This spins out of otakufanatic's Star Wars ½ = s/2411159/1/Starwars-12
*I DID NOT publish this until I asked permission from otakufanatic.*
I would never have felt comfortable publishing this without getting the okay from the original author...
This continues Ranma's journey into the original Star Wars saga... Yes, this is his part in Episode VI, aka "Return of the Jedi."
Ranma Star Wars: Return of the Tomboy
Episode VI-II (ver 6.2, Executive Producer's and Franchise Owner's Director's Re-Re-Cut Expanded and MUCH, MUCH Better Edition Than It Was in Theaters 32 Years Ago - RIIIIIGHT!)
What has gone on before...
The situation in Nerima reached a point that Ranma was unable to tolerate after three years. Ranma discovered that Akane was NOT in love with him and that the jealous girl saw him only as a plaything to hold over the other fiancées. On the eve of yet another attempted wedding to Akane, a heartbroken and disgusted Ranma left the Tendo Dojo for good.
Ranma later found himself in a cave where a mysterious voice granted his wish to get away and start over elsewhere. The pigtailed martial artist was transported to another galaxy far, far away and began a new life with the Lars family and (new best friend) Luke Skywalkeron the planet of Tatooine. We all know how THAT story went from there!
Back in Nerima (on Earth), Shampoo and Ukyo concluded that Akane was responsible for driving Ranma away and ambushed Akane on her way to school. The experience proved fatal for Akane.
The Tendo family fell apart in the wake of Akane's murder. Soun suffered a fatal heart attack in the hospital while viewing Akane's corpse. Nabiki committed suicide by slitting her wrists in the Tendo furo the next morning.
Around the same time, Kasumi discovered a letter left by Ranma in which he admitted his love for her and begged her forgiveness for leaving Nerima. This revelation came too late for the eldest Tendo daughter who had also fallen for the Saotome heir.
Under tremendous emotional stress and all alone, Kasumi finally broke down after years of neglect and went on a psychotic rampage. Tapping into previously hidden power, she avenged her little sister by slaughtering those most responsible for her death: Ukyo, Shampoo, and their closest supporters.
The still-broken Tendo daughter followed Ranma across the cosmos, anxious to avenge her family on the one she felt abandoned them and shattered her heart...
A year has passed since the climactic lightsaber clashes between our Jedi heroes and the Sith Lord Vader and his apprentice, Enaka, on Cloud City. Both Luke Skywalker and Ranma Saotome have dealt with their physical injuries and grown more powerful in the Force.
Stronger than ever, both are on the cusp of becoming Jedi Knights but must deal with intense personal matters.
Luke Skywalker faces the possibility of killing the man who was once his father in order to save the galaxy.
Ranma Saotome has the equally daunting challenge of confronting his own past and saving the young woman he loves from herself...
Chapter 1 – Waitressing on the other side of the Universe
Above the forest moon of Endor, in the farthest reaches of a galaxy far, far away...
A star destroyer deployed its shuttle to the still under-construction Death Star II. Mechanical breathing was heard in the shuttle. The shuttle pilots were anxious to drop off their VIPs in the landing bay of the battle station. Their passengers were not patient people!
There were tense communications between the shuttle pilots and Death Star flight controllers. Layers of security protocols delayed the shuttle's landing until a sharp, young female voice cut into the intercom traffic and demanded clearance to land. She provided an override code that the flight controllers recognized as the personal code of the Sith. They gulped and gave immediate clearance to land.
The shuttle landed in the main bay of the Death Star. Lord Vader disembarked followed by Enaka. Her face was obscured by her dark cloak and normally only her mouth and the bottom half of nose could be seen. If one perchance glanced at her from an angle and saw her face, they would witness the angry, glowing yellow eyes of a Sith adept.
Her calm, emotionless face hid her emotional turmoil. "Your day of reckoning is coming, Ranma... There will be an end to this. I will either stand over your broken body and avenge my family, or I will take us both into oblivion."
On Planet Tatooine...
