So, this is kind of my challenge to myself. I'm writing one fanfiction for each episode of Merlin. Some are one-shots, some are longer stories. I ran out of ideas for fanfictions so this is how I'm dealing with that. If anyone has any prompts for me, feel free to leave it in a review and if I write it after I finish writing these 65 stories, I'll dedicate it to you… so, thanks. And I give you Season 2 Episode 11.
Summary: Merlin realizes that Morgana stole the crystal, so he goes to confront her. When she tells him she already passed the crystal on, Merlin goes to get it back. Morgana follows him and learns a lot about herself. Merlin/ Morgana.
Story 24: I'm Sorry
Chapter 1: Where Is It
Merlin entered Morgana's chambers without knocking. It was beyond inappropriate, but he could not make himself care. A fury unlike any he had ever experienced burned through him, fueling his actions. Morgana was sitting at her table eating supper while Gwen tidied up around her chambers.
Both women look over at Merlin, horrified by his entrance. Merlin's ignored Gwen and walked straight over to Morgana so he was towering over her. "Where is it?" He asked her harshly. He knew that he must look like quite the terrifying sight. It wasn't his intention to frighten her too much, but she had gone too far.
"Where is what?" Morgana asked, doing her best to look innocent.
"Morgana," Merlin warned. "I know that you helped them. Where is it?"
"I don't know wh–" Morgana began to say. Merlin held up his hand to silence her. He turned to Gwen.
"Could you leave us for a moment?" Merlin asked her quietly. "I need to speak with Morgana alone."
Gwen hesitated before she looked at Morgana. Morgana nodded to show she would be okay. She knew what Merlin was going to say and she didn't want Gwen to overhear that. Gwen started to leave, but stopped at the doorway. "I'll just be getting your wash," she warned. "I will be back soon."
"Thank you Gwen," Morgana said. The fear was palpable in her voice.
The moment the door closed behind Gwen, Merlin turned to Morgana. "I know you helped Mordred," Merlin told her.
"Why would I help him?" Morgana asked.
An indescribable emotion crossed over Merlin's face. Morgana couldn't describe it if she wanted to. "Why are you lying to me? Arthur and Uther I understand, but I have never shown you judgement. I have never given you reason not to trust me," Merlin told her quietly. He didn't know why her dishonesty was upsetting him so much. Perhaps it was because he knew that he hadn't earned her trust, because he had never been honest with her.
"Why do you care?" Morgana asked harshly. "You don't understand what it feels like to know that everyone you know would despise you if they knew who you truly were."
"I know exactly how that feels," Merlin said exasperatedly.
"How could you know?" Morgana asked skeptically.
Merlin studied her for a moment. He had wanted to tell her for such a long time. He had wanted to help her so badly, but he couldn't ignore Gaius' warning. At least with no knowledge of magic, Morgana could feign innocence if Uther discovered her powers.
Merlin feared that she was changing though. He feared if he didn't help her learn to accept and appreciate her powers, then the witch that Kilgharrah spoke of would come to exist. The alliance between Morgana and Mordred had been foretold. It was that alliance that would give Mordred the ability to kill Arthur. If Merlin could prevent that alliance by preventing Morgana's downfall, he could save Arthur.
More importantly, Merlin was tired of lying to everyone. He could easily lie to her and fabricate some excuse to justify his earlier words, but he didn't want to. He felt an itch deep, deep down to be honest with her. It was an itch that insisted on getting scratched.
His decision wasn't an impulsive one. Rather, he carefully planned out what he should say, what could make her understand. He looked up at her. "There is something I need to tell you. I have kept this from you, because I feared that it would make life more dangerous for you. But not telling you has proven to be much more detrimental to your spirit," Merlin explained slowly. Morgana was looking at him curiously. "If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"
"I just want to be accepted," Morgana whispered. She felt so weak to admit it, but it was her greatest fear. "I want people to know who I truly am and not fear me. I don't want to be alone anymore."
Gwen chose that moment to re-enter the chambers. "You can have the rest of the evening off," Morgana said in a shaky voice. She didn't look away from Merlin. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Are you sure my lady?" Gwen asked anxiously.
"I am," Morgana assured her.
Gwen shot Merlin an anxious look. She didn't believe he would do anything to harm Morgana, but she was nervous all the same. She had never seen him so angry. "No harm will come to her," Merlin promised.
Gwen nodded before she curtsied and left.
There was an awkward silence once Gwen left. Merlin turned back to Morgana. "You say that you crave acceptance, but is my acceptance not enough?" He asked her. "I have lied for you to protect you from Arthur and Uther. I know of your powers and I have been nothing but supportive. Why is that not enough?"
"Because you will never understand what this is like," Morgana said desperately. "I appreciate everything you have done for me, but you can't possibly understand what it is like to feel so utterly alone. There is no one I can talk to about this." Morgana closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears leaking from her eyes.
Merlin sighed. He knew that now was the right moment. "I'm sorry I lied to you," he said softly. He cupped his hands together and mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. He looked at Morgana and didn't look away from her as he whispered, "blotsma."
He slowly opened his hands and watched as Morgana looked down to see what he was holding. Her eyes widened and she looked at him hesitantly. "May I," she asked softly. She motioned to the flower in his hands.
Merlin nodded and he could feel her soft hands brush his as she took the flower from his hands.
For the first time, he looked to see what he had created. He was a little impressed with himself. She held an intricate rose. He hadn't actually known what was going to appear in his hand. It could have been anywhere from a strawberry to a tree. The rose he had produced was beautiful, more beautiful than any flower he had managed previously.
Morgana studied the rose for a long moment. "It's beautiful," she said breathlessly. She went over to her end table and poured some water into her goblet. She put the rose in the goblet and admired it for a moment. "How long?"
Merlin didn't need to ask her to clarify what she was asking. He knew. "Since I was born," he admitted. "I could move objects with my mind before I could talk. I know exactly how you feel. Until I came to Camelot and met Arthur, I believed I was a monster. Arthur has given my magic a purpose."
"Why do you have so much faith in him?" Morgana asked. "You are a sorcerer, yet you follow him like a pup doing his bidding."
"Because I know what Arthur's destiny is," Merlin told her seriously. "I know that one day, he will bring magic back to this land, but he cannot do that if he is dead. I also know that by giving them that crystal, you gave them the tool to destroy Uther. Kill Uther and Arthur will never see the good in magic. You condemn our future rather than save it. And you make yourself no better than Uther. You used to be better than this."
"I… I…" Morgana looked away from him. Merlin was right. She was doing something terrible out of spite, but that made her just like Uther. "I hate Uther, but you are right. I am just as bad as him if I allow the druids to kill him. But how do I stop them? They will not give it back to me."
"Regardless, we must get it back. Where are they?" Merlin asked.
"Their camp is in the Valley of Chemray," Morgana told him. Merlin instantly spun around and began to leave. "What will you do?"
"I won't hurt them if that's what you're asking," Merlin told her. "But I will get that crystal back."
"You can't!" Morgana told him. "They'll see you as an enemy. They'll kill you."
"I don't care. I have to protect Arthur," Merlin told her. "He is my destiny." With that, Merlin walked out the door.