I do not own JE's characters. I just like to play with them.

A/N: This a new story. Brace yourself, Babes, this is a TART. I welcome your reviews and input.

The rating is for some scenes and language. Steph and Lula are best friends and they are badass. This is mostly fluff.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.


Stephanie POV

That mother fucker! My car was missing and I knew that Morelli had something to do with it. I called the police, and then I called my husband.

"Hello, Mitch. What's wrong, baby? I can hear you breathing hard." I groan.

"Will you come and get me? My car is missing and I assume that it has been stolen. I called the police already."

"Mitch, baby. I will come and get you, but we can tell you where your car is. We have trackers on all of the vehicles at work and at home. I am on my way, baby. Stay calm."

I hang up and pace. Freda walks over to me as the police drive up. Carl and Big Dog approach me.

I tell them what time I arrived here and that my car had locks and an alarm. They take down the particulars and tell me that they will look for it and leave. Mateo arrives just after them and waves at Freda.

"Come on, Mitch. We also got the security feed from the traffic cams at the corner and the store across the street. Hector is amazing. We know what happened to your car and we want to show you at the office."

I let him lead me to his car. "Why can't we just go and get my car, Mateo?" He takes my hand and kisses it.

"Baby, do you trust me?" Of course I trust him. I just want my car back.

"Yes, Mateo." He smiles at me and kisses me at the red light.

"Let us tell you our plan, and if you agree, then we will get your car back and some revenge." I like the sound of that.

We get to the office and the guys are waiting in the conference room. I hand Maddie's lunch to Carlos and he leaves to take it to her.

I sit patiently waiting for the video to play. We watch the camera footage and I see a tow truck arrive and Mooch fucking Morelli gets out and makes a call and then he attaches the mechanism to my car and tows it away. No one stopped him. The video shifts and they were able to follow Mooch's journey back to the garage where he works. When they stop the video, I am livid.

"Mitch, calm down. We can get your car back. All we need to do is to give this footage to the police chief. He will agree to pick up Mooch Morelli and the cop will not be able to stop it. We already called him and told him that your car was not really stolen, but taken so that this guy could have some type of leverage on you. Expect him to call you soon."

I was having visions of tarring and feathering Joseph Anthony Morelli. Maybe I could shave his head. He likes his hair. Maybe I could blow up his car. I could do a Carrie on him and douse him in pig's blood! My leg is bouncing and Lester touches my knee to stop it.

"Calm down and stop plotting murder. Let us handle this, Mitch. That cop will be arrested and embarrassed and he will face charges. If we are lucky, he will lose his badge. The creep might make his cousin take the rap for him. Now, why don't you go back to work, baby. We promise to get your car back soon."

I looked at the guys and they had their serious faces on. Great. It was going to be a testosterone thing. I sighed. I would have to do this myself. Joe Morelli was going down. I thank them and leave the room and the building. I make three calls and I get picked up by a rowdy van full of senior citizens.

"Stephie, you came to the right place. Now, what do you want us to do to him? We have Cora's grandbabies ready to do a number on his car, but that is child's play. We know you must have a plan to do something to Morelli. Just tell us what you want and we will make it happen. No one will suspect us and then we are headed to the bingo game at the senior center. That will be our alibi."

Have I mentioned that I love my grandmother?

Miss Bea chimed in next. "Girly, why don't you just fix him some nice hot grits and be done with it? Menfolk shape up right nice after they have some hot grits."

She cracked me up. I smiled and told them my plan. There was much cackling and hooting. We stopped at the Home Depot, the pet store and at the market. They dropped me back at the dry cleaners so I could establish my alibi and wait for Lula to pick me up, and promised to wear gloves. I hope they are never mad at me.


Edna POV

Those nice boys had given us a skeleton key a while back because we lost ours sometimes. We wore them around our necks. We got Cora's boys to put bananas and other fruit into the tailpipe of that punk's car while it was parked at the police station. That was just the distraction so that we could leave Mr. Morelli a good dinner. We left a nice casserole in his refrigerator with a note on how to heat it up. We even left some "iced tea" in there for him.

After bingo, we went back to the house and changed our clothes and went back to the house. Letty had the bag of cats and we let them loose downstairs. Upstairs, he was out cold, so we had no problems taking care of Mr. Morelli. We changed all of his light bulbs to the pink ones we bought and we opened the windows upstairs. He would have a rude awakening tomorrow and since his fellow officers would be looking for him, they would find him like we left him.


