Well hello there to the fans of the Fifty Shades books! This is my first fanfiction based on this series so please tell me how you like it! I'm not the best in capturing the true perspective but I try my best. Tell me what you think! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Fifty Shades book series nor any of its characters.
Why? Why did he do that? Why did he go and see her? Doesn't he know how much of a hard limit she is for me? Yet when things get tough between us, he has to go see her. Why?
Exhausted from the events that happened today, I laid on the Chesterfield couch in the playroom with my eyes wide opened. The duvet I had stolen from the bed was wrapped around my thin body, and even with the warmth the blanket provided, I could still feel the chill right down to my core. I was shivering from the cold, shivering from the anger and hurt I was feeling towards my husband, shivering from the empty feeling inside.
I glanced over to my quiet phone lying down beside me. I had only sent the text message to Christian a few minutes ago and I was on edge that he was about to text me back. What would I say to him? What would I do?
I mentally rolled my tired eyes. He was drunk out of his mind and past out on our bed; there was no way he would text me back. Not until morning when he woke up to a hangover. And judging by how drunk he was when he came home, this hangover was going to be a rough one for him.
Closing my eyes, I willed for sleep to claim me. But, after a couple of tense minutes, my brain refusing to shut off, I reopened them and sighed. Heartbroken, I sat up on the couch and glanced around the room. With my eyes already adjusted to the pitch black room, I could make out everything in the room. From the bed to the cross near the wall. To the dresser to everything else. Feeling the tears well up in my eyes, I looked away.
"I need air," I mumbled to myself as tears fall down my cheeks. I was feeling suffocated in the room. He was everywhere. His scent, memories of him, his stuff. I needed to get away from it. I wanted quite the opposite, to stay near him, to be with him, but I knew that wasn't an option. He had hurt me by going to see that woman. And despite the fact that I wanted him, I knew I needed to be away from him. Some distance should be good for us.
I stood up and let the duvet fall off of me. It piled up on the floor and I stepped out of it. I reached down and picked up my purse and Blackberry and before placing the straps on my shoulder, I placed my phone in the bag and walked to the door. Once I reached it, I turned the key to unlock the door before opening it. I didn't bother taking the key out, nor did I bother closing the door when I walked out of the room. I didn't care. Normally I would have more because I was embarrassed, but right now, I had too many other things on my mind to care. I left the door partly opened and walked down the hall away from it.
The apartment was dead silent as I made my way quietly down the stairs. There was no sound except for my own quiet breathing. It was like I was the only person here. But I knew that was a lie. Mrs. Jones was asleep in her room and Taylor and Sawyer were in their respected rooms asleep. The night shift was made up of Ryan and one other guy I couldn't remember the name of.
I made my way over to the door to where I left my shoes. Flats to be exact. I slipped them on and then walked over to the bar where I left my keys. I picked them up and headed back over to the door. I didn't say a word as I unlocked the door. Nor did I hear my name being called. Which was unusual. I wasn't supposed to leave the house without my security and usually if I tried, whoever was watching the cameras in Taylor's office, would stop me. But no one did. And I kept going.
I made it out of the apartment complex without anyone or anything stopping me. I didn't even see anyone the whole time until I got outside and saw a couple of cars in the road, passing by. It was a little past two in the morning, so I wasn't surprised.
Without any destination in mind, I began walking. The air was a bit chilly but I kept warm by easily wrapping my arms around myself. I thought about going back upstairs to get a jacket when I immediately threw the idea away. I wanted to get some air and to think about things without having anything back at the apartment affect my thinking pattern.
I was mad. No, I was pissed at how Christian reacted to the news that I was pregnant. I knew he wasn't going to be too thrilled, but… He didn't have to yell and walk out on me. I was his wife god damnit! His pregnant wife at that!
I felt the tears form in my eyes but I held them back. I was not going to cry. Not right now. I needed to figure out my next move and crying wasn't going to clear my head. Tightening my arms me, I continued to walk, only stopping when I reached crosswalks and had to wait from the okay to go.
