So I was just sat here and I thought to myself about something. Have we really taken the time to explore the minds of the characters from Phantom? Do we truly understand their thoughts and feelings?
Anyway, this is my shot at trying to string together Reiji's thoughts during his time as Inferno's Phantom. It's just a short little something to help me flex my creative energy and put some thoughts into order. Please enjoy, and this fiction is in the first person.
They tell us when we're young that we have the freedom to make whatever choices we want in life. I however, am not one of those people. Circumstance cast me down a path that is seldom travelled by others. In exchange for being allowed to exist I have become a hand to deliver the darkest of justice. Claudia, she also claims that I have the choice to make decisions of my own free, but there is no such freedom in my life. I sit lay here night after night, after falling to this floor…. My thoughts become so heavy because of the life I now live. Perhaps it is the most bitter of irony that, even though I say I feel nothing, my mind cannot shake the true extent of how I feel.
This apartment is all I have. Two dusty chairs and a bouquet of wilted flowers decorate the dusty confines of this almost unused kitchen. I live like a machine; I act like a machine, and I even operate like a machine. However, there is one thing I don't do like a soulless creation of metal. I feel, and with every night that this cycle continues the burden gets heavier and heavier. Ein always told me I would feel numb after a time, and for the most part I let the world think that. Yet the real degree of what I feel inside is so much more.
I pick my tired body up from the dusty chair in the living room. My feet drag me, as if wanting me to move on my own accord. I have no control over where I am being taken by the feet I own at this point. With every slow and lethargic movement they bring me closer and closer to the one place I want to go. My tired eyes see the mirror outside the bedroom door getting ever so nearer. This is the one place I do not want to go. The sight of my reflexion causes so much to flare inside me. However, the fate of seeing my own face return a glance back at me is something I am unable to escape.
My eyes are cold; they're dark, and they are oh so very hollow. They speak volumes of a man who is at times, so very empty inside. The last year of my life has been spent acting under orders. They tell me to go outside and I do so. If I'm ordered to do a job then that is exactly what I will do. In a sense, I have traded away all that I am. Why do I do the things I do?
Though at times I doubt myself, there is something that makes my willingness to survive all worth fighting for. A few months ago I met a girl. This crossing of paths was completely by chance, or perhaps you could have possibly called it fate. I took her in, and choose to continue walking the path I do in order to protect her .I didn't think there would be a turning point during my existence, but perhaps must ironically, there was. There came a point in my life when I didn't believe I could fall any lower. I reached the bottom, and so much darkness surrounded me that it felt like there was no escape. I closed the doors to all I am in order to survive. However, this meeting changed everything.
The young lady named Cal…. Against all the odds I feel alive again. She is my light in the midst of all the harsh blackness I face. Right now she sleeps soundly in her bed I protect her now, from the danger she faces at the hands of a most… curious Inferno. They wanted to end her life, and if it wasn't for me, they would have done.
In some ways I have saved that girls life, but that has also worked both ways. Miss Devens doesn't realize that she has also saved my life by becoming a part of my world. For the first time in so long I feel like there is a part of me that lives again, it cuts through the see of horrible dead fog I often feel. Yet there is also a cost to the newfound humanity I feel. Giving me something to live for has also given me a weakness. The longer she remains by my side, the more I begin to care for her. With every passing day I feel so much more alive, and those feelings lead me to a cold realization….
If I lost this girl that means so very much to me, my life would begin to crumble and fall into dust. Giving me something to live for has also made me human…. Now that I'm not a machine, my life has meaning. I'm finally mortal... Now I know why I truly hate my own reflection...
This was just a little something I did because I felt like it really. Thank you for all the support I get in my writing. I'm very grateful. Please feel free to leave some feedback if you would like to.
I'd like to say a double thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me.