Author's Note:

So technically, this is MA. High possibility that it gets taken down, so save the AO3 link if you want to be able to find it later on: /works/3993868. Stop reading here if you don't dig smut.

Alrighty y'all. midnightzengarden issued a 'Thousand Island Challenge', where we had to write a classy, sensual, smutty one-shot using five pre-selected vulgar words: pecker, love box, fucking, pussy, and cum. Bonus points if we incorporate thousand island dressing. Any pairing, any fandom, any kind of smut. Obviously I chose Seiftis :) Enjoy, and thanks to LaylaEvercrest for helping me clean some stuff up.


This...this is a terrible idea, Quistis thought apprehensively, as Seifer led her into his hotel room, her hand grasped tightly in his.

The warmth from his skin against hers radiated up her arm, spreading throughout her entire body, down to even the tips of her toes. She couldn't count on one hand, no matter how hard she tried, the amount of times they'd had physical contact in the past. Of course, the sharp point of her Save-the-Queen whip had made contact with his flesh plenty, but the intent had obviously been much, much different.

Somehow, on tonight of all nights, they'd both ended up in the same dive bar, in Deling City. The bar, Chocobo Greens, had been ridiculously packed and by the time she'd shown up, the crowd was already far gone.

Earlier that evening.

Some sports game involving some sports teams was blaring on the dated television mounted in the far corner, and various men around the room were jeering and gesturing obscenely at it-frankly, Quistis didn't really care. She squeezed her way in between fellow patrons, slowly making progress towards the bar top. She spied another customer leaving their stool, and quickly made a beeline for the prime time seat. Unfortunately for the guy who'd left, it was free game as soon as his ass was off that plastic covered surface.

She plopped down onto it and cringed when it made that awful sound that only cheap stools make, and twirled around so that her legs rested under the counter. Bracing the heel of her shoe behind the stool's footrest, she rose into the air and made eye contact with the bartender, waving him over.

The bartender was quite the sight, and not in a good way. He looked to be about fifty, with grungy, mousy brown hair that hung in knotted strands down his face. His overly large gut hung over his belt, and when he stepped up to stand across from Quistis, he adjusted his pants, making the fat of his belly ripple unattractively. He fit in perfectly with the establishment, considering it reeked of days old piss and stale vomit.

"Whaddya want, blondie?" he asked, in a voice equally as grating as his appearance.

"Uh, I'll take two shots, please. Spiced rum, if you have it?"

"Sure we have it, we're a bar, ain't we?" the bartender complained, as he stomped away to get her drinks.

"Touchy," Quistis muttered under breath. That's what I get for coming to a dive bar, I guess.

She moved to lean on the counter and her elbow jabbed into the arm of the man sitting next to her. He swiveled around to glare at her, his gray trenchcoat whirling, at the same time she turned towards him to apologize, and when they saw each other, they both froze.

Seifer Almasy sat directly in front of her, and when he realized it was Quistis in front of him, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed, as Quistis shouted, "Oh Hyne!"

The bartender, with wonderful timing, returned then and plunked Quistis' shots down on to the countertop. In his nasally voice, he said," That'll be twenty gil. I don't do tabs, lady."

Flustered from the unexpected encounter, she fumbled for the money in her pocket and when the bartender began to drum his fingers on the wooden counter impatiently, Seifer tossed two coins the man's way. After he picked them up and meandered away, Quistis turned back towards Seifer, avoiding his gaze.

"Thanks, for that," she muttered.

"Yeah, whatever. He's a douche, I bet he has a small pecker-" he said heatedly, before asking, "-and what the hell are you doing here?"

She turned and grabbed her shot glasses, downing both in quick succession before asking, "And I'm getting drunk, can't you tell?"

"Sure, I can tell you're intending on getting totally shitfaced but I meant...more of...fuck, never mind," he mumbled, as he ran his gloved hand down his face.

And what a face. Seifer had always been attractive, even through his awkward teenage years-who was Quistis kidding, he'd never been awkward-and years after the fact, he'd grown into his looks well. The scar that had been far too deep to heal even remotely right still remained, running across the bridge of his nose. His vivid, turquoise eyes were still so bright, that it looked like he could see into your soul with a single glance. When he was eighteen, his nose had been perfectly straight, the ridge of it so angled that one could probably slice cheese on it. Now however, it appeared to have been broken a time or two, and the tip was crooked. Underneath, his full lips were currently turned down in an intense scowl-that at least, was nothing new.

Quistis had felt ridiculously inappropriate before, when she'd been his instructor, for appreciating his sheer masculine beauty. Well, he was no longer her student, was he? They were also no longer eighteen, and his maturity showed greatly in even just his appearance. His vocabulary was just as colorful, though.

