Sonnets of Life

Author: kitty72885

Rating: PG-13

Category: R (AJ/Mac)

Disclaimer: Although it would be nice to own these characters, it'll only happen in my dreams (or fanfic!). No, they all belong to Belisarius Productions, Paramount, CBS, and all the big shots. (Except for Hannah, she's mine.)

Spoilers: I'm not sure exactly what I may be alluding to later, so we'll just say everything through Family Business is game.

Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic, so please, be gentle. I got the idea for this when I was thumbing through a book of Shakespeare's sonnets at the library. Also, big thanks to my beta, Rebecca, for title suggestions. Character's thoughts are in italics ('text'), speech is in quotes ("text").

Please R&R.

Thou blind fool, Love, what dost thou to mine eyes,
That they behold, and see not what they see?
They know what beauty is, see where it lies,
Yet what the best is, take the worst to be.
If eyes, corrupt by over-partial looks,
Be anchored in the bay where all men ride,
Why of eyes' falsehood hast thou forged hooks,
Whereto the judgment of my heart is tied?
Why should my heart think that a several plot,
Which my heart knows the wide world's common place?
Or mine eyes seeing this, say this is not,
To put fair truth upon so foul a face?
In things right true my heart and eyes have erred,
And to this false plague are they now transferred.
--Sonnet 137

Saturday, 2 November 2002
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, VA
2245 ZULU

AJ Chegwidden gulped another glass of wine. He didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was right there in front of him.

How could I have been so blind? AJ wondered.

He had received the call on Monday, after staff meeting. The private detective he had hired to trail her had finally gotten the proof of what AJ had suspected for some time. He had met Hannah Williams at the new SecNav's party. She was beautiful, with long blonde hair, cool green eyes, and a figure any man would want to get his hands on. Neither of them had been accompanied by a date, so each was glad they wouldn't have to spend the entire time bored out of their skulls. They had shared many interests, and AJ was relieved to notice that Hannah knew her own limitations. AJ and Hannah had enjoyed each other's company very much, and Hannah had invited AJ back to her apartment for a nightcap. And a bit more, AJ thought bitterly as he remembered that night. Hannah was a very willing lover; she had no inhibitions, and was very enthusiastic in bed. Of course, he didn't fight very hard; ever since he and Meredith parted ways, he had been in need of some feminine company.

AJ looked at the pictures again, his anger growing every second. How dare she betray me like that? I trusted her, and she threw it back in my face.

He and Hannah had grown close; he had even told her about his nightmares. Then, he began to notice things. Things like love bites where he hadn't put them. Other men's clothing in her apartment. She started breaking dates. When he heard that she had been seen at a benefit concert with her date, he had hired the detective. It only took the detective a week to gather the proof.

When he had gotten the call, he felt like he had been punched in the gut. The sense of betrayal left the former SEAL breathless. He had called Hannah and asked to see her on Saturday night. He didn't want to talk about this over the phone, and he sure as hell didn't want to talk about it in the office, where his officers would be sure to overhear the conversation.

He saw the car lights flash across the wall as she pulled into the driveway. Well, Chegwidden, it's showtime.

"Hello, AJ! Sorry I'm late. The traffic on the Beltway was just awful," Hannah said as she breezed past him into the house. She went straight to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, then returned to the living room.

"Hannah, we need to talk," AJ stated flatly as she took a seat on the couch.

"About what, darling?" Hannah asked, with a puzzled look on her face.

"About this."

He handed the detective's photos to her, and Hannah had the decency to blush. Then, she became defensive.

"So, you've been having me followed, AJ? I thought you trusted me?" Hannah demanded indignantly.

AJ snorted. "I did trust you, Hannah. But there was too much evidence to ignore. The only reason I'm giving you a chance to explain is because I trusted you."

"I--I'm sorry, AJ, I really am. I never meant--"

"To hurt me? To betray me? Well, you did, Hannah."

"AJ, he didn't mean anything to me. He was just a one-night stand, a diversion, if you will. Please, AJ, forgive me. I--"

AJ glared at her disgustedly. "Don't even say it. We both know it's a lie. I would like you to leave now, Ms. Williams."