Luke, Leia, and Chewie had been captured by Jabba the Hutt. Lando and Ranma were in disguise waiting for the opportunity to free their friends. Lando posed as a palace guard while Ranma was in girl form working as a slave girl/waitress (wearing the same style of dress as 'Slave Girl Leia'). Her fiery red hair was braided into a thick pony tail that ran halfway down her back. Her beauty was marred only by the saber scar over her left eye. The scar had been minimized by carefully applied make-up. The oily feel of her make-up was barely noticeable to her. She was far more conscious of her outfit and the need to constantly readjust her barely-there top to keep her breasts from spilling out.
(Ranma's girl form had grown over the years. There was only a small difference in height between her male and female bodies now. Her female body was more proportionally balanced than before but she still had a larger than average chest. The more mature Ranma-chan was a virtual twin to her mother albeit slightly taller than her parent.)
The only good thing about her outfit was that at least she wasn't sweating because of it. Some of these guys wearing armor had to have had cooling systems in them. The palace interior was stifling hot at high noon!
The redhead's irritation was worsened as she served drinks in Jabba's palace.. The thought crossed her mind to tap into the Dark Side and crush the hand of the next guy who groped her breasts or pinched her ass but she restrained herself. She wished she had her lightsaber with her so that she could zap the bugs in the palace, too.
It was a good thing she was as tall or taller than many of the men in the palace. Looking down through her top, you could see all the peaks and valleys and not much of anything was covered by her dress!
Not much later, Luke killed the Rancor Monster and a furious Jabba ordered the captives with the newly unfrozen Han Solo to be taken to Sarlacc Pit.
"Great going, Skywalker! Piss off the Big Slug by killing his pet!" Ranma thought.
Ranma knew Luke had no other choice but did the farmboy have to complicate their plans even further?
Ranma wasn't on work detail on board Jabba's sail barge and rapidly improvised to get herself a spot on it. Ranma put another redhead, Mara Jade, to sleep by tapping a pressure point and placed the unconscious young woman into her room. Ranma congratulated herself on coming up with a decent excuse to take Mara's place on the sail barge by telling her shift supervisor that Mara was too ill to work.
R2-D2 and C-3PO were already on the sail barge fulfilling their assignments. As Ranma passed by Artoo, she nodded her head and winked at him. The little droid beeped acknowledgement of her signal. He was to get into position ASAP upon the barge's arrival at the Pit of Carkoon.
Ranma snickered as she passed Leia who was tied to Jabba by a chain. She murmured, "You don't look like such a tomboy today, Princess."
"Same to you, Ranko," Leia shot back with a smirk.
Ranma growled softly as she served drinks to Jabba and his lieutenants.
While Jabba and friends were getting drunk, she had another short exchange with the captive princess. "Well, at least your boyfriend isn't a popsicle anymore... I hope he can see well enough to help."
Leia looked worried.
Ranma patted her shoulder. "Don't worry... We're still gonna kick their asses and get us all out of here in one piece."
The cursed boy-girl continued serving drinks, cursing under her breath, and resisting the urges to kill her gropers. She felt the eyes of the slimeballs roving over her half-naked body. The biggest douchebag had to be that Fett guy. She never understood until now just why Solo hated the guy. Boba Fett spent too much time looking in her direction and at the Princess.
Helmeted or not, she knew the bounty hunter was checking out her ass and bosom. The armored jerk was probably using the infra-red and X-ray scanners built into his helmet to see her naked! She wanted to kick the guy's butt on that principle alone. She didn't even want to bother using her lightsaber – she would feel more pleasure taking the guy apart barehanded, Force or no Force! Doing Solo a huge favor by getting rid of his most persistent a-hole stalker was an added bonus.
"Heh..." She thought to herself. "I guess in a way Fett is Han's version of Ryoga!"
Sometimes it was hard to be a Jedi and follow the Path of Light. It was much easier to give in to your anger and take it out on the scum who deserved it! Tatooine, the biggest sandbox in the galaxy, was ironically an even bigger hive of scum and villainy than the original Death Star had been!