"What are you doing here?" she rebutted.

"...Heh, getting shitfaced, obviously," Seifer said.

He raised his shot glass to her and swiftly tilted all of its contents into his mouth, swallowing roughly. When his face scrunched up at the burn, Quistis laughed and said, "What, can't handle your alcohol?"

"Of course I fuckin' can, don't insult me. I think the ol' Instructor is issuin' a challenge!" he baited.

"Maybe I am," she replied, with a sultry tilt of her head.

Why hide behind my doubts? Especially tonight. Who cares if it's Seifer? I want to get drunk, he's here for the same reason...as he'd say, fuck it! she thought wryly.

With that thought, she slammed her hand down onto the bar top, startling the people beside them.

"Bartender! Another round!" she yelled, as Seifer laughed heartily at her enthusiasm.


Over the next two hours, the two finished a bottle of rum between them and for some reason, she'd spilled her heart out to him.

From the moment the second Sorceress War had ended and he'd disappeared, all the way up until the moment she'd walked into that bar, she'd told him everything. How she'd applied for the instructor position again after they'd settled back in at Garden and only one year later, her instructor license was revoked a second time. How Rinoa and Squall had gotten married, and were expecting their first child by the end of next month. How even Irvine, playboy extraordinaire, had gotten hitched to Selphie and they'd moved back to Trabia. Even Zell, who was never serious about anything other than martial arts and hot dogs, had found a girlfriend.

Then there was Quistis, who had no job, no significant other...when an extremely dangerous covert mission request had been sent in to Garden, she'd volunteered-much to the dismay of Squall and Rinoa, who knew that the likelihood of her coming back was very slim.

Tomorrow was the first day on the job, and rather than wallow in her grief, alone in her hotel room, she'd decided to go out and hit the town. This dive bar, had been the first she'd come across and she shrugged, thinking, why not take a chance?

He listened incredibly well, taking all of her complaints in stride. When she'd vented her life problems to him, she'd asked him to reciprocate and surprisingly, he'd taken her up on the offer.

After the war, he'd apparently surfaced somewhere in Centra, alone in the middle of the neverending desert. Somehow, he'd managed to make his way to the orphanage and Matron had been there, extremely surprised to see him show up; especially in his near-death condition. Fujin and Raijin and come to pick him up and they'd drifted around to various cities, until he finally managed to land a job in Deling. Why anyone would want to hire Seifer Almasy, ex-sorceress knight who'd tried to destroy the whole world, was beyond him but he figured, he'd take what he could get. Fast forward a few years later, jobless again, Fujin and Raijin married and out of the picture...he was stuck in a sprawling metropolis, full of people who absolutely hated his guts, and he had never felt more alone.

Multiple shots and a couple of glasses of whiskey later, Quistis had been...shocked to find out that they had more in common than she'd ever realized. Once the last of his grievances had left his lips, she'd grabbed his hand, causing him to recoil at her abrupt movement.

"You know what? Let's go, I'm starving and to be honest, I don't think I trust the food here," she said.

He studied her intensely for a minute, as if trying to figure out why in the world she'd want to leave and go anywhere with him. Apparently though, 'fuck it' was the theme of the night and so he rose, pulling her up with him, and said, "Hell yeah. Food sounds fuckin' delicious. Aye cap'n, let's go!"

They tossed down enough gil to probably buy most of the alcohol in the entire bar, and sprinted out onto the paved streets of Deling. For some reason, they'd found their grand exit highly amusing and were doubled over on the side of the building, bracing themselves on the wall, palms flat against the surface.

When their laughter had finally subsided, Quistis put her hand over her eyes, shielding the light from the blinding neon sign above the bar from her view. "So...what do we wanna eat?"

"I could go for a burger. Fuck, a burger sounds good. Thick, juicy meat, mmmmm," he moaned.

A giggle escaped from Quistis' lips and he glared down at her. "What the hell is so funny?"

"Thick, juicy meat?" she repeated, as she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Oh, shut the hell up. I'm surprised you even cracked a dirty joke."

"Even I am not immune, Almasy."

"Yeah, yeah. So, burgers. This way. There's a delicious joint on the corner of this street."

"Lead the way," she said, stumbling as she swept her hand in front of her to indicate that he should go first.

They'd made their way to the small shack standing on the corner of the street-literally, a rickety shack that didn't look like it would still be standing by the end of the week-and Seifer had ordered them two burgers, with grilled onion, no tomatoes or lettuce, and smothered in Thousand Island dressing. At that, Quistis made a face.

"Thousand Island dressing? On a burger?" she questioned.