Hannah rose regally from her seat on the couch. "Fine, Admiral Chegwidden. If you want to be petty and insecure, then by all means, do so."

AJ finally lost his temper. "Petty? Insecure?" he bellowed. "Of course I'm going to be insecure! Goddamn it, woman, you cheated on me! You not only betrayed me, but did so with one of my officers!" He took a deep breath, and visibly calmed himself. "Get the hell out of my house, Hannah Williams, before I throw you out myself." He had never been so close to violence with a woman in his life.

"Goodbye, AJ. I hope you can find it in you, in time, to forgive us both." Hannah turned and left.

So do I, Hannah, so do I. He looked at the pictures one final time, before tossing them into the fireplace and lighting a match. He watched as the image of Hannah, locked in a heated embrace with one Harmon Rabb, Jr., turned into ash.

Saturday, 2 November 2002
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown, DC
2300 ZULU


The sound of the screamed obscenity echoed through the otherwise quiet apartment. "Mac, I'm sorry, I--"

"You know, Harm, I'm sorry too. You want to know what I'm sorry about? I'm sorry that I ever deluded myself into thinking that I was in love with you! You are a coward and a fool, Harmon Rabb. You couldn't even tell me that you didn't want to see me anymore? Goddamn it, Harm, what's the matter with you, couldn't you keep your zipper zipped for five minutes?" Mac ranted, not caring if the rest of the building heard her as she tore into Harm.

"Mac, listen to me, will you? I never meant--"

"What, Harm, what didn't you mean? You never meant to hurt me? Or you never meant it when you said you loved me? I'm thinking it's the latter, Harm, because if you didn't mean to hurt me, you sure as hell wouldn't have slept with another woman!"

Harm was thankful he wasn't there; he had no desire to face the Marine's wrath in person. He remained silent, and sure enough, Mac went on.

Mac continued in a deceptively calm voice, "So, tell me, Harm, was she good? I certainly hope so, for your sake; because I swear, Harmon Rabb, if I ever get my hands on you, you'll only have memories. Not only will I castrate you, I will enjoy every second of it." Mac tried to calm herself down; she knew she was getting carried away, but castrating Harm was sounding like a good prospect at the moment.

"Mac, how do you know that I cheated on you, anyway? Do you have proof?" Harm was starting to get into his interrogation mode.

"Oh, no, Commander, don't even try it. I do have evidence. Your Honor," she snorted. `Honor? Yeah, right.' "Exhibit number one, a man's undershirt with perfume on it, not mine. Exhibit number two, a woman's undergarments, again, not mine. And finally, I'd like to offer to the court one final piece of evidence: one recording of a...very intimate...telephone conversation between a Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., and a Ms. Hannah Williams."

Harm was screwed, and he knew it, but tried to put Mac on the defensive. "So you've been recording my private conversations, Colonel Mackenzie?"

"No, Commander Rabb, I haven't. A friend thought that I deserved to know that my boyfriend had been sneaking around with another woman." Before Harm could reply, Mac concluded the conversation. "Commander, I would prefer not to speak to you again outside of a professional capacity. If you try to come over, I will have you arrested for trespassing. If you try to contact me again in any way, I will get a restraining order against you. Bring my belongings to JAG on Monday. I will return yours to you as well. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal, Colonel," Harm replied flatly, and hung up.

Mac placed the handset on the cradle before she gave into the temptation to hurl it across the room. Goddamn, mother-fucking, son of a bitch! I can't believe he would to this to me! she seethed angrily. He has such a holier-than-thou demeanor. What a hypocrite!

Mac sighed, "I could really use a drink." No! I will not let that sanctimonious bastard bring me down! I've survived this before, and I'll do it again.

She decided to take a long, hot shower, and then turn in.

As the hot water soothed her body, her mind was going a million miles a minute. Why can't I ever make a relationship work? What is so wrong with me that no man stays? You know what, screw him. I'm a Marine. I certainly don't need a man to complete my life, she sneered inwardly. I especially don't need one who screws around with other women. How much ya wanna bet she's blonde? Another one of Harm's blonde-haired, bubble-brained, big-breasted bimbos.

