A/N: By Popular Demand, I give you a little drabble-shot in the War Song Universe~! ^-^
Thank you for all the Reviews, Favorites, and Follows, everyone! And thank you to those who read but don't do anything besides enjoy it!
Explanations for weird & random names are at the bottom, just fyi.
Stirring Shit Up
Harry was bored out of his damn mind. He and Ares sparred damn near every day, and he and Athena talked shop occasionally (They didn't see eye-to-eye, but Harry liked her firm belief that everything is a weapon, and the fact that the Goddess knew ways to fight with a fucking paperclip that scared the shit out of him gave her major brownie points as far as Harry was concerned.) He had fun fighting with the Hysminai and the Machai, had learned how to give a properly terrifying war-cry from Alala. He had gotten his blood pumping just looking at Polemos, and the two of them, with a little help from Enyalius, had accidentally-on-purpose gotten the Nymphs and Dryads to wage war in the name of chastity against the Satyrs and hornier of the Gods and open-minded Goddesses, and the hot nature-ladies were on a boycott from cock. Harry had gotten the shit beat out of him by Ares for that, before the two laughed their asses off and bonded over watching some of the Gods get horrific blue-balls.
Enyo had gleefully taught him some majorly devastating spells that affected wide-areas (to the horror of half of Olympus), and he'd swapped stories with the Androktasiai over Nectar and Firewhiskey. Homados had damn near deafened him every time the shithead opened his fucking mouth, but they'd solved that issue by pulling Harpocrates wherever they met, so that they could actually have a conversation. Harry had damn near laughed himself to Death watching Ioke court Palioxis, chasing after the other Spirit like a particularly intent cat after a mouse, and poor Kydoimos had gotten so confused he'd gotten into a fight with Alastor (Who had taken on the form of Snape whenever close to Harry, which Harry had found equal parts hilarious and infuriating). Phobos and Harry had never gotten along, but Harry was fine with that.
Still, Harry had always been a little fucked up in the head, and the wanderlust he'd craved was eating at his damn joints.
So, he decided to go fuck with Death.
As he stared around the Underworld, taking in the stereotypical flames and darkness, with a weird as fuck green mist thing over the ceiling, Harry shifted his hold on Teddy (who was now three, when the fuck had that happened?) as the toddler stared around them curiously.
"…Fucking tacky," Harry muttered, striding forward. He had a few Gods of Death to bother.
(Thanatos mourned his increased paperwork, while Achlys spun his mist in miserable pleasure over the gleeful Keres. Macaria danced, laughing sweetly in Harry's shadow as Minos grimly continued to work alongside a smug Aiakos and an exasperated Rhadamanthys. Melinoe had fun as she presided over her ghostly flock, smiling fondly at how 'lively' they were getting in the Master of Death's presence, while, down in the Fields of Punishment, the Kindly Ones cackled. Hecate could only sigh in amusement as the boy who was twice-blessed by herself cause mayhem that made Eris proud. Charon just counted the money Harry gave him to carry Teddy through, and ignored everything else. He'd stay sane longer, that way.)
The visit was very satisfying, if Harry did say so himself.
(Even if Uncle Hades disagreed. Vehemently)
"Must you visit so often?" Hades complained as he glowered at his nephew. Harry grinned, completely unrepentant even as he kept a sharp eye on Teddy as the Toddler screeched with glee every time Cerberus playfully nudged him, the massive dog's tail wagging like crazy as he chased and played with the child.
"Yep!" Harry responded, and had no fucking regrets as his favorite Uncle groaned and took another shot of nectar to no-doubt cure the headache Harry always managed to give him. Harry just grinned slyly.
Oh yeah, he definitely liked fucking with the Gods.
"So, let me get this straight," Harry started slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared up at the Gods, mostly looking right at Zeus. "You all want me to go to this shitty little Camp in bum-fuck New York, to kick the shit out of your little brats so that the fucking fight in the near future doesn't kill a shit-ton of them. Does that sound about right?" He asked, arching a brow, and Zeus glowered darkly, thunder rumbling in the background and little bites of static dancing through his truly kick-ass beard.
