Welcome to the first chapter of the Hello Again sequel. If you haven't read HA, I recommend hopping over to my profile and read it. The first chapter was originally the epi to HA. However, I've decided to start the sequel with this chapter.
17 years later
"Okay," the photographer breaths, starting to pack up. "We're done here."
"Finally," Rose huffs, kicking off her shoes. "I can't believe that I wore heels every day when I was young."
"You're finally feeling the pain I've felt for 30 years," I laugh, sitting down.
"Shut up," Alice rolls her eyes. "We look fabulous."
"Ugh," I roll my eyes, as the reporter comes over.
"Hello, Bella," she says. "I'm Patty. I'll be interviewing you today."
"Hey," I wave to her.
"First," Patty starts. "I'll start by saying that Vogue is very pleased that you could be here today," she smiles.
"Sure,' I wave it off."It's no problem."
"Let me just say…" she leads off grinning."Wow. I mean you've come so far from your role on Halfsies. Did you ever see yourself being such a high profile person?"
"No," I laugh. "Not at all," I shake my head. "I never took any acting classes. That was the furthest thing from my mind. I originally wanted to be a safe profession like a lawyer or a teacher."
"Really?" she asks. "In earlier interviews, you always said that you felt like circumstances brought you to this place in life. What do you mean by that?"
"Around the time I was 'discovered,'" I say, using air quotes. "I was going through a really difficult time. I've always been the type of person who laughs to keep from crying. I was doing this 5 minute routine and some guy passing through thought I was good. The rest is history, I guess," I shrug my shoulders.
"When you first started comedy, there weren't a lot of female comedians that received any form of recognition that can close to that of their male counterparts. Now, it's on more of an even keel. Do you feel that you might have something to do with that?"
That was something I was proud of. When I was doing comedy, I got paid significantly less than males. However, once I got my thing going, I could demand just as much as Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey. I did it my own way.
"I have no clue," I say honestly. "I think it came down to women not being afraid of being course or being raw and funny," I start. "You know, there is this whole stigma about what is and isn't 'ladylike.' When women started doing what they thought was funny without caring about what people thought. I think that was a turning point. When I was starting out, it was shameful how I had to fight not to be objectified. I know that how I looked, while might have helped me, also put me in a box. I never did any type of nudity. I wanted them to see me for my talent and not for my boobs," I laugh. "But…it feels weird to take credit for something like that."
"Carrie O'Day said in an interview, "Bella Cullen is my idol. Doing what she has done on her own terms is really inspiring. I hope that I can have reached her achievements someday," she reads. "How does that make you feel?"
Carrie O' Day is the new "it" comedian now a days. I admit. She's funny as Hell.
"Honored, I guess," I smile. "I didn't start this to become anyone's idol. It feels good to know that I had an impact."
"She's actually been cast in a remake of "I Hope They Serve Martinis in Hell," she says. "How is that?"
How ancient am I? First, they're showing reruns of Halfsies on TV Guide. Now, they're remaking my movies…
"It makes me feel old," I laugh.
"You're a very busy lady," she says. I nod. "Two time Oscar winner. Actress. Wife. Mom. Business woman. How do you do it?"
"I believe in prioritizing," I start. "I mean, I act. I have my own business. But I put my family first. I never wanted to be that mom that missed important things because I was working."
"How is your family?"
"Crazy," I tell. "But I expect it."
"Edward?" she asks, a grin growing on her face.
Yep. My husband is still a sexy son of a bitch. He actually won Sexiest Man Alive last year. Long ago, we made a rule not to discuss our relationship. I can't believe she even asked.
"Good," I nod my head. "We're good."
"You've had a great track record with assistants," she smiles. "What is with that?"
I smile at that. I have had great assistants. Once Alice had her show during fashion week all those years ago, she became a household name. She designs clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, men's clothes. She's even starting a line for teens. I need to ask her about that. Angela is now a successful author. Three of her books were turned into movies and one of them is now a television show. After Angela, there was Dianne. She's doing a little acting now.
"I choose people who have drive. No one wants to be an assistant for the rest of their lives. Plus, I'm not selfish enough to want to keep someone to myself when they have so much talent. I love helping people achieve their goals. If I have the means to do so, I'll always try to help."
