Finally done! This was driving me crazy! (Gollum-like crazy, not Saito-like crazy!) I
tried my best. All respective rights belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki-sama.
I'm sorry I had to change the rating. I just couldn't help myself. *grins evily*
Yes, I forgot about Tomoe. I'm sorry!! The oversight has been rectified in this one!
Please don't hurt me! Baggins! Shire! Arrrgghhh!!

The Gift of the Meiji Chapter 3
Corniest Gifts Ever!
By April-san

By the time the trays of snacks were brought out and everyone had their favorite spot in
the living room (except Sano who refused to go near that 'devilry of a tree'), all eyes
were glued to the brightly wrapped presents.

*"I would like to kindly remind everyone that the shrimp in the shrimp dip are for eating,
not playing with."*

Yahiko quickly put the object he was tormenting Misao with in his mouth.

*"Iwambo, you're supposed to use chips with the chili cheese dip! Oh, well. I wouldn't
recommend anyone trying that dip. I don't think he's washed his hands lately."*


"Uh…can I ask why are all the cookies decorated red?"

"Talk to smiley here."

All eyes turned to the obviously drunk Tenken, trying to lift his eggnog filled glass to his
mouth. "Ara?"

"Why are all the cookies red?"

"Ahh." He smiled, a thick coat of eggnog still on his upper lip. "Cause the cookies are
weak. The weak are food for the strong." Hiccup!

Shishio laughed. "That's my boy!"

"I wanna open the presents, now!"

*"Okay, I know everyone isn't going to like it, but I want to go one by one so I can get
pictures. Any objections?"*

The room exploded in heated statements, pleading, and a few cries.


"The camera will steal our souls!!"

*The author calmly put her hands over her ears, closed her eyes, and softly hummed a
Christmas song as the room slowly quieted down. She then smiled a smile that would put
Soujirou to shame. "Good. No objections. Now, who goes first?"

The room echoed with a single word: "ME!!!"

*"Enishi, you're the only one who didn't call out. You go first."* If looks could have
killed, the Author would have been dead quite a few times.


*"Uh, who has Enishi's name? Someone?" Is now afraid. "Anyone…?" Is now
terrified for her life. "Please…" Is now mortified for everyone in her entire

The tiniest squeak behind the author brought all eyes to the quivering figure. Tsubame
slightly held up a shaking hand. "I…I didn't know…what to get you, Enishi-san.
Tomoe-san gave me a few ideas…"

A small box was placed before the white haired psychopath. Enishi slowly opened his
box to find homemade chocolate chip cookies. Not just any cookies, but cookies with the
chips in the shape of a smiling face on each one.

Everyone held their breath.


*"Congrats Tsubame. I think he likes them."*

"My turn," declared Yumi, who tore into her envelope. "Good for one free year
of…Weight Watchers??!!" The words that came from her mouth were unsuitable for

Shishio didn't wait to be told it was his turn. He just tore into the wrappings of a medium
sized box. He scowled at the writing. "A…George Forman Grill? Who is George
Forman and why would I want to grill him on something like this?"

*"Iwambo, stop eating my ornaments! Those are plastic candy canes!"*

Tsubame blinked at her box. "Barbie…doll??" Her eyes fell to the doll's endowments,
she blushed red, and quickly hid the doll away.

Kaoru beamed. "I think I already know what I got. A book. Perhaps something a little
dirty?" She giggled. Kaoru slowly slid her nails under each piece of tape, gently saving
the wrapping paper. Her smile quickly disappeared as she read the name of the book she
had been given. "Basic Cooking…For Dummies??!!"

The shriek could be heard from the next town.

Okita happily ignored the outburst and used his sword to open his wrapping. "Ooo! Two
bottles!" he smiled. "Bubble bath and…shampoo and conditioner…all in one!"

Soujirou slowly and tipsily tore into his gift. "Oro…"

"Uh, Soujirou-dono, I think that's my line," spoke Kenshin.

"Ooo…Oro…" hic!

Okita glanced over Soujirou's shoulder to help him out. "Oreo! You got chocolate
covered Oreos! Two boxes! Can I have some?"

"Oro…?" asked Soujirou.

"Oro…" replied Kenshin.

"Iwambo, it's your turn. Open your gift."

He slowly ripped open his package and stared at the two pound dumbbells. He proceeded
to eat one and save the other for a snack later on.

Sano tore open his envelope. "Gift certificate to…the Akebeko?! Oh, I love you guys!
In a platonic sort of way, of course."

"It's your turn, Ken-san. Ho ho ho." For some reason, Megumi had grown fox ears.

Kenshin timidly opened his box. Without allowing anyone to see, he peeked inside. His
face turned as red as his hair.

"So, what did you get?"


"Let's see, let's see!"

His beet red face quickly shook.

Karou rolled her eyes. "It can't be that bad…" She grabbed inside the box and, to her
utter embarrassment, held up a pair of speedos. "EEEKKK!!"

*The author, being as evil as they get, quickly snapped a picture.*

Kamatrai squealed. "My turn!" She slowly opened her tiny package. "Secret, strong
enough for a man, made for a woman! Oh, how cute!" She commenced to glomp Hiko
who, in turn, tried to squirm away.

"Me next!" A rainstorm of paper flew through the air as Cho managed to use at least
three swords to open his gift. "A…Chia Pet??"

"Oh, these things are great! You put the seeds on top and you water it and you watch it

Cho sweatdropped.

"A clap…per? What the @$#% do I need a Clapper for?" swore Amakusa Shogo.

Yahiko rolled around the floor caught in his laughter. "Clap on! Clap off! Clap on!