She was beginning to understand why Anakin Skywalker went nuts and killed a bunch of people... The ratio of jerks and psychos to good guys in this galaxy was at least fifty-to-one! You had to have the patience of a saint to deal with all the a-holes around you. There had to have been a ton of Jedi who got fed up with the crap in this galaxy and either given up or joined the Dark Side. She just couldn't find it in her heart to blame them.
As she pondered this, she was reminded that the loveliest, most saintly person she'd ever known HAD flipped out and killed a bunch of people, too, starting with two of Ranma's ex-fiancées, Ukyo and Shampoo, and progressing through numerous Rebels and Imperial officers, too, if the rumors were to be believed. She still didn't know if Enaka, formerly Kasumi, had killed her father or not. Knowing the Panda, there was probably a better than even chance the bastard HAD escaped Enaka's vengeance. Genma had an uncanny knack for avoiding the executioner's block. At least her mother was safe!
Ranma somehow doubted Enaka had killed Shampoo without arousing the attention of Mousse and the Old Ghoul. She personally bet Mousse had been taken care of – permanently. He would have been overcome with grief and driven mad to avenge Shampoo. That would have made him very sloppy and actually easier to kill if that's what happened. If Enaka had one advantage over most of the idiots in Nerima, it was that she didn't let her anger ruin her concentration - most of the time.
Whether Enaka encountered Cologne before she left Nerima for good would be something Ranma would have to find out later – IF she survived her next encounter with Enaka.
Enaka was a talented Dark Side apprentice. As great as her skill with the Force was, it was her skill in martial arts that both impressed and worried Ranma most. Her skill with Anything Goes far exceeded anything Ranma had expected from any part of the Tendo family let alone any member of the Nerima Wrecking Crew including Ryoga. Soun had really blown it making Akane the heir to the Tendo School AND the 'official' fiancee of Ranma. Akane was obviously not the only Tendo blind to the reality around her. Kasumi had proven so much better at martial arts that it was pathetic.
Nabiki might have been good had she continued her training but she had been sidelined by her obsession for making money and was generally lazy like Genma. Martial arts took an effort she wasn't willing to put in although she could have been at least half-assed decent with a bit of training.
Kasumi had been a far nicer person than either of her two sisters and that HAD cost her. She had been continually taken advantage of and shoved to the side. She had been too passive for her own good. Soun had failed to recognize the potential of his eldest daughter and relegated her to housewife duties and being a permanent fixture of the background. He'd placed all his bets on the wrong daughter – who he had spoiled and wouldn't train properly. For someone who claimed to want his school to be known for excellence, Soun had promoted the most ill-tempered and mediocre member of the family that he could have.
Even if the Saotome-Tendo engagement hadn't ended as disastrously as it did, Ranma would be willing to bet that there was no way Akane could have been an instructor let alone an exhibitionist. She had proven time and time again that she lacked the drive, dedication, and mentality to be a true martial artist. Her impatience and bad temper would have driven away students and ruined the School's reputation for good.
Either of her two older sisters would have been much better heirs to Soun's School... that's if Soun had intended for ANY of his children to inherit the Dojo to begin with! That was the only angle Ranma could come up with for all the misery he'd been put through for three years at the Tendos. Soun was in on the retirement scheme with Genma and expected to be supported by Ranma... Until he wised up and matured, it seemed like Ranma was the only well-trained martial artist that could be conned into going along with the fathers' scheme!
For all Ranma knew, Kasumi hadn't practiced martial arts intensely since her mother died. Her skills had plateaued for nearly a decade for all he'd been aware of previously. She had only picked it up again after her family collapsed in the aftermath of Akane's murder. He had heard the stories about how good she had been as a child but had only seen glimpses of her potential prior to the duel on Cloud City.
