Title: Clash of the Green Beasts
Fandom: One Piece
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/HurtComfort

Pairing: BartolomeoxCavendish

Warning: Strong Language, heavy making out?
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.

A/N: I swear to god this ship will sail, because I fucking ship it.

Clash of the Green Beasts

Jealousy is an ugly beast. Ugly should never be associated with someone as beautiful as Cavendish. But here he was, walking around with a boil called ugly on the center of his face. Bartolomeo was sobbing and shouting and throwing himself over the damn Mugiwara, like the fool he was. Luffy was talking animatedly back, as though Bartolomeo wasn't sobbing uncontrollably next to him. Truth be told, after watching Luffy's victory over Doflamingo, even Cavendish had developed a great respect for the would be pirate king. But Monkey D. Luffy and Luffy-sama had, somehow, become two separate people in the swordsman's mind. Monkey D. Luffy he respected, was indebted to, was the man who saved him and all of Dressrosa. Luffy-sama…Cavendish wanted to rip apart so violently it made Hakuba shiver. Luffy-sama turned Bartolomeo into a blubbering fan boy. It was pathetic, really, to see such a great warrior (even an idiotic one) turn into a disgusting slobbering mass. Moments ago, Bartolomeo had been talking with Cavendish, discussing what each of them had planned to do, now that Dressrosa was safe. Luffy had strolled by and Bartolomeo had run off after the rubber-man before Cavendish could even finish his sentence. It wasn't really that he cared (he didn't), but he was THE Cavendish of the Beautiful pirates! People should pay attention to him! Even half-brain parrot-heads like Bartolomeo.

"Lubby-sa-sa-sama! Wha-what are bou Dwoing here dabe?!" Bartolomeo gushed.

Cavendish didn't bother to hear the response. The sight was revolting enough. Bartolomeo looked like rainbows might shoot out his ass. His eyes roaming over the Straw-hat with unparalleled attention. What was so great about Luffy anyway? Besides, it was just rude running off in the middle of a fucking conversation! How dare he?!

"Luffy-sama are you and Zoro-senpai goin-ARH, ack! Oi Cabbage?!"

He hadn't really intended to grab Bartolomeo by the neck of his coat. Or drag him off to some out of way alley (he hadn't really been paying attention to where he was going anyway) where is arms grew tired enough to release the man. He just wanted to get that disgustingly happy look off the cannibals face or at least have it turned to him…wait what?! Bartolomeo brushed himself off, he was shouting now. He certainly didn't look happy now, just pissed and confused (but that was a constant state for the idiot).

"Oi, oi, oi Cabbage-bastard! What the hell dabe?!"

With whatever he had felt before fading, Cavendish realized how embarrassing the situation was. Honestly, he had no answer, no excuse (at least not one he would say) to give for his actions. But he was pissed for some reason, at Bartolomeo. And anger has a way of turning silence into words without consent.


Bartolomeo not understanding why he was upset, (despite Cavendish not it himself) made him more mad. At the very least he could understand anger.

"Moron! Do you really think your precious Luffy-swama cares about you? He doesn't give a damn! He's only putting up with you because you're somewhat useful and too pathetic to turn away!"

"That's not true you asshole! Luffy-sama is the kindest-"

"What the fuck do you even know about the guy?! Have you been too busy kissing his ass to notice the guy isn't perfect?! You've barely spend 10-seconds with the guy where you've held an actual conversation."

"I don't need to! Luffy-sama's greatness doesn't need words! He is-"

"He doesn't care about you!" Cavendish screamed. At this point, Cavendish didn't even know what he was saying, but this, whatever it was, was pouring out him and he couldn't stop now if he tried.

"Oh and you do?" Bartolomeo cackled maliciously.

"YES I DO YOU IDIOT"…oh fuck.

This couldn't be happening, couldn't mean what Cavendish thought it meant. He couldn't feel...those kind of things for a man like this! Why was his pulse so fast?! Somewhere in their anger they had gotten so close, barely a breath apart, noses almost touching. But Bartolomeo was looking at him. Silently waiting for his response, hanging on his words. And yes they were fighting and screaming, but still it made Cavendish so goddamn happy.

"God, I'm so pathetic aren't I?" Cavendish sounded so small, so sad. He hung his head low, staring at their feet.

"Da-Ba-Whahuh?" Bartolomeo sputtered, half confused, half waiting for Hakuba to jump out and scar him, because the universe wasn't making sense. Cavendish felt exposed, he wasn't ready to have this conversation. He wasn't ready to admit any of this even to himself. Cavendish wanted to wrap his arms around himself, as if that would hide his vulnerability. Two hands clasped around his shoulders, shaking him roughly.

"Oi, oi, oi Cavendish? What does that mean?!"

