LSE // 12-24-02
(Operation: Christmas - Chapter Three: December 25th)
rated: PG13 - adult language, content, sexual references

December 25th

"Wake up wake up wake up! Everyone up up now!"

"Whazza?!" Wufei cried, sitting upright and fumbling for his gun.

Heero already had his trust pistol out and pressed against Duo's face,
directly between wide violet eyes. There was a slight click as Heero
reset the safety and then a thump as the Japanese boy collapsed back
into his sleeping bag, promptly curling into a small ball and going
back to sleep.

"Merry Christmas, Wuffie!" Duo shouted happily, unphased by just
having a gun barrel staring him down.

"What time is it...?" Quatre muttered as he sat up, rubbing his eyes
in a typical early-Christmas-morning way. While Heero slept and Wufei
glared at Duo, who beamed happily in return, Trowa stealthily slid
over towards Quatre and gave the blonde a short kiss. Which Quatre
returned. Which ended with Quatre all but on Trowa's lap.

"Time for PRESENTS!" Duo yelled, almost directly into Heero's ear.

Without reacting in any other way, Heero jerked his arm out from under
the blanket and shoved Duo back as he sat up and turned the patented
Yuy Death Glare towards the grinning boy. "Omae o korosu," he
muttered, without much force.

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Heero."

"Ah," Wufei said in a content voice, counting the gifts under the
tree, "the wicked Saint Nicholas remains dead."

"Open your gift from me first, Wuffie!" Duo called, moving away from
Heero to shove a quite ghetto looking box towards the Chinese boy.

Tensed as if the box he was opening contained a bomb instead of a
present, which it very well might be true, Wufei cautiously pulled the
box flaps apart. He frowned, pulling out a slightly smaller box. Duo
started giggling as box after box was pulled apart only to reveal
another cardboard cube. At long last, Wufei held a wrapped package no
bigger than the palm of his hand.

By this point, he was glaring at Duo even as he unwrapped the final
layer of yellowed newspapers. Quatre leaned forward and, when he saw
what was there, laughed slightly. "Duo," he said, "I can't believe
you sometimes."

Duo beamed as Wufei stared at the pair of ear plugs in his hand with
a mingled look of disgust and gratitude. On cue, Duo opened his mouth
to sing. Just as the first few words burst forth, Wufei jammed the
cotton plugs into his ears.

"All I want for Christmas," Duo sang with a meaningful look to Heero,
"is fantastic sex! Fantastic sex, Oh fantastic sex..."

Heero gave a snort of disbelief and nudged one of his presents over
towards Quatre, hoping that would make Duo stop singing. Fortunately,
the boy dropped his carol before someone, specifically Duo, got hurt.

"Thank you, Heero," Quatre stammered, not quite sure what to make of
his present. Only Heero Yuy would think to give K-rations as a
Christmas gift. Heero nodded and the other pilots opened their gifts
from him, and all of whom received K-rations except for Duo.

Duo got a lump of coal.

One slender eyebrow twitched as the braided boy looked at Heero
questioningly. Heero smirked and replied, "You've been very naughty."

Trowa pounded on Quatre's back as the petite blonde choked on his own
breath in surprise. Wufei, who hadn't heard the exchange thanks to
his ear plugs, reluctantly parted with the said ear plugs when Duo
said something to him.

"Where are your gifts, Wufei?"

Everyone went 'ooo' and 'ahh' at the finely wrapped gifts Wufei
pointed to. The Chinese boy had parted with a silk shirt to properly
wrap the presents, but the effect was worth it.

"Arigatou," Heero murmured, opening his present to find a handful of
bullets. "Thank you."

"Aw, Wuffie, you shouldn't have!" Duo exclaimed, pulling out a roll
of duct tape. "Uhm, not that I don't love it, but...uh, why?"
Secretly, Duo was hoping Wufei would reply the tape was for bed time
fun, but something told him that wasn't the boy's intention...

"To tape your mouth shut with, Maxwell."

"Ouch. That hurt."

Before a fight could break out, Quatre hurriedly thanked Wufei for
his present as he opened it. For a moment, he just stared at it
before slowly turning pink and closing the wrappings back over the
package. "Ah, ahem. Thank you, Wufei."

Trowa wasn't as quick to open his as Quatre, and Duo took the
opportunity to quickly edge over and get a good look before Quatre
could warn Trowa. Wufei had given them both similar gifts.

