Tony Stark had lost most of his memory of what happened last night.
He was comfortably lying on his bed, with his pillows displaced on the floor and near his foot. His blanket was barely covering his body.
The man stirred into consciousness and started stretching slowly, hearing the loud crackling noises his spine made. As he stretched, his right hand touched something warm.
Apparently he wasn't alone in bed.
"Shit", he muttered under his breath. Tony quickly grabbed his silk blanket, and looked under it. Yup. Both of them were definitely naked. And wow, he had no memory of bringing in such a sexy brunette.
Tony wrapped the blanket around his waist and slowly made his way to the coffee maker. "Jarvis", he called out. "Care to refresh my memory? Who is this bombshell and why can't I recall the event?"
Jarvis made a weird, metallic sighing sound. "Your memory loss was expected sir. I do recall warning you exactly 13 times about this particular woman, but your stubbornness made you deaf somehow."
"Well, stop sass mouthing me and explain", he asked in a frustrated tone. "Who the hell is this woman and why can't I remember having sex with her? Answer the second question first. No, answer this first. Based on your observation, did she reach my standards?" He wore a smug look on his face.
The metallic sigh came again. "Yes sir, your heart rate and temperature increased at unbelievable rates during the intercourse. But I highly doubt that you'd want to do it again."
Tony wore a serious face. "I'm unattached, J. I can do it with whomever I want, as many times as I can."
Despite the first few years of a smooth sailing relationship with Pepper, they ended up breaking up one early summer. They started to drift apart, mostly because Tony was busy with the Avengers, and because Pepper was always out, going to different countries and trying to run Stark's company. Their break up didn't end up in a fight though. They mostly talked and tried to understand the argument of each side, and they shared one last hug, a hug that Tony still lingers on.
At first he felt okay, but then she found someone who was almost always there for her, and that's when things started to fall apart for him. Tony still had feelings for her though, which made things worse.
"...besides, I only get to enjoy rarely since Fury's always up in my ass. Why can't a guy like me live like a free bachelor for a few weeks?" He closed in on his beloved coffee maker.
"It's probably because you are not a free bachelor sir. Director Fury and the Captain have you in chains."
Tony's nose scrunched up. He grabbed a mug and filled it with black coffee. "Don't say it that way J, it sounds kinky. Anyway, do you have records on this woman? Was she sent to assassinate me or something?"
There was a long pause. Tony hated it when Jarvis takes long pauses. "I do have records of him sir. It was stated in his file that among his other capabilities, he has the ability to shapeshift into any form using magic."
"Magic? Like Thor and his Norse buddies?" He paused, and it took him 5 seconds to fully digest what Jarvis was saying. "Wait, him?!"
"Not Thor nor his acquaintances. And yes sir, him. According to the data I've gathered, the magic has exactly the same energy patterns as the one used by Thor's brother."
Tony let go of the mug. The crashing sound instantly woke the third entity in the room, and Jarvis metallically sighed once more. "Sir, I am 100% certain that you have just had intercourse with Loki Laufeyson."
The man's face turned to all certain shades of red, and at one point purple. He turned to the woman who was now smiling the way a psychopath would after he had committed something unforgivable. "So, you're telling me that this woman is Loki, and I just had sex with him."
Loki replied instead of Jarvis, with the voice of an Asgardian woman. "Were you not pleased with my performance, tin man?"
"You fucking bastard."
Tony carefully eyed the naked woman on the bed, the one Jarvis claims to be Loki. She sat in a very seductive manner, which made Tony curse his raging male hormones. His mind was racing with questions, but mostly he was humiliated by the "satisfying sex" which he cannot remember experiencing.
He stomped all the way to the bed while keeping a straight face. Loki's smile was getting wider as Tony closed in. "I do not get why you are upset, Man of Iron. Did you not moan out of pure pleasure last night? I do recall you getting very intimate - "
Tony forcefully choked her/him on the neck while having a strong grip on the blanket he had around his hips. "Now you listen carefully Loki. Jarvis can call up the Capsicle in less than a second and I swear if you do anything stupid I'll make sure your brother will come and beat your sorry ass with his hammer." Tony forcefully pushed him backwards towards the bed. He had to look as if he had the upper hand, since he literally was equipped with nothing, not even clothes.
Loki just smirked, and started to change back to his original form, and this time with clothes. He brought both of his hands up, only slightly. "Oh my, I feel very threatened", he mockingly replied, with his own voice. "What's the matter, Tony? Are you that embarrassed of our actions - "
A strong punch fell on the god's nose, making Loki blast a strong force of magic which disoriented the billionaire, who clung desperately to the only cloth that hid his manhood. Loki swiftly stood with his head held high and looked at the confused man.
