Dedication: This is for all those awesome fathers out there, especially the stay at home homies. You guys who do a good job raising kids? You rock.

Disclaimer: I (probably for the best) don't own RWBY. I also don't own the song 'Househusband Macho.'

Summary: Jaune left Beacon for a SAHD life. It's not a step down by any means: Jaune Arc may have failed to graduate as a Hunter, but he totally passes as a Stay At Home Dad. Behold the life of the even more impressive Papa Arc, who does what many a badass never dares do: manage a household. A series of shorts, each between Jaune and the lady of RWBY/JNPR that is the mother of his children. (Parallel AUs, not harem.) (Updated daily)


A Househusband Macho Or Something




Music and Lyrics c 2004 by

Mike Nobel, Gorham, Maine USA


Well he was born in the heat of Feminist flames/

When women grew tired of domestic chains/

He saw their plight, he joined their fight/

He has the guts to makes things right!


Now there's a new kinda man in our land/

With lonely pride, he makes his stand/

Raisin' babies is his first love/

And he works all day in Playtex gloves!


Yeah, he's up in the morning when the rooster crows/

Fryin' eggs, and layin' out clothes/

To his working wife he says, Give 'em hell, honey!"/

Then he hands his kids their hot lunch money!


He gets everybody on out the door/

Then he tackles a mountain of domestic chores/

Cleans the whole house, and when he's through/

He still has time to watch "Oprah" too!


They call him, Househusband Macho!/

(Ya better not give him any lip!)/

Househusband Macho!/

(He kin fight with a baby on each hip!)/

Househusband Macho!/

(He has "Ivory Liquid" hands)/

He's a mean 'n' lean, baby weanin'/

Bed Straightenin', meal makin'/

Car poolin' "Tupperware" sellin' man!


Now when his wife gets home, and falls in her chair/

He has her martini waiting there/

She winks her eye, and pats his thigh/

He'll be ready if she needs him later tonight!/


Well, he kin mop a floor, and stand straight 'n' tall/

Wipe a fingerprint offn' a wall/

He lives his life right on the edge/

And he shoots from the hip with "Lemon Pledge"!


Now tough guys, like John Wayne/

They might look rough in a movie frame/

But their kind would run the other way/

If they had to get a baby toilet trained!


So here's a warning to all you chauvinist pigs/

You can laugh at us, and make your digs/

But when you're outa work, and home with the kids/

You'll come to me cryin' to teach you the tricks of . . . .

(Repeat CHORUS) . . . .

Househusband Macho!/

(Ya better not give him any lip!)/

Househusband Macho!/

(He kin fight with a baby on each hip!)/

Househusband Macho!/

(He has "Ivory Liquid" hands)/

He's a mean 'n' lean, baby weanin'/

Bed Straightenin', meal makin'/

Car poolin' "Tupperware" sellin' man!



""Tupperware" sellin' ma-a-a-a-aaaaaaan!"

Jaune watched from his bed as his children held out the note as long as they could, and then burst into applause when they no longer could.

"Bravo! Bravo!" he cheered his little actor troupe as they gasped for breath. "That was wonderful!" he said in good cheer, loving the stitch in his side from the laughter.

They beamed at his praise. "Happy Father's Day!" they chorused, his wife joining them from behind.

"Thank you all, I mean it," Jaune expressed, looking over them all. He cocked an eye at his wife, and she understood.

"Alright, time for breakfast," he wife said, shooing the children out of the room. "Why don't you get your Father what you prepared, so we can treat him to breakfast in bed?" she prompted, sending them scurrying to the kitchen where food and drink were no doubt already laid out to be carried back.

None the less, they had a brief moment of privacy. He intended to make the most of it- no sooner had she walked by the bedside than he threw an arm out, drawing her close. She didn't resist, and instead sat on the bed beside him as he put his head on her shoulder in marital affection.

"That was lovely. Was that your idea?" he asked, curious.

"They wanted to give you a show," she demurred. "I simply helped them choose a song." And gave them directions for the dance routine, and made them practice, and taught them to sing together and on-pitch rather than over each other like a like a tone-deaf cacophony…

"Thanks," he said simply, giving her a squeeze. "That made my Father's day."

"You deserve it, Jaune," she said. "It's your day, after all- I should be thanking you."

"You've given me enough already," he claimed, but she rolls her eyes at his modesty.

"I mean it," she says. "We- I- we've asked a lot of you, Jaune, and you've given it all. You let me be a Huntress. You raised the children yourself. You kept the house clean. And you kept a spot open for me to come back to and call home. You did it all even though I was away so long and so often and wasn't around to help. Don't try to deny it- just let us show our appreciation for you today, even if it's only just for a day."

"Just for a day? No appreciation tomorrow?" he teased. She swatted his arm, but smiled back.

"Tomorrow I go back to work," she said. "But today, I'll do whatever you want."