"As you know, you, Alice, and Rose, are being featured in our Mogul Mommies issue," she starts. "When you started to branch out, did you think it would become this big?"
They asked me, Alice, and Rose down for an interview and photo shoot about us.
Me for my acting and business, Rose for her and Emmett's strong agency firm, and Alice for her designing empire.
"Not really," I shake my head. "I just wanted to try it, at first. I like to think of myself as a person that had a good idea and was lucky enough to know people that could help me make it happen."
"Great," she beams. "We're done," she shakes my hand. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," I hug her.
"Can I have an autograph?"
"Sure," I grab her pen and sign for her.
"Are you done?" Rose asks, crossing her shoulders. "We're been waiting forever."
"Yeah," I poke her. "It wasn't that long?"
"What time is it?" Alice asks, looking at her watch.
"One o'clock," I answer, checking my cell phone.
"Who's picking the kids up?" Rose asks.
"I'll do it," I volunteer. "It's on my way home from the studio anyway."
"Great," Alice says. "I need to approve some sketches before I can move forward with my fashion week stuff."
"Speaking of that," I remember. "Have you worked out that whole…."
"Of course," she smiles, rolling her eyes. "Like I'd refuse."
"I'm gonna make so much money off of this," Rose grins. "What?" she asks, when Alice looks at her funny. "I'm giving you guys a discount."
"Great," I hug them. "Kennedy will be so excited."
"She better," Alice warns.
"Bella," Roger, my new assistant rushes to me. "You need to be at the studio in the next 30 minutes."
"Fine," I say, looking at the girls. "I'll see you guys at dinner."
"I can't wait!" Rose pats her stomach.
Thanks to Roger's rather awesome scheduling skills, it only takes 10 minutes to drive from the photo shoot site to the studio.
"I forgot," I tell Roger. "What are we talking about during this meeting?"
"Casting," he replies, as the elevator doors open.
"Oh," I deadpan.
As I'm walking down the hall, my phone buzzes.
Edward: In case you forgot, I Love You.
Aww…Who does shit like this after 17 years of marriage. Edward.
Bella: I know. I Love You too.
Edward: I miss you
Bella: I miss you too.
"How Sweet," Roger coos, looking at the phone.
"Hey, Bella," Angela beams, rushing over to hug me.
"Hello ladies and gentlemen," I smile, entering the boardroom. "Are we ready?"
"Yes," Drew, one of the head producers at Sh!ts and Giggles comes forward. "Here you go," he smiles, giving me the dailies.
Sh!ts and Giggles is my production company.
Once Nathan and Kennedy were born, I took a couple years off to actually raise them. I don't believe in nannies. One day, I got bored and wrote a TV script. It was called The War at Home. It was about a Marines veteran who comes home from duty and attempts to raise a family with his wife. Hilarity ensues. If you can't tell, it was based off of my family. We had the hard-ass with the heart of gold, his loveable hair-brained wife, their twins- one who is a whore and the other who is sexually ambiguous. Then, lastly the adorable yet smartass little kid. The last one was me.
Edward read it and thought it was great. So, he came up with an idea to form a production company. Two years later, the show debuted on NBC and was a hit. It lasted 6 years and won a few Emmys and Golden Globes.
Since the first show, we only produce a few projects. Simply, because we have a hand in every show so we want them to be good.
"Thanks," I smile, putting the disk in my purse. Then, I grab a jumbo bag of Cheetos.
It's a rough copy of one of the newer shows PESTS. It's a cartoon about bugs that live in a field. We can't say it…but they live in a pot field. That show comes on Cartoon Network during Adult Swim. It's been getting great reviews so far.
"Let's get to the real reason why we're here," Janice, head of casting tells me.
"Of course," I nod my head. "I have to pick my kids up at 2."
"I'm Patrick," the man introduces himself. "I'm Jenna's agent."
"Where is Jenna?"
"She's not here."
I raise my eyebrow. Strike one.
"She's…busy," he lies for his client.
"Sure she is," I smile, looking over the script.