"Yes," he ground out around gritted teeth; Harry arched a brow.
"The fuck do I get out of it?" He asked; Zeus looked even angrier.
"You get to fight more," Apollo suggested easily; Harry snorted and just gave the Sun God a look, and the surfer-esque God just grinned and shrug gamely.
"Something to distract yourself?" Athena offered; Harry gave he the look that deserved, along with a lechery-filled leer, earning a huff and instinctive bristle from the Virgin Goddess.
"You get to kick the shit out of a bunch of brats, with approval," Ares told him; Harry snorted.
"I can do that anyways," he reminded; Ares shrugged, throwing a leg over the arm of his throne carelessly as he used a dagger to trim his nails boredly.
"Enough," Hera declared, leaning forward slightly to stare at Harry with her silver-and-copper eyes. "What do you want in exchange for your services as a Combat Trainer for Camp Half-Blood?" She asked; Harry tilted hi head, and smirked coldly, knowing he was about to cause one hell of an issue and reveling in it.
"I want Hades to have a Throne and a Cabin," he declared, and grinned viciously as the Zeus fucking roared, lunging to his feet, lightning exploding around him as massive freak storms began forming around the world.
"YOU DARE!" The King of the Gods bellowed, the roar of thunder deafening even as it send heavy vibrations through Harry's very bones.
"I do indeed," Harry replied cheerfully, grinning and all but bouncing on his feet as the other Gods and Goddesses began to object as well, throwing the room into loud chaos as they all argued and fought around him. Fuck, he could see why Eris threw that fucking Apple ages ago, this shit was fucking hilarious.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ares roared, and in his voice was the cry of thousands going into battle, the roar of guns and canons, the wails of the dying and the cheers of the victorious, and, surprisingly, everyone quieted, if not entirely. "Harry, the fuck do you want Corpse Breath sitting on a Throne for? And a fucking Cabin? Seriously?" He demanded of his Son, and Harry grinned slyly at them all.
"He's the King of the Dead, and I'm the Master of Death," Harry reminded cheerfully. "And don't you even try to fucking sell me on that Big Three Oath bullshit. If the three of you could keep it in your pants as much as you think, then the world would be a better fucking place, let me tell you." He snorted; Zeus's face mottled with rage and Poseidon actually fucking winced a little.
"You would dare to presume–" Zeus started; Harry pointed at him, face deadpan.
"Thalia," he said; Zeus's mouth snapped shut. "And Jason." He pointed at Poseidon. "Perseus." He waved towards the shadows were the silent, stoic form of Hades watched. "His brats don't even fucking count, because they came before that fucking prophesy, and don't get me fucking started on your stupidity concerning them," Harry complained, glaring up at Zeus. "Seriously, the fuck is the matter with you? You tell everyone else they're not allowed to talk or interact with their sprog, even if said sprog is about to die, but, oh look! Your own brat, who you Swore on the Styx wasn't going to happen, is about to bite the dust but, instead of just letting her when it's her fucking time, oh no, you magic her into a fucking tree," he ranted, annoyed. "And not even a cool tree, and fucking Christmas tree, what the fuck?" Harry huffed and glared at them all. "The only one of you Big Fucking Three who actually followed through with that Vow was Hades, and yet, where is his Throne? Not here! Where's his fucking Cabin? Oops, that's not here either! Seriously, you assholes need to treat Hades with more respect; he's the oldest fucking brother and has to deal with more shit than any of you. I mean, you guys made him the God of Regret, for fucks sake!" The Gods were silent, staring at him, some in disbelief and some in relief that someone had finally voiced this matter, even if they hadn't quite expected such a… Unique argument.