It was a fact that Kasumi had adapted martial arts to aid her housework. Her intimidation and scolding techniques were also based on martial arts – handed down to her from her mother in this case. She had exhibited a battle aura on rare occasions but that meant little as Ranma knew. Akane's battle aura was also impressive but she was still the weakest member of the Wrecking Crew. For all the terror his Demon Head illusion inspired, Soun Tendo had also proven to be generally weak, too.
The fact that Kasumi was executing Amazon moves and signature Saotome School aerial moves perfectly from her memories of watching him was awe-inspiring. Yes, she had practiced to perfect those moves but she still had no scrolls that he was aware of to show her how to do them. She had paid closer attention to his fights and training than he thought. Her motor memory and skill at adapting moves at the very least rivalled his own.
It was only in its implosion that the Tendo family had finally produced a world-class martial artist to rival Genma's heir. Ironically, she had been the nicest and most humble member of the family. Ranma had loved Kasumi despite her awful family. It was tragic that she was now his most personal enemy. His worst nightmare had come true – she despised him and would hunt him down until one or both of them were dead.
Ranma prayed that Kasumi's final legacy would be to be remembered as the kind young woman he had loved... if she was still there beneath all the bitterness and disappointment.
The Sail Barge arrived at the Pit of Carkoon half an hour after it left Jabba's Palace. Ranma and Artoo were still serving drinks to the assembled slime in the barge when it docked just beyond the maw of the Sarlacc Pit monster. Ranma tapped the distracted little droid's dome and told him to get moving. She took the tray of drinks Artoo was serving off his dome and finished the droid's work for him as he made his way to the top deck. She finished serving the rest of their drinks and excused herself as she got into position on the top deck herself.
Ranma pushed through the crowd of drunken spectators as she made her way to the deck. She passed a security guard who gave her a questioning look.
She acted cute and giggled. She saw him leer at her but resisted the urge to smash his face.
"Some things don't change no matter what galaxy you're in!" she thought.
She was disgusted by the fact that she had to flirt with this greaseball but reminded herself it was part of the plan.
"Jabba gave me a break," she lied in a breathy voice. "He told me I could work on my tan!"
The guard shrugged and let her move forward.
As soon as she was out of earshot, Ranma stuck her tongue out and blurted, "Blech!" The things that she had to do while in disguise still made her want to vomit sometimes. Her masculine identity was comforted by the fact that she hadn't grown TOO used to this kind of behavior. She was a guy, dammit!
Ranma stood on the top deck and leaned on the railing. She glanced to her left and saw Artoo was in position. This was the boring part – waiting.
As she heard the exchanges between Jabba, Han, and Luke, she parroted their lip movements with her left hand and said, "Yadda-yadda, yadda..." She blew out her breath and cursed softly, "Can you all just shut the hell up and get on with it?!"
When she was forced to work as a girl with Luke, Ranma did tend to be shorter-tempered and more contentious. It didn't help that her damn dress was chafing her in all the sensitive spots! They really didn't design comfortable women's wear on either side of the universe!
She finally heard Luke give his speech to Jabba to let them go or die. "About damn time!" she grumbled to herself in her thoughts. "Now the fun starts!"
She caught Luke's salute to Artoo and heard the whirring of motors in Artoo's dome. A front panel popped out on Artoo's chest and a thin cylindrical object poked out.
Luke bounced on the plank of the prisoner's skiff and spun around. Artoo ejected a cylinder from his dome into a high ballistic path through the the air. Luke caught the edge of the plank and with the upward spring of the plank popped into the air and flipped back onto the skiff. At the same time, the droid shot another cylinder horizontally at Ranma.
Ranma caught her new lightsaber (which looked like Anakin's from Episode II) and ignited its blue blade. She smirked to herself as she saw Luke catch his own saber and ignite its green blade. "Show time," she thought to herself.
Ranma fought through the top deck guards in her slavegirl gear and occasionally showed more than she wanted to. She successfully deflected multiple laser bolts and cut savagely through the ranks of human and Gamorrean guards. As she wounded Jabba's guards and crew, she knocked a dozen or so off the barge's top deck and into the pit. She heard their screams as they fell into the maw of the creature and grimaced.