"Wufei!" Duo screeched with laughter, "You gave them pages from the
Kama Sutra?! Where on earth did you get them from? AH! Don't tell me,
I really don't want to know."

Three of the five pilots were a beet red as Trowa handed out his
presents. Quatre waited until Duo was ripping the wrapping off his
gift before hurriedly opening his.

"Mmmm, thank you!" the blonde said, leaning over for a quick kiss.
"Where did you find it at?"

In his hands was a porcelain clown figure, that, if it possessed the
same gravity-defying bangs, would look remarkably like Trowa. Only
not as sexy. Trowa only smiled secretly, not wanting to admit to
Quatre he took the figure from one of the second floor bedrooms. A
bedroom decorated in pinks and frilly lace.

For Heero there was a cryptic looking glass sphere which Trowa
explained as an anger ball. He told Heero he could break it when
angry, so not to create unearthly violence against some poor hapless
victim. Specifically Duo, but Trowa didn't say that.

The Japanese boy frowned, then set the ball on the floor and pushed
it slightly, so it started to roll away. In one smooth motion, he
drew his gun and fired a single shot, shattering the glass ball into
pieces. As every gaped at him, Heero gave a rare smile and put away
his weapon.

"Thank you. I feel much better."

Duo backed away slightly, protecting the porcelain cat figurine
(black, with unearthly green eyes) Trowa had given him. Likewise,
Wufei moved his dragon figurine out of Heero's reach.

"Here ya go, Trowa. You, ah, might want to be careful with that."

Emerald eyes wary, Trowa carefully took the wrapping off his gift and
waited for it to explode. Instead, he found a small bit of black
fabric, laying innocently among its tattered wrappings. He looked at
Duo questioningly, holding the black cloth up.

Duo grinned, "That would be a thong. I think we're the same size."

"...oh." Trowa said as he released the article of clothing, although
it could hardly be called that, as if it were on fire and turned a
brilliant shade of crimson.

Quatre, in the middle of unwrapping his gift from Duo, suddenly
looked as if he didn't want to remove the final layer of paper. "Why
don't I give you my gift first, Duo. You too, Wufei. Heero."

A wicked grin on his face, Duo readily agreed, ripping open the box
from Quatre. "Oh, boy! Thanks, Q! Just what I always wanted, porn!"

Simultaneously, all eyes turned to the mortified Quatre. "That is not
porn, Duo! Those are high-quality novels, pure classics!"

"Porn!" Duo cried, brandishing one of the books outwards. The book,
although a romance novel, hardly qualified for porn, and Heero and
Wufei went back to unwrapping their respective presents.

For Heero, a bit rusty but otherwise operational hunting knife, and
Wufei received a landscape painting of mountains. Which left Duo's
gifts to Heero and Quatre, plus Quatre's for Trowa.

Fortunately for Quatre, Duo seemed eager to give Heero his gift. "As
you open your present, I shall perform a song of my own creation in
tribute. Ahem," he said, clearing his throat. Wufei made a dive for
the ear plugs.

"Hark! The herald angels sing, Heero's ass is really neat! Gee how I
would love to fuck him, grab the lube and swab your--"

"OMAE O KOROSU!" Heero shrieked at both the lyrics and the gift,
which was a package of condoms. He tackled Duo and for a brief moment
they wrestled across the floor before their lips met and that was the
end of the fight.

Wufei, ears safely plugged, also covered his eyes, not wanting to see
the Perfect Soldier give the perfect french kiss.

Quatre leaned over and whispered his gift into Trowa's ear. The other
boy's eyes widened and reflexively glanced down to Quatre's lap, then
back up at the smiling face. One emerald eye twitched, then the other.
Quatre shrugged slightly and whispered again, making the other boy
cough several times.

The blonde raised one pale eyebrow in question, "Do you not like it?
You don't *have* to accept it, you know..."

"NO! I mean," Trowa cleared his throat slightly, lowering his voice
before Duo and Heero, still occupied, could hear, "Quatre. This is
the best gift I have received in my entire life."

"Aw," Quatre blushed and started to reply, but suddenly there was a
slight scuffle as Duo and Heero parted, each looking a bit breathless.

Before Quatre could say what he was going to, Duo pointed to the
unopened present in front of the Arabian. "Nuh-uh, gotta open them
all! Go on, Q."

