RENEW YOUR LOLS
Written by Zarius
Disclaimer: The Simpsons is copyrighted by FOX entertainment. No profit is gained from this story.
THIRTEEN YEARS EARLIER
"Hey-key wakey kids" Krusty the Klown yelled at the top of his lungs, which were quick to give out on him due to some excessive smoking mere minutes before.
He wanted to curse out his bodily functions, but regardless of his ill intentions, his show was on the air and he had to abide by its rules, which meant persisting with a smile
He tried to skip over to the hot line, a red mobile phone perched on a pedestal in the center of the stage. It had long been a more traditional handheld telephone, but the networks had it changed to keep things more concurrent. Krusty felt like this was an insult to the art associated with the occasional throwback to a golden age.
As hard as he tried, he found skipping, or even hopping over, to the phone left his knees knackered and his incredibly un-trim belly bloated. He was reminded lately of going up to his father's old attic to pull out some nostalgic albums and he could barely move around because of his weight issues, and could barely even sit down in order to mount the ladder and scale back down to the floor.
He needed to remind himself daily to try and keep in tip-top shape. Each day that vow would go unfulfilled.
"What we're going to play with here" Krusty said to his excited child audience, "Is 'Laugh Line', this is the big one kids, whoever calls in and answers this Krustacious question, will be granted the ability to call on my services at least one time in their lives. That's right, if you're feeling like that smile remains upside down, be it at school, at your parent's therapy sessions, at your dodgy thanksgiving arguments, just ring the number on the screen beneath, 0-5-7-8-KRUSTYKALL, and you'll have me in your life for a 24 hour period. A little ray of sunshine on the cloudiest of days...so let's roll on if we want to get someone rolling on the floor, who do we have on the line Mel?"
"Line Five" his sidekick Sideshow Mel revealed
"Keep him off" Krusty replied
"Sir, its Line Five" Mel insisted.
"No, we're banning him outright from this"
"Why? Because he's had enough goes. I've seen him plenty of times. So much so he's become as famous as me…and it was just as fleeting"
"Krusty, I think you're being a bit harsh"
"That's the thing about fans kids" Krusty said, addressing his audience "They think they're entitled to everything, they know what they should GET, but sometimes they don't necessarily think about what they NEED. Sometimes in life, they NEED to move aside sometimes and let someone else muscle in. Fresh turf is where we surf from here on out, so anyone BUT line five will do"
"Fine, we'll skip over to line six" said Mel.
"Hello?" Krusty said, picking up the phone.
"Hi" came a squeaky feminine voice
"What's your name?" asked Krusty, tapping the phone
"Kristy" said the voice.
"And here's the question…who am I right now?" Krusty said, tapping a wooden table
"The one who knocks" said Kristy.
"She got the joke folks, congratulations Kristy, you have my services whenever you want it" Krusty responded.
Watching this unfold on television was caller five, who had been denied.
Bart Simpson hated to be denied.
Was Krusty right though? Had Bart been around Krusty so much he saw him more as an associate than a fanatic that needed his constant attention?
"Bart, Laura's at the door" said Marge from the main hall.
Bart got up and opened the door, greeting his old neighbor and babysitter, as well as one of his earliest crushes, Laura Powers. Her t-shirt bore a Captain America with his letter "A" on his chest and the flag on his mask, completely the wrong way around, but it was a tell-tale sign of how much she always liked to turn things you expect to stay the same on its head.
She looked as lavish and as beautiful as ever, her chestnut brown hair was tied back and her jeans were tattered, but her eyes were still spell-blindingly striking and her smile was infectious to the heartstrings.
"Laura, hey, is everything chill?" Bart said nervously, the old butterflies from yesteryear hadn't quite subsided around her. They never could.
"Just my luck champ, 'cause I've got something wicked cool just for you" Laura said in a familiar voice
"Line Six? YOU were Kristy?" Bart said in astonishment as he picked up on the voice.
"Nifty trick huh? Mom wanted me to enter that talent competition, but after finding out the winner of this year's search was for a dog act that required a stunt double for the participant, she's sort of discouraged me"
"Gee, Laura, thanks" Bart replied
"You're going to have to promise me something though"
"Use it when you're older"
"Why not now?"
"Because you have everything to live for right now. Your whole lives in front of you, wait 'till you have everything in the palm of your hand, and whenever you feel like it's slipping, then is the time to smile about it"
"Great, save it for adulthood" Bart dryly and sarcastically remarked, huffing "People grow out of things, Krusty's already growing out of having a persistent fanboy, what good's a Clown when you have anything my dad guzzles down at that age?" Bart asked.
Laura brushed Bart's hair with her right hand, "You're little, but you're big on improvising, when you see a chance, you'll seize it"
"I'll go one better, I'll do it for you. Anytime you're in a jam, I'll ask Krusty to get on top of it"
"Rather it than me" Laura replied,
Bart looked confused
"Never mind, big person humor" she said, "I'll hold you to your promise, but take it to another level for me...do it for any kids I might come to know in the future. Kids your age. The right age. I've kind of grown out of that stuff"
"Consider it done" Bart said, high-fiving his former sitter. "Say, how long you in town for? I'd love you to drop by again, I have the WHEW network, we can sit down and watch that" asked Bart.
"Oh, just catching up with a few Holograms" said Laura.
"I don't follow" said Bart.
"Oh you know, just what I name my gal pals, you know, after that Jem movie?"
"That's an awful film. I should know I've seen the full trailer" said Bart.
"I know, it drives my friends nuts when I call them that" Laura replied. "Don't worry, I'm on social hang-outs, look me up, we can be online pals for as long as it takes to grow beyond those shorts you tell people to eat"
"And after that?"
"Who knows?" Laura said, "Maybe then I'll have a man rather than a cow" Laura teased.
"You ok?" Bart asked.
"Just waiting" Laura replied.
As Laura left, Bart pondered the meaning of her words, and looked at the phone number she had left.
An opportunity to call Krusty at any point.
In a period where Krusty may no longer want or need him.
A thought occurred to him.
How would that define the pair of them if he were to use it years from now?