Three years ago, we started producing movies. We were chosen to produce a 's called Guns of Brooklyn. It's about various people living in Brooklyn during the Crack Epidemic in the 1980s and how that era affected their lives. Angela wrote it.
I'm such a proud Mama.
"Jenna really wants to be in this movie," Patrick tells me.
"I hate to be a bitch," I saw awkwardly. "I just don't see it."
Jenna Scott is yet another Disney superstar. She hit it big 4 years ago when she got her own show. Since then, we have backpacks, t-shirts, pre-teen movies, and some platinum albums. Now that she's turned 18, she's trying to prove to everyone that she's not a little girl anymore and that she can act in a serious role.
When we found out she wanted to play one of the principle roles, all involved on the project, Angela included, didn't see her as a lead. We offered her a smaller supporting role. She won't take it and begged me to meet her in person.
And she's not even here.
Wanna know what my problem is?
She can't act and has a bad attitude. It's not public knowledge but anyone who has talked with her more than 5 minutes can't stand her. I must give Disney credit. They sure can pick them.
"We both feel that you might have gotten the wrong impression of her," he replies.
"I was hoping to disprove that impression with this meeting," I tell him. "She didn't show. Plus, she's declining a role that most actresses in her age group would kill for."
"Come on, Bella," he rolls his eyes. "We both know she's too big for a supporting role."
"She's only 18," I point out. "She's coming off of a Disney show. Her core audience won't even be old enough to buy tickets. That's not valid," I retort, as his smile falls. "Do you think Moms of pre-teens will buy tickets to see their daughter's role model blowing some guy in an alley way to get a hit?" I ask. "No."
"You of all people should know how it feels to be discriminated against because of being on a comedic TV show. You went to win two Oscars" he counters.
He's pulling out the big guns.
"I assumed a woman held in such high esteem would have some empathy."
"Do you want to know the difference between Jenna and me?" I ask. "I actually went to the sit downs when I wanted a part," I roll my eyes and take out my phone. I dial Jenna's number.
"Yeeeeeah?" Jenna answers.
"Jenna?" I ask, looking at my watch. I need to leave.
"Of course," she giggles.
I hear music and laughter in the background.
"Sweetie, this is Bella," I announce myself. "Where are you? I was looking forward to meeting you."
"Aww…shit," she coughs. "I had to uh…go…to another meeting," she lies. "I'm soooo sorry," she breaths. I can hear her rolling her eyes over the phone.
"Okay," I sigh. "I just wanted to check on you. Have a nice day," I hang up. "That was Jenna," I tell the agent. "I don't know where she is. Honestly, I don't care. If she doesn't take the offer by 8 tonight, I'll cast it with someone else. I kind of don't want to give her that," I say, packing up my stuff.
"Bye," I wave to the staff room, and Angela follows behind me.
"Wow," she whispers, as we wait for the elevator.
"I hate divas," I tell her. "You know that."
"No mercy," she laughs. "I'm glad you didn't cave," she hugs me.
"Never," I smile, as the doors open. "How is the new book coming?"
"Awesome," she wiggles her fingers. "It should be done by the end of the year."
"I want a sneak peek," I tell her.
"Of course," she waves it off. "Are you nervous for tomorrow?" she asks.
"Ugh," I cover my ears. "I wasn't thinking about it all day until you brought it up."
"Sorry," she rolls her eyes. "It's like riding a bike anyway."
I'm performing another stand up at the Staple Center tomorrow night. It's sold out. I haven't done one in like 8 years. It's wreaked havoc on my nerves.
"You'll do fine," she assures me. "Is dinner still on?"
"Of course," I laugh, at the implication that it wouldn't be. "I'm excited," I reveal, patting my stomach.
"What is Andrew making?"
"No clue. It'll be good though," I tell her as the elevator opens. "See you!" I wave and walk to the car.
"Mrs. Cullen, over here please."
"How do you feel about your children going into the business?"
I tune the pests out and drive to pick up Cassidy, Meredith, and Scott. It's great to have the rest of the day off.
Once I arrive, I find myself waiting with the other parents and standing beside my car. I smile in remembrance of my Mustang. I still have it. I gave it up to join the other stylish moms that have a Range Rover. The kids drive it more than I do now. It makes them feel cool.
