Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, sue me not~ ^^ (Damn, I'd pay anything to own Zechs Merquise though. *drool*)
Summary: 1x2 fic. Duo-angst. This is your typical "poor abused Duo" and "Heero=bastard" fic.
** This fic is dedicated to " xxkurenaixx " as promised! ^_^* Thanx so much for being my first reviewer. Love you tons! And I love all my other reviewers too! Thanx to you all! Yah~! **
/.../ = thought
Nothing Else Matters (Second Part)
I couldn't believe it when I actually "understood" what was going on. First, my gundam was seized from behind, and now, whatever was behind me blew up. The impact was huge; most of the enemies around us got destroyed immediately. When I found out what had happened, I started to panic.
/ Duo... /
"Duo!" I started screaming my head off. I jumped off my gundam and looked around everywhere. There was only fire and debris from the explosion.
Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei joined me after a minute or so. I didn't know what was going on around me. I suddenly just didn't care what would happen. The mission, "my" mission was totally forgotten. I had to find Duo.
Then I saw him. Under a pile of debris, I finally saw whom I hoped it would and would not be at the same time. Suddenly everything turned silent around me. I walked closer and closer to the body under the metal.
I gasped when I saw the evidence. His braid. His long chestnut braid was on the floor, half burnt, half dissembled.
I started to cry. Not sure how or why, but tears started to pour out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I dropped to my knees in front of Duo and reached out with trembling hands.
I carefully got rid of the metal that was covering the frail body. My hands reached out and pulled Duo into a tight embrace. Duo moaned.
I stared; shocked at the fact that Duo was alive. He couldn't have possibly survived that explosion. His body was broken and bloodied beyond repair. He couldn't...he shouldn't...
/I can't believe this... he's dying... and I'm calculating life expectancies and probabilities... I am... I am such a bastard./
I snapped out of it.
"Duo! Duo... are you ok? ... Duo... say something please..." I begged and started to caress the horribly bloodied face and the tender cheeks. I buried my face into his chest, hoping I'd hear signs of life again.
My head snapped up and I looked tenderly at Duo's face.
His lips twitched a little, forming a smug but pain filled grin.
"I... *gasp* I... I'm alive..."
"Yes, Duo, yes you're alive. Thank God..."
I hugged him tighter. Duo moaned in pain. I leaned down and gave him a light kiss on his forehead as a sign of apology. Duo struggled to open his eyes.
"Don't, Duo... don't open your eyes... just sleep... we'll get you to a hospital soon... don't..."
"But... if I die... I might die..."
"No you're not! You're not going to die!" I blurted out, angrily.
/You will NOT die, Duo.../
"No...no... I have to see your beautiful face one last time before dying... your... face..."
I couldn't believe this. Duo was dying, he was... he was hurt... I was such a bastard, and yet. And yet...
I leaned down and whispered gently into his ear, "I'm sorry Duo... please forgive me..."
Duo smiled again and finally forced his eyes to open up. He looked at me with those deep purple eyes of his. He spoke to me with a raspy and quiet voice, almost a ghostly a whisper.
"There is nothing to forgive. I love you, and it's all that matters. I want you to be happy, Heero. Always."
I felt such an overwhelming guilt, that I just couldn't look at his eyes. I turned my face away and looked at the ground. He held my hand tightly and forced me to look back at him. Duo looked up with a serious look.
"Heero... promise me..."
"Yes? Anything for you, Duo, anything."
"Promise me you'll enjoy life now that the war is over. You have to promise me that you'll go out there and find out how you 'really' live. Promise... promise me now."
"I promise, Duo. But I promise to enjoy it with you."
Duo smiled and closed his eyes. He sighed in fatigue and leaned into Heero's chest.
/Shit...he's loosing too much blood./
I covered the trembling and freezing cold body. He looked so frail and pale. I couldn't believe that there was such a kind and understanding person in this world. I couldn't believe I had done this to him. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed that Duo was dying away slowly and painfully.
I couldn't believe anything.
The doctors told us that Duo had barely survived, and now he was unconscious. I was crushed by the news. The first thing I wanted to do as soon as Duo woke up was to tell him my feelings towards him. To ask for forgiveness.
Quatre asked the doctor if Duo was going to get well soon. Unfortunately, the doctor shook his head and looked at us with a very worried face.
