Hey everyone, so after I watched 10x21 I almost rage quit the show, partly because I love Charlie so much and partly because I am super defensive of Sam and knew that Dean would be so harsh on him and that made me mad. So I wrote this one shot almost as an attempt to "teach Dean a lesson". Thought I'd share it. I just watched the latest episode and incorporated a bit of the dialogue from that episode but otherwise I wrote this before 10x22 aired. Its not perfect and is pretty ooc for both Sam and Dean, kinda. But leave a review and let me know what you think. As it should say in the story description, there is a trigger warning of suicide.
Tears spilled over and trickled down Sam's face. He desperately wished this wasn't real. Charlie couldn't be dead, she couldn't. He'd been so sure this wouldn't happen, of all people Sam thought they'd go after him. All fears of losing Charlie or Cas had been shoved to the back of his mind by the desperation to save Dean that had clouded his judgement. Every risk worth taking, every friend dragged into it. And now Charlie was gone. Slaughtered and dumped in a bath tub.
How bad was her suffering? The blood indicated enough. For Charlie's sake the hunter hoped it had been quick, although the knowledge of the Styne family suggested otherwise. For all Sam knew, Charlie suffered slowly and painfully before being left to die.
The brothers had been staring at the scene in disbelief for a few minutes before Sam doubled over and threw up. The guilt had built up inside him and he couldn't hold it back anymore. I caused this, he thought to himself, May as well have killed her the moment I picked her up.
Dean was watching his brother with an angry stare as he knelt on the floor, coughing and trying his best not to throw up again. He was trying so hard to hold back, for Charlie's sake. As if she could see this. But Sam did this, Sam got Charlie killed and Dean wasn't prepared to step back and allow him to get away with this.
The moment Sam made it to his feet he was met with Dean's fist. He couldn't say he didn't deserve it. Part of him wanted Dean to kill him right there. Sam stumbled backwards as Dean stormed from the room, knuckles white from clenched fists. The younger Winchester cautiously approached the body of Charlie Bradbury and fresh tears began to fall. He longed to be wrong, Maybe she was just sleeping. She'd be exhausted after fighting that guy. He should his head, letting go of the ridiculous hopes that'd only worsen his mood. Charlie was gone and her blood was on his hands.
He lifted her into his arms and couldn't help but let out a sob. Her skin was cold and turning grey, completely lifeless. You did this, a voice hissed in his mind, causing the hunter to wince.
"I'm sorry," he choked out helplessly, as if that could fix it all. Nothing could fix this. He'd fucked up too many times now.
Dean couldn't look Sam in the eye. He couldn't even bring himself to talk to him. His brother had lied, gone behind his back, dragged an innocent girl into this. An innocent girl who lost her life. He sat in the impala and fought the urge to rip his brother's throat out
What would Cas think of you? The voice tormented Sam as he carried Charlie toward the impala, He didn't like this either. You dragged him into this just like you did with Charlie.
The hunter tried his best to block it out, He'll hate you as much as Dean does.
Sam got into the backseat with Charlie in his arms. He waited for Dean to speak, but was greeted with silence. Instead, the impala roared into life and they were on their way back to the bunker.
You should have protected her, Sam startled at the voice's harshness, You shouldn't have let her out of your sight.
Tears streamed from Sam's blue-green eyes as he automatically ran his fingers through Charlie's blood-soaked hair. He watched her face, crusted with dried blood, as if she were about to wake up any second. After a few seconds he had to look away, unable to keep his sobs inside.
How many more have to die? Jess, Ellen, Jo? Your own parents? Bobby? Kevin? Your mere presence is a death sentence.
The hunter knew why Dean was doing this. He was so angry at Sam, blamed him so much that he wanted him to suffer. He wanted him to hold Charlie's body and feel the guilt attached to it. He wanted him to feel the pain that both brothers felt Sam deserved.
Sam brought the final pile of wood to the pyre and laid it around Charlie's wrapped body. As expected, Dean had left him to it. The older Winchester had shut himself in his room and remained there until Sam knocked to tell him the pyre was almost done.
It hadn't been easy, wrapping Charlie's body. He hated the idea of burning her, as he felt with ever hunter's funeral the Winchesters had gone through. But while allowing Charlie to be at rest was for the best, Sam believed it would be even better to allow her angry spirit for avenge her death.