"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" my youngest Cassidy shouts, running down the steps to get to me. She's 6. Besides her father's green eyes, she's my mini me. She has my nose, lips, heart-shaped face and long brown hair.
"Sugar Pie!" I bend down to hug her. "I missed you," I kiss her hair.
I call her Sugar Pie because she's just so damn sweet.
"I missed you too," she kisses my cheek.
"Hey Ms. Bella," Alice and Jasper's 7 year old daughter Meredith hugs me. She's tiny just like her mother and has her father's curly blonde hair and blue eyes. "We had so much fun today. We learned how to do our times tables. Then, we had recess and Tommy Burger tried to marry me but I said no," she takes a breath. "There is only one boy for me," she sighs, staring off into space. She's pretty chipper too. However, I admit she is the best dressed 7 year old I've seen. There was even an article in Vogue about it.
After that, Scott coughed something and Meredith pinched him.
"Here we go," Cassidy rolls her eyes.
"You had an eventful day. Didn't you?" I ask, as they nod their head furiously. I look around to see one of the kids is missing. "Where is…"
"I'm here!" Emmett and Rose's 9 year old son Scott runs to the car. He's holding a hot dog and ketchup is running down his forearm. "I almost forgot the hotdog I saved in my desk," he stops to take a breath. "It's okay," he takes a bite. "I remembered it," He definitely has his father's appetite, in addition to light blue eyes and curly black hair.
"We're all set?" I ask, walking to the car among light bulb flashes and chattering from the kids.
"We got our report cards today!" they all shout, going in their bags to hand me their grades. They must be good, if they're offering them up.
"Look," Cassidy beams, reaching from the back to hand me hers. The others follow suit.
All A's. Proud Mama.
"You know what?" I ask. "This deserves ice cream."
"Yaaaaay!" I hear them shout as I start driving.
"I knew she'd buy us ice cream," Scott smiles, licking some mustard off his fingers.
Ehhh… I wanted some anyway.
It takes us longer to get to the shop, because I'm being followed and paced by the paps. Cassidy hates them. It's brutal. One time, I saw a picture of her online flicking off paparazzi and grabbing her crotch. She was four. You had no idea the kind of trouble that caused.
20 minutes later, we finally arrive.
"Oh my God!" the server behind the counter shrieks. "You're Bella Cullen!"
"Hello," I shake her hand.
"This is mint," she snaps a picture with her phone. "You're kids are so adorable," she smiles, waving at them.
"Thank you," they wave and smile back.
The ice cream is good…and insanely expensive. $3 per topping and they think they can charge $6 for a cup just because it's homemade. I bought it so I guess they can.
Between the four of us, it costs $63.27.
They're just kids.
Cassidy. Dear Cassidy. She got three scoops with gummy bears, jelly beans, chocolate chips and whip cream.
The ice cream didn't last 15 minutes. She is sooo my daughter.
I take pictures with the guests and sign a few autographs and drive back home.
"Mommy, I have to number 2," Cassidy announces, bouncing in her seat.
"Cass," I sigh. "What did I tell you about announcing when you have to poo?"
She's going through a phase when she needs to tell everyone everything. It's getting worrisome.
"Some things need to be kept to yourself," she mumbles, as I get the door. "Hurry," she pushes Meredith out of the way and runs inside the house.
"I feel guilty that I think that's funny," Scott giggles and walks inside.
After our family started growing, Edward and I got another house. Actually, it was more like Edward bought a house, drove me up there and said, "Guess what? We live here now. Surprise!"
What a surprise it was. Edward got to buy me the lavish over the top house he always wanted to. Really. It makes the ones we looked at look like Barbie clubhouses. 20 Acres of…I don't know what to call it.
The list goes on really. There is even an intensely-manicured front lawn. Needless to say, I was pissed and Edward spent the first 3 days in the doghouse instead of the new house.
I grew to love the house though. I've only looked in 8 of the bedrooms though. My mother, Esme, Rose, and Alice had a field day with decorating.
"Hey Bella," Lilly hugs me. If you haven't guessed, she's Rose and Emmett daughter. She's 16 years old, a clear honeymoon baby for the couple. She's a perfect mix of her parents, with Emmett's black hair.