"His injuries are severe and deep. He has serious internal injuries and has lost too much blood. It will take a long time before he recovers fully. We have done everything that we could with what we have at our disposal. Now it's up to him whether he is able to fight against death. You could say that he is at the border of life and death, and only the patient can choose. The main problem right now is to get him to awaken, but... we can't be sure of when that will happen."
What could we do? Point the gun at the doctor and tell him to save Duo? Not really. We just thanked him and went back to the intensive care ward in which Duo was. We were allowed to only look through a window.
Even if he was pale and dying away, Duo looked beautiful. Like an angel that had fallen from the sky. An angel that was given to me, an angel that had fallen straight into my arms.
An angel that I had totally mistreated and misused.
Time ticked by so quickly. The seconds, minutes, and hours passed by flying.
The place had darkened. Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei had left to rest. I insisted on staying and watching Duo.
I was just sitting there, arms wrapped around my legs when suddenly, an idea occurred to me. It was something Duo had once told me.
"Don't you wish you could know if the mission's going to be successful or not beforehand?"
"You know what you could do? You could pray. It's like this."
Duo was doing something, I kept on typing away and staring at the screen of my laptop.
"Awww, come on Heero. Look! I want to teach you something! It just takes a minute or two."
I sighed in frustration and turned around. Duo smiled and put his hands together.
"You're supposed to do this at a church, but it's ok to do it anywhere I guess. Look, you put your hands together like this. Then you close your eyes and concentrate on what it is you want very much. It must be something you desire with all your heart, mind, and soul. Then you start asking for it mentally with a lot of feeling."
Duo looked down and smiled sadly.
"The problem is, I don't really know to who you pray, but still. I heard that it really works if you try your best and do it with a lot of concentration."
I sighed again. What a silly way to ask for things, and what a stupid way of wasting my time.
"Look, Duo. I'm not religious. I don't believe in those things, and if I want something, then I get it using technology or whatever's at my disposal. You go on asking your things to somebody or something you don't even know. But please. Do NOT bother me and interrupt me. I have a lot of things to do."
With that, I whirled around and got back to typing up my mission reports. I could hear Duo sighing behind me.
"You're no fun. You are a cold and heartless perfect soldier."
I could almost feel the pout on his face. Then, he went back to rambling nonsense and bounced out of the room.
Heero stood up and decided to do whatever this praying thing was that he was taught. He ran out of the hospital and looked around, desperately. It was dark, cold, and it was raining. He ran and ran through the streets, looking for the so-called "church." Heero stopped when he finally saw the huge doors and the bright luminescent cross on the top of the roof. He blinked as the rain got into his eyes and his vision was blurred. Heero wiped away the water from his face and walked into the church, quietly.
He saw a couple of people in there, but nobody else. As he walked towards the front, he looked around in total fascination. The carefully made mosaics, the colorful windowpanes, and the detailed carvings on the furniture and walls.
Heero looked at the two other people. They were down on their knees and had put their hands together just like Duo had said. A low mumbling could be heard and their eyes were closed. Heero dropped down on his knees as well and placed his arms and hands just like the other two people. He felt awkward and strange, but he decided to relax.
/Where to begin...where.../
Whoever you are... or whatever you are...
I know I have no right to ask of you anything...
But now that I am here...
I won't go back until having at least tried.
Until this day, I have thought of myself to be a machine...
Something that works when directions are given...
Something that doesn't fail to do its job...
Something that doesn't give up until the end.
I have thought of this world to be a materialistic one...
I believed that all problems could be solved through technology...
I thought that I could gain whatever I wanted through a computer...
I thought that I could forever have control over everything.
If I needed money, I stole from the OZ bank accounts...
If I needed weapons, I attacked one of their bases and took what I needed...
If I needed victory, I killed everything that got in my way, risking everything...
If I needed satisfaction, I...I used... I used Duo...
But today I found out that I actually don't have control over anything...
In fact... now that I see, I have absolutely nothing!
Death's indeed something that I can't control...
And I know because I can't do anything to save Duo...
Tears started to roll down Heero's cheeks.
I wish I could control Death and save Duo...
But now that I am faced with the problem I have never had to face before...
I see that I can do absolutely nothing about it...
So I'm here... asking for the impossible...
Heero closed his eyes tightly.
Heero's arms dropped to the sides and he just sat there, staring straight ahead. He felt... he felt lightheaded all of a sudden. He felt like a huge burden was lifted from his shoulders, and he somehow knew his words... his prayers had been listened. He stood up, shivering.
"Damn, I need to change, I'm soaked."
