This is my first attempt at writing a long Harry Potter fic. I do not own JK Rowling's characters. This will follow cannon loosely. I have a weird sense of humor, so sorry if you are not amused.

Harry will now be referred to as Rhys and Snape is now Sebastian. The former dark lord is now referred to as Marcus.

Thank you so much to all of you that have favorited or marked my story for an alert. I welcome all reviews and comments.

Speaking of reviews, of course I am American. It is listed on my profile.

Thanks for reading!


Rhys POV

We strolled around the grounds instead of using a golf cart or riding a broom and I held her hand. The sun had just risen and she was excited about our day of fun. I had told the guys and Sirius that I was spending the day with Lu doing little couple things because soon we would be off to Disney World and school. I promised that we would answer the mobile phones, but that was it.

I looked over at Lu in her flowing yellow sundress and cute wedge heels. She had a headband in her hair. I conjured a yellow and white rose and handed it to her. She blushed and tucked it behind her ear.

"So, now can we eat breakfast?" She giggled.

"Yes, Rhys. Thank you for spending time with me like this. I know we promised to get married and all of that one day, but I still want to do fun things with you."

She was so sweet. I took out our blanket and enlarged it as it fell to the soft grass. Lu took out the shrunken basket and set it out. I called for Socks. He popped in wearing ear buds and dancing to a song about champagne and his tee shirt said "Touch it". How could he hear me with those on?

"Master Rhys, when you call, I can feel your magic wanting me. It has nothing to do with my hearing. Do you want something or not? The Hogwarts house elves are letting us redo the dorms while they work on the crops. While I have you here, please record the parseltongue password with this crystal that I got from Bloodfang. We want to start on the Chamber now."

He said all of that while he was dancing. I recorded my voice saying open and close in parseltongue and I noticed that Lu shivered a little. Heh heh. Well, I have almost a whole year before I can try that particular delicacy.

"Yes, Socks. Can you give us our beverages now? We both want hot tea and orange juice. Thank you."

He placed the crystal into one of his many pockets with a flourish and gave us the drinks and popped away.

"Mittens was almost insubordinate just now. We may have to punish him by making him watch "Willy Wonka", Rhys." I laughed at her.

"Lu, he is not letting you change his name and he would love to watch it and do not give him any ideas. I do not want the grounds to suddenly be edible or made of candy. Merlin help us if they made us a chocolate river!"

She giggled even more and we fed each other breakfast burritos and fruit. It was nice. I cannot wait until Lu sees where we go next. She is going to love the zoo.


Lucius Malfoy POV

"What are you doing here, Lucius?" She looked surprised to see me. I had sent her an owl, a text and three roses.

"Cissa, I wanted to have breakfast together and I had hoped we could spend time together today just the two of us."

She glared at me for a few minutes before smiling. She winked at me and dropped her dressing gown and I saw that she was wearing a Slytherin green mini dress that had no sleeves and showed off her charms quite nicely. Oh, Salazar, she was wearing those high shoes again. I gripped the handle of my cane tighter. She was such a siren.

"You look amazing, my love." She blushed and her hair covered her face for a moment. It was all curly. She did not look like the mother of a fifteen year old.

"Lucius, snap out of it. Let us be going. Where are you taking me?" I took her hand and walked her to my new Ferrari. It was silver and Sirius had spent a whole day showing me how to work it. He added safety spells and charms to it just in case.

"We are going to eat and then I thought we could stop over in Spain for a show at that outside theater you enjoy so much, Cissa."

She smiled a huge smile at me. "Oh, Lucius, you have been listening to me!"

I took her hand and kissed it, but put it down to concentrate on driving this muggle vehicle. "Of course, darling. I told you that I have changed. I love and adore you, Cissa."

Just then her mobile phone rang.

"Yes, Draco dear? Oh, well you can just use the bus. I really do not think you should. Fine, if Sirius is there, then you may take Astoria to ride the hippogriffs. Be careful, Draco. Alright. Love you, too." She hung up.

I smiled to myself. At least he was not too prideful for the flying beasts to allow him to ride anymore. He had really matured over the summer, and it was mostly due to his friendship with Rhys. Of course my mobile had to ring at that exact moment. I pulled over to the side of the road and answered.

