"How could you do it? How..could you've pulled the plug without letting me- I could've saved him."
"There was nothing you could do."
"I didn't even get to say goodbye."
The dam that she had worked so hard to build up was collapsing, it was crumbling, slipping from her grasp like fine particles of sand. She had been managing it, managing his death, and now that she allowed herself to feel, she felt exposed. An exposure that made her feel weak despite its normalcy. She was broken, struggling to pick up all the pieces of her shattered heart.
"I didn't get to say goodbye. Derek- my brother died and I didn't say-" Amelia paused, choking on the salty waves that rushed down her face. "He was fine and I was fine and you were fine. And then I came crashing into your lives, like a hurricane. I'm a hurricane that rips up anyones chance of happiness. The universe punishes me, it let's me get close to someone and then it straps a bomb to my back and sends me running straight towards them.." She took a deep breath, wiping her eyes, never once meeting Meredith's gaze. "And he died of a brain injury, a freakin' brain injury, god. I-everyone dies and I know that, it's normal. But this isn't normal, it isn't normal for everyone that you care about to just die." Amelia's voiced wavered as tears rushed from her eyes. She turned to face the door, struggling to block out Meredith's words of comfort and reassurance.
"Amelia, are you even listening?" Meredith huffed in frustration. "Fine, don't listen to me. Just don't be angry with me, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't your fault, it was no one's fault. Bad things happen and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can allow ourselves to heal."
"I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel, I'm told to grief and then I'm told to bottle it back up and forget like my brother even died. I-I am done trying to please everyone." Amelia almost growled, her jaw clenching as she spat out her words. With that, she stormed out of the room, her feet moving so fast that they barely touched the ground.
The day passed with a series of surgeries, thick tension in the air of the hospital hallways. The day, filled with avoidance and looks of pity was nearly over. Usually it was a joy to return home and enjoy the company of family, but lingering words hung in the air as soon as Amelia matched the lock and key.
"Hmm" was the only sound that escaped from her in-law's pursed lips. She wasn't one to dredge things up or express her every emotion when tensions were high. She had felt like a polar opposite from Amelia, who exploded when her bottled up emotions overflowed. However...she was wrong. They were so alike that it was like fighting with a mirror. "Amelia- stop." She paused. "Just listen, don't say anything. So...I don't know you, I know your past from stories that don't tell me who you really are. But, you don't know me either. I've overcome unimaginable things, I've lost people, I've lost myself a few times along the way. And maybe we don't have everything in common, but we have one thing...one very special person and that's Derek. He's gone, he is gone and I'm sorry I didn't call and I'm sorry that there was no way for you to save him. But there wasn't. I'm not telling you that it's wrong to grieve because there's nothing worse than carrying the weight of all those emotions on your shoulders. You should take time to feel, just know that I'm here, we shouldn't face this by ourselves. I don't want to argue with you because we're family and I need you to..." Meredith paused, contemplating how to relay her thoughts. "My children should have you in their lives, they should have an aunt who spoils them rotten, who they come to when they have an argument with me, and-" the words stopped spilling out and she realized that tears were falling from her own eyes. Her eyes met Amelia's tear-filled orbs and they shared an uncharacteristic hold. Each woman held each other, supporting each other's crumpling frame.
"I didn't take you as a hugger." Amelia said, her laugh lightening up the room.
"I'm not." Meredith said simply. This put a smile on her in-law's face. She fell asleep feeling comfort, like Meredith's words had permanently wrapped her in a warm embrace.
Author's Note: just a little drabble, enjoy!