"Hey beautiful," A voice called out to me a little while later. I glanced over in the direction of the voice and rolled my eyes and continued to walk. A guy was leaning against a wall next to a jam packed bar smoking a cigarette. His body was relaxed and slouching and from here, it looked as if he hadn't been leaning on the wall for support, he would be on the floor.
When I kept walking, he called out again, "Hey, where you goin'?" His voice slurred but he didn't make any move to follow me. "The partee ov'r hure!"
Picking up my pace a little, I fled from the scene and turned around a corner. After a couple of minutes of fast walking, I slowed down and glanced over my shoulder to see an empty street. He wasn't following me. I let out a sigh of relief and turned around again. He was drunk but had the right mind to not follow me.
I stopped walking and moved to lean next to a building. I tilted my head to look up at the night sky and finally let the tears flow. They easily came and slid down my cheeks and disappeared. I unwrapped my arms from around me and let one arm fall down beside me while the other came to a rest on my flat stomach.
"Oh Blip, what are we going to do?" I whispered to my five to six week old baby inside me. "Christian is furious and I'm emotional. What am I supposed to do?" The tears came out faster and I hiccupped. "Will he still love me?" I couldn't help but ask. It took a moment or two, but when it came I shook my head. No, he would still love me whether or not I was pregnant. I just had to give him time to accept the fact and get over the shock. I did have a couple of hours ahead of him and the news was a shocker to me too.
But I didn't get pissed off and seek out my ex, my inner voice whispered to me. I wanted to shut that part of my head out, the part that told the ugly truth.
I wiped my tears away with my arm and turned my head away from the still, dark sky. I pushed myself off of the wall and began to walk again. What was I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say to Christian when I see him again? Will he be angry with me still because I got pregnant? He did think I did it on purpose. That hurt more than anything. As much as he's not ready to become a father, I'm not ready to become a mother. I am only twenty-two. I still have a lot to see of this world and things to do with my husband as newlyweds. I don't want to be stuck with a child and diapers and everything that came with it. My newly found freedom and curiosity and my plans with my husband… But… I'm not going to get rid of this baby for those reasons. I am pregnant now with Christian's baby.
Just that thought sent a little warm feeling inside me. I stopped and glanced down at my stomach. My hand was still resting on where I believed my Little Blip was and I lovingly rubbed a small circle on my stomach. Christian's baby… This small, defenseless baby that was a surprise to us both was inside me. It hasn't done anything yet but has done so much. It might have just ruined our marriage. Yet…
I glanced back up to the street and looked ahead of me. Tears were no longer sliding down my face but they grouped in my eyes. I took a deep, calming breath to try relaxing my tense body.
"I choose you, Little Blip. No matter what happens with Daddy, I'll always choose you. You haven't done anything wrong. I won't let anything happen to you."
A little after three in the morning, I found myself at a Denny's a couple of blocks away from Escala. I was sitting at a booth next to the window, showing me the darken streets of Seattle. Like when I had left the apartment, the streets were still empty, save for a few people staggering away from closing bars. Some of the drunks were coming inside the restaurant, but as I watched most were just walking to their destination.
"What would you like, darling?" A waitress asked.
I tore my gaze away from the window to give her my attention. The first thing I noticed from her was her face. Dark purple bags were under her blue eyes, indicating her exhaustion but what got me was the smile on her face. She wasn't wearing the fake, plastered on smile all waitress's and waiters were forced to wear, but a genuine small smile. It must be from my appearance. A women walking into a diner at three in the morning, eyes red and puffy from crying, she was probably trying to make my night a little better.
I gave her a small smile and cleared my throat. "Um, just some herbal tea, please."
She nodded her head. "Would you like anything else, dear?" She asked as she wrote my drink order on her pad of paper.
I glanced down at the menu opened up in front of me and my stomach softly growled. I grimaced. I barely ate anything at dinner but I wasn't hungry then. And now, I wasn't as hungry. I looked back up to her and asked, "I'm not really hungry."