"Hello?"

"Lucius, is this a bad time?" Yes.

"What is going on, Marcus?" He sighed.

"Okay, so I am having a ball."

"That's nice, Marcus. You should have fun." Why was he bothering me with this?

"No, Lucius. I am holding a ball to announce myself to society. I am sure that they saw my name in the Prophet, but I thought I should do something more grand."

I do not have time to list all of the things that are wrong with this idea. "Marcus, you cannot have a ball. We need your claiming of your Slytherin seats to be a mystery. Why don't you just wait until Samhain Ball if you want to dress up?"

He sighed. "No, I want to announce my relationship with Rhys and Mark. Should I let him go with the other first years to the Shrieking Shack?" I sighed.

"Marcus, you can announce your relationship to the papers after Sebastian's wedding or my own. They are both this month. As for the Shrieking Shack, who is their chaperone or whatever?"

"The Prewett twins. They are taking all of the first years on a secret Hogwarts tour. They want to show them the inside view of Hogwarts that the teachers do not want you to know about. They have maps or something."

"What about Albus, Marcus?"

"Albus is at the ICW for the next two days to have a hearing to see if he will remain the representative for Britain. He is holding on to his Supreme Mugwump status by the skin of his teeth."

I smile at Cissa and hold her hand. "Well, I guess if the house elves will help them and the portraits promise not to tell Albus, it should be fine. Tell him to call you with any problems and give him a time to return home, Marcus."

He sighed with relief. "Okay, that sounds fine. Thank you for your advice, Lucius. I am sorry to have taken up your time. Have a good day." He hung up.

"Is everything okay, Lucius?" I smiled at Cissa. She leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Yes dearest. I just gave Marcus some parenting advice. Let's enjoy our day, shall we?" I resumed my driving. I am so proud of myself! I have not had road rage one time. This day with my beautiful ex wife/wife to be was turning out well.


Albus Dumbledore POV

I was sitting in the meeting room at the ICW trying to ignore Su Young, the witch that has had it out for me for decades. She simply does not recognize that I know what is best for the wizarding community. She is in cahoots with Michael Brooks, the rep from the United States. He is always preaching about modernization and blending in with the muggles.

I thought he was a kindred spirit at one point. I thought he wanted to reveal ourselves to the muggles and live with them, but he turned on me! He wants us to learn about muggles so that we can live amongst them without them knowing about magic.

The fool! They will find out one day. If I have my way, they will find out soon. I have nothing to worry about. Voldemort will go about causing mayhem and destruction, and then they will once again look to me for guidance. As it should be.

I looked up when Gianna Ricci, the rep from Italy called me to the front to make my speech. I do not like her, either. She allows too many things from muggle culture into her marketplace. She actually allows trade with muggles.

I step up to the podium and give a speech about banding together in times of war and finish it with the greater good. I smile my usual smile at them and wait for the applause and sparks to shoot from their wands. Nothing happened but silence.

Gianna lit her wand and I pointed to her. "Albus, we are not at war right now. You have a small dark lord problem, but besides one incident, what has really happened?"

She sits down and I hate her. The uppity witch!

I smile again. "We have proof that Voldemort is alive again, Madame Ricci. I am sure that you are old enough to remember the times that plagued us over a decade ago."

She smirked at me. "Actually, Albus, I am old enough to remember and what I remember is that the problem stayed in Britain. While we are happy to support your Aurors; that request must be made by your ministry by the Chief Witch or the Minister. Neither witch has contacted us for assistance. I actually had lunch with Madam Bones recently and she said that she would let us know if she needed any aid. Your pleas are not necessary."

I scowled at her. Before I could say anything, Brooks stood up.

"Albus, we have the proof that you stole from the vaults of students that were under your care and that you had Harry Potter in an abusive household. Your treatment of him led to his leaving Britain."

What? How had they found out?

"This is not the type of wizard that we want to represent Britain within this group, Albus. We have voted to oust you. Madam Longbottom assured us that she would send in your replacement. She should be here soon."