She got out of the shower, dried herself off, and pulled her nightgown on. She did her nightly check of the apartment, making sure all the windows and the door was locked, and turned off all of the lights. As she climbed into bed, she felt a vague spark of recognition at the name of the woman. Hannah...Williams, was it? Isn't that...

Before Mac could complete the thought, she fell asleep.

Monday, 4 November 2002
Falls Church, VA
1300 ZULU

"Commander." Mac greeted Harm curtly.

"Mac." Harm smiled, hoping to ease some of her anger.

"Here are your belongings; I assume you have mine."

"Mac, please, give me another chance--"

"Commander Rabb, I believe I explained this to you on Saturday. You may address me by my rank; only my friends are allowed to address me otherwise. Now, may I please have my things?"

"Certainly, Colonel," Harm replied acidly. Thrusting the box into her hands, and then grabbing his, he turned sharply and walked away.

Mac knew she should apologize for her rudeness, but right now, she didn't give a damn. Harm had hurt her severely; he had betrayed her trust, and she didn't want to let him close enough to hurt her again. She placed the box on the passenger seat of her `Vette, then went inside.

"Good morning, Colonel! How was your weekend?" Lieutenant Harriet Sims chirped brightly.

Mac pasted a false smile on her face. "Good morning, Harriet. My weekend was...a living hell...eventful, to say the least. How was your weekend?"

Harriet noticed the dark circles under Mac's eyes, and the determined set of her chin. Uh-oh, Harriet thought, what has the Commander done now? "Colonel, are you alright, ma'am?"

Mac sighed. She knew Harriet wouldn't drop it until she knew the entire story. At least she isn't a gossip. "Come into my office, Harriet. I'll tell you what happened."

Harriet followed Mac into her office, and shut the door. "What did he do now, ma'am?"

Mac chuckled. "Harriet, we're having a personal conversation. The least you can do is call me Mac."

"Sorry, ma'am--err, Mac. So, what did he do now, Mac?"

Mac smiled briefly, and then blurted, "He cheated on me."

"He what?!" Harriet shrieked.

"Jeez, Harriet, I don't want the entire office to know! He cheated on me with some woman, Hannah something, and I broke up with him Saturday."

"Are you sure, Mac? I mean, I wouldn't think the Commander--"

"Oh, I'm positive, Harriet. I confronted him with the evidence Saturday, and he didn't even deny it."

"I'm so sorry, Mac."

"So am I, Harriet. Sorry that I didn't come to my senses sooner. I knew that Harm was commitment-phobic, but I didn't think he would be that stupid or selfish."

"Well, Mac, I don't know how to put this..."


Harriet started to fidget a bit. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"

"Go ahead, Harriet." Mac was amused by Harriet's nervousness. Usually, she wasn't so shy about speaking her mind.

"Well, ma'am, I never really thought that Commander Rabb was good enough for you. I know I wanted you two to get together, but... ever since Bud came home, I've realized how important true, strong love is. The Commander's love is more like possessiveness. He needs to feel he has control over the people around him, especially the woman he is seeing."

"You know, Harriet, you're right. I've been letting Harm control my heart for far too long. Everything I've done, everyone I've seen in the past seven years, I've done because he approved of it, or he expected me to do it. Maybe it's time to take my life into my own hands, and do what I want for a change. Thanks for listening, Harriet."

"If I may ask, how did you find out that the Commander was seeing another woman?"

"Let's just say...a little birdie told me." Mac chuckled, thinking, Or a little spook. Webb was a good friend; a little arrogant at times, and he had the tendency to get the JAG staff into trouble, but a good friend, nonetheless. I wonder if Harm's tried to interrogate him yet about how I found out. Mac smirked.

Harriet smiled. "Oh, fine, then don't tell me. I'll talk to you later, ma'am; the Admiral won't be too happy if I spend too much time in here. He certainly isn't in a very good mood today."

"OK, Harriet. We'll talk later. I'll give you the full details when there aren't so many inquiring minds around."

As Harriet exited the office, Mac turned her attention to the mounds of paperwork on her desk. She pulled out the Henderson file and started brushing up on the facts of the case. If the Admiral was in a bad mood, she certainly didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. She worked for the next half hour, and then collected her things for Monday morning staff meeting.