Guilt was a powerful, negative weapon. It haunted him every day for years. It was relentless and unnerving. All the things he did to escape it were eventually, always in vain. The finer things of life provided a brief high and momentarily helped him to forget, but he always crashed to reality when these distractions were gone. The guilt would return and he would try to seek solace all over again; thus, continuing the circle.
His goal was originally a noble one. All he desired was freedom for himself and his friend. He wanted their subservience to end as well as the cruelty. He was hoping that with a little eye-for-an-eye, she would see to reason and understand their plight. He was patient, having considerable power and time to help him. It was always a let down when he would turn his owner away after she sputtered out false promises and hopes. He wanted so much to believe her sweet words, but mentally told himself to stick to his true objective: freedom.
But freedom DIDN'T come. He had actually thrown himself into a theoretical pit of hell so deep that he'd eventually lost the will to struggle out of it. There was no struggle really; there was no rope nor ladder thrown down to him to let him get himself out. All he could do was turn back to the previous high he used to seek in effort to enjoy his days...always wondering which would be his last.
He was so entrenched in his begrudging acceptance and torture that he had come to believe he belonged attached to his fate. The three years after his master's death hadn't even come remotely close to starting his payback. The only reason he didn't hurry the wait time up was because he was afraid to do so.
He never thought his faith in humanity would be restored and all his pain erased. He partially refused to do so. One reason he kept away from Lucy so much; he didn't want to get to know her. He didn't want awareness of another bad key master nor the envy and hope that a good one existed which had not been his. Thus he retained his distance, even if it meant the cold shoulder. Despite his cowardice, news of her deeds and personality still reached him. He attempted to turn a deaf ear the first few times, but eventually dropped the facade. She was too good a person who didn't deserve to be ignored.
He started interacting with her more and more, like a moth to a flame. But he was nervous and whenever she was gone, his new high, he crashed back down to his predicament. He traipsed through hell with the darkness lightening and the clouds clearing. She became the brilliant sun that cut down into his pit and his arms raised in attempt to touch that warmth.
She had become very important to him. She was the consolidation that good masters DID exist and he made peace with the judgment cast upon him. He was comfortable with his final hour, but he wasn't okay with leaving her. Although he was unclaimed, he had pledged himself to her somewhere in his mind.
In his attempt to be honest, he failed. He was too worried about telling her the truth after the huge falsehoods he'd constructed around himself. When he finally embraced his sun and told her that he was dying, her concern cracked his acceptance. So...he lied. He never felt her slap nor heard her run away with harsh words. He had deserved everything she dished out.
When he felt his time nearing an end, he headed to the grave of his old master. It was necessary for her ghost to know that justice had finally been served. He, the most powerful of all spirits, contemplated his own weaknesses as he sat in front of the stone pillar and roaring waterfall. He thought he was fine with this. It had been three very long years of fear, pain, sorrow, and grief. Yet when she appeared in front of him, he was afraid. He didn't want to die in front of her. He tried to get her to leave, but his sunshine refused to be blotted out so easily. He didn't know what else he could say to keep the tears from her eyes.
Lucy pushed the boundaries of the amazement he held for her when the power of her words was so great that they called forth the great celestial king himself. She argued for his freedom with every ounce of magic and courage insider her...and won. She had rearranged the law just for him. He had never seen her shine more or be has warm than in the compassion she had displayed.
It was a pittance to be bound to her and serve her for as long as she so desired. He was already hers and truly glad to give her anything she wanted. She had claimed him the second she brought him a shred of happiness in the dark. Even if the king hadn't ordered him to be her spirit, he would have given his key to her before returning anyway.
He would spend the rest of his eternity finding an appropriate way to pay her back for what she had done for him. He wanted her to be proud of him. He meant it when he said that he'd be her knight in shining armor. He wanted to be her most reliable and power spirit. He really did want her to call him whenever she needed him. The reason? He didn't want to be stuck up in the stars away from his sun for too long. He needed to see her...he would always need her warmth. His love and loyalty demanded it.