How could this happen? I felt the magic leave me as Brooks banged the gavel. How could they replace me? Don't they know who I am?! I am Albus Dumbledore! I glared at them and then everything went dark.

When I woke up again. I was on a stretcher. "Albus, you passed out. Are you feeling quite well? Do you need to go to a healer?" I looked at Brooks. I hate his smug, American face.

"No, I am fine." He nods and steps back.

"I am sure that you are familiar with Andromeda Tonks Black. She will be replacing you as the representative from Britain for the ICW."

I stared at Andromeda Tonks Black and all I could feel was fury. How dare those witches replace me and with another witch? What was she wearing anyway? That dress was way too form fitting. She was a mother for Merlin's sake.

"Hello Albus. I hope you are feeling better. Do have a nice day."

She breezed past me and started talking to Ricci. I noticed that the wizards in the room were looking at me. I decided to leave with some dignity. They would come crawling back and then I would have them right where I want them. No one fires Albus Dumbledore!


Hermione POV

I decided to take a break from reading my new DADA book, which was so informative, to eat lunch. In the kitchen, things were so clean, they were sparkling. Mum must have stayed up all night to do this and still go to work. Maybe I should do more chores around the house. I can ask Mrs. Weasley about household cleaning charms. There is delicious chicken and corn on the cob in the cooler so I heat that in the microwave.

As I eat, I think about my friends. Maybe I need more. Who can I talk to? I decide to see if my mobile can contact Harry. It is worth a try. I enter his name and press the button to search.

I reach an automated message with hip hop music playing in the background. Loyal? Is he serious?

"Hello, this is Harry Potter's answering service and I ask that you please listen to this message in its entirety. I appreciate your call. If you want to send a gift to me about that whole Voldemort deal, please just donate to the Lily Potter Foundation. We provide scholarships and we help with charities like the children's ward at St. Mungo's."

The music changed to Good Kisser. "If you are calling about a marriage contract or something of that nature, please forward all inquiries to my godfather, Lord Sirius Black. He can be reached through his goblin, Bloodfang at Gringott's."

The music changed again to Beat It. "It is true that I will not be at Hogwarts this year. I had a small problem with fake friends and it was just too dangerous for me. I know that Voldemort returned, but I am confident in our aurors and the ministry under the leadership of Madam Bones."

Once again the music changed to Happy. "I am actually the happiest that I have ever been and I am healthy. My summer has been wonderful and I appreciate all of your well wishes. Please be safe, ward your home, and remember to trust the goblins. Have a magical day." The call ended.

Wow. He was really not coming back. Fake friends. I know he meant me and Ron. How did he find out? What was I going to do without Harry Potter for a friend? Who was I without Harry and Ron to boss around?

I need to change. Before Hogwarts, I never would have treated someone like I treated Harry. He must hate me. It is not his fault that he is not as smart as I am, but I guess I rubbed it in. My mobile rang and I saw that the number was blocked. Who was calling me?

"Hello?"

"Is this Miss Dagworth-Granger?"

"Yes, it is."

"This is Cormac McLaggen. We are in Gryffindor together. I hope you do not mind me calling, but I saw you in Diagon Alley yesterday and I wanted to say hello. You left before I had the opportunity. I am calling to ask you on a date unless you really are in love with that imbecile Weasley."

What should I say? "No, I am not in love with Ronald. Far from it, actually. Where would this date take place, Cormac?" He chuckles.

"I was hoping that you would go with me to Mystic. It is a new smoothie place in Vertical Alley. We can talk and see if we want to do it again."

That did sound like fun. "That sounds fine, but how would we get there?"

"Surely you know about the Knight Bus? There is also the Party Bus."

"There is a party bus?"

"Yes, and it is more for kids like us. I can take the bus and meet you at your house if you agree. I will treat you today. Please dress casual. I am wearing cargo pants and a tee shirt."

He sounded sincere. I hope that he is not like Ron. "Okay. Let me get changed and I will be ready in about thirty minutes. Do you know where I live?"

"No."

I give him my address and race to get dressed. I love the new shampoo my mother bought. It made my hair a lot less frizzy. It was not as great as Daphne Greengrass' hair, but it was a great improvement over my usual messy hair. I actually care what it looks like.

