*Peeks from a corner*

H-Hey guys. How's-

*Ducks to avoid a mass of weapons and bullets*

Whaaaa! I am sorry! I am sorry!

I know I should be working on damn the consequences, Master and Height problem! But I've been busy and well I found some new pairings to gush over! I also finished a gaint fight scene in damn the consequences, almost finishing another in Master and starting another in Height Problem! And…

Please don't kill me

Also I am sorry for writing this fancifc. For those who are brave enough good luck and I am sorry.

I do not own fire emblem.

The problems with Marrying a Dark Mage

Robin scribbled and scratched on the documents in his study. His neck was killing him from being bent over looking down at all the paper work. It was midday and the paper was starting to pile up. His desk is filled with it, the books on the shelves offered no comfort and the bright windows only made him feel more tired.

"Here's the documents you asked for sir." His sectary Lin placed the papers on his desk.

She's a sweet girl who admired Robin normally wearing a simple blouse and shorts in this summer heat. With her black hair tied in a neat bun. Her voice is a little horse today. Must be hay fever.

"Ah. Thank-"

Muscles. Big hard rippling muscles. Tone a shining layer of tanned skin.

When Robin looked up from his work he didn't see the sweet girl that works form him but a fully grown six feet tall muscled man. Wearing a blouse and shorts that could barely contain his hard pecs.

"Is there something wrong sir?" She (?) asked after five minutes of Robin's jaw dropped staring.

"Ah uh n-nothing. C-carry on."

'Lin' bowed and let Robin alone in his study who sat there for a few minutes until look at his cup of water.

"Must be something in the water today…." As he mumbled that he tossed the cup out the window and went back to work.

"Ugh…" Clutching the bridge of his nose Robin grumbled at the headache he was having and the sight he just saw as he walked the halls of the castle.

"Did I eat something strange? Or maybe I am just tired?" He tried to reason in his mind at what he had just seen.

"Morning master Robin." Bowed a castle maid who was sweeping.

Robin turned to greet the young woman, "Ah morn-"

Bursting biceps and chiseled abs.

The large muscled man grinned at Robin. Bowing politely. In his maid costume.

Robin turned absolutely green. "Uuuhh…"

Sara, another maid, spoke with worry for Robin.

"Are you ok master Robin?" In her deep gravely manly voice. Her (?) tiny frilly black skirt came up to those burly thighs showing off the white speedo. Black straps went over her strong chest.

"Iamfinethankyou!" Robin squeaked as he speed walked past the two maids who looked him with deep worry.

Muscles. Biceps. Abs you can grind meat on. Everywhere he turned there was big tanned muscle bound men in skimpy outfits. Robin was utterly modified.

He combined his hair with his hands in stress. Hiding behind the throne in the throne room the sane minded tactician mumbled to himself.

"Have I finally gone crazy? Or has the world gone mad? No maybe Grima has returned. But what the hell do banana hammocks have to do with all this!?"


Ah that voice. That sweet sweet voice of his best friend. His greatest ally. Surly he can make sense of this madness.


A speedo. A cape and speedo. Chrom is wearing his cape and a speedo. And nothing else.

"Ch-Chrom…" Robin sank to his knees in hopelessness. The end has come. All was lost.

The Exalt sighed, his palm resting on his face.

"Your wife."

Robin twitched. It all made sense now.

"My wife?"

"Your wife."

"…My wife…." Robin groaned the next word.


Robin loved his wife. Contrary to popular belief, Tharja did not hex him to fall in love with her, nor did she threaten his life. He also does not wear a slave collar. She dose. On Thursday nights. However there is one thing that rings true to those rumors. His wife is jealousy incarnate. A look. A touch. A simple glance at another woman and Tharja gets extremely depressed. For about two seconds. There were about thirty two missing people's cases last month. All of them women and all of them mostly found in the basement of the castle. That Tharja built. There are still ten women missing this month. They have yet to be found but they are thinking of looking in the basement.

The women of the Shepherds kept an extremely wide breath form Robin when the two were married. When Tharja had first join the group she had given a simple hex of the flu or a murderous stare on their back whenever they looked at him, or spoke to them. A first they thought it would calm down after their wedding.

Just last week Lissa came down with a stomach virus.

However Nowi is shockingly speared. She can freely speak to Robin with anything. Only getting a small glare and a threat. It's truly odd. Not even Robin knew why the little dragon is speared form his wife's wrath.