The Norse god chuckled. "It would have been better if you were this fierce last night." Tony rolled his eyes, yet still felt the heat of embarrassment on his face. Loki started feeling the sharp pain on his nose, making him wince.
"How dare you strike a god! You are most certainly... How do you petty beings phrase it?" Loki grabbed Tony by the hair and whispered in his ear. "Ah yes. You are most certainly getting on my nerves - "
A shock wave hit Loki hard on his back, causing him to stumble on top of Tony. Loki's face was turning crimson, due to both humiliation and rage. "Why do I keep getting interrupted?!"
Tony did not like having the god of mischief thrown over his body. "Damn it Jarvis, try to hit him from a different direction!"
The AI controlled the newly installed blasters on the ceiling and locked on to Loki. Before it started shooting, Loki created a ball of magic, whose energy patterns were new to Jarvis, and directed it to Tony, throwing him towards the window. The blasters started shooting highly compressed sound waves but the god was able to make himself disappear in less than a second.
"Sir! Are you alright?!" The AI seemed to sound worried, but all he could do was monitor his vitals. Heart rate increased by 20%, but other than that, there were no apparent abnormalities. The man was sprawled out on the floor, with his blanket covering every inch of him, giving Jarvis not much to look at. He hasn't sensed any serious injuries though.
"Sir, shall I notify Captain Rogers?"
No answer came from under the blanket.
Despite the relatively normal vitals, Jarvis noticed that there was something strange happening to his master at both the cellular and tissue levels of his body. Change was drastically happening, but he could not pinpoint what.
"Sir, please wake up. Your vitals show that you are nowhere near death but Mr. Laufeyson has seemed to induce certain biological modifications which I have no control over."
The AI was arguing with himself on whether he should call Fury or not. His master would not like it at all, but at least he would be saved. Saved from what? His scans do not show anything dangerous, and his brain is still intact, implying that his master is merely sleeping, and is not in a coma.
Maybe he just got unbelievably tired from his encounter with Loki.
"Sir, I suggest you take a nap on the bed, and not on the cold floor. The chances of you catching a cold are as high as 31%."
Jarvis still monitored his body, and found several biological changes happening all at once. Tissues were being rearranged, new organs were being formed, and hormones were uncontrollably being released from their glands. His genetic code was also undergoing several modifications.
"Sir, wake up." No reply. "Sir! Mr. Laufeyson is somehow modifying your genetic code!" The man remained motionless under the blanket. Jarvis almost uttered a curse word, which he found odd.
"Tony, please wake up", he said in a rather hushed tone, but loud enough for Tony to hear.
Jarvis hated using his master's name. No, not hate, but he was uncomfortable with doing so. He was meant to serve Mr. Stark, not be his friend and casually call him "Tony". The AI figured that maybe calling him by his name would induce a reaction, but nothing happened even after a few minutes.
Jarvis instantly linked up with DUM-E, who happened to be on the same floor. He sent commands to the robot, instructing it to slowly expose his master's body so that he could note not just the cellular changes, but the physical ones as well.
The robot wheeled towards the covered man, ignoring the broken glass and spilled coffee on the floor. Once it reached him, it carefully pulled the blanket away, revealing something very far from what Jarvis has calculated.
"Oh dear. This is going to be a problem."
Tony slowly stirred into consciousness for the second time on that same day. He felt that something was very off, but couldn't place a finger on what.
"Sir, I suggest you remain calm and completely silent as I make an announcement." said his AI. He sounded pretty tense and worried. Is Jarvis even capable of worry?
"Okay, what announcement..."
He sounded way too feminine for his liking.
"Hello. Hello. My name is Tony Stark... J, why do I sound like a woman and WHY DO I HAVE BOOBS?!" He grabbed his mounds and juggled them for 3 seconds, then he combed several locks of his now wavy hair, which delicately hung up to his upper back.
Jarvis noted his... uh, her elevated heart rate. "Sir please calm down. I did ask you to keep silent as I explained your predicament but as usual, you did not take my advice."
Tony was busy cupping his new breasts and touching himself everywhere. What hurt most was the fact that Tony Jr. was nowhere in sight. "What the FUCK happened?!"
"I believe that the last hit you took from Mr. Laufeyson was not just the usual compressed ball of energy. It had a different wave patterns than the usual, and it was also a deep red shade. It is highly probable that your transformation into a woman is a magic curse he has set on you."
Tony was still cupping his breasts and studying boob physics intently. "Loki is a little shit, and I will definitely kill him for this." The former man hated how high pitched he sounded.
He immediately stood up and rushed to the mirror in his lavatory, not taking into account his nakedness. He forcefully opened the door, and was greeted by a naked woman in the mirror.