I dress in a tee shirt I bought at Ollivander's that says "The Wand Chooses the Witch". It is red and kind of form fitting. I pair it with a skirt that my mother got for me. It is a ruffled denim skirt and I put on red sandals.

I grab my bag with just two books inside and wait at the front door for the bus to show up. I really hope that this guy is not a creep. I have my wand just in case. I leave a note for my parents and leave when I see the bus outside. Maybe I will get another friend after all.


Fred Prewett POV

"Forge, these first years are amazingly smart." He grinned at me.

"Shut up and keep applying the salt. We should be free of the super glue soon, Gred."

I laugh. We are stuck to the wall outside the Room of Requirement. All of the wonderful and impressionable first years we brought with us are inside having a little playtime. We had challenged them at the Shrieking Shack to prank us and they banded together and they got us good.

They did leave our hands free and they even left us the salt. Little Ivan and Isaac said that they did not want to hurt us, only to make us laugh, and then he changed our hair blue and green and turned our pants into skirts. Well, he got Letty to do it. The house elves love these kids. They are inquisitive and they are slightly messy.

I pulled my hands free and called Laffy, our elf to help us. She popped in wearing a little skirt and a tee shirt that said "Who you calling a Witch?". She is so funny.

"Yes, Master Freddie? Oh, you got free. Do you need my help with your clothes?"

"Yes, Laffy. Please help me and my uglier brother to right ourselves. We have some kids to play with and pranks to pull."

She smiled at me and changed our clothes to have moving rainbows and gave us purple hair. I gave her a look and she huffed and changed us back to jeans and tee shirts.

"So, Master Freddie, if I wanted to clean at the Spinnet house or the Johnson house, would that be fine?"

"Sure, you can help Alicia and Angelina out. Do not be seen by muggles and if you want to swing by Lee's house, have a ball." She hugged me.

"Thank you, Master Freddie! I love when you and Master Georgy makes experiments and there be big messes! Have fun and do not get caught!" She pops away and I help George to his feet.

"That elf is so excitable, Gred." I smile.

"I know we picked her for her name, Forge, but she is so sweet! She pranks us! Okay, let's go in here and see what the kids have created."

We open the door and see a room full of arcade games, edible flowers, floating stars that sprinkled pixie dust, kids in race cars and huge bounce houses. I love these kids!


Sirius POV

"Sirius, please stop making that noise."

I did not even realize that I was doing it again. I turn to Hestia as we were having our romantic carriage ride around the park and holding hands and it was nice, but it reminded me of Shrek. I love the donkey.

"Are we there yet?" She gave me an exasperated look.

"Sirius, we are going in a circle around the park. We are not going anywhere."

I wait a few more minutes and hum a song. It is wonderful to spend time with Hestia and all, but we are just sitting here. I already admired her gold dress and her shoes. I told her that I liked her nails and her hair. We kissed and we admired the trees.

The horse did not fly and Hestia had forbidden me from doing any magic on it. Now I am bored, and I always pull a prank when I am bored. Just ask Sebastian. He should be finding the disco ball and confetti any moment now. My mobile rang and I answered it gleefully.

"This is Lord Black. State your business." I have to answer it like that, but on the inside I am singing the Austin Powers song and saying 'Yeah Baby'.

"Sirius, this is Rhys and I need you to come and get us." Aw! He called me instead of Senor Slytherin pants.

"What is wrong, Rhys?" He laughs nervously.

"See right. I took Lu to the zoo and we were having a great time. Who knew that the Dursleys would decide to also visit the zoo today? They did not recognize us, but Luna recognized them. She got them stuck into the gorilla, giraffe and elephant exhibits. There was pandemonium, Sirius."

Damn. I should have gone to the zoo. This riding in circles is not exciting at all. Hestia would not even allow me to get my mack on. I have moves and she has a way to block all of them. She said that she talked to Nymphie and she wants to wait until we have our bonding ceremony. That is wonderful and all, but I told her we could do other things. She had glared at me like I was a damned death eater. I bet you Reggie is having a sexy time with his veela. Why me!

