HP "Thou must obeyest me, for I am the Harry Potter Lord of the Universe!!!!"

HP "Oh look we seem to be stranded in a train station.."

RW " Let's write and tell someone"

HP "No. I have a better idea! Let us take a flying car and leave our parents stranded in the train station!"

RW " Why don't we just ask if …"

HP "No! For I am Harry potter. Lord of the Universe!"

RW "Uh, Harry, don't you think it's a little odd that no-one else can hear the voices"

HP "Don't be stupid!!! It's completely normal for people to hear voices that no-one else does!"

RW "No it's not."

HP "Yes it is! I must follow the invisible voices! It is not odd in the slightest!"

RW "Then why is no-one else doing it?."

HP "That's because I'm special!!! Why else do you think I'm the only on hearing the voices!!! Stupid boy!"

HG "Harry it's very dangerous."

HP "No it's not"

HG "Black's still on the loose."

HP " I want sweets. It's perfectly acceptable to go down secretly. The fact that Black murdered lots of people and broke into Hogwarts means nothing . He'll never be able to find me. I shall be perfectly safe in a less protected place with crowds of people and weird scary things under a mouldy cloak. Far, far away from the only person who's keeping Black away. Every body is trying to keep me safe but I care not. For I am Harry Potter! Lord of the Universe!!!"

HG " Isn't that Quirrel over there talking to that man who looks suspiciously like the Dark Lord Voldemort?"

RW "Do you suppose he could be working for him?"

HP "Don't be stupid! Quirrel has a stutter .It can't be him. Honestly! The conditions I have to work under!"

HG "I think I've lost my hair brush."

HP "It must have been Snape! He's stolen it in a fiendish plan to make you have messy hair."

HG "No…I think I've just left it back in my room."

HP "That's what he wants you to think"

RW "Harry she's probably just left it back in her room."

HP "He's brainwashed you too!"

RW "No. I saw her leave it in the common room."

HP "TRAITOR! You're working for him, aren't you!"

HG "Oh look there it is Crookshanks has it."

HP " He's an animagus! Snape's the cat. It has the hairbrush. It must be stopped."

RW "Harry, don't ..."

HP "Die Cat Die!"

(harry violently bludgers the cat to death with the hairbrush)

HP "Now Snape can never return and voldemort will die without his servant, hahahahah!!"(evil laugh)

HG "You've murdered my cat!"

RW "Shouldn't we make him show himself? You know to make sure it's Snape?"

HP "I was wondering which of you would spot that first *cough*"

(he waves his wand and mumbles the ancient spell)

HP "turnbackyouuglyfart"

(Nothing happens)

RW "Harry I think you've just killed Crookshanks"

HP "No that was Snape, he is voldemorts evil spy and now he's dead I shall be praised above all others for I am the Lord Harry Potter and I am invincible!!!!!"

(Hermionie runs away clutching the lifeless crookshanks to her damp eyes)

HP "that's right you traitor, run back to your evil master, but noting can save his minion now!!"

RW "oh look that's Snape now, Professor, about that essay…."

(He follows snape away to his classroom)

HP "so you're a traitor too? Well I don't need you for I am the lord Harry potter and I have full dominion"…….

                                    ……            …….            ……            ……            ……            ……   

Later that day…

HP " I have it, I will use the passage way known only to me (and very possibly sirius black) and make my way to hogsmede to buy……….. a lollypop."

RW "Harry can you untie me now? my hands are sore"

HP "NO traitor! You must pay for your hideous crime against the might of ME!"

HG "Harry this has gone far enough!"

(Hermionie storms in with her wand pointed straight at harry's heart. Behind her stands Dumbledore and of course Snape and McGonagall who he doesn't seem to be able to shake off)

HP "NO! nothing can stop me now!!!  bigdirtysnaketius"

(a large python shoots from harry's wand and heads straight for the teachers)

Sn "buggeroffius" (the snake disappears)

HP "NO that was trevor ….he was my friend! You'll pay for this! L'Orealius

(Snapes hair is suddenly clean, free of dandruff and bursting with volume and life)


(Harry is hit with the ancient powerful spell, which takes an ordinary boy and transforms them into a short, spotty teenager with greasy, crappy hair, and absolutely no degree of attractiveness at all. Harry therefore remains exactly the same.)

Sn "Damn!!"

HP "And now you shall all bow to me! bendius downius"

(everyone bows down before Harry except Ron who is still tied up and so falls on his face)(Dumbledore shakes off the spell)

Dd "Enough! Givemeyourwanditum"(He now holds Snape's and Harry's wands and everyone is upright again)

Dd "Harry you have once again violated over 70 school rules, recklessly endangered your own life as well as others and assaulted a teacher!. I have therefore only one option.

(Dumbledore glares.)

(Snape smirks)

Dd "You must be let off with simply a caution and be given lavish praise and a feast for the whole school.!"

(Snape's smile somehow disappears.)