Robin sighed as he reached his bedroom door. Although most people feared his wife, and with good reason, deep down he knows of her gentle side. A very sweet side of her that he only sees in private. To him that side of her over throws all of her wrong doings.

Almost all of them.

"Honey we have to-"

When Robin opened the door to their bed room he was greeted with, in laymen's terms, a torture chamber in his room. His daughter, poor sweet Noire, is hogtied above a boiling pot of…green? No blue…magenta purple reddish blue white? Some odd color. Tharja was standing by the pot with a sinister looking book. Next to her was their other daughter Morgan who had her friend, Yarne, strapped to table. There are some sharp tools on the tray next to her that Robin wished he didn't know what they were for.

"Ugh, Morgan, how many times have I told NOT play with your friends like this in our bed room."

He moved beside the door to let his youngest wheel out a crying Yarne who was begging him to help. Robin gave him some look of sympathy, but it is the man's fault for trying to court his daughter who has a strange fascination with anything odd.

"Sorry dad!" she yelled form down the hall.

He turned to his eldest, and asked with a deadpanned look. "And what are you two doing?"

"B-b-bonding?" His daughter stuttered out. In fear or nervousness he couldn't say. Mostly likely both.

"Yes…mother and daughter…bonding heh heh heh…" Said his ever so lovely wife with her sweet laugh?

'Looks more like bondage to me.' Robin noted as the turtle shell rope tying looked like something him and his wife dose on Monday nights. Although he won't lie and say that type of tying doesn't make a good binding.

"Noire, sweetie, your mother and I need to have a chat. You two can…bond latter."

"Tch," his wife cursed. "And I was so close summoning it…" She reached for a chain and pulled her daughter down.

"The hell were you trying to summon…" Robin mumbled tried under his breath.

For some reason, she didn't untie her daughter. Robin watched with a raised brow as Norie hopped by him.

"Umm do you want me unite it for you?" He has had a lot of practice.

"Um well I um i-if you want to- it's not really a bother…." He daughter gave a bit of a surprised look with a blushing face.

Robin's face went blank.

"…You like it?"

"…" She only blushed brighter.

'She likes it….'

You're becoming your mother, Noire.

"Ok then." With that Noire hopped along down the hall.

'What is wrong with my family…?'

He turned to the beautiful source of all this insanity. Who is looking at him with a rather worried expression.

He sighed, it broke his heart to see her like. He walked up to her wrapping her in hug, pulling her head in his chest. She relaxed swiftly, leaning in him with one of her extremely rare smiles. This. These are the moments. That she lives for.

These quite times with him. With nothing but her at his thoughts.

Tharja was extremely worried when Grima had disappeared form Robin. She thought she wouldn't love him as much as she did before. That darkness in his soul is what drew her to him in the first place. But she was still stalking him, still glaring deeply into any woman who even looked at him. She loves him more than anything.

"So about those maids…"

She flinched. However she can live without these moments.

"I…I have no idea what you're talking about s-sweetie…" God she hated saying that word.

"Right. And Chrom has always worn a banana hammock."

"He has? I mean yes he has!" She quickly fixed her mistake.

Robin sighed and patted her head. "We need to work on your sarcasm."

"And you need to work on not having women around you." She grumbled then giggled manically. "Maybe I should turn you into a dog. Or maybe a cute little bat."

He wishes she was joking. She actually had turned Robin into a white cat and for the whole month he kept have a craving for fish after the transformation.

She was being unreasonable again. Tharja is as stubborn as a brick was behind a castle. Made out of steel. And surrounded by dragons. When it's about Robin, or anything she is interested in, she wouldn't budge an inch.

"Tharja, I told you that those girls are my assistant. And the maids are meant to help out around the castle." He smiled down at her. "Not only am I married to the most wonderful woman in the world, but they are too young for me to even glance at. They are Noire's age for crying out loud." He tried to rationalize with her.

"I looked in all those little skanks rooms, and their diaries. They were having dreams of marrying you. Those little bastards."

Which was utterly moronic on his part since the word 'logic' never exists in Tharja mind. However she was turning a little red form the most wonderful woman comment. If there is one thing about Robin is that he is a great smooth talker. And what was worse she knows he means it. It wasn't to just calm her down he was telling the truth.

There wasn't a day that went by that Robin wouldn't call her gorgeous out of the blue at least two times a day. She could just be waking up, hair all tussled curst in her eyes her in even more of a slump.

"You look beautiful this morning."

Her face would light up like a fire tome.