"Hey," I hug her. "What's up?"
"Nothing," she yawns. "I'm going to go upstairs. I need a nap," she heads upstairs.
I'm so jealous. I haven't napped in years.
"Okay, kids," I open the door. "I want everyone to wash their hands so you don't get ice…"
"Ewwww…" the kids shout, covering their eyes. The girls did. Scott covered his eyes with enough room he could still peek.
"Hey," I take some rolled up paper off the table and start smacking my older daughter and her boyfriend on the couch. "Control yourselves!"
Edward would have had a stroke if he saw this.
"Mom!" Kennedy covers her face to shield herself from the blows. "We were just kissing," she pleads, rolling around to cover her face. "Not the face! Not the face!"
"Sorry, Ms. Cullen," Bean apologizes with a smile on his face. It turns out, those two made a love connection early on. I thought it was funny that Bean always tried to climb in with Kennedy in her crib. Now, it's not so cute. Ever since those two hit puberty, I feel like I'm always catching them making out. Edward talked to me about banning him from the house.
Those two go at it like rabbits when no one is around.
"Bull…" I look to the kids. "Liar," I rephrase.
"We didn't hear you come in," my daughter explains, trying to nonchalantly fix her bra.
Just kissing my ass.
"Wash your hands," I tell the kids who immediately go to the bathroom. "Look," I tell Kennedy and EmJ. "I understand that you two are…doing whatever it is you are doing," I start. "But you can't be doing that shit all over the house. Your brothers and sisters are impressionable. I don't want them thinking that's okay," I scold them.
"Okay," Kennedy fixes her hair and looks to the ground. "You aren't going to tell Dad are you?" she asks, fearful.
"Of course not," I pat her. "He'd kill Bean. Your father is too pretty for prison," I tell her.
"I'm sorry," Bean apologizes for real this time.
"It's fine," I tell them "Separate. You two need to cool off," I advise. "Ken," I whisper as she starts walking to the living room.
"Here," I fix her bra for her. "It was bothering me."
"Mom!" she shrieks in horror.
"Stop it," I roll my eyes. "I wasn't molesting you," I giggle, going into the kitchen.
"Mommy," Cassidy gets my attention. "I miss Daddy," she pouts, rubbing her eyes.
Cassidy is a certified Daddy's girl. He's the most important person in the world to her. She won't do anything important without his approval. Since the second they were born, my daughters have had their father wrapped around their finger. It hits her the hardest when he's away because she misses him so much. He tucks her in and reads her bedtime stories. As a mother, it stings a little that she prefers him over me. Then, I think of my relationship with my father and I understand. "I know," I sit down and she climbs into my lap. "I miss him too."
"When is he coming back?" she asks me.
"Soon," I pull back her hair. "Do you want to call him?" I ask, getting out my phone.
"Mhmm," she nods her head against my shoulder.
"Okay," I kiss her head and call Edward.
"Hey, Bambi," my sexy husband greets on the phone.
"Hey, Mufasa," I say. "How is your day going?"
"Eh…" he huffs. "It sucks pretty hard," he admits. "Was I ever a diva when I was an actor?" he asks.
After Edward won his second Oscar, he tried a hand at directing. He soon fell in love with being behind the camera, in addition to being in front of it. His first film was a small indie movie that got rave reviews. It won the Best Film award at The Sundance Film Festival and was nominated for an Oscar as well. Now, he directs more than he acts. He actually won an Oscar for Best Director two years ago. As a result, it causes him to be away longer than if he were an actor. However, he edits his films to so he had an editing studio built in the house so he can do that part from home.
"Never. You were perfect," I smile. "You still are."
"I love it when you stroke my ego," he admits.
He's baiting me. I'll bite.
"That's not the only thing I love…"
"Mo-mmy," Cassidy crosses her arms, clearly not pleased that I'm monopolizing her phone call. "Can I talk now?"
I mouth 'Sorry' and get back to the task at hand.
"Is something wrong?" Edward morphs from sexy husband to concerned father. "I heard Cassy. Is she okay?"