"Don't knock it until you try it, okay? It's great for drunken midnight meals," he said defensively.

She held up her hands in goodwill and said, "Alright, fine. I'll trust you on this one."

Ten minutes passed and finally, they grabbed their food from the window of the shack and ambled over to some tables that had been set up, by the owner of said shack. Surprisingly, Seifer had been right: the dressing was amazing on burgers.

While Quistis chewed and gazed across the street at the lit windows of the Deling Hotel, Seifer reached out and swiped a bit of forgotten dressing off of her face, startling her. She turned back to face him, swallowing her bite.

"You...you had sauce on your face. I got it though," he mumbled.

"Oh, thanks…" she trailed off, as she tried to subtly wipe the area around her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Is it gone?" she asked, as she looked back up at him.

Seifer gazed attentively at her, his eyes appearing to glow from the lights that surrounded them. He leaned in then, and pressed his lips against hers. Caught completely unaware, Quistis froze. His lips moved insistently against hers and when she still didn't reciprocate, Seifer leaned away, looking down at her with narrowed eyes.

"You do know how a kiss works, right Quistis?"

She flushed and mumbled, "Of course I do."

"Alright. So prove it," he countered.

Fire flashed in her eyes then, her competitive streak answering to his call. "Fine, I will. One more time," she demanded.

He quirked an eyebrow at her and leaned in again, his lips crashing against hers this time. She opened up to him, and his tongue slid in, caressing the side of hers.

You know, I think I'm really starting to like the taste of Thousand Island…

As the kiss became more heated, he wrapped his arm around her waist and hoisted her over to his side of the bench. Unfortunately, it caused Quistis' body to contort into some strange, unnatural position, so she lifted her leg up and placed it on the other side of his body, straddling him. With a sigh, she lowered her body so that she was sitting on top of his thighs and he cradled the back of her head, his fingers entwined in her hair.

From there, the kiss reached new heights of sexual tension causing Seifer to buck his hips, and Quistis could feel his erection against her inner thigh, through the fabric of his jeans. She broke away and gasped at the erotic sensation and he whispered, "Sorry if I startled you."

"No you didn't, just...I wasn't expecting it...somehow," she whispered back.

Suddenly, the voice of the burger shack owner called out to them. "Not that this isn't fun to watch but...can y'all take it somewhere else? No one wants to get burgers with you two mackin' over there."

Quistis tucked her face into the crook of Seifer's neck and giggled, before she slid off of his lap to let him stand. When he did, she got a full frontal view of the bulge in his pants and he smirked at her, reaching in to readjust.

His eyes flickered over to the hotel and he suggested, "My room?"

"You're staying here, too?"

"Yep."

"...you know what? Fuck it. Let's go," she said breathlessly, as she reached for his hand and practically dragged him across the street to the hotel's sliding glass doors.

The elevator ride up to the nineteenth floor was absolute torture. They'd gazed at each other for a few seconds, tension brimming in the air, until Seifer had muttered something under his breath that Quistis couldn't hear, and strode across the space to pin her against the wall.

Seifer ran his lips down the side of her neck, causing goosebumps to break out on her skin. His tongue snaked out and licked her at random intervals the entire time he teased her, and each time he did it, he was rewarded with a quiet moan. He grasped the underside of her thigh and lifted it around her waist, pressing into her core with his erection and her moan transformed into something more guttural, sexy.

All too soon, the doors dinged open and he dropped her like wildfire, grabbing her hand and dragging her out into the hallway. They marched to his room, her blonde locks in disarray from being pushed against the elevator wall. His hair was equally as disheveled, from her running her hands through it and grasping the strands tightly as he had swirled his tongue along the thin, sensitive skin of her neck.

Finally, finally, he stopped in front of room 1982, and fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, to pull the keycard out. When he tried to stick it into the slot, he missed three times from his rush and swore under his breath. Quistis impatiently sidled up to him, taking the card out of his hand and inserting it smoothly into the slot. The light blinked green and she grasped the handle and pushed the door open, looking up at him with an amused expression.

Seifer rolled his eyes at her smugness, and pulled her by the hand into the room. When she saw the king size bed, with its large, fluffy white comforter draped over it, she was suddenly hit with a wave of panic.

This...this is a terrible idea.


Quistis let her hand fall from Seifer's grasp, and he turned around to face her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Her eyes flitted from the bed, to his face, back to the bed and he sighed.

"Ahhhh, second thoughts, huh?" he asked dryly.

"Well I just...I mean...we're us. Do we really want to do this?" she asked hesitantly.