"Those dumb maids too." She grumbled, cursing their frilly helpfulness. "So annoying."

'Ah there's the rub.' The husband grew a cheeky grin on his face.

He chuckled a little, causing his wife to look up and poke him in the nose in anger.

"What's so funny?" She glared.

He smiled as he kissed the top of her forehead, making her even redder. "You're just so cute."

"I'd wish you'd stop saying that stuff."

"Heh heh no you don't."

She really didn't.

Tharja's cooking has killed an entire farm of animals form the smell alone. The last time she tried to clean the castle it became a dungeon. Motherly, well Noire is an example of how that is. Feminine is another word that is not in Tharja's dictionary. But everyone else, even Sully have some form a femininity that makes them attractive. Her? Dose that fact that she uses a combination of cow's blood and dark magic to do her hair count?

"Tharja." He stroked her hair. Marveling at its velvet softness. "Do you know why I married you?"

"Because my hex on you worked?"

"What hex?" He wanted to say, but he had a feeling he didn't want to know.

"No. Because you are so devoted to me. Because you're a truly gentle kind woman. Because I can tell you anything and everything, and you will be honest with me." He held her tighter, as she just blushed more and more on the praise. And she didn't even have to hex him.

"I love you because you keep me on the ground. You keep my balanced." He lifted up her chin, staring into those intense purple eyes. "No one, not even if Naga herself came down and claimed she loved me with all her heart, could take me away from you."

He bend down to kiss her. Enjoying how hot her lips were how she pushed against him, deepening their kiss. He released her with a bright smile. She smiled back.

"I am still not removing the hex." She pushed away from him and returned to her cauldron looking over it. Wondering how to improve its power.

The husband smacked his forehead. Once again a brick wall.

However there is small crack in that wall that Robin is going use to shatter that little resolve of hers'.

Robin snatched Tharja by the waist, and lifted her chin up. Forcing her to look at him.

"Are you disobeying your master?" Deep. Commanding. Dripping with control.

Tharja shuddered in pleasure at his voice alone.

She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. Teasing the little hairs on his cheek, gentle daring him to move. "And what if I am hm? What will my master do?"

'Got ya.' Robin's smile became predatory.

Their sex life is overly healthy. Mostly because of his wife overly active sex drive. Their honeymoon was meant to last only two weeks. It lasted five months. Robin only left their room twice. He had mixed feelings about the whole thing at first. He was nervous because his wife is so carnivores and she practically drained him dry during their honeymoon. But afterwards he just accepted it as another one of her quirks. And what sane man would hate his wife for wanting to a few long hours of sex?

One of her greatest plays in bed is role playing and her favorite was the master and servant play. She likes either role, however to get what he wants he had to play the master.

He grabbed her hand in gentle but tight grip. His kisses seared the back of her hand. She moaned at the feeling.

"Then it's my responsibility to…punish you…"

He pounced her. Hungry for her lips. She returned in kind. Submissive to his force but never idle. Her hand gripped his white hair fiercely pulling him deeper, begging him to take her.

He took her to the bed pushing her down roughly.

"Ah!" she moan as he attacked her neck. He restrained her wrist above her head with one hand while his other roamed and fondled her body. He knew everything to make her scream. How sensitive her stomach is. How pinching her inner thighs causes her toes to curl up. How her ears loved to be nibbled on. How her right breast is more sensitive then her left. He knows and owns every inch of her body. And she loved it.

"Oh master!" She squealed when Robin squeezed and caressed her breast. Pinching her hardening nipple with just the right amount of roughness. His lips continued to nip at that sweet spot on her collar bone. Her spine arc like bow, ready to snap.

Although this was all part of his plan to make easy to negotiate with. He loved to hear her sweet moans. Her body wither in pleasure, biting her lower lip, her finger's gripping the sheets so tight that they tear. He was wondering if he was becoming a sadist. Not that there was anything wrong with.

"Please master!" She begged, hotly, sweating with need of her lover. Drowning for sweet release.

Robin chuckled darkly. His fiendish hand hovered over her drenched panties, taunting with his fleeting touch. "Now now my dear…"

The very tip of his finger glided over the hem of black lacy underwear. She couldn't help but shiver and tingle. She damned her loving husband for being such a devilish tease.

"This your punishment remember?" Tasting her ear he whispered. Deep and hungry. "Why would I give you a reward when you've showed me no reason to?"