"Sirius, are you still there?" Oh, right.

"Yes, Rhys. So there was mass hysteria. How does that mean you need to be picked up?"

He sighs. "While everyone was running around, Luna broke into the panda exhibit and tried to make off with two baby pandas. She said they were adorable and that Neville will not let her play with his. She was caught and since I am with her, I am guilty by association. They let me call my guardian, and I picked you because I do not want the zoo to be demolished. Dear Old Uncle Marcus cannot handle being told no and did you notice how on edge he was yesterday? He might get a little hex happy."

Poor Little Luna. "Ok. Where is this zoo? I will be there soon. I have to change my clothes and get my car and all of that."

"We are near Surrey, Sirius. I will text you the address of the zoo. Thanks for coming." I hang up and turn to Hestia. I know she heard all of my conversation.

"I am sorry, dearest. I have to go and rescue Rhys." She smiles. She has a beautiful smile.

"That is fine, Sirius. I should go and check on Megan anyway."

We exit the carriage and walk behind a building and apparate back to my place. I changed into a blue dress shirt that has stripes and dark blue jeans and my boots. I look longingly at my tee shirt as I button my shirt over it. It says "Nothing but the Dog in Me". Draco got it for me.

I was almost to the front door when I heard a deadly voice. "You are an imbecilic man child and I will have my revenge on you. Do you know how long it took Jewel to remove the confetti from my bedroom! Why did you play "It's a Small, Small World" in my bedroom!? I hate that blasted song." I cannot help myself, I crack up laughing.

"They will play that song at Disney! Anyway, calm down. Prince, I would love to stay and fight with you, but I have to go and get Rhys and Luna. They are stuck at the muggle zoo. We can duel tomorrow for the kids. How about that?"

He glowers at me and mutters under his breath as he storms away. I love how his robe does that billowing thing! I leave and have Emmy pop me to an area near the zoo with my car. I drive the rest of the way and park. I take up three spaces, but I park. I wander into the zoo after paying for admission and find the main office. Inside, I ask for the manager. A burly man in a suit looks me up and down. He is my height, so he does not intimidate me.

"How can I help you?"

I look like the aristocrat my mother tried to raise and I respond. "I am Lord Black and my godson, Rhys is here with his friend. I understand there was an incident with the giraffes or the elephants or something?"

He scowls at me. "No, they are here because the little missy decided to try and steal two baby pandas. I have already called the police."

What a tool. I take out my wand and obliviate him a little bit. Police indeed. It's not like they actually made off with the pandas. I get him to show me to the room where the kids are waiting and Rhys just looks exasperated while Luna is humming to herself.

"Did you call your father, Luna?" She smiles at me.

"Yes and he promised that I can get a pet tomorrow. He said that I should not have taken these pandas from their parents and that they kind of worked here. Rhys gave me cotton candy and I think I got nargles for a few minutes. Those Dursleys are actually here! I told them to move and they still live in this town, Sirius. Maybe I lost it a little when I saw them. I am sorry."

The poor baby. I hugged her and rubbed her back. "Nonsense! You tried to help, Luna. Now let's get you out of here and maybe you kids will want to watch this movie called Grease with me later. Lucy said there is singing and dancing and everything!"

"Actually, Sirius, we would like that, but right now we promised to meet Draco and Astoria at Mystic first. I called him already. I just did not want to use 'you know what' here."

I wave him off. "It's cool. I am glad you called me. I was actually going in circles. Come on with me to the car. I will get you back home and you can leave from there. Nice tee shirts." His said "P.I.M.P." and hers said "PYT".

I drive them to a secluded spot and we call Jewel. She shows up with her little friend Emmy and they pop us home. I am really looking forward to the movie later. I love singing and dancing. But first, I need to play with my dog.


Draco Black POV

Rhys said that he was coming soon, so I did not have to witness Longbottom getting his pimp on over at the next table much longer. Tori was sweet and she did not believe in staying at home and going to balls all of the time. She said that it was a boring life. We agree on that matter.

We went apple picking earlier at an orchard my family owns. I had heard it was a fun date thing to do. How was I supposed to know that the elves would get mad at us? They gave me a stern talking to and showed me charts and graphs. Apparently I was ruining their system.