"She's fine," I laugh, ruffling my daughter's hair…who is still glaring at me. "She wants to talk to her daddy. That's all."
"Well I miss her too," he replies. "Put her on the phone."
"Okay," I hand the phone to the child.
"Daddy!" she beams, scooting away from me to curl into a ball on the couch. "I miss you," she starts talking to her father a mile a minute. I get up to give the two some alone time to chat.
"Chill, guys," Bean steps in between a feuding Meredith and Scott. "Chill!" he says again, as Meredith somehow finds a way pass the muscular teen and kicks Scott in the shin.
"Ouch!" Scott cries, trying to find a better angle behind his brother. "Block! Block!" he coaches his brother. EmJ is quite the football player at his school as a defensive lineman. The muscular stature he inherited from his father comes in handy. He'll probably go pro after college.
"Mere," Scott warns. "Calm down. It was a joke."
"It was a stupid one," she tries to reach her arms around Scott in vain.
It's kind of funny that a pre-teen needs to be protecting from a 7 year old. Then, I think of how ferocious Alice gets when she's mad. Those two might as well be brother and sister because they fight so much. Don't let the scuffle fool you. They're very close…which is why they fight so much.
"A little help here," Bean pleads, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Okay. Okay," I step in, acting as a second shield for Scott and EmJ picks Meredith up, throws her over his shoulder and walks to the other end of the room. After we've had a chance to calm down, I ask, "What is going on here?"
"I'm trying to kill Scott," Meredith answers, honestly.
"Ian and Meredith sitting in a tree," Scott starts the age-old taunt. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"
"Stop it!" she tries to get past EmJ.
"If you don't stop teasing her, I'll let her get you," I threaten the 10 year old who immediately stops singing. "Thank you," I point to the hallway and he follows me there.
"Scott, you know Meredith is sensitive about Ian," I whisper.
Ian is my son. He's 14 and just started high school. He's Edward's twin…eyes…hair…jaw…everything. It's scary. Ever since Meredith could blink she's had a crush on him. Everyone knows…except Ian. It's a little weird to be honest because of the age difference. Every time Alice sees them, she giggles, smiles, and goes into the next room. Some of the kids like to tease her about it.
"I know," Scott hangs his head. "She took the remote. I wanted it back. I figured Ian would be a nice distraction."
"You thought wrong," I straighten his clothes and smooth his hair. "You should apologize."
"I know," he goes back into the room. I see Meredith nod her head and hug him. Then, I know everything is back to normal.
I walk into the kitchen and grab a bag of pretzels and a can of fruit punch and start snacking. I take the time to review what I want to say during my act and think of anything I might want to add or take away. Some comedians hate it. But, I love spare of the moment inspiration during an act. It makes it more genuine. I take a piece of paper and start jotting down extra ideas and hear someone enter the room.
"Hey, Mom," my son Andrew comes in and sets some groceries on the table. "How's it going?"
"Fine, sweetie," I smile as he kisses my head. "What'cha got there?" I start snooping in the bags. "Ooooh! Oreos," I open the package.
"I should have hid those," he shakes his head.
"What's for din din?" I ask.
Andrew is the resident chef of the house. He's an excellent cook. I'm not talking about just recipes. He's great at everything. Balancing flavor. Plate presentation. He even figured out Gran's fudging recipe.
Honey. Who knew?
Whenever a big event happens in the family, we all group together and Andrew cooks. He loves it.
"Simple," he takes ingredients out of the bags. "I'm making a nice shrimp spinach salad for starters," he takes out fresh spinach, "Then, we'll have nice chicken parmesan…with homemade sauce," he smiles showing me the tomatoes. "For desert, we'll finish with a raspberry lemon tart," he takes out the fruit and sets it on the table.
How did I get so lucky?
"You're trying to become my favorite. Aren't you?" I ask, biting down on an Oreo.
"Mom," he raises an eyebrow. "That was never in jeopardy," he starts washing the vegetables. "I was hoping to make some sorbet," he huffs. "I'm disgusted with the farmer's market lack of exotic fruits," he steams, preparing some tomatoes for pasta sauce. "It's shameful."
