Title: Human

Author: Leanne8582

Rating: PG-13

Distribution: If you want it you can have it. Just let me know so that I can brag to everyone I come into contact with.

Disclaimer: Someday I'm going to marry Joss Whedon and then half of Buffy will belong to me. Until that day, not mine. "Human" by the Pretenders- also not mine.

Summery: Buffy/Spike sort of. A song fic about Spike and Buffy's twisted relationship. Takes place during season six. Sometime after 'Smashed' but before the badness of 'Seeing Red.'

Author's note: Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. My first Buffy fic. Let me know if it's any good. Remember, Christmas is coming. My two favorite gifts are feedback and cash. You can give me either.

~*~*~*~*~

Human

Spike sat on a headstone in the cemetery. He was waiting for Buffy. He knew that she'd come his way on patrol. All he had to do was sit it out. Spike took a pack of smokes out of the pocket in his long black trench coat. He took one and lit it. He took a drag and felt the smoke fill his lungs. 'Bloody hell,' he thought. 'What has that Slayer-Bitch done to me?'

~~~~ flashback~~~~~

Dawn: Lurk much?

Spike: I wasn't lurking. I was standin' about. It's a totally different vibe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Damnit!" Spike cursed. "I couldn't fool Niblet. Why do I think that I can fool myself? Why do I do this to myself? It's not like I'm hard up for a good shaggin' or anything? I could always find Dru." Spike paced restlessly through the cemetery, like a caged animal.

"Why her? Why now? Buffy's just another bint. No different from the rest. Why do I keep doing this?" Spike, agitated, threw his half finished butt onto the green grass. He didn't bother to stomp it out.

"Stupid bitch!" Spike screamed up at the moon. "Why? Why her?" Spike asked himself. "Dru was my kind. She was beautiful, insane. Harm would do what ever I wanted. I had total control over her. Besides, she had bigger tits. Christ! What is it about Buffy? Is it because she's a Slayer? I've tasted two Slayers. Neither of them meant anymore to me than a meal."

"I can't believe this. I told her I loved her. Given her the power. Can't give up the power. She shags me then she leaves. Doesn't mean a bit to her. She's the one. She's the one who's heartless. I *love* her. She's just using me. I know and I take it like her bitch. I'm just her whipping boy. She doesn't care about me. I'm just a good lay to her. She doesn't love me. Can't love me. I'm not human. Remember. God. She's holding all the cards and she knows it. She wallows in it."

I play a good game, but not good as you
I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue

Now the damage is done...

'Buffy doesn't understand. I can feel. I can feel pain. When she hits me, I bleed, I bruise. My blood is just as red as hers. I'm not a monster. I'm a man. I'm a man.'


Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside


And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside

Buffy Summers stepped into the clearing. She had seen Spike hanging around and felt that it was best if he didn't see her. Buffy wasn't up to dealing with Spike tonight. She waited until he began to head back to his crypt, then she stepped out of the shadows. Buffy was tired of patrolling. She was tired of Sunnydale. She was tired of everything. She hated the fact that, as evil and disgusting as Spike was, the only time she felt alive was when she was with him.

'It would have been better if we'd had never met,' she thought. 'Then I wouldn't have to keep going back to him over and over again. He wouldn't have this power over me. He's like an addiction. Like a drug. I need him to make myself go to work in the morning. Hell, I need him to even get up in the morning. I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel, but most of all, I hate how I don't think I can survive without him. The worst part is that he's totally in control and he knows it.'

'He loves lording it over me. He comes to me and starts touching me. I tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He knows that I'm not serious. He knows that if I really wanted him to stop, I would stop him. If only he was normal. A normal person. Of course, I can't fall for a normal guy. Yeah, Buffy, your track record's great. Two vampire's, a total jerk, and one covert G I Joe with a vamp fetish himself. No. It had to be Spike. He's challenging, surprising, and he pushes all the wrong buttons all the right ways.'

I thought you'd come through,
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you keep going 'til you break my heart
Yeah, you break my heart

~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~

Buffy: See, that's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell, and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll come across a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Spike doesn't see me as a woman. He sees me as the Slayer. The Chosen One. I'm the only mortal girlfriend he could ever have. He feels safe with me, because he knows that I can take whatever he dishes out. He can slam me around as much as he likes and knows that he won't end up with a brain hemorrhage and a corpse.'

See I bleed and I bruise,

Oh, but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside


And if looks could deceive,
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside

'Spike can hurt me. The chip in his head doesn't think that I'm human. Spike doesn't think that I'm human. All I wanted to be was a normal girl. That's never going to happen. I'm a person, damn it! But I'm not at the same time. I'm too strong. Too fast. I've never been normal. Maybe I was never human in the first place.'

Buffy looked around the cemetery one last time. Then she headed for home. She was done for the night.

I crash and I burn,

Maybe some day you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside


I stumble and fall,

Baby, under it all
I'm only human on the inside

And the damage is done...

I crash and I burn,

Maybe some day you'll learn
I stumble and fall,

Baby, I do it all
I'm only human on the inside

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy: We're not all gonna make it. You know that.

Spike: Yeah. Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'.

Buffy: I'm counting on you... to protect her.

Spike: Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End

What did you think? Please review!