He walked quietly and carefully out of the church. It had stopped raining, and the first rays of sunlight were starting to shine. Heero smiled and sighed. He walked back to the hospital, hoping that his prayers would come true.
Ever since that night that Heero prayed, Duo got better and better each day. Unfortunately, he never did wake up. Sometimes it seemed as though he would, but he would go back to being unconscious. But Heero never gave up, he never gave up his hopes.
"Quatre, I need to go somewhere." Quatre looked up at Heero, surprised. "Go where? Duo might wake up any of these days! What are you saying?"
Heero smiled and said, "I just wanted to go away for some time and learn what it is like... to live normally. You know, so that when Duo wakes up, I will be able to make him happy. Make him feel loved and make him feel good for once. You know what I mean?"
Quatre's jaw dropped open and he just stared at Heero with wide eyes, "Excuse me?"
Heero rolled his eyes, "Quat, really, I'm not joking. I just, want to change at least a little. Don't make this harder than it is already."
Heero had his bags packed and ready and he leaned over and kissed Duo on the lips lightly. He smiled at Duo. "I'll be back, my love."
"Oh, Quatre. Please, if Duo happens to awaken before I'm back, please give him this."
Heero handed Quatre a white envelope. Quatre smiled and nodded.
"Please be careful, Heero."
"You know I will." *smirk*
With that, Heero left without looking back, and he closed the door lightly behind him.
Duo woke up on a Sunday morning, three weeks after Heero's departure. He, at first, looked lost and scared, but after a while, he sighed in relief when he saw Quatre's huge blue eyes looking at him tenderly.
"Duo...I...finally you are awake!"
Quatre gave Duo a light hug, careful to not hurt him.
"I...I...my throat's all raspy...and weird..." Duo gasped out.
Quatre giggled, "Yeah, it must be! You were unconscious for a whole month now! This is just so exciting. I still can't believe you're suddenly awake!"
Duo grinned, but then, he started to look around the room. Quatre immediately knew who Duo was looking for and he smiled.
"Duo, Heero's gone. He's not here."
"Oh." Duo looked down, with a sad expression.
Quatre put his hand on Duo's. "Duo! Don't put that expression on your face. He's just temporarily gone. He's gone away for you."
Duo looked up at Quatre, confused. "Huh?"
Quatre reached out and opened a drawer and took out the white envelope. He handed it to Duo and smiled again.
"Heero told me to give this to you if you wake up before he comes."
Duo reached out with trembling hands and held the envelope gently, as if it was going to crumble to pieces if he wasn't careful. He just looked at it with surprise as well as curiosity. Quatre excused himself and left Duo alone with his letter.
Duo opened the envelope slowly, as if trying to memorize he had done this. He unfolded the letter and starting reading. He let out a small laugh and started to cry.
I am here, sitting beside your bed, writing this letter to you.
It's already been 1 whole week! But I am glad you are getting better.
You must be awake when you read this, and for that, I am glad.
I'm very sorry that I am not there with you at this moment...
I know that I should be, but I just had to leave for a while.
I still remember that last thing that you made me promise out there...
And I am trying my best to achieve it.
I am leaving to some unknown place out there.
Crazy me, but I just want to know what the world is like...
Without wars, without, missions, without pain.
So when I go back to your side, I'll be a different person.
Not much different, I think, but less of a bastard I was back then.
My personal new mission I have, is to make up for all the pain I made you go through...
And to of course, make you happy and enjoy life with you.
Because I found out, almost too late..
That absolutely nothing else matters¡¦
But you and my love towards you.
So please be healthy and take care of yourself.
And be there when I go back.
Because I will return to you...
Loving you always,
Duo wiped away the tears that were flowing out endlessly from his eyes and sighed. He held the letter to his heart lovingly and smiled. He whispered to himself...
"Yes, Heero. I will be waiting here. So when you come back, you'll find me here. I promise."
LOL... yey, I finished! And on Christmas too, as promised! I hope you enjoyed this "ending" because I find it quite dull, and badly written. :'( Anyways, I just thought that the idea of Heero praying would be so damn kawaii and so cool. _ Oh, and if there are grammatical errors and such, please don't hesitate to tell me, because English, is my third language, and my grammar/word choice is quite bad. T-T I wish I could write better. I don't know if I should leave it there, or to write something after? Please tell me, and if I feel like I should, I will! ^_^* (And yes, the ending is similar to FF8's intro thing, but really, I didn't mean for it to be the same, it just ended up being that way ^_^) Merry Christmas to you all, and hurray for happy endings! :)