My son is very passionate about his work. Everything has to be perfect. His hair. His clothes. His shoes. His room. Some might even call him anal. I call him dedicated. He's a very artistic boy. He's into cooking, music, and poetry. He even joined a poetry club at school recently.
"Where are your brothers?" I ask. "Nigel?"
Something should have been broken by now.
"No clue," he shrugs. "After we got back, I came straight here."
Noticing that at two children are unaccounted for, I walk back to the living room to see if they're there. I smile at what I find. Instead of making myself known, I hide behind the wall and spy.
"Hey, Ian," Meredith stares at Ian.
"Hey, Mere," Ian notices, looking at his computer.
Ian is the most tech-savvy of the group. Even at 14, he can do things with computer graphics that some people twice his age can't even imagine. It's probably because he's around Edward when he edits the movies. I could see Ian going down that path. As a result, he's a little introverted.
Ian and Andrew are identical twins. Can you believe it? The first and second time I got pregnant, they were twins. Either Edward has super sperm or my eggs like to travel in pairs. They are the spitting image of their father from their hair to their feet.
Yep. 5 kids. Edward succeeded in turning my vagina into Grand Central Station.
"Do you want to watch TV?" Mere asks, showing the remote.
"No," Ian shakes his head. "I'm working on a project."
"Please?" she asks.
"Come on, Mere," her older brother Nigel complains. "Let me watch something." He inherited his father's laid back style and short blonde hair. Unfortunately, he inherited his mother's height. Poor boy. He'll be 15 in two weeks and he's only 5'4.
He's a handsome young man, though.
"You're always on the computer," she pouts at my son. "Pleeeeeeaaaase?"
And he's done.
"Okay," he closes his laptop and Meredith turns the channel.
I hear Bean whisper, "Whipped," as I pass through the hallway.
Where the hell is Nathan?
"Ken," I tap my daughter on her shoulder. "Where is your twin?"
"When he came back from picking up the boys, he disappeared," she replies, not looking up from the latest issue of Glamour.
"Damn it," I roll my eyes. "Nate!" I call. "Where are you?" I ask, walking through the house.
I like to account for all the kids. That way if something gets broken, it's easy to tell who did it. I continue to call and walk around aimlessly for another 5 minutes, before I give up.
"Fine," I huff, as I see dirty clothes on the floor…next to the washroom. "Really?"
I don't know how this happened. It seems like the other they get, they quicker they forget to clean up their shit. One day, I'm going to throw all this shit away.
I should just get a maid.
"Guys," I pick up the dirty socks and sneaker to put it in the laundry room. "You are too old to leave all of your…SHIT!" I cry, dropping the clothes in shock. "GET OFF MY BABY!" I shout.
Hare dare she attack him like that?
"Mom!" Nathan shouts, covering a girl's head…that is currently sucking…
"Oh God," I gag, stepping backwards into the wall.
"Oh God," the blonde girl with a red stripe in her hair releases my son.
"Mommy," Cassidy calls. "What's wrong?" she asks, walking down the hallway.
"Nothing," I run in the laundry room and close to door. Her young eyes can't see this.
"Mom!" Nate cries, covering himself.
"Fuck!" I turn around staring at the door. "I didn't see anything important," I whisper, as I hear the sound of clothes being put on.
"Who is in there?" Cass asks, as the door knob starts to shake.
"It's just me," I lie.
"Why were you yelling?" Meredith asks, as the door cracks a little.
"I'm so embarrassed," blondie whispers.
You should be.
Taking advantage of my baby.
"It's fine," I close the door. "Everything is okay. Go back to what you were doing," I order.
"Daddy wants to talk to you," Cass reports.
"Tell him I'll call him back later," I deadpan, shaking my head.
"I'll just talk to him some more," she decides and I hear footsteps down the hall.
I can't believe this.
"What…the…hell?" I ask, facing the door shaking my head.
"Mrs. Swan," blondie starts. "It is such an honor to meet you," she rushes. "I love…everything…"
"O-okay," Nathan stalls, thinking of something to say.
"Who is this?" I point behind me to the mystery girl.
"Amy," she chirps. "You are such an idol," she compliments.
Don't suck up to me
"I know this is…" my son starts.