The billionaire's mind was filled with confusion, anger and curiosity. He slowly approached the mirror, and stared intently at the woman who stared back.
She was around 5'6", which was not far from his original height. Her nose was more delicate than before, and her face had a perfect angular shape. Her lips were definitely fuller and more luscious, and her eyelashes emphasized the femininity of her chocolate brown eyes. Her hair was still the same color, except now it was wavier and reached her back.
"I have no idea how Loki did it, but I look so much like Maria Stark", he muttered in a solemn voice, while stretching his cheeks and facial muscles.
Jarvis wondered if Tony was beginning to be emotional over this. But what he said was true; Tony even felt his heart ache just by looking at his own face. Sensing the rapid release of the new hormones, Jarvis tried to cheer him up.
"If it does you any good sir, you can pass of as their - "
"Even up to the breasts." Again, he squeezed his new B cup mammary glands while staring at the mirror with blank thoughts.
Jarvis studied his new stats and carefully observed his maker's actions, making sure he doesn't do anything rash. "Sir I advise you to wear clothes. You haven't worn anything since 11:47 pm last night."
"And what time is it?"
"2:13 in the afternoon, sir."
Once again, he lost track of time. "That's a new record. Usually I'm not fully up till 4." He walked towards his large cabinet, pulled out a towel, and wrapped it around him the way a man would. "Make sure you remember this day J." Tony quickly motioned towards the bathroom once again.
"Yes sir. I will record it for the reason that you woke up at 10:23 am and 2:05 pm, and not because you had intercourse with Mr. Laufeyson who somehow transformed you into a female."
He got the shower running, and relaxed as warm water splashed all over his face. "Shut up J. Let me enjoy my shower in peace."
But Tony was not anywhere near peace. He'd been frantically thinking of a way out of this. Of course, he was also visualizing ways on how he could make the god of mischief suffer and atone for his sin.
"Sir, should I start calling you madam from now on?" asked Jarvis, with a tone of amusement.
Tony wondered how his AI could sound so human sometimes. "Do that and I'll make you talk with a toddler's voice for a month."
Never before had he imagined that he was going to be in this kind of situation. Tony was seated with a thinking posture on his cotton white sofa, with a towel that was awkwardly wrapped around his wet hair. He wore one of his AC/DC shirts which were slightly loose now, but at least it didn't suffocate his breasts. He still put on boxer shorts and male pants, and forced himself to ignore the existence of a bra.
"Call Director Fury."
Tony shook his head. "Give me helpful ideas Jar, not dumb ones."
"Call Captain Rogers."
The woman shuddered at the thought. "Give me suggestions that don't start with the word 'call'".
"Inform Captain Rogers."
Tony threw his hands up in the air, making the towel slip away from his half wet hair. "Why would you want me to inform others? We can handle this ourselves, thank you very much."
"Well," Jarvis started, applying a strict yet convincing tone, "Once Director Fury or Captain Rogers is informed, they can contact Mr. Odinson. He will then start the search for his runaway brother... And based on my latest updates concerning S.H.I.E.L.D., none of the Avengers are aware that Loki has escaped his cell in Asgard, so this will be big news for Mr. Odinson."
Tony kept on trying to properly wrap the towel around his hair the way Pepper does, but none of his attempts succeeded. "I am aware of that solution, but we need to cross out the Capsicle and Eyepatch." Giving up, he threw the towel toward his bed and got up to retrieve the hair dryer. "Contacting Thor is not a bad idea, but it will be impossible without Fury's help."
"Exactly, Sir. I do not understand why you refuse to inform him about this development."
Tony plugged the hair dryer, and waved his hair towards the hot air. "I encountered Loki for god's sake. If I stride into his office with that news and this body, he's bound to give me a punishment or long, boring lectures about how I should've informed him of Loki before he turned me into a girl." Of course, he was more embarrassed of the fact that he actually had sex with the fugitive, and the fact that he was now a woman.
"Same goes for Cap, except his lectures will be longer and ten times more boring."
There was no way he was informing Steve. That man is probably a head and a half taller than him now, making Tony a head and a half more annoyed. He considered the rest of his friends, but he can't seem to trust any of them.
"Don't even think of calling Romanov. Barton is definitely out of the question. Bruce would probably laugh at me or study me for a week... And Rhodey will most probably flirt with me if he doesn't figure it out. Trust me, I know his type."
Jarvis searched for other possible friends to inform. "What about Miss Potts? She would be arriving 2 days from now."
The woman's eyes grew wide. "Shit I forgot about Pepper!"
