The realization had come out of nowhere.
For some time, she had played with the idea that what she did was just as bad as what she prevented by doing it. But now it seemed that idle thought was actually reality. Not only did she cause a problem, she didn't know to stay around to fix it.
So she now prepared to jump off the tower. It couldn't be more pain than what she was in now already.
How could she have been so stupid? How could she have not known what would happen? She had too much faith in humanity. If only she knew. But it was far too late.
There was no reason for her to live. She didn't deserve it, certainly not when she had unwittingly instigated her own doom, and caused something worse than the end of the world. She was fully prepared to go to hell for this. Her existence was already hellish enough.
Yet even when her despair was at its greatest, the basic instinct for life held her back from the edge. Hadn't she suffered enough? She had already lost both of her love interests, her daughter was most likely murdered, and that did not even begin to mention the horrors she had seen, and been through. Her memory included everything from cessation of existence to being trapped in an endless cycle to cruel and unusual ways of being tortured and killed. The injuries and many deaths she could relate to included many unspeakable methods of mutilation, far too many to list.
She was alienated by the very ones she had saved. She was facing an unstoppable problem that she herself was responsible for. And now, just when she was about to escape from a life worse than death, she couldn't.
The irony of it all was that most of what made her life hell were people who hated her, maligned her, and wanted to kill her. If she died, they'd get what they wanted. Of course, it would backfire later, but she wouldn't win.
And even though she knew her self-preservation instincts were too powerful for her to allow death, that was an even worse option. An existence of eternal suffering, cleaning up the messes she would inevitably leave behind in the process of cleaning other messes. It would be a closed circle that would never be broken until the end of existence.
And now, it seemed that was her only option. She wasn't about to be killed, and that same bond was keeping her form killing herself.
But then it told her something else.
It told her to turn pain into passion, hatred into power, and her troubles into her strengths.
It would never lessen her pain, but she'd get some consolation from seeing judgement rain down on others, and she'd put an end to what had been down to her. Because if she didn't, everyone would lose.
She went through more pain than anyone else alive. She'd return it where it came from.
She would be the bright blade of justice. And this time, she was wise enough to know what actually was justice.
She would be vengeance incarnate.
20 years later
It had been two decades since she had abandoned suicide. During that time, she had found a purpose for her pain and despair. It was negative, not positive, emotion that drove her to her goals.
Yes, what she did over half a century before was an utter disaster. And it was the result of saving the human race. She didn't regret that decision, but if only she had thought ahead about what would happen afterwards, the world could be a much better place.
Too late for that, but even if the ounce of prevention was gone, the pound of cure was still there.
So she began to prepare for a drastic cure.
Even if that cure was deadly.
And she was now ready to put the formula into action.