"So, let me fucking clarify," Harry declared, glaring up at the Gods firmly. "In exchange for me, going to Camp Half-Blood—which is a stupid fucking name, so creative—and training your pathetic bastards so they don't fucking die like dipshits in this stupid fucking fight that no one knows when it'll fucking happen, you lot give Hades a Throne and a Cabin. That seems fair, doesn't it?" He asked mockingly, baring his teeth in a sneering grin; thunder rumbled as Zeus ground his teeth, furious. Hera set a hand on his elbow, and inclined her head towards Harry, her frigid, coolly regal features unmoving.
"It is done," she told him, the echo of Power roiling through the room; Harry nodded, and clapped his hands together, smiling.
"Fan-fucking-tastic," he announced cheerfully. "I'll grab my brat, and be out of your hair. Later!" He announced, giving them a mocking salute before, with the echoing gong of mourning bells and the echo of battle cries, Harry disappeared.
"Good riddance," Zeus growled, and that was that. Ares watched his fellow Gods as they tried to recover from the upheaval that the Master of Death had caused, and couldn't quite hide a smirk as he dug his blade beneath one of his nails to carefully scrape out some of the blood that had gotten stuck there.
That's my boy, he thought with pride, and hoped that Camp Half-Blood was prepared…
Ah, who was he kidding? The little shits were about to have their asses handed to him, and he'd be laughing the whole damn time.
"Your newest Combat Instructor, Harry Potter!" Chiron introduced Harry to the Campers at Dinner, and Harry smirked out at them as he carefully helped Teddy eat the grapes that one of the Nymphs had given the boy. "Son of Ares, Master of Death!" The telling toll of Mourning Bells filled the air, the sound of weeping in its echoes, and the thunderous roar of a battle swamped it over, until the silence of death surrounded them all and made each Demigod feel their Mortality.
"…Sup," Harry greeted easily, not even blinking as he smirked out of them.
Their disbelieving faces would look cuter once he was done beating them into the ground.
Harry scowled heavily at the group of beautiful girls and boys huddled in front of him.
"You bloody fucking pathetic," he complained, glaring darkly at the Children of Aphrodite. "You little shits are the spawn of the Goddess of Love, Beauty, Desire, Sex, and fucking Pleasure, but not a damn one of you can fucking fight! Love is one of the most fucking powerful things in the Gods damned Universe, brats! There are three fucking reasons people fight and kill in this world, and they are greed, revenge, and love! For fucks sake, have none of you dipshits ever heard the phrase 'love hurts'?" He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering death at the gasping teens, who had barely managed to run a fucking mile.
"Listen up, and listen good, dipshits!" Harry barked, thoroughly disgusted. "Love is a Power in this World that no one is capable of escaping! Animals know love! Children know love! Mother fucking psychopaths know love! For fucks sake, the Trojan War? Happened because some douche was in love! And, sure, Lady Discord stepped up and threw the first fucking punch with that Apple of hers, but it was your mother who ended up starting that fucking war, and, guess what? It was for fucking love that that fight started, for love that it continued, and for mother fucking love that it fucking ended! You little shit-stains are so fucking obsessed with looking gorgeous that you forget, you don't fucking have to! Girls, guys love it when a good looking chick can pack a punch! Turns their dicks up like a fucking dog smelling a treat! Boys! Girls dig it when a pretty boy can kick fucking ass! It makes them feel special and loved and protected and shit! Does that make a lot of sense, fuck no, but it's fucking true. So!" Harry dropped his arms and bared his teeth as he snapped his fingers; instantly, a trio of massive, black-skinned boars rose from the ground, squealing furiously as the kicked the dirt, fire-filled eyes hungry and deadly tusks covered in steadily dripping blood. Harry stalked over to them and, smirking, patted one on the shoulder.
"Get ready to throw out your precious fucking name brand shoes, bitches," he purred, grinning ferally under the teenagers horrified stares. "Because I'm about to make you run them so fucking hard that you're great-grandkids feet'll hurt!" With that cheerful warning, he whistled, and the boars screamed. The next hour was a mix of the most hilarious and the most infuriating sights in his damn life, but watching as the 'weakest' member of the Cabin finally got fed up and launched her tiny self at the largest of his Battle Hogs with a scream that would do fucking Alala proud, with nothing but one of her prized fucking shoes in hand as a weapon, well.