Boba Fett suddenly appeared on deck and tried to aim his rocket launcher at Luke's skiff. Ranma cursed as she rushed him. She chopped off the rocket's warhead and damaged the launcher. His armor plating was resistant to lightsaber strikes, however, and the blade nearly bounced back into her face.
She screamed "Yikes!" as she missed having her face split by her own weapon.
Boba Fett spun around and fired his flamethrower at her. Ranma did a backflip 15-20 feet away from him and got into position to throw her lightsaber at him. She aimed for the unarmored portions of his limbs. She should be so lucky to hit his neck which she noticed was unguarded.
Before she could hit him with her Force-thrown saber, Fett rocketed away to fight Luke on the prisoner skiff.
She screamed "Coward!" at Fett and heard laser bolts pumping out of the lower decks of the barge. She looked down the side of barge from the top deck and saw all the side laser cannons being set up.
"Damn!" she spat.
She jumped back into the barge and engaged the gunner crews and destroyed cannons with her saber. She passed Artoo who was assisting the Princess and Threepio to the top deck.
A few minutes later, Han hit Fett's rocketpack by mistake with a vibro-staff and ignited it. The bounty hunter flew threw the air in out of control flight screaming. Fett hit the side of the barge with a loud clang, and rolled into the Sarlacc Pit.
"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!" Ranma thought as she saw him tumble into the open maw of the monster. She heard a loud burp seconds after the armored bad guy disappeared. A vile-smelling gas rose past the barge. "Wow! Did not know it smelled that bad!"
She saw Han and Chewie pull Lando back up and onto their skiff. Luke leapt between skiffs, fought off their crews, and made his way to the barge. His climb up the barge's side was made much easier by Ranma clearing off most of the gunnery crew. There were only about 2-3 guys Luke pulled out of windows and threw into the pit below.
Ranma made her way back to the top deck with Leia and the droids. She shook her head when she noticed the protocol droid was being a fuss-budget as usual and kicked Threepio in the rear over the side of the barge opposite the pit. She raised an eyebrow when she saw how willingly Artoo followed as he rolled off the deck onto the sand.
She glanced over as Luke made his way onto the top deck.
"Stop screwing around, Skywalker, and let's get moving!" Ranma yelled at him.
"Okay, damn it!" Luke was distracted by her shout and received a laser bolt hit in his mechanical hand. He briefly shouted out in pain before he recovered his senses and returned to the battle.
"Back-stabbing bastards!" Ranma cursed as she slashed at 3 more skiff guards. Luke finished off the one who shot him in the hand. That finished with all the remaining armed guards Ranma thought.
Ranma growled at Luke and Leia to hurry it up. "I'm chafing here and you cannot imagine all the sand getting in my ass!" she yelled. "...and other less comfortable places!" she amended softly.
Leia smirked back at her with a look that said, "So, now you understand how good this outfit feels for me, too!"
Ranma growled at her, "Tomboy!" with a sheepish look. Leia stuck her tongue out at Ranma. Ranma was tempted to say something back but held her tongue as she snapped off her lightsaber and hooked it around her waist.
Leia aimed the top deck's main cannon at the deck; Luke kicked the cannon's trigger and set it off. He slashed at a sail cable with his lightsaber and twisted a long length of cable around his wrist. He shut off the saber and secured his weapon to his belt. He grabbed Leia around waist. Ranma hung onto his back but informed Luke, "Just so you know, I am NOT kissing you for this!"
Luke replied, "Eww! I didn't want you to!"
Leia shrugged and kissed Luke on the cheek.
Luke swung with the girls onto the waiting skiff commandeered by Lando. They quickly recovered the droids seconds before the sail barge exploded over the pit and made their way back to the Falcon and their two fighters.
The Falcon, X-Wing and A-Wing fighters blasted out of the sand planet's atmosphere. The fighters veered away from the Falcon on their way to an overdue appointment on a swamp planet many sectors away...