He smiled wryly at her, understanding that she was trying to find an excuse to not sleep with him. "Well like I've been saying all night, fuck it. Or in this case, each other."

She scoffed and it turned into a chuckle. "I forgot how vulgar you are."

"But I like living life on the edge, you know? Always in the moment. How about you?" he taunted.

She held his gaze then, in the darkened hotel room, sexual tension between them at an all time high. It was in that moment, that he reached up and pulled on his lapels, shrugging out of the heavy overcoat . He tossed it onto the floor, also kicking his shoes off, and in a low voice, said, "Your turn."

Quistis shook her head at him in disbelief. He knew she couldn't back down from a challenge, and he was using that to his advantage.

Well fine, fuck it then.

She reached up and looped her finger around the circular zipper pull that rested against her chest and at an agonizingly slow place, she pulled it down, unveiling her lacy red bra. The contrast of the vivid shade against her fair skin, made Seifer's eyes darken to a deep teal and he visibly swallowed.

When the zipper finally reached the bottom, she pulled the sides of her shirt apart and held the garment out, poised above the floor for a few seconds, before she let it drop. "Your turn."

He laughed-it was brief and short, and looked away, shaking his head at her. "Can't believe you took the bait. Alright, then. You play dirty, I'll play dirty."

He unzipped his cobalt and white vest, tossing it aside and reaching for his belt, undoing it quickly.

"Woah, one item of clothing," Quistis instructed.

"Who said there were rules? I'm playing dirty, remember?" he said, as he pulled his pants down, leaving him in only his black boxer briefs.

Now, Quistis' lids lowered and unconscious of her actions, her tongue snuck out and wet her lips in anticipation. Even from across the room, she could clearly see the outline of his very erect, very hefty member. He even made it a point to shift his stance and plant his feet slightly wider apart, causing his package to move and catch her attention even more.

She cleared her throat and said, "Fine. Dirty then, as I'm assuming you prefer this to be."

With that, she turned around so that her back faced him. Reaching behind her, she pulled the zipper to her skirt down, exposing her matching lacy red underwear. She glanced at him over her shoulder, from under her lashes, and slowly pushed the waistline of her skirt down, making sure to shimmy out of it so that her ass moved from side to side.

The second her skirt hit the ground, Seifer swiftly crossed the room and pulled her into him, nestling himself between her ass cheeks. A gasp left her lips and he returned his attentions to her neck, just like when they were in the elevator earlier. Sweeping the long strands of her hair to the other side, he suckled on her skin, evoking breathy moans from her. His hands came up and cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples through the fine lace of her bra. Her breath hitched in her throat at the sensation, and she arched her back, pushing her breasts into his hands.

Against her skin, she could feel his lips forming a smile. His hands dropped from their ministrations and reached behind her, grasping the clasp of her bra. Deftly, he disconnected the two sides and slid his hands up on to her shoulders, dragging the straps down her arm, until finally, her bra was entirely off.

Forgotten already, he threw it onto the floor, and lazily lowered himself on to his knees, planting featherlight kisses along her spine the entire way down. By the time he stopped, she was trembling slightly from the ticklish sensation. Quickly, he helped her out of her boots and hooked his fingers underneath the band of her underwear, peeling the beautiful, lacy covering off at an excruciatingly lethargic pace. She lifted her legs and stepped out of them, completely naked before him now.

Insistently, Seifer placed his hands on the outer edge of her thigh, pushing to indicate that he wanted her to turn around. She obliged and he was level with the front of her most private area now. Quistis' chest heaved, her pert, rounded breasts rising and falling with every quick breath she took. He glanced up at her, his cerulean eyes breathtaking, before he pushed her gently towards the bed. When the backs of her thighs hit the mattress, she sat and he gestured for her to lie back.

She tilted her head at him, eyebrows lowered questioningly and he quietly implored, "Trust me, okay?"

Hesitantly, she nodded and did as he'd asked, resting her back on the soft, downy comforter. His hands grasped her knees then, pushing them apart and when her love box was fully exposed to him, he inhaled sharply.

"What, what is it?" she asked frantically, nervous at being so bare in front of someone.

"Nothing. You're...you're beautiful. Your pussy is beautiful. You're beautiful all over," he whispered.

Quistis cringed at the obscene term and she lifted her head, looking down the length of her body at him, as he kneeled between her legs. "Do you have to call it that?"

He looked up at her and smirked, "Yes, I do. Why, too crude for you?"

"A bit."

"Trust me, when we get into the heat of the moment, it won't sound so crude. Lay back down," he commanded.

With a short sigh, she let her head flop back down onto the blanket and all of a sudden, the wet, rough texture of his tongue slid up the length of her sex.

