It's easy to fall in love
But it's so hard to
Break somebody's heart
What seemed like a good idea
Had turned into a battlefield
"I'm so sorry"
"But I am. I wish I did I-I just...I'm sorry"
"It's not your fault, Dan"
"It feels like it"
Phil raised his head from his feet to smile weakly at Dan, keeping his broken eyes glued towards the ground.
"You can't help who you have feelings for just as much as you can't help who you don't have them for" He forced out. "You just don't like me like that and it's fine, I understand" With that being said Phil's head dropped back down towards his lap. "You can't force it and I wouldn't ask you to either." Dan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before reaching out to place a comforting hand on his Boyfriends-, Well ex-boyfriends now, shoulder but hesitated before making contact and decidedly retracted the hand in fear he would cause Phil further heartache. He clenched his fist painfully and took a deep breath before continuing.
"Do you...Want me to leave?" He enquired, biting his lip nervously. Phil glanced up curiously and, as his tear filled expression met Dan's, Dan had to swallow heavily to try and get rid of the guilty lump which had formed in his throat. Phil's mouth opened and closed repeatedly before he finally responded.
"What...The- the flat or the room? Are you moving out as well?!" Phil choked out letting tears run down his cheeks freely, not caring that Dan was there anymore. Dan's eyes widened at the sight as he stuttered out a response.
"I-I just meant the room Phil! I mean...Unless you want me to leave like, move out?" Dan had clenched both fists tightly to the point his knuckles were turning white from the pressure. He hadn't wanted this. He didn't want to leavePhil like that. He just couldn't be with him in the way that Phil wanted him to anymore. He didn't have those feelings for his best friend, and like Phil said, he could hardly force himself to have them either. That wouldn't be fair on both him and Phil.
"I don't want you to leave Dan...You're still my best friend regardless of if we're..." He trailed off and let out a unsteady sigh. "-If we're together anymore. Besides we can hardly just uproot everything we've done together and pretend nothings happened. What would our subscribers say?" Phil chuckled sadly at that. The thought that even the people who watched and followed their every move had more feelings for their relationship than Dan did. He tried not to feel bitter about that but it was proving more difficult than he wanted it to be. After a few moments of tense silence Phil spoke up again. "Was it something I did?"
"Don't be stupid Phil. You were nothing but amazing. No pun intended." Phil let out something between a choked cry and laugh. The answers Dan was giving him were killing him on the inside but he needed some sort of closure. Phil looked away and bit his lip visibly before asking another question.
"Were we moving too fast?"
"No, not really...I don't think so anyways. Why would you think that?"
"Well with what you said about me being...Well..."
"You being what? The first guy I've ever been with?" Phil blushed intensely, the colour contrasted on his cheeks the the marks left by his tears.
"That didn't really matter to me Phil. You know that." Phil nodded slowly. A panicked look appeared on his face but he quickly erased it, trying casually to ask another question.
"Was there...Is there someone else?" Dan sighed and unclenched his hands, bringing them up to rub against his eyes, feeling both emotionally and physically drained at this point. He had a suspicion Phil would ask questions after his confession that he didn't want to be romantically involved with him anymore but he had hoped they wouldn't be along these lines of Phil thinking it was his fault cause in all honesty it wasn't. Not even close.
"No Phil, it's nothing like that I promise you. I've already explained the reason why. I just don't feel that way about you. I though I did but I don't...Do you think I'm lying to you to save your feelings or something?"
"No I just-" Phil hesitated. Dan raised an eyebrow inquisitively. After Phil didn't respond Dan spoke instead.
"What?" Phil licked his dry lips before practically whispering.
"I just thought maybe it might be something we could work on...That we could fix." Dan's heart broke all over again at that statement but remained motionless on the sofa, pressing his lips into a thin line and closing his eyes. Not giving anything away. But he replied just as quietly.
"It isn't...There isn't. I'm sorry"
After all this was for the best.
"I know. Still not your fault."
Better to get out now and save the friendship they have than let it continue and give false hope of a future he just couldn't give to Phil. They both smiled sadly at each other. Dan glanced anxiously towards the door, feeling the urge to leave. His eyes then set themselves on Phil and he was compelled to stay as he couldn't just leave The older man on his own after all this. Phil however, had already noticed Dan's uneasy behaviour and knew him well enough to know he was uncomfortable and wanted to leave.
"You can go if you want" He blurted out cheerfully and quickly, wiping his tear stained cheeks and smiling forcefully towards the younger man. Dan looked at Phil and squinted slightly at the sudden personality change.
"Phil, I can't just gonna leave you on your own"
"It's fine. I'll be fine, honestly" Dan stared Phil down.
"Please Dan I-...I just need some time alone okay?" Phil kept the painfully forced smile on his face long enough for Dan to eventually sigh and stand up. He watched as Dan made his way out the of the room but paused at the doorway and turned back towards him.
"You know where I am if-...Yeah" he replied awkwardly. And with that he walked out of sight. It wasn't until Phil heard dan's door click shut down the hallway that he pulled his knees to his chest and openly sobbed and cried his heart out until he physically couldn't anymore. He fell sideways on the couch, still in his curled up position in an attempt to make himself almost smaller. He sat up almost immediantly due to the sharp pain he suddenly felt in his hip. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the source of the pain. A small velvet box. He flipped it open to look at the silver band which lay within. He chuckled bitterly before saying out loud.
"So much for that good idea"
Feelings are shifting
Like the tide,
And I think too much
About the future
What seemed like a good idea
Had turned into a battlefield.
Authors Note: Hey long time no see amigos! Hehe... *hides behind computer* So I should apologise about my absence...So sorry! University and life have been...Issues but I'm working on them. Also I'm working on my next chapter of 'What is love anyway?' So look forward to that update soon!
Sorry about the sadness of this one as well...Although I am thinking of continuing it. I have some idea's which could lead it to be heartbreaking or heartwarming...Depends on how I feel so...Maybe look out for that!
The song lyrics I used are from the song 'Battlefield' by 'Lea Michele'