even made water balloons into some to see how much liquid each one held. He was astounded with the amount of water one of them held. "I have no idea. Must be one of John's strange fazes again."

Mrs. Hudson's jaw dropped as Sherlock walked away. She would have to have a talk with John when he came around about this 'strange faze'.

"Just an experiment, nothing more I assure you. Doctors are a bit strange don't you think?" Sherlock told her as he turned away from her.

"Well I only know one personally. But my husband, well he used to read those magazines, tried hiding them from me. But I would think John would not need to play with those rubber things. He sees so many bodies and all." She looked up from a jar of pickles that was near by and at Sherlock. "But like I said live and let live."

"Mrs. Hudson, we've both told you many times that we are not gay. John loves women, all kinds, shapes and sizes. I do not find John attractive in that way. If I were to chose a partner it would be a woman, who is extremely intelligent ." Sherlock assured her not knowing why it was impossible for that simple fact to not get though her thick skull. He was getting tired of repeating himself, he was starting to sound like a broken record him and the good doctor.

"Whatever you say dear. You know I don't mind. You and John are two of my favorite people. Now I think I will go home and make myself some cucumber sandwiches." She told him not wanting to eat anything that was in this kitchen, not today, if ever again.

"You do that Mrs. Hudson. I will get back to my research."

Mrs. Hudson dared not ask what his 'research' was really about or why it needed to be researched.

Mrs. Hudson went out the door leaving Sherlock's home, she needed to get out of her clothes as she smelled like Strawberry lube. Why would John pour Strawberry lube all over the kitchen floor in the first place? Poor Sherlock, he could have taken a bad fall and broken something all because of John's carelessness.

Sherlock returned to his book upstairs. He suddenly got an idea. He would go to a strip joint. That would be a live show, and maybe he could learn something from that too. He got up, looked at his watch. It was after dinner so they would be open. He got up and grabbed his coat and left the apartment.

John was coming in at that exact moment. "Ah Sherlock. Want to get some dinner?" John asked his friend his stomach grumbling.

"Sure, we can eat at the club." Sherlock agreed hurrying past the doctor. "Come quickly John."

"Alright." John moved along side of his friend down the street not knowing where they were going. But since he was hungry it didn't really matter, food was food.

Sherlock stopped in front of the adult club, opening the door he waited for John to enter.

John looked at Sherlock confused. "Here? Sherlock, why are you stopping here of all places?"

"To eat of course, and watch the show." Sherlock told him with a slight excitement in his voice.

John looked up at Sherlock. "But the food wont be good, and you don't like this kind of place or at least you didn't. Where is my best friend Sherlock? What did you do with him?" He asked trying to hold back a laugh. He certainly did not want to go inside.

"Nonsense John, I am me of course. I'm doing my research and so I am here. Let's go in and find a good table. I want to be as close to them as I can. And we want to get dinner before they stop serving." Sherlock waved his hand inside the door wanting John to step though.

"Don't worry Sherlock, no one comes here for the food, so they will have plenty for you."

They went inside the club, and Sherlock led them to a empty table near the runway and sat down. Sherlock grabbed his magnifying glass as a half naked beauty started to walk down the runway.

John sat down and just stared at his best friend. He just couldn't understand why any research would require watching half naked girls...maybe Sherlock hit his head and his eyes opened for the first time and he found that he loved naked girls? Yes that must be it. His best friend was finally turning into a normal human being. And it was scaring him so much that he wanted to hide it by saying it was for research! John smiled thinking he had figured it out. John looked up as the woman bent down running her pointer finger across John's cheek.

(((((((((909)))))))))

John woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee brewing. He lifted his head up and groaned. He had certainly had too much to drink the night before, it was a strange evening.

Watching Sherlock, he thought that his friend had enjoyed watching the girls but he wasn't certain. The clock beside the bed was ticking way too loud. He got up took some aspirin and dressed for the day. He had to be at his office in less than an hour. He had time for a quick cup of coffee.

Sherlock was eating runny eggs, and toast with a side of sausage. John thought he would throw up at the sight of it. "You aren't eating the ones from last night are you? Your experiment?"

"Why not? They are perfectly good and safe to eat." Sherlock told him as he took a bite.

Grossed out John forgot about the coffee he wanted and left the apartment. He would go out and get coffee and breakfast else where...where the food had not been on the receiving end of Sherlock's strange 'research'and safe from being experimented on.

Sherlock looked at the spot John had stood and shook his head. What was wrong with him?John sure did seem to be in a mood this morning. Ah well, he had other things to figure out today. Right after breakfast.

Not an hour later Mrs. Hudson came in and froze in mid step. She gasped as she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Music was playing and Sherlock, was stripping to the music. He was down to his pants and Mrs. Hudson couldn't take her eyes off him. He was good at it she thought as her cheeks turned crimson. He moved around the room, seemingly unaware of anything but what he was doing. Doing a dirty grind of his hips he began to undo his pants and wiggled out of them. Mrs. Hudson thought she would faint, though she had a smile on her face. She had no idea how sexy the detective was or that she was even attracted to him.

Sudden movement to her right and Molly was there. Her eyes big, and her mouth open. Then she smiled and licked her lips. "Ooh Sherlock...baby." She whispered. Mrs. Hudson turned and left leaving Molly there, as she shut the door behind her. She couldn't watch Molly be disappointed.

Sherlock took a deep breath and seemed to come out of it, and noticed Molly for the first time. "Molly, what are you doing here?"

"Seeing you." She whispered as she walked closer to his naked self.

"I am prepared for a closer relationship with you." Sherlock said as he picked her up carrying her to his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He had everything ready in his room.

"Yes!" Said Molly as she curled her arms around him knowing that she was to get her long time wish with the man she loved.


Tada! Hope it wasn't to rotten! Lets just say since Sherlock is so strange that he hasn't been with a girl. Fits better with his strangeness to do such strange research XD Hope ya'll laughed and enjoyed.

Please review don't just be silent. :)