"Ohh, holy Hyne!" she gasped.

Seifer chuckled, and the heat of his breath fanned out across her lower lips. "What did you think I was gonna do?" he muttered against the side of her inner thigh, as he grazed his lips along her soft skin.

He repeated the motion, this time swirling his tongue around her clit when he reached the top and she arched her back again, a loud moan leaving her mouth.

"Yeah, that's it. Moan for me, Quistis," he demanded.

Yet again, he repeated the action and instead of teasing the bundle of nerves that drove her crazy, this time, he shoved his tongue into her wet core, causing her fingers to grip the blanket tightly.

"Seifer...holy shit…" she trailed off, ending with a breathless gasp.

"You sound so fucking sexy right now," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Seifer, less talking...more...whatever it is you're doing," she ordered.

He chuckled again and rose up off his knees, standing over her. "For that demanding tone, I'm gonna stop."

Quistis narrowed her crystalline eyes at him, intentionally dragging her fingers down his hardened abs, to the iron length protruding from his pelvis. When she wrapped her fingers around it through the fabric of his boxers, he hissed at the unexpected pleasure that shot through him, lowering his head down onto his chest.

"Don't you dare stop," she threatened.

"I'm not stopping completely, shit. I'm just movin' on to bigger and better things, okay?"

Reluctantly, she let go-if she had to admit it to herself, she rather liked the feel of his heavy member in her hand. Bracing his knees on the mattress, he quickly shoved his boxers down. Scooping her up in his arms, he scooted them higher up on the mattress, and Quistis gasped at the feel of his penis brushing against her inner thigh.

Finally, they were settled and he remained poised above her, his fists pressing into the mattress on either side of her head. She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his biceps, admiring the fact that even though he was no longer a mercenary in training, or a sorceress' knight, he was still in shape-incredibly so.

When he still hadn't moved a few seconds later, she shifted her gaze from his muscular arms to his brilliant eyes and he stared down at her, as if waiting for something. When she realized he was waiting for permission, she hesitated for a second, wondering to herself whether she should back out now, when she still had a chance.

At that very second, the tip of his penis brushed against the entrance of her core, and they both groaned at the torturous sensation. With that, Quistis knew that she wouldn't be backing down from this because...she wanted it. That realization was liberating and with newfound conviction, she nodded.

Seifer moved his hands from beside her face to cradle them against her cheeks, lowering his body. His hips came forward and with one swift motion, he entered her. She inhaled sharply at the feel of being stretched so wide and when he bottomed out, he moaned into her ear. The sound was so sexy, so masculine, that she felt something akin to the feeling of butterflies in one's stomach fluttering, spreading through her from her lower abdomen.

"Fuck, Quistis. You feel seriously incredible. I don't think I'm gonna last that long, I'm sorry. Too fuckin' drunk," he mumbled.

"That's okay, that's okay. Just...for Hyne's sake, please move. Do something."

"At your command," he acquiesced.

He pulled back until just the tip was in her, and then slammed home again, and again...and again. With each snap of his hips, she let out a throaty moan, that increased in volume. Her grip on his arms got significantly tighter but thankfully, he was so in the moment that he didn't notice. Sweat beaded on his forehead and dripped onto her chest, not that she noticed either. Her head was tilted back, her mouth open and in that moment, Seifer thought that she'd never looked so beautiful.

Somewhere short of ten minutes later, he was proven wrong. The base of his member brushed against her clit every time he thrust, and with the last movement he'd made, her velvety inner walls clenched and rippled, and her fingernails dug into his skin. Her slender, blonde eyebrows furrowed, and if he didn't know better, he'd almost think she was in pain. Her rosy, pink lips fell open and she gasped his name, over and over again as she orgasmed.

Seifer squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on breathing through the incredible feeling of her inner walls milking his manhood for all he was worth. He tried to think of anything, anything but the fact that Quistis was quivering around him

With her last spasm, he knew it was a lost cause. "Shit, shit, shit. Fuck. Quistis, I'm sorry, I'm gonna cum," he groaned, and his hearing, his vision, faded into nothing and he thought he might have moaned, but wasn't entirely sure.

When he finally came down from his high, he felt her slender, tapered fingers running through his hair, caressing the long tresses. He pulled out quickly and rolled to the side, so that his weight wouldn't crush her and he laid there, on his back, trying to catch his breath.

Quistis snaked her hand up his chest and planted her palm over his heart. She rolled over, nestling herself into his side.

"So...why did we never do that before?" he asked quietly, and she snickered at him.

"Beats me. But hey, what do you say we make up for lost time?"


A/N: Did you find all five words and thousand island dressing? ;)