Dean stayed silent as Sam lit the pyre. It wasn't long before the flames licked over the wrappings and set the body alight. The younger Winchester winced and looked away briefly.
"Charlie," his voice wavered as he struggled to stay composed, "I'm so sorry-"
"Shut up," Dean shot his brother a glare. A dark, vengeful glare. A glare that sent Sam taking a step back, "You got her killed. You don't get to apologise."
The younger Winchester couldn't argue. Why should he apologise? An apology wasn't enough. It wouldn't bring Charlie back.
"This is what happens when you get bright ideas," Sam could sense his brother's eyes boring into him as he remained fixated on the pyre, "They get casualties. Next time leave the thinking to the grown ups."
Sam kept staring ahead of him, persevering to hide his emotions. Dean was mad enough without his little brother breaking down.
"You wanna know what I think?" Dean looked from the pyre to his brother, "I think it should be you up there and not her."
He couldn't hold back any longer. The younger hunter's chest clenched at Dean's words and he turned to look at him. His expression wasn't that of hurt. It was of defeat.
"Me too," Sam's voice was quiet and shaking, and he failed to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. With one last hateful glare, Dean turned and walked away, his brother watching him go. He turned back to the pyre.
"I should never have dragged you into this," Sam's voice was lifeless and empty, "I should have protected you."
She'll never forgive you. Not for this.
"I'm so sorry," Sam repeated, his voice cracking, "I'm so sorry."
He stood there until there was nothing more than ash. He was exhausted, drained, but wouldn't leave her until she was gone.
"Sam?" Castiel turned away from Rowena as he answered the call, "Did you find Charlie? Is she alright?"
The angel was greeted by silence for a minute or two.
"We were too late," Sam scratched at the dried tear stains on his face, staring at the floor with dull eyes.
Castiel shook his head, "I should have gone after her."
"Cas…" Sam ran a hand through his hair, "This is on me."
"No, Sam, its not," Cas' voice softened at the younger hunter's tone, "What happened?"
Sam took a deep breath as the memories flooded back to him, "I'm sorry, Cas."
"What? Sam, what happened to Charlie?" the angel pressed a little urgently, sensing the defeat in Sam's voice. It was so unlike him. The fight was gone.
"Me," the hunter muttered, eyeing the gun on the bedside table, "I have to go."
"Sam? Sam!" Castiel raised his voice before staring at his cell, "Dammit."
Dean got back to the bunker after taking a drive to clear his head but had no intention of talking to his brother. He deserved to suffer in his own guilt.
As he walked past Sam's bedroom he could hear something. His cell was ringing.
"Answer the damn phone," Dean snapped, but was greeted only by silence.
"For crying out loud," he muttered, pushing the door open and picking up the phone from the side.
"Cas?" Dean frowned, "What's my brother doing behind my back now?"
"Dean, where is your brother?" Castiel's voice was urgent, "He told me Charlie was dead but he ended the call. He hasn't picked up since."
"You're asking me, I just got back and found his phone-" Dean stopped short as he turned around, his voice shrinking to almost a whisper, "Sammy?"
"Dean? What is it?" Castiel was talking but Dean had stopped listening. He hadn't noticed when he walked in. He'd been hidden behind the bed.
Sam was sprawled on the floor on his back, eyes closed and his hair soaked in the blood that had begun to pool around his head. His gun held loosely in his hand.
"No," Dean's voice was still a mere whisper, "No. Oh god no."
"Dean, talk to me. Did you find Sam?"
"Cas. I need you to get here now," the older hunter's voice was shaking violently, "Please."
"Now, Cas!" Dean cried forlornly, "I need you here."
It didn't take long before Castiel entered the room and he faltered at the sight that met his eyes. Dean was crouched on the floor, cradling his little brother in his arms with his head buried in his chest. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs.
"Sam?" Cas frowned, taking a step closer and widening his eyes, "Oh god, no."
The angel didn't have to see the blood to know. He saw the gun, he saw the lifelessness in his body. Sam Winchester had taken his own life.
"I pushed him," Dean looked up at Castiel with tears streaming, "I pushed him too far."
So I didn't really know how to end it so I kinda just ended it there…as I said its not perfect and after watching this week's episode I'm pretty sure Dean would have reacted way differently. But I kinda wrote this to vent my anger at the episode and at Dean.
Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)