He thought he was doing a pretty damn fine job of this teaching shit, all things considered.
Harry stepped across the Border Line without even a flicker of hesitation and, in a flash of movement too fast for normal humans to see, had the Minotaur by its horns. With a roar of his own to match the Creatures, Harry rolled his shoulders and, with a powerful heave, sent the Beast flying back towards the smoldering remains of the car, lightning flashing and thunder rumbling as rain continued to pour.
"Fucking asshole," he grunted, casting a brief, narrow-eyed look up at the sky, before he turned and grabbed the unconscious satyr by the back of his shirt, and neatly tossed his sorry ass over the Boundary. Huffing, Harry cast a considering look on the shaken, terrified form of Poseidons brat, and smirked at the wide-eyed awe that flashed over the boys face at the sight of Harry in his tight black muscle shirt and jeans, red leather jacket protecting him from the rain.
"Get your sorry ass past that tree or so help me, I'll put you over my knee and spank your ass hard enough your ancestors will feel it," Harry told him, voice hard and smirk transforming into bared teeth. Peseus blanched, and, with a yelp, obeyed. Normall, Harry would go easier on the little shit. His mother had just gotten turned to fairy dust before his eyes, and he probably hadn't even been aware of the fact his old man was a sea cucumber, but, hey, Harry had been sleeping when fucking Granddad had woken his ass up with his hissy fit.
Turning back to face the Minotaur as it bellowed at him and began to charge, Harry barred his teeth and cracked his knuckles.
At least he'd get to kick someone's ass properly today.
A/N: There you guys go! I hope you liked it, thank you so much for reading and loving the first chapter so much! I will probably make one or so more random drabbles like this. Before anyone asks, ALL the Divine seem to ALWAYS know what Demigod belongs to Who, and so Harry knows as well.
Ares – God of War, Bloodshed, and Violence.
The Hysminai – Spirits of Fighting and Combat
The Machai – Spirits of Fighting and Combat
Athena – Goddess of Intelligence, Skill, Peace, Warfare, Battle Strategy, Handicrafts, and Wisdom
Alala – Spirit of the War Cry
Polemos – Personification of War
Enyalius – Minor God of War
Enyo – Goddess of Destructive War
The Androktasiai – Spirits of Battlefield Slaughter
Homados – Spirit of the Din of Battle
Ioke – Spirit of Pursuit in Battle
Palioxis – Spirit of Backrush, Flight, and Retreat from Battle
Kydoimos – Spirit of the Din of Battle, Confusion, Uproar, and Hubbub
Alastor – Spirit of Bloodfeuds and Vengence
Phobos – Spirit of Panic, Fear, Flight, and Battlefield Rout
Thanatos – God of Death, Brother of Hypnos.
Achlys – Spirit of the Death-Mist, Personification of Misery and Sadness.
The Keres – Spirits of Violent or Cruel Death
Macaria – Daughter of Hades, and Goddess of Blessed Death
Minos – One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal king of Crete and Judge of the Final Vote
Aiakos – One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal king of Aegina, Guardian of the Keys of Hades and Judge of the Men of Europe (Which is why he's smug about Harry, btw).
Rhadamanthys – One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal lawmaker and Judge of the Men of Asia
Melinoe – Daughter of Persephone and Zeus, Minor Goddess (Or Spirit, it's not really clear tbh) of Ghosts
The Kindly Ones – The Furies, Goddesses of Retribution, the Erinyes. Alecto (The Unceasing One), Tisiphone (The Avenger of Murder), and Megaera (The Jealous One)
Hecate – Goddess of Magic, Witchcraft, The Night, Moon, Ghosts, and Necromancy. (By Twice-Blessed, I mean Harry was Blessed with MAGIC and NECROMANCY, NOT that he's a Twice-Blessed Demigod).
Charon – Ferryman of Hades
Hades – God of Regret and Wealth, King of the Underworld and the Dead.