It's funny that you can go from happy and having no worries, to being miserable and getting all the worries back. That is just the way I felt after Delphine left.
I turned around and looked Shay right in the eyes. She looked right back at me, but didn't say much. It wasnæt before I started to look for my clothes that she spoke up.
"Are you okay?" She said. placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah sure." I shrugged it off. "I just need to get my stuff and go to work."
She nodded her head. We both knew what was going on, neither of us said anything about the subject. Subject being Delphine.
After getting my shit together I went for the door. I turned around looked at Shay and said. "I'll call you later okay?"
She just said "mm. right,"
And then I left.
I can't begin to explain what I was thinking on my way to the dyad. I knew I was pissed off because Delphine just stormed in Shay's apartment like she owned the place. But she does... Own a little piece of what was in that apartment. I got sad thinking about it, so I replayed the scene in my head when she broke up with my, and then I was mad, angry and upset again.
I decided to do like she had done, basically just storm thru the door and make myself very clear about why I was there. When I got inside the lab, she was sitting there on a chair, waiting for me. She knew I would come, if not for our love, it would be because I was pissed at her. So in the end I did come for our love, because that was the reason I was pissed at her.
I looked at her for what felt like an hour. God! she's beautiful.
"Really?" I spat out.
"You show up like you do at my girlfriends apartment?"
She took a moment before answering me.
She looked hurt.
I corrected myself.
"She's not my girlfriend, not yet anyway." I looked away. Could not look right at her, not now.
Her face went cold again. "Well, I don't have anything to do with that." She held out her hand. "Did you bring it?"
She got up from the chair, and started to walk towards me.
"Cosima. Can we please try to work together here? I only want what's best for you."
And then i laughed. And shook my head. "What's best for me. That's funny."
She looked me dead in the eye. "You don' get it do you?"
"Don't you understand that I took this job so that I could get more information about all of this? I lost what I loved the most so that you could at least have a chance to survive."
"I know." I didn't know what more to say.
"So, let's not make this more difficult then it already it, could you please try to work with me on this?"
"If I'm going to do that Delphine then I need you to not keep secrets from me."
She got serious. "I'm not the one keeping secrets."
She was talking about Shay. I knew it. And I could see it.
"Fine! You wanna talk about that, lets go."
She opened her mouth, about to say something, but I wouldn't let her.
"I would have never been with her, if things hadn't been like they are with us. You broke my heart completely, and I needed something to help me move on. Someone who could take my mind of things"
"Is it love?" She said.
That blew my mind. I turned around not wanting to face her. "No." I said. "It's not love." I paused for a moment. "But I like her. It could be love one day."
Delphine stood there in all her glory, being as professional as always. Right now in this moment it didn't look like she felt much at all. Maybe because she didn't. Just maybe she had been so hurt by this that she lost all emotion towards me.
The thought of her being with anyone else really bothered me, I didn't like it at all, and I felt the need to leave the lab and go for some fresh air. But I didn't. I stayed put.
She still hadn't said anything. "It won't be like it was with us." I said.
She understood what I ment. I could see a tear running down her cheek. I lost it. Before I even knew what had happened, I had my arms around her. Hugging her like I had wanted to for so long now. "I love you, I loved the moment I saw you." I said.
She pulled out of the hug, and looked at me.
"Cosima." she paused, trying to gather her words. " You took me by surprise, when I met you I didn't have any other choice but to fall for you. I couldn't control it."
I hadn't noticed myself that I was crying too. She wiped the tear away from my face. Then she finished. " I have not made many promises in my life, but I made one to you. To keep you, and all of your sisters safe, and do what's best for you all."
I nodded. She cupped my cheeks.
"I love you more then you know. But I can't be with you when I have to do the things I do now. But when all of this is done and over with, there will be a time for us again. I can't bare the thought of someone else touching you places only I should touch you. I accept that there is someone else there for you now, because I know it's only temporary."
I was crying harder now.
"Just because twe people are not together doesn't mean they never will be."
"Delphine." I said, barely.
"Some day." She whispered in my ear.
She kissed me. It was almost not even a kiss, but still I could feel my whole body shaking from it. I wanted more, I needed more. I needed her. She was the one for me.
She took a step away from me, and started to walk towards the door. Just before walking out she turned around.
"Someday." I say.
Keep in mind english is not my original language. I tried my best :D