Laments of the Lovesick Draco Malfoy

Oh, why—why—why—why—why--?! I thought, frustrated, banging my head on the table in the Slytherin's Common Room. Why cant I stop thinking about her?! It was too bizarre—me—Draco Malfoy—cant take my mind off a girl. A girl. Since when did I become such a cheesy wart? "Agggghhh!" I screamed, stamping my foot. Ever since I saw her again in the train—ugh!

"Draco, are you all right?" Pansy Parkinson's squeaky voice came out from behind me.

"Oh, yes, I'm all right, just peachy." I replied in a breathless voice.

"Come here, I'll give you a head rub if you have a headache," Pansy said in a flirty voice. I couldn't stand the way she talked—it was nothing compared to the girl I'm smitten with. Smitten? Malfoy, since when did you even learn the word smitten'? I really need some intense therapy, I thought, backing away from Pansy.

"I'm going," I told her.

"Where?" she asked, blinking.

"To the girl in my dreams," I replied in a dreamy voice.

Ack! I thought, watching Pansy's mouth shaping into a sly smile. Without a moment hesitation, I ran out of the common room. Soon, rumors about the girl in my dreams' would spread through Hogwarts like a wildfire. I would be a laughing stock! Oh no! Wait till I get back on Pansy I'm gonna kill her!

I hurried out of the castle, wanting to feel the fresh air and calm myself down. Hang on there, Draco Malfoy, you'll beat your hormones—I'm sure of it. I took a deep breath and inhaled—yes, everything was going to be fine—I just had a bizarre fit and went totally beserk. After this, I'll tell that smug pug of Parkinson that she's the girl in my dreams so that those stupid to-be rumors would shut it self up. Yes yes

"Malfoy," said a voice behind me.

"What the hell do you want?" I snarled, not looking at the person.

"Professor Snape wants to see you after class tomorrow," the person said, sounding irritated.

"Yeah, well" I turned around---and I was---I was face to face with her! GIMD! (Girl in my dreams)

"Uhhhhhhhhhh," I spluttered.

"Malfoy, do you have a fever or some kind?" she asked me.

Aha! Plus one point for me she was actually worried about me! "Yeah, I guess doesn't really matter." I answered coolly. Time to show her what a man I am!

"Oh, well, I hope you wont get well soon," she said simply, walking off.

Wha? And here I was, thinking that she was feeling sorry for me! Must be one of Potty and Weasel's schemes, yes, definitely, without a single doubt!

I suppose now you know who am I smitten with. Yes. Hermione Granger. The Gryffindor. The Mudblood. I suppose you're all quite shocked now, eh? Well, prepare to be blown away by what I'm going to say, I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH HER! But but this is all like, a mistake, right? All just a dream but no ever since I saw her at the Yule Ball last year, oh my.. her hair, her face, her smile I couldn't seem to find the perfect words for them. Consider me lovesick. So sue me.

But there was no way that Hermione would ever be interested in me. Nada. She saw me as a: Lame, big ego, freak, mean, evil, naughty—well—I admit that I enjoy being who I am, but if being who I am means that I cant have her, then—what's the point of being who I am?!

I was actually thinking of giving up. Why? How can you ask such a stupid question!? Look at her, surrounded by her cocky Gryffindor friends, Potty and Weasel, and not to mention that Barbarian Krum whom she stayed with last summer. Perhaps they have broken up? At least, that's what I heard from Parkinson the professional rumor monger. A couple of days ago, I was actually planning to tell her how I felt about her uh I must say it did not go well.


Draco: Look who's here, Mudblood, Potty and Weasel.

Weasel: Stuff your mouth, Malfoy.

Draco: Stuff your arse.

Potty: Go away.

Draco: Go away yourself!

Hermione: Stop it, guys. Come on, Harry, Ron.

Draco: Wait, Hermione—

Hermione: ::is in shock:: What is it?

Draco: I---I—t-t-t-think y-you, I-I-I t-t-think I-I

Hermione: Spit it out.

Draco: I think you're an ugly hag.

Hermione: ::slaps Draco::

All right, that wasn't really one of the best moments in my life, but hey, I got slapped, the second time! I don't know why I was feeling quite happy about this but well it didn't go the way I expected. So here I am, wondering and wondering and wondering how Hermione feels about me even though I already knew.

That night, I crept to the library, half hoping and half suspecting Hermione would be there. Hermione was such a book freak that it wasn't really surprising if she was there. True enough, there she was! I smiled gleefully and went up towards her. She looked up and stared at me, her eyes wide.

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" she asked me.

"I want to give you a present," I said, trying to look innocent.

"A present?" Hermione exclaimed. "For me?"

"Yes," I replied, handing her a small box that was wrapped in red.

"Um well okay." She mumbled. She began to open it and there I was, grinning from ear to ear, know that she would just love it.

" How to be a Death Eater by Lucius Malfoy'" Hermione read. Then, she looked up at me witheringly and tossed the book on the floor. "How dare you, Malfoy. How dare you mock me?!" she yelled. "Don't you ever speak to me again, you filthy rotten scum!"

Hermione gathered her books and went out of the library in a huff. I picked up the book, tears prickling behind my eyes and when she was out of the library, I started to sing;

"Love is heartless

But I'll never give up

Her heart I will get

Her beautiful voice I will hear

Never a day goes without my love getting stronger

Oh you're the one who lights up my life, Her"

"Why, I never, DRACO MALFOY!" Madam Pince shouted at me in her shrill voice. "How dare you disobey the library rules by performing such a dreadful act! 20 points from Slytherin—and go to bed!"

Like I said, love is very, very, heartless.