Lester POV

I felt for Mitch. I knew she was pissed and so was I. This guy is basically a stalker with a badge. We met with the chief of police and he had us enter the station through the side entrance that was near his office. After he viewed the footage, he agreed with us that the cop had something to do with my wife's car being towed and hidden.

He ordered Mooch Morelli to be picked up and he even let us watch the interrogation. The fool folded immediately. He said that his cousin promised to look the other way if he towed that particular car and hid it. He said he had been planning it for a while and he called him and told him to hurry. Mooch said that the car was not damaged and he gave the cops the key to the garage so they could retrieve it.

I went with them because I had a set of keys to the car. He was right. It was not damaged. They took fingerprints and pictures and then they told me I could take the car. The chief said that Morelli would be picked up in the morning before his shift. Good.

I shook his hand and we me and Axe left to go to the house. I could have handled it another way—our way, but I decided to do it the legal way for now. If that bastard takes another run at my wife, the gloves will be off.


Joe Morelli POV

I woke up to the sound of someone pounding on my front door. It had better not be Mrs. Jacoby from across the street again. Just because I am a cop, she bugs me all the time with every problem she has. Today would be a good day. My mother left me a delicious macaroni casserole and I drank the tea she left. What time was it?

I became aware of my stomach rumbling. Damn, I have to go badly. I started to sit up and noticed that I was covered in something sticky and I am naked. When I tried to move my legs to sit up, I screamed as pain exploded in my groin. Oh, man, my stomach was cramping. I really, really need to go.

My face itched, so I rubbed it and my hand was also covered in the sticky substance. What the hell? Why was my room glowing pink? The pounding stopped and the door was opened. Who the hell was in my house?

I hear mewing, and I look at the floor. There must be eight kittens on the floor. Where did they come from? I try to move again and the pain is worse the second time. I look at my groin and the sight makes me lightheaded. My whole lap is blood red and my Johnson is stuck to my leg somehow. Am I bleeding? I hear footsteps and I wait. I cannot move right now anyway.

Carl, Eddie and Big Dog come into the room with their guns drawn and stare at me. A few moments later, they break into loud laughter.

"Stop laughing and help me! There is something all over me and my dick is stuck to my leg! I might be bleeding! Call an ambulance!"

They call for an ambulance, but they keep laughing.

"Why are you covered in honey?"

Is that what this shit is?

"What's with all of the pink lighting, Morelli?" I glare at them.

"I don't know. It was not like that when I fell asleep." They continue to laugh.

"Fine, what about all of the kittens? Is this what you meant when you said you would be getting some pussy soon?" I look at Eddie with loathing. If my dick was not stuck to my leg, I would get up and punch him. Wait. Why were they here anyway?

"I don't know where the cats came from. What are you three doing here anyway?"

I rub at my face again and I look at my arms. There are hundreds of ants all over my arms and torso. I start smacking at them, but all I end up doing is smearing more of this crap around. First my car breaks down, now this! The guys' laughter renews and I hate them for not helping me. I am sitting here naked, sticky and stuck with kittens all over the place and they just stand there and laugh.

"Morelli, we have a warrant for your arrest for conspiracy to commit grand theft auto."

How did they find out? All I wanted was a reason for Cupcake to see me as a hero. I would let her sweat for a couple of days and then I would call her and tell her that I rescued her car. She would be grateful and very thankful and I would be in there.

"What? I am not letting you arrest me, Gazarra!" I try to stand up again and scream in pain and flop back onto the bed.

The paramedics arrive and they don gloves and put me onto a stretcher. They wrap my naked body in a sheet because of the ants and the honey. Eddie handcuffs me and reads me the Miranda rights.

"You know, we should donate these kittens to the old folks' home. They would probably love to have pets." I hate Carl right now.

As they wheel me through my living room, I look at the destruction of my sofas. There is also the smell of urine. Who did this to me? It was probably Cupcake's husband. I tell Eddie the same thing I am thinking.

"Morelli, Mr. Santos was at the police station most of the afternoon yesterday and he even asked for patrols near their home in case whoever had the car tried to take one of their other vehicles. Nobody left the house last night, man. They did not do this to you. If you are sure that you did not do this yourself, we will ask the neighbors if they saw anything."

Big Dog leans over to talk to me. "You might want to remain silent, Morelli. Do you have a lawyer?"

At that moment, I lose control of my bowels and everyone moans and moves away from me. This is not my day.