The Disconnect

There are tears in her eyes, and it kills you to watch her walk away. You wish there was a better way to explain how you're feeling. A way that doesn't seem so blunt. So harsh. So final.

You wish there was a way you could make it clear to her that you don't want it to be over. Not forever. Maybe that's what she wants. Maybe it isn't. Who knows at this point.

All you know is what you want and what you don't want. More importantly, what you need.

You need to focus on school. You need to think about the future. To make the right friendships and connections. Meet the right people. Write the perfect screenplay.

And you need her to know that you don't regret a second of your time spent with her. How could you? She changed you. Brought a spark into your life that you didn't know you were missing. She was the light at the end of the tunnel. The person calling you on and calling you home. She rescued you. She challenged you.

Maybe she won't be the person you end up with. You hope she will, but she might not be. And you realize, that's okay. You'll survive. So will she. Because what she gave you can never be erased. She gave you the gift of love.

One day, when you're old and gray, you'll look back to this time of your life. You'll remember the butterflies, the first kiss, the way she excited you. How your whole body used to tingle with anticipation when you knew you would see her. You'll remember the pain, too. And that's also okay. It was there for a reason. For if you hadn't lost her, you wouldn't have known how great it was to get her back. These past three years have been the most incredible three years of your life.

Again, you wouldn't trade them for anything.

You hope she knows that.

You hope one day she won't hate you.

You hope she understands that shifts can happen at any time. And just because something shifted doesn't mean it can't shift back.

You hope she understands why you cannot redo the timeline.

Because you still have hope.

Hope of a forever.

Hope of a third chance. A better chance the next go around.

Hope for reconnecting.

But mostly that she doesn't think you've stopped loving her. Because you could never stop doing that.

You may be able to do a lot of things. Photography. Film making. But not loving her, yeah. That is the one thing you'll never be able to do.

You need her to know that.

But for now, all you can do is hope.