She knows exactly where his mind will go, sees the salacious smile start to rise, but puts a finger to his lips. "Later," she promises, just as the kids come back carrying runny eggs and barely cooked bacon and half a cup of orange juice that's been clearly been spilled more than once.

It's delicious, clearly made with love as the secret ingredient, and he tells each and every one of them that.

Later, when the morning calms down and the children go out to Uncle Ren's house for the day, he and his wife are alone and she keeps her promise. They lie together, basking in the afterglow, and they talk.

"So… I could ask for anything I want today, right?" Jaune feels out, wanting to make sure he isn't pushing his boundaries. He couldn't go again right now if he wanted to, not yet, but there's something on his mind.

"Of course," his wife says. He can ask whatever he wants- whether he'll get it is another question.

(Or does she simply say "Anything," trusting him to ask appropriate things? Or does she take it as a challenge and say "Let's hear it." Or does she caution him "Don't be a dunce about it," but listen on anyways? Is she serious and does she say "A promise is a promise"? Or is she flippant and whimsical and decides to go with "Does it involve syrup? We don't have enough to cover the both of us." So many variation along the same lines, but all with the same intent. They'd all, she would, at least consider it.)

"And if I asked you to take that teaching position at Beacon that Mrs. Goodwitch offered?"

It's a serious question. It deserves serious consideration. Goodwitch had come with an offer for a teaching position, looking for an experienced Huntress who could fill in for a year or three until a more permanent replacement could be found. It'd be good pay, regular hours, and soft living compared the field. But it'd also mean not being in the field for awhile- not patrolling the streets or hunting Grimm nests or tracking down evil-doers. Not doing what Hunters and Huntresses do, in the name of teaching the next generation how to.

It's a major thing for her career. For her job. They'd have to move and the kids would have to change schools and they'd be leaving behind local friends even if they would be moving closer to old ones.

"Why do you want me to go to Beacon?" she asks.

"I've… been thinking about trying to go back to school," Jaune admits. "To finish." For a moment he's not the man whose raised their children, but he's the slightly awkward adorkable teen with a good heart that she fell in love with in part because he wanted to make something more of himself. "I've been studying, working out to get back into shape, and now that the kids are going to school I think I could do it. Graduate, I mean. Finish becoming a Hunter."

She doesn't bother telling him that she already knows he could have done it. That she and the children already consider him a hero, if only to them, if only because he's the only reason they are alive and laughing here and now.

"Is that why Glenda gave the offer to me?" she asks instead, suspecting the answer for the unexpected and unsought opportunity.

"I… may have taken the application test and submitted transcripts already," Jaune admitted. "Real ones, this time- my Beacon scores from the first time through." He looked a bit ashamed at going behind her back, but also a bit proud. "They accepted me. For real this time."

She hides her initial impulse of a response. "And when were you going to tell me you were going back to school?" she asks instead.

His eyes widen, believing he's presumed too much. "After we talked about the teaching position! If you seemed open to it. Which would have been… now," he finished meekly. "I'm not committed," he hastened to reassure. "If it's too much to ask, if now's not a good time in your career, I can wait. I just thought it'd go well along with the other request I'd have and-"

He shuts up, a bit too late, having said a bit too much.

First he wants breakfast in bed, then he wants sex, then he wants to make a career decision for her, to move the home and family just so he can go to school? So many wishes for one little day, and now he wants something more?

She mounts him: gets up on top of him so that she can look straight down at him, grabs his face so that he can't look away or hide from her. Her hair is falling over his face, but that's okay. She doesn't mind- it'll make it harder for him to look at anything else but her.

"What else do you want this Father's Day, oh husband of mine?" she asks, and she can't help but sound bemused.

He's meek at first, but then visibly he gathers his confidence, and then meets her eyes with resolve.

"I want to be a Father again," he says. "On purpose this time."

She's speechless.

Honestly, sincerely speechless. Can think of nothing to say- and so instead she listens like a good wife. No, like a good life partner.

"I have a plan this time," Jaune lays out. "I've checked the finances, and if you took the job we'd be able to afford it without any real issue. I'd take classes, maybe work a little part time if I have to, but with a bit of help from you and Ren and the others I'm sure I can pass. You'd be a teacher until the baby is due, and then take maternity leave, and by that point I should be close to finishing the year. I'll go back to being a stay-at-home Dad knowing I did it, you can spend the rest of the time training at Beacon to get back into shape, and the baby should be sleeping soundly by the time we leave. The kids could got to a local school in Vale or maybe get tutored by someone at Beacon, and I have a sister who's moved to Vale and who could help us find a good apartment in the meantime, and-" he trails off, looking her looking at him.

She still says nothing. Doesn't know how to articulate what's in her mind.

"You're not saying anything," Juane states the obvious. "Is that a no?"

She leans down and kisses him, hard, harder than she has since that night in the Beacon infirmary so many years ago.

Jaune's breathless when she lets up. "Is that a yes?" he asks again, and she answers again, even though that time he probably did it just to get that reaction out of her.