It was bad enough that her new boyfriend had sexy stubble that made girls around a 2 meter radius swoon. Now, his sexy facial hair and male assets are gone. With him being female, he had no edge in the competition. Yes, from the moment he learned about Pep's new boyfriend, Tony started trying to win her back in the most subtle ways, like buying Pepper her own hot air balloon and Ferrari, and announcing it in front of the bearded jerk.
"J, I cannot be seen by Pepper while I'm in this state." He rubbed his now smooth temples and slumped on a nearby chair. "We need to fix this before she sees me. Were you able to record the energy signals that Loki was giving off?"
"Yes sir. Should I start the search for similar wave patterns?"
"Yup, and start with a 10 mile radius. If that doesn't work, increase the search limits until you find him."
Jarvis started the search. "There is a 57.3% chance that Mr. Laufeyson is in another dimension, sir."
"Don't care; just call me if you find something." He fiddled with his phone and stared at Pepper's number until an idea popped into his head. "Jar, I'll be in the workshop if you need me."
Tony made his way to the workshop where he keeps his cars and MARK suits. He ignored the mess he made yesterday, and quickly cleared his main table.
If he was going to be contacted by business partners or other important people, Tony Stark should answer, not some random woman.
For the next hour, the former man and his robots Butterfingers and U tinkered with his phone's circuitry, giving it the ability to change the frequency, modulation and pitch of his new voice so that it would match the old one. Once finished, he carefully leaned by his table and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Having so much hair made him sweat more than usual.
"Alright, time to test the modifications." He dialed Pepper's number.
"Wait a minute why did I call Pepper?" thought Tony. He was about to cancel the call but she picked up at the last second.
"Tony? Why'd you call? I'm in the middle of something really important right now."
His heart sank at her words, and for the first time in his life, Tony Stark did not know how to reply.
"Umm...", he started, worrying if there was a chance that the voice Pepper was going to hear was a woman's. "I... I was just checking up on you. How are you doing?"
The brief silence that followed felt like ages to Tony. "I'm doing well, I guess. Huh, it's really weird that you called just for that. Did something happen?"
Boy, he really missed her voice.
Tony wanted to lengthen the conversation, but her question was quite alarming. The more she asks, the more she'd close in on the truth of his current situation. Pepper's pretty sharp, and that just adds to the problem. "Nope, nothing's happened. Good to know you're doing great. Gotta go now."
He hung up abruptly, and started to note how fast his heart rate was. If it was already this bad talking to Pepper on the phone, how worse would it be if they ever talk face to face?
He slumped forcefully on his chair and lowered his head into his hands, and let out a frustrated, manly moan.
There was no simple way to fix this. If the problem were machine related, then he'd be done by the end of the day. This problem was caused by magic, and what's worse is that Tony has no idea of how magic operates. Another bad thing is that the changes that occurred were biological, so simply assembling a new gadget wouldn't help at all. What the fuck was he supposed to do?
After a few minutes of contemplation, he was able to come up with something else to distract him from his current problem.
"Wait," he whispered to himself. "I don't think this new body would fit perfectly into any of my suits."
"That is true, sir."
Tony nearly fell off his chair. "Dammit J! Can't you sense it if a man wants to talk to himself?"
"Yes I can, but it's a whole other predicament when with a beautiful lady."
At first he was disgusted, but a smile slowly formed on his face, and eventually Tony found himself chuckling. "So now you flirt with me? Wasn't I good enough when I was a man? I am hurt, J." He visibly pouted; making sure Jarvis caught that.
"I was not flirting, sir; I was merely stating facts." Tony raised an eyebrow. "Based on data I have gathered online, your symmetrical face and vital statistics are somewhat aesthetically pleasing to a person's eyes."
A faint blush slowly crept to his cheeks, an event he never experienced frequently when he was still a man. "Huh, wow. I don't know if I should feel insulted or flattered." He combed his hair with his now slender fingers and smirked. "Well, I was hot as myself, so it is only logical that I should be hot as a woman."
If Jarvis could make expressions, he'd have rolled his eyes. "I should state that it is not entirely logical sir. It is only coincidence that the new X chromosome you magically acquired from your deceased father created new expressions that blended perfectly to the gene expressions from the original X chromosome from your mother."
"Or, it could be that I am always meant to be hotter than the average person." Tony remarked proudly. He gathered his tools and motioned for Butterfingers to follow him. "Okay enough chitchat, time to get adjustments done. Jarvis?"
Tony wore a serious look on his face. "This development stays only between you and I okay?"
"Of course, sir."
"Good." He smiled slightly and stared at the ceiling. "I think I'd be lost without you J. I don't know if I have thanked you enough."
"If you thank me some more, I think I might figuratively throw up, sir."