Meanwhile, in my absence:

"Wait – okay – hold on." Link said, "You mean to tell me that – Vanity is part cockroach?"

Koroleva made a strange motion with her eyes that may have been the equivalent of rolling them, "How dense are you, silly earth fish? I have explained to you once – Vanity Janice Morgan has a purified chemical within her that makes her immune to being wounded. She cannot be hurt for very long. She will heal almost immediately. It is the same chemical your doctor has within him, but pure." She talked very fast, so it didn't clarify much for Link.

Let me set the scene for you: after my glorious abduction, everyone that was sitting in the lawn was like, "HOLY SHIT!" and they were very confused. There wasn't much they could do, though. Despite this, just after my departure, they too were treated to the same fate as I, and were picked up into the ship and sedated. Why? Let me put it this way: Koroleva is a huge asshole, who thrives on the pain of others and enjoys making as many people as possible suffer. So what better than bringing all of my – ahem – "friends" to one place to watch her plan unfold? Which involved me. And many things revolving around me. So Cockroach, Link, Bob, Natalie, Darcy, and Susan were all currently being held within Koroleva's huge ass ship center. They were chained very unceremoniously to the walls. Koroleva threatened them with death if they attempted to break free.

A very short ways down the wall, there was a creature chained that looked very similar to Koroleva, only smaller. It had not taken its eyes off of them since they had been dragged inside.

At this current moment, I lay unconscious some one hundred and fifty feet away, somewhere. But enough about me.

Susan glanced at Link, "Um – I think you might be missing what I, personally, feel is the most important detail of this story?" she said, and he glanced up at her.

"I feel like part cockroach is a pretty important detail, Suzzy." He said, but before he could continue, Bob cut him off.

"That's pretty good Link, but I think I know what Susan's talking about," he glanced up at her, "The part about the dog, right?"

Susan sighed, but before she could correct him, Natalie spoke, "This actually makes a crazy amount of sense." She looked up from the floor, which her eyes had been glued to for the entire explanation, "I don't remember much about Vanity from when we were really little – I'm a year younger than her. But from what I do remember, she was a very distant child. She almost refused to talk to people in general. She always wore her hair the same way. She was a huge wall flower. I don't think she ever actually spoke to me until she was in high school." She bit her lip, "…the cockroach stuff actually explains so much. She's…basically blind. She can hardly read anything without struggling – she can't make out details five inches from her face. If she did cut…" she trailed off, apparently deep in thought, "…once, when we were twelve, we went walking…we were…climbing a big oak tree and…she fell from about halfway up…I couldn't help her…she hit the ground and I heard the most sickening crack…and she screamed…but when I finally got to the bottom she was just…waiting for me…" she looked up at Susan suddenly, "Her parents did that to her. My aunt and uncle…" she swallowed, "No wonder she hates them so much…I would, too…"

She looked back at the floor; she didn't seem very interested in talking anymore. Susan sighed, "It is awful, but it's not what I'm talking about." She looked at Cockroach, "Doc – Vanity's you're freaking niece."

"What." Link sputtered, "I missed that – where the hell was that mentioned?"

"Vanity's dad – he's Doc's brother." Susan said, "That makes her his niece."

There was a long moment of silence, then finally Susan spoke once more, "Which – explains a lot, too…"

Darcy nodded dully, apparently still processing this piece of information, "Like why she's so smart…"

Link snorted, "Yeah – and why she never lets us forget it."

Koroleva had made her way back over to them, "Are you gossiping?" she asked, "I have been watching miss Vanity Janice Morgan for a very long time. She is a stuck up brat."

"No she's not!" Natalie and Darcy both exclaimed; Koroleva laughed a very chilling laugh.

"Your biased opinions mean nothing to me." She snapped, "Her favorite thing to do is talk about herself! Brag about her accomplishments and her talents! She is far too arrogant for her own good." Koroleva crawled away from them, and Link sighed.

"In that case – there really is no doubt she's related to Doc."

When I finally awoke, I was drowsy as hell. I felt like I'd just drank a cup full of Nyquil. Which I would not recommend by the way. 0/10.

The ground was cold and I was cold and that was all I knew. I felt like I was embedded in something. I didn't much care for the idea of opening my eyes, but it wasn't like I could just stay there forever. When I finally did open my eyes, even though I could see perfectly fine, I knew it was dark. It was true that I was embedded in the ground – where I had fallen earlier upon my abduction I had dented the floor and it had morphed around my body while I slept. How sweet of it.

I blinked. Before I could do anything else a voice began screaming, "NEW SIGNS OF LIFE." blared into the room on full volume, in a monotone voice. I started, but before I could do anything, a pair of mechanical doors slid open with a loud swoosh and light flooded the room. I winced, closing my eyes, but I knew I couldn't stay like that. I sat up; there was no silhouette in the doorway. I stood, my head hurting, still hyped up on the metaphorical Nyquil, ready to fight.

A voice suddenly spoke, "Vanity Janice Morgan…" it hissed; it was coming from everywhere and nowhere, "I want to play a game with you. If you can avoid me for one of your Earth hours, I will let you go…" I said nothing, considering what she was saying seriously. I decided against speaking, "…I should take that as a yes?" there was silence, "…Lovely. Let's begin…in three…two…one –"

Before I could literally run for my life, I was being hoisted into the air by two spindly legs; Koroleva cackled wildly, holding me above the ground as I squirmed, "I win!" she screamed, "Perhaps that was a bit too easy for me – I do not want to have injured your pride." She laughed again, "Let us play again. GO!" she shrieked, throwing me a short distance towards the light flooding into the room. Where I hit the ground it dented; I grunted, hardly given a chance to get on my hands and knees before I was being lifted back into the air, "You are making this too easy for me, Vanity Janice Morgan…" Koroleva sounded somewhat less entertained, "Let us play again…"she threw me again towards the light, possibly with less enthusiasm.