This time she when she raises up she lets free the impulse she'd restrained before when he'd told her he'd been accepted. She doesn't merely smile, she beams- willing, joyful, proud. She doesn't need to declare that he's going to be an excellent Hunter: she already knows. She already knows he's the sort of person who'd be a great hero, who'd not only save lives but then protect and nurture and give them a chance to live, because he's already an amazing father. There's nothing reserved about the pride she has when she thinks that, nothing anyone could say that could challenge it, because she has two wonderful children to prove it to all of Remnant and soon she'll have another.

"That's a yes," she clarifies, touching his face tenderly, and Jaune lets loose the tension he'd been holding.

"I was so nervous!" he laughs beneath her, chest going up in down and smiling in a beautiful way. "I really didn't know if you'd be willing. Thank you," he says, and touches her back.

Her smile becomes a bit playful, a bit coy. "Well it is Father's Day, and I did promise I'd do whatever you want," she says with false resignation, as if she didn't have a choice in the matter. "And like you love to say, an Arc never goes back on their word, and I am the Missus Arc, or so all the salespeople keep telling me…" she trails off self-pityingly.

"Says the woman who married me without changing her name," he reminds-

(The amazing Pyrrha Nikos.)

(The sweet (if no longer innocent) Ruby Rose.)

(The glorious Nora Valkerie.)

(The lovely Yang Xiao Long.)

(The angelic Weiss Schnee.)

(The purr-fect Blake Belladonna.)

-the most amazing woman in Remnant, his wife.

"It's close enough," she sniffs. "I can claim it if I want to."

"Close enough," Jaune Arc agrees with a laugh, and then gives her an arduous kiss. "So, ready to start on our next child, 'Missus Arc'?" he asks, pulling her down towards him.

"Now?" she squeaks despite herself, despite the fact that she already mounted him and that they're still both naked beneath the sheets that no longer cover her. "But, the children-"

"Will be gone for the rest of the day," Jaune finishes. "I asked Ren to take them to the zoo after lunch."

His wife realizes what that means, and chuckles. "Why Jaune Arc, it's almost like you planned this," she playfully accuses. "Where ever did you learn to manipulate people so?" she asks, not at all aghast.

"Beacon taught me to make the best use of my team mates," Jaune answered. "The trickery comes from managing kids. The rest is all natural."

Caught up in the moment, she giggles like the school girl she was when they started going out and not just the woman she is now. "Well, let's hope your skill with that sword of yours has improved and gotten as good as your skill with children," she whispers huskily, and kisses him again.

It has, and much to her delight he's pleased to prove it.





Final Author Notes:

This is for all the Dad's out there. If you've a Dad who did a good job with you, stay at home or not, give 'em a call today, alright?

This is the end of 'Househusband Macho or Something,' a 19,500 word work not including the author notes and such. It was an experiment in various ways: writing a collection of shorts to a song, writing varying and relationship dynamics (with often uncommon pairings), and something unreservedly optimistic and ultimately upbeat. Have to prove I have a heart every once in a while, even if only to myself. I went with 'established' relationships because (a) I had no time/energy/interest in writing a series (or even a single) route developing a relationship from start to househusband, and (b) it was suitably different from the norm. Most romance fics simply end once the couple gets together: stories that show what happens afterwards, no matter how briefly, are much rarer. In the interest of being interesting, I went with the one more likely to be distinctive.

The song 'Househusband Macho' is an old song from my youth that's hard to find- you can find the lyrics easier than a clip via google. (It's also a Father's Day special this year at amazon- 99cents!.) To order from iTunes, please visit: us/album/househusband-macho!-single/id1004828886. The song was featured on NPR's "All Things Considered" (in the early 80's, when first recorded), in articles in the Washington Post, Boston Globe, and USA Today, and became an "audience favoritee" on the Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) "Morning Show" (featuring Prarie Home Companion's former sound effects genius, Tom Keith). NPR featured the song on their first "Keepers" fundraising CD of audience favorites, selling over 10,000 copies. It was a song I grew up with.

It's also a perfect sort of song for Jaune, who's the guy far outmatched by all the girls of the series. Part of the appeal, I know, but it's not the easiest spot in life if you're a guy being judged by your ability to be the protector/provider, anymore than being a househusband is. Defying gender norms is tough... but that's part of why they people who pull it off are worth respecting. Good parenting is always worth respecting. Once I had the idea of Jaune as a parent for a Father's Day fic, I remembered this song and had no choice but to try this out. Mike Nobel, who was alerted and took a look, had a choice to object- and chose not to. Thank you, Mike. In two very real ways, this could not have happened without you.

With that all said- hope you all enjoyed it, even if most of the fic wasn't your favorite or preferred Jaune ship. I'm not sure I'd consider this a particularly 'romantic' fic, per see, but hopefully it had the quality to stand on its own. Thank you for your interest, please drop a review before you go, and once again please give applause to all the good husbands and fathers out there, whether yours or not. Good parents make for better kids which make the best societies.