Quatre didn't like the gleam in Duo's eyes.

The blonde held his breath slightly as he pulled back the later layer
of wrapping and let it out when there was nothing more than a small
tub of hand cream. "Thank you, Duo," he said, relieved beyond more
opulent words.

Duo's eyes were now glimmering in a purely demonic fashion.

Quatre swallowed nervously, "Ah? Duo, thank you. Er, for the lotion.
Thank you."

Duo's smile only widened, "It's not lotion."

One eyebrow twitched upwards, "Oh? ...Then, what is it?"

The other boy leaned forward, amethyst eyes sparkling mischievously.
"That, my friend, would be lube."


Sometime in the afternoon, when Quatre had finally started talking to
him again, Duo went to go look at the mangled heap that was their
previous vehicle and realized he could fix it. Heero and Wufei
pitched in to help, and no one could seem to find Trowa and Quatre.

The two showed up, clothing a bit rumpled and Quatre's gift from Duo
'accidentally misplaced and lost forever,' in time to pack their
things along with everyone else. Duo waved good-bye to the charred
little Christmas tree and started to climb into the driver's seat.

"No way, Maxwell," Wufei ordered, all but throwing Duo into the back.

Duo crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out, sitting back in his
seat and trying not to notice when Quatre trailed his fingers lightly
along Trowa's thigh and the other boy pinched the blonde's ass in

He leaned forward, hanging his arms over the back of front seat as he
grinned at Heero, "Wanna hear the song I wrote for you again?"


"There are more verses."


"How about a different song?"

Duo didn't wait for the reply before launching into song, "Heero the
fine-assed pilot, had a very luscious ass. And if you ever saw it,
you would want to praise it too. All of the other pilots, use to want
to screw him good. But they never could, or Shinigami would kill
them all."

"Duo," Heero warned.

The braided pilot ignored him, "Then one steamy Christmas day, Duo
said to him, 'Heero with your ass so fine, won't you share my bed
tonight?' Then--"

"DUO!" Heero shrieked, whirling around and attempting to strangle the
laughing baka, who leapt back in his seat to avoid death.

There was quiet in the car the next few minutes as Duo wisely kept
quiet in order to keep his life. He began to kick the back of Wufei's
seat, waiting until he heard the Chinese boy exhale in frustration
before stopping. Then, when Wufei relaxed, he gave a sharp kick.

"Maxwell!" Wufei yelled, adding a curse in Chinese so profane he
immediately took it back with an apology to Nataku.

Duo smiled innocently to the rear view mirror, but stopped kicking
Wufei's seat. He watched the snow for a while as he thought up another
delightful version of a carol.

He waited until their guard was dropped before solemnly singing, "We
five pilots of Gundam are, leaving this forsaken place. I crashed the
car into a big tree, and Heero's laptop broke..."

"MAXWELL!" Wufei looked away from the road as both he and Heero
attempted to kill Duo this time.

Quatre suddenly shrieked, "Wufei! Look OUT!"


(Omake! Bonus!)
The completed version of Duo's carol

Heero the fine-assed pilot,
had a very luscious ass.
And if you ever saw it,
you would want to praise it too.
All of the other pilots,
use to want to screw him good.
But they never could,
or Shinigami would kill them all.
Then one steamy Christmas day,
Duo said to him,
'Heero with your ass so fine,
won't you share my bed tonight?'
Then how the walls did trembled,
as the mattress began to shake.
Heero the fine-assed pilot,
you're the best fuck I ever had!


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my readers!
Go to that page for a special Christmas gift from Violet! ^_^

Author's Notes: DONE! Okay, maybe days late, but at
least I finished it before Christmas! Technically... Uhm, yeah. One
in the morning Christmas Eve counts as before, so I win! Yay, dance.
Hands down my favorite Duo-carol is his version of "Rudolf the
Red-nosed Reindeer," hence why I had to write the entire song out. My
second fav is "Hark! The herald angels sings" because I just like
that carol. My favorite normal, boring carol is "Carol of the Bells"
but that one is impossible to sing, much less parody. Oh well, I
hope you enjoyed the 'fic! Don't forget to visit the webpage above
for another gift from me.

Omae o korosu - I will kill you
Feedback/reviews are very much appreciated!
copyright 2002 - Gundam Wing and characters copyright other people.
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LSE - Violet Nyte (