He only wants an answer so he can move on and go back to his precious Luffy. He laughed softly. That was it wasn't it? He would never be good enough. He hated Luffy, because no matter how much he tried: Bartolomeo? He would always pick his precious 'Luffy-sama'

"You'll never look at me, will you? Not with the Straw-hat around." He was flat, resigned.

Why? Why did he care so fucking much anyway? Bartolomeo was certainly one of the strangest (and not in a good way) people he'd ever met. He was friggin gross (inside and out). He was crude, pathetic, violent and 90% of the time they spent together was spent trading insults. Definitely not beautiful and Cavendish prided himself on being surrounded by beautiful things. So why did Bartolomeo matter? Why was he so affected by the other man?

He didn't know why.

But he was.

"I'm going back, do what you want." He said, gaze hooded, still not looking at the other man.

He moved to leave the filthy alley he'd dragged them both to. Bartolomeo's fingers limply slipped off his shoulders. He wanted to leave this island as fast as he could get back to sea and- Cavendish walked face first into a barrier.

"Bartolomeo!" he roared, swinging back to face the other man and clutching his bruised nose.

He glanced at the pirate in his peripheral. Bartolomeo looked constipated. Whatever he was grappling with was clearly too much for his tiny brain to handle. Cavendish saw Bartolomeo's feet draw closer.

"We're not done here yet." He growled. "I don't get what's going on."

His hands cupped Cavendish's face (when did he get so close?), fingers forcing his head up, making Cavendish meet his gaze.

"I don't know what I did to piss you off, but apparently I did. So, tell me, what did I do dabe?" Cavendish shook his head.

"You haven't done anything." It was him, that's the problem. Of all people, it had to be him.

"Then what?!" the poor man sounded completely lost. Unconsciously, Cavendish relaxed into the warmth of the others hands, eyes slipping shut. He brought one of his own up to hold it in place. It was so nice, the touch so falsely comforting.

"I'm not Luffy." He whispered, whether to remind Bartolomeo who he was touching or to admit his own turmoil he couldn't say. Bartolomeo laughed, not unkindly. Then he touched his forehead to Cavendish's.

"Of course you're not idiot dabe." Cavendish wanted to cry, because of course the idiot didn't get it.

"I wouldn't want you to be." His eyes shot open. He actually forgot to breath. …Just…What?!

Their faces were so close, their breath would intermingle, but Cavendish had stopped breathing. He was looking wided at the man holding him in place, but Bartolomeo was an unreadable mask. And Bartolomeo was still holding his face, pulling it forward, something tenuous seemed to give way and holy shit they were kissing.

Bartolomeo was all tongue and gentle with the care of someone whose teeth came in sharp points and went down to his chin. Cavendish was drowning in the best kind of way. Every swipe tongue on lips, every nibble, every clash of teeth was heady intoxicating. It was a slow burning inferno and a sensory overload sparks of electricity. He clung to the one base fact that still existed, that this was Bartolomeo kissing him. And while a few moments ago and a pile of denial before that would have been revolting; now that fact grounded him, clung to him like a dull hum or a second skin. Bartolomeo ran his hands up Cavendish's back, tangling in his hair and knocking his hat aside. Cavendish in passion induced boldness place his hands firmly on Bartolomeo's ass and squeezed. He was rewarded with a whining groan. Heat was uncurling between them and how the hell did they end up like this?

They broke apart, both pairs of eyes filled with want and shock and looking so overwhelmed.

"What brought-" Cavendish started.

"Don't say it." The green haired man barked, then he laughed. "In hindsight I should have seen this coming."He stroked Cavendish's back in slow lazy circles. "Wait…You were jealous!" he crowed. Cavendish felt his face flush and an eyelid twitch.

"Of course not! But anyone would be watching you throw yourself at Mugiwara's feet!" He swatted at the man's shoulders, puffing himself up.

"He heh he green looks good on you Cabbage!" Bartolomeo it never be said that there was not a situation Cavendish couldn't turn to his advantage; even embarrassing discoveries by ugly green morons.

"I don't know" Cavendish dropped his voice to a silky murmur. One hand pulled at a strand of lime hair out of the cannibals mohawk and brought it into eyesight of the slowly shrinking space between the two men. His other hand trailed leisurely, deliberately lower.

"Would you like to see how green looks on me?" hands squeezed pulling impossible closer. No room left for misinterpretations. Bartolomeo smiled a pure stupid happy smile. Their bodies moved still closer, eyes locked and attentions completely consumed with one another.

Take that Straw-hat!


This ship needs more fanstuffs! I know this is crap, but I need more of this ship in my life.

Dear lovelies, thank you so so so so so much for reading this piece of crap! If you enjoyed it or have any constructive criticism let me know!