The waitress, Dee, when I glanced at her name tag, smiled and said, "If you would like to order something from the kids menu, you go right ahead. I can be the same way sometimes, especially after a long day. Sometimes the adult platters are just too much, but the kids are perfect." I smiled at her and looked back down at the menu and turned it towards the kids section. "I'll give you some time to look it over if you'd like."
But before she could leave, I pointed to the menu. "Just the Mac and Cheese, please." I said and returned my gaze to her. A simple meal like this used to calm me down when I was little and it was just the perfect serving portion for my stomach.
Dee wrote my order down and walked away to go put it in the system.
Once she was out of sight, I looked around the diner. Besides myself and the employees, only four other people were here sitting a little ways away from me. A couple sat at a booth, talking in hushed voices but the girl was giggling over something the boy said. Watching them, my heart broke a little, wishing that could be me and Christian. Just us two at a diner at three in the morning with no worries except for each other. I quickly looked away to the others. Two guys were sitting at the counter eating their hot meals and talking with each other. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I returned my attention back to the window and leaned back into my booth. Starring back at me was my reflection from the window and I can see why the waitress was gentle with me. Hell, I would be gentle with me if I had to talk to myself. My eyes were worse than I thought; red and puffy from crying as well as blood shot from the lack of sleep. Purple bags were under my eyes and my expression was empty, a shell of whom I had been before. My hair had been in a ponytail when I had left Escala but now it lies limp and pathetic with hair everywhere.
With a sigh, I pulled the ponytail ban out of my hair and smoothed it down, trying my best to look a little decent in public. I am, after all, married to The Christian Grey. I had to try my best to look nice when I go out, no matter how I felt. My days of being lazy about my looks came to an end when I first fell into Christian's office a year ago.
Once my hair looked a lot better, now tied up in a messy (but still cute) bun, I relaxed back into the cushioned seat. I opened my purse, sitting right beside me, and brought out my phone. I turned it on and bit my cheek to hide my disappointment. No calls, no text messages, no nothing. But, who would text me at this hour? My husband was still passed out drunk in his bed and as far as I was concerned, everyone thought I was home and asleep. Christian was going to flip when he found out that I left without a security guard. Hell, he was going to raise hell when he found out the night watch didn't notice I left.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I still didn't know what I was going to do. I knew I wanted to talk with Christian about the baby, but I didn't know exactly what would happen. When he came home drunk, he talked to the baby and wasn't so against it. But then again, he was drunk. But the drunk mind speaks the sober heart, my inner voice came back. Which was true, the more you have to drink and the drunker you get, the more you speak the truth. Maybe that's what was happening. He was talking to Blip and acknowledging him, so maybe was accepting him a little bit.
Just thinking that, my shoulders sagged a little. I didn't know if that was the truth, but it did make me feel a little bit better. I knew I wasn't going to resolve the whole issue tonight. Though I wish I could and make everything go back to normal.
"Here you are, miss." The waitress, Dee, came back and delivered both my drink and food.
"Thank you," I opened my eyes and gave her a small smile. She returned it and asked if I needed anything else. I shook my head and she left, leaving me to my food and thoughts.
I grabbed my cup of hot tea and took a small sip. I made a face after I swallowed. Ugh. Definitely not my favorite tea, Twining's English Breakfast tea, but it'll do. I forced myself to take another drink before I put it back on its saucer and reached for the salt and pepper to season the macaroni and cheese. Once it was made to my liking, I grabbed my fork and took a bite. My stomach almost screamed in joy from the food once I swallowed. Oh sweet heaven, it felt like I hadn't eaten for days from how delicious it tasted. Immediately I wolfed the rest of my food down.
"My, you seemed rather starving. Does Grey not feed you?"
I almost dropped my fork when I heard the voice but instead, I did an intake of air at the same time as I was trying to swallow my chewed food. In result, I began coughing. My eyes flew to the owner of the voice and I barely managed to wheeze out, "Jack," before I tried to calm my coughing by taking a big gulp of my warm tea.
And behold, the one and only Jack Hyde, who was supposed to be in jail, stood in front of my table, grinning a sly smile at me. "Well, hello there you little gold-digging whore."
Until next time!