She growled under her breath, cursing her husband for knowing her so well. She withered and twisted with pleasure. Robin touched and tickled all her sweet points that he knew weakened the steel wall of hers.

She tried to resist his damnable hypnotism, but his hands played her body like a fiddle. It was when his lips took her and he press his heating crotch to hers that she lost all reason.

"Yes! Fine! I'll end the hex! Please! Just ends this already you bastard!" She screamed and thrashed in his grip. Her loving husband only gave a smile in triumph.

"Very well said." With his one hand holding her hands by her wrist, the other started working on his belt. While he kissed hard and with raging desire, she locked her legs around his waist. Prevent him for escaping. Not that he planned to.

"Heh heh, why so eager?" He teased her when he got the chance to breath.

"Shut up." Was all she said before bit his lower lip. Dragging him into another burning kiss.

She felt the fabric of his pants leaving him. Tightening her legs in sweet anticipation for her reward for being-

"Hey Robin did you-oh uh…"

And Chrom walks in. With a banana hammock. And his cape. This time with a blush at best friend between his wife's legs. It looked like negations are going well. Were going well.

"And the moment's gone…" Robin growled, untangling himself from his wife. But Thraja looked to burn the whole castle down.

"Get. Out." In hell the devil just felt fear for the first time of his immortal life.

"S-sorry!" Like the wind he was gone. Planning to burn his eyes at what he just saw.

Robin groaned smacking forehead at his best friend for ruining the mood. But he gave his wife a slightly scathing look.

"What?" She rumbled wondering what the glare was for.

He focused his stare. "You know this would have happened if-"

"Alright, alright." She grumbled. Then snapped her fingers. Removing the hex. "There. Happy?"

He smiled. A smile that was warm and kind. A smile that shouldn't be meant for a cruel woman like her.

"Thank you."

Out of all the spells and hexes she knows that could render kings and armies to their knees. Robin's smile only for her was the most powerful spell of all.

'Tch. And here I thought I was putting a spell on him…' She turned her head, but didn't stop form having a smile of her own.

A small that quickly turned into one of hunger.

Like a deliciously tempting snake, she wrapped her arms around her lover. Licking his ear. Letting her hands group and roam his firm body.

"I still haven't gotten my reward, master…" She moan and whispered the words. They dripped with sexual desire and hungry. The hunger to be ravaged by him.

"Ah. Sorry but uh seeing Chrom like that kind of killed it for me." Robin gave an awkward smile. "Maybe next time."

With surprising strength and speed, Tharja flipped Robin on his back, used a spell book to tie his hands and feet to the bed with the sheets and straddle his waist in pure utter dominance.

The grand tactician started to sweat. He forgot the one thing he should never do to his wife. Never stop her paly time.

"I am sorry but what were you saying, my little pet?" Her tone was sickly sweet. Strong and affirmative. Deeming and daring him to try and escape her loving grasp.

Robin gulped. Preparing himself for a reckoning. A five hour long wet and messy reckoning of his hips.

"Hm…" Robin Adjusted himself in his seat form his extremely sore pelvis in his office. The day offer yesterday's little, incident. Everything was back to normal and everyone is back to wearing their normal clothing.

'Maybe I should piss her off more often…' Although he grimaced at the pain, and the fact he'll be walking with a limp for a month, he be damned to say he didn't enjoy last night's rump. Or to be more precise, the amazing destruction of his groin. Too bad he can't do that every day.

"Here you are Master Robin." Said Lin, who placed his coffee on the table.

"Ah thank yo- ACK!" Robin coked on his drink, then roared at the top of his lungs. "THARJA!"

Lin was standing in his office. Wearing a full on monkey suit.

Somewhere in the castle you can hear a dark mage chuckling evilly.

To be fair, I enjoyed writing this way too much.

I really do love Tharja. She's so awesome! You can't say no to her! Even if you did she'd just hex you to say yes! And even more awesome she has only has one female support with my favorite wife Nowi! Ooohhh I have a few stories for those two I can't wait until my ideas for them come to me!

Mawahahhahah! You better run Robin, no one can withstand the sexy cuteness of a Tharja Nowi combo!

Anyway I hope you tried to enjoy this. Once again I am sorry for writing this. -_-"

Also since E3 and an anime convention is coming up I won't be working much on my stories for about two weeks. I will be waiting for the release dates for persona 5 and Xenoblade Chronicles X release dates so I can per-Order them like mad man.

Tell me in your reviews! And give me a PM if you if have any questions or just want to talk about your favorite pairing or fic.