I apologized while Tori laughed and they sent us to a muggle farm instead. Blossom, the head elf at the orchard, had promised to come and get us when we were finished and she did. We are having apple pie for dessert tonight thanks to me. We also donated some apples to an orphanage.

I hope Rhys had a better time at the muggle zoo with Luna. Oh, here he comes. Luna looks a little subdued. I like their shirts, though. I am just wearing my "Bad Boys for Life" shirt. I like to represent for the Dungeons. You know how we do. I crack myself up.

Rhys flops down next to me and orders a coffee and double chocolate smoothie with added chocolate covered coffee beans and puts on his baseball cap. Wow. He must have had a rough morning. We were having a seafood buffet dinner at Sirius' house later and then movie night. I wanted to see School Daze. I want to watch the girls do the butt.

"Rough day, Lex?" He looks at me and takes a spoonful of his smoothie.

"You might say that."

"Yes, but would you say that, Lex?" He eats some more of his thick smoothie.

"I almost got arrested, Drake."

"That is what you get for hanging with Slimy Slytherins."

Salazar, why me? I look up at Weasley and wonder who showed him how to get to Vertical Alley. His father does drive the bus now, but still. I thought he liked us.

"Hello, Weasley. It is nice to see you in something besides those wool jumpers. This is my friend, Lex and his betrothed Luna Lovegood. You remember Astoria Greengrass, my betrothed."

He gives us a look of pure loathing. "You must be a new snake. Looney, I should have known that you were really crazy! How could you associate with Malfoy of all people? You stay away from my sister, you stupid batty witch!"

Suddenly, he was a weasel and he was bouncing up and down. It was hilarious and it reminded me of when it happened to me and I was turned into a ferret. I looked at Lex and the expression on his face was one of dark glee. He moved his wand like a conductor and the weasel that used to be Weasley just kept bouncing and each bounce landed harder and harder on the ground.

Luna finally touched Lex on the shoulder and he stopped bouncing him. She levitated the dizzy animal away from the patio and undid the spell on him. We all turned away from the sight of Weasley retching. An elf popped in and snapped their fingers cleaning the mess.

Something about that scene was bothering me, though. I would have to think about it later. I looked at Lex and he looked at me. I smile at him.

"Nice one, Lex." He growled and kissed Luna on the forehead.

"No one insults my Luna."

"Rhys, really. Your smoothie will melt. Calm down. So, Draco I almost got us arrested for trying to free the baby pandas today."

I laugh because she is so silly sometimes. Theo and Millie sit down with their banana smoothies and we chat about our days.

"Well, that is a match I did not expect to see. She had better watch out for him."

What was Tori talking about? We all look up to the entrance where we see Granger and McLaggen coming inside. She is holding his arm and he is grinning. He looks like a used cauldron salesman. Why would she go on a date with him?

"That does not look like it will end well." I look at Lex. How would he know?

"He does have Heliopaths around him. She is not my favorite witch, but she does not deserve to have her Quidditch career started by that fool."

We stare at Luna. She rolls her eyes.

"She will not want to ride his broom. Go over there, Draco and tell her you have a book she can read. While you are there, vanish her drink and hex McLaggen."

"Why do I have to do it, Luna?"

"Because I said so." She is so bossy.

I go over and complete my mission and agree to send a copy of the book on magical creatures to Granger tomorrow. She thanks me and I vanish the drink and hex McLaggen. As I leave the table, I hear him ask her if he can come to her house to really get to know her better and she tells him no. He looks surprised.

I sit back down and we all watch Granger leave. She waves at me and I wave back. She may not be my friend, but no girl deserves to be slipped a love potion. I look at Luna and she is humming while putting her wand away. I notice McLaggen's hair is rainbow colored. That was my hex. When he stands up, his shirt says "Wand Inspector". Luna is so hilarious. Lex kisses her gently and she hugs him and whispers in his ear.

"Let's go, guys. I am ready to have our seafood feast." We all leave sickles on the table and head towards the Dragonfly. It is always a good idea to get checked for spells.