When I hit the floor this time, though, I was ready for it. I stood and started running for the light, because then I could at least figure out where to go from there.

"Ooh! How nice of you to present a challenge!" Koroleva called after me; I heard her long, sharp legs hitting the floor, "How far can you make it?" when she spoke again it was much closer to me. Before I could fully react, she grabbed my ankle and pulled me off the floor. I went straight up into the air and left her grasp, "This game isn't much fun. Nobody ever lasts very long. How long will you last?"

On my way up in the air, I passed a collection of pipes. I grabbed onto them while I was falling back down. I slowly clambered up onto them; it was a bit of a struggled, but I managed.

"…Where did you go..?" Koroleva wondered aloud. I could hear her moving around underneath me. I started walking down the pipes towards the lights, "…Vanityyyyyy…" her voice dripped through the air, "Where could Miss Vanity Janice Morgan have gone..? Humans are not capable of flight…" her legs hit the metal ground hard; she was searching, "Well, most of them aren't…" she muttered, "COMPUTER! Locate Miss Vanity Janice Morgan…"

"Miss Vanity Janice Morgan is atop piping structure A8 in the abduction chamber, fourteen units from the nearest door." A voice rang through the air.

"Of course she is." Koroleva muttered.

The pipes shook under my feet as she latched onto them; I almost fell off, "As much as I hate to admit it, you really are a clever one." Koroleva was so large, she was struggling to stay on the structure, "But you are far too arrogant for your own good. Surely you must have known one day, it would bring your downfall."

I jumped from the pipes and ran at the open doors blindly.

Meanwhile, in my absence:

"But what the hell could this lady even want with Vanity?" Link asked, "There's not much special about her other than her ability to heal fast!"

"Koroleva wants to extract the chemical in Miss Vanity Janice Morgan and implant it into herself, to make herself invincible."

They hadn't really seemed to notice the creature that was chained to the wall with them up until that very moment. Which is understandable, considering they were a bit wrapped up in their own endeavors. When they did notice her, though, she gave them a good scare.

"Oh god – what the hell?" Link said, "How many of there are you?"

"Forgive me. I didn't mean to frighten you. My name is Spasitel. I am on your side." The being said calmly.

"What do you mean, our side?" Susan asked.

"I will explain. Koroleva owns and rules a vast majority of the universe. She is very cruel. She wants to remove the chemical from Miss Vanity Janice Morgan's body and implant it in herself, this way she will become invincible and no one will be able to stop her from taking over the rest of the universe. I am a part of a small group of resistance who does not want her to rule the universe. I was sent on a mission to stop her from finding Miss Vanity Janice Morgan. As you may have guessed," she struggled against the chains, "I have not succeeded."

"Well then are we too late?" Susan asked, "She already abducted Vanity – has she already got the chemical?"

Spasitel sighed, "I told you she is very cruel. She is waiting."

Darcy stared at her with wide eyes, "For what?"

Spasitel stared straight back at him, "She wants you all to watch."

Back to me,

It was around this time I came barreling into the same room as all of my – again, ahem – "friends" as they were gawking at a creature chained to the wall. I was so out of breath I could've died; Koroleva was not far behind me.

"Vanity!" Natalie practically screamed, "Vanity you have to go! She's going to –!"

"I HAVE YOU." Koroleva practically shrieked as she came up behind me; she snatched me up by the ankle and I screamed. She held me in the air upside down, "Little she devil! Putting up such a fight! You will not win today!" she snapped in my face. She swung me over the ground and dropped me suddenly into the center of the room.

The ground dented under me; my arms shook as I tried to push myself up, "I never lose." Koroleva said above me; she twisted one of her legs into my shirt and dragged me across the floor, "Don't worry, Miss Vanity Janice Morgan." She hissed, "I am not going to kill you. I am just going to alter your DNA again to ensure my success…"

I tried to resist her pull, "Like hell…" I sputtered, and she laughed a haunting cackle.

"You are so very cute, Miss Vanity Janice Morgan." Koroleva said, "I despise it."

I was weak. I was so very weak I could hardly breathe. I couldn't even spare the energy to open my eyes. My ears were ringing and my entire body felt like it was on fire.

"Computer, tell me. What are the chances of Miss Vanity Janice Morgan even surviving?" I heard distantly.

"Miss Vanity Janice Morgan has a 27.34% chance of surviving DNA remodification." Was the next thing I heard.

"How unfortunate." The first voice grew closer, less fuzzy, "I do hope she lives long enough to see the damage in pain she has helped bring the world." Silence fell; distantly, I heard someone weeping, "Computer, have Miss Vanity Janice Morgan transported to a prison cell with a view. I want her to stand by and watch her precious world burn."

"Should I launch a prophase invasion?"

"No, no, hold off until morning. I want the Vechnaya Zhizn' filtered and converted into a plasma form before I inject it. Hopefully she will be awake by morning."

"Yes, Koroleva."

Something moved my body, and I was thrown into agony. I would've screamed if I could've opened my mouth.

Meanwhile, in my absence,

Natalie was in tears. She was shaking violently in her chains. Koroleva was smiling at her before she left. There was a large tank filled with a pretty, amber looking substance set into the wall behind a pane of glass. Everyone on the wall looked heartbroken.

How incredibly touching.

Koroleva left. The computer set into a deep hum of sleep.

Spasitel was the first to speak, "I have a plan."