*"You've had way too much eggnog, Yahiko! I'm cutting you off now!"*

"Aoshi-sama…I got your name…I hope you like it."

"Exotic dance lessons??? Misou-!"

"Fruitcake?! Who gives fruitcake in this day and age?!"

"My turn! My turn!" Yahiko tore into his package and pulled out a big, fuzzy, red
figure. "Tickle…Me Elmo???"

"Ooo…That tickles! Hee hee hee hee…" The figure began to giggle and squirm in
Yahiko's hands.

Yahiko's eyes grew wide as he dropped the figure and beat Elmo into unconsciousness
with his boken.

"Yuck! Who slobbered over all the cookies?!"

Sano's head perked up. "There are cookies left? Mmmm…"

"Oh!" exclaimed Tomoe. "A locking diary! I always wanted one of these to keep prying
eyes from my thoughts…" She scowled at Kenshin and then at Enishi.

Misao smiled at the huge box before her. She quickly tore it open but stopped with a
blank look on her face. "Garden…Weasel??!!" Aoshi had to quickly restrain her.

Saito took out his sword and stood in the Gatotsu stance. He attacked the present,
sending paper flying everywhere but leaving the box unmarked.

"How does he do that?"

"Clue???" Saito scowled. "Okay, who is the wise guy??!!"

"What am I going to do with a five pound fruitcake?" complained Megumi.

"Mmm…" The fruitcake was quickly devoured by Sano.

"Do you like your present, Aoshi-sama?"


"So," whispered Kaoru to Misao, "Does he like it or not?"

"To tell the truth, I really can't tell."

Kamatrai still had not let go of Hiko's arm. "How did a guy like you get so big and

It was obvious from anyone watching that Hiko was only a moment away from drawing
his sword…his metal one.

"And that hair! Oh, I would love to braid your hair… You know, with a little training,
and a little less bulk, you could become the perfect-"

*"Ahem. Hiko, it's your turn to open your gift."*

He shot the author a look of sincere gratitude. "So, who's the lucky person to get my

"Uh, Shisho-"

"Not now, baka deshi. So, who got my name?"


"Can you not understand my words, baka deshi? Not now!"

*"Um, Hiko, I think Kenshin got your name."*

He crossed his arms and faced his student with a scowl on his face.

"Well, Sesha has lived with you for many years and Sesha knows how much you like
sake, so…"


"So Sesha got you something Sesha thinks you will like very much."

Hiko tore into the package and held up a small metallic bag. "Sake-nuts??!!" (*Think

"The perfect snack to go with sake," Kenshin proudly proclaimed. "A little salty, a little
sweet. The perfect combination for-"

"Baka!" Hiko threw the bag to the ground, which was promptly picked up and consumed
by Sano.

"Uh, Shisho. Look what is also inside the box, de gozaru."

Hiko shot Kenshin the look of death, much worse than the one during the Ougi, and
glanced inside the box. He picked up a tiny paper and slowly read it. "Good for one free
admission into the sake gardens. Free tour and free samples for the day. Must be 21 to
enter. Designated driver recommended." His eyes actually watered up and he couldn't

*The author looked around at all the faces, many filled with joy, many more filled with
outrage and murderous intent. "Did everyone get a gift? Excellent! Anyone who wants
to watch my new DVD of Fruits Basket we will meet in my bedroom in five minutes.
Then, who knows. We might have a RK marathon! Five minutes to fill up on snacks,
beverages, and to use the bathroom!"*

"What about those boxes left under the tree?" Saito pointed out.

*"Uh…" The author glanced to Okita, who was busy trying to keep Soujirou from
drinking more eggnog. "They're just…uh…for Santa! That's it! For Santa!"*

Saito scowled even deeper and everyone could see gatotsu in his eyes.

*Uh, we got four minutes left!" She ran from the room.*

The entire room emptied out except for Saito and Kenshin.

"Hey, Battousai…" His scowl actually softened.

"What, Saito, de gozaru?"

He paused. "Are you actually planning on wearing that?" He pointed to Kenshin's

"Not in front of you, de gozaru!"

"I didn't mean that, Ahou!" Again, he hesitated. "Want to trade?"

"Oro? Presents?"

"No! Women! Of course presents!"

"What are you going to do with a pair of speedos?"

"It's none of your business! Do you want to trade or not?!"

Without hesitation, Kenshin quickly nodded.

Speedos in hand, Saito chuckled softly to himself. "Tokio is going to love this."

And, with that, another holiday for the April-san household was survived with minimal

The End…?

"At least for now," laughed a dark shadow in the background.

*"I am not doing New Years!"*

"We'll see…"

*"SAITO!! GET IT!!"*

"Aku Soku Z-!"

"EEK!" The shadow ran off.

*"Whew! Thanks Saito."*




Authors Notes:
I hate writing under pressure (I had to get done before Christmas! I had to!)! That stupid
writer's block came back right in the middle! Thank goodness for my crazy 'real' family
(took me to see Two Towers, yay!). And Linda-san for the idea of the speedos. Thank
you everyone for the wonderful ideas! You do not know how much you helped! I know
I missed a few characters with their presents. I'm sorry. I just couldn't think anymore!
Well, when in doubt, give fruitcake!

Thank you so much Takato the Wolf Taikashi, tesuka-chan, nekonomiko, Kriska, Anime
no Miko, just a nobody, …, Chiki, and Kishi Seta!! *Smootchies and Glomps!* Oh,
sorry about the slobber…

Now, what do I work on next? Serious or Humor? *Flips a coin* Hmm…

I can't believe I almost forgot: Okita and Soujirou are mine! Mine! Mwa ha ha ha!!