"I'm tired," I admit. "Wake me when dinner is ready," I open the door and go upstairs.
"Mom," Nathan starts again.
"No," I put my hand up and he stops talking. "I need a minute," I say.
Why am I choked up?
"It was nice meeting…" I close the door in that slut's face.
I always knew my children were having sex…especially Kennedy. I've just never witnessed it. It was horrible. I slowly walk upstairs and crawl under the covers.
Sold out shows, I can handle.
Intrusive paps, I can handle.
Owning an empire, I can handle.
My kids…not being kids?
I'm not sure.
I feel a hot tear roll down my cheek and laugh at myself. I can't believe I'm crying. 17 years ago, I would have thought that was funny. Now, I find it horrifying.
Nathan is a cute little boy. He's a mixture of Edward and me. He has the same hypnotizing green eyes as his father. He has a James Dean…ish quality about him. I could see why girls like him. It's just…
I hug my pillow, wishing it was Edward and try my best to sleep it off.
"Hey, there," I hear Edward whisper, before I feel my face being peppered with kisses.
"Edward?" I smile, knowing the answer to my question. "You're back!" I open my eyes and crash my mouth to his.
"Mhm," he moans against my mouth and climbs on top of me.
"I missed you," I breathe as he creeps his hand up my shirt. "So much," I arch my back when he cups my breasts.
"I missed you too baby," his lips travel to my neck. "Your smell," his nose runs along my neck. "Your taste," he licks my nipple before taking it between his teeth. "How you feel," he adds, as his other hand palms my crotch.
"Edward," I lick the shell of his ear. "Damn," I run my fingers through his hair and grind on his hand.
"Did you miss me?" his hand reaches down my pants and the other lifts my shirt up to kiss my stomach. "Huh?" he whispers just below my ear to send chills down my spine.
"Yes," I finally manage, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.
"I know," he speaks and I feel the imprint of his cocky crooked smile against my neck as he licks across my chest. "You're so wet," he chuckles, entering a heavenly digit inside of me.
"Yeah," I grind against him, pulling his boxers down and tugging them the rest of the way with my feet. The angle sets his fingers in deeper. "You missed me too?" I point out, wrapping my hand around his swollen cock and stroking him.
I need him.
"Bella," he groans against me.
"I know," I place him at my entrance. "Fu…"
"Mom! Dad!" I hear one of the twins knock on the door.
"Dinner is almost ready," he announces. "Give it 5 minutes," he adds.
"Okay," we calmly answer, before he goes down the hall.
"You heard him," I smile, guiding my husband inside me.
"No," he pulls back.
"What?" I ask, shooting up. "What do you mean 'no?'?"
I hate to sound like a bitch. But Edward has been gone for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! I'm horny. I feel like a quarterback that got denied during prom night.
"Not now," he chuckles, kissing me. "I haven't made love to you in two weeks," he starts. "There will be no quickies tonight," he gives me a menacing look. "I plan to take my time. Don't worry, you'll get thoroughly fucked before the night is over," he predicts.
"Well…" I smile, wrapping my arms around him.
"Although I love how much you love my…"
"Daddy," Cassidy walks in the room. She hasn't grasped knocking yet.
"Yes, princess?" he smiles at our daughter, after a slight huff.
"I just wanted to hug you again," she tells, climbing into her father's lap to hug and kiss him.
"Awww…" he beams. "Thank you. I can never have too many Cassy hugs," he tickles her.
"Stop it!" she kicks her feet in the air. A foot kicks my right boob. "Sorry,
Mommy," she apologizes, giving Edward Eskimo kisses or as she calls them nose wiggles.
"Okay," he picks her up. "Go downstairs and help set the table," he playfully bites her apple cheek and she sets off without so much as a peep.
He's the man.
"Okay," he hops back in the bed.
"It's over," I sadly say, running my fingers over his face.
"Damn," he mutters, straightening his clothes.
It's amazing how he's almost 50 and he still looks mostly like how he did when we got married. I mean, he has some laugh lines and minor crow's feet from getting older but he's basically the same. Do you know what I never thought I'd find sexy but turns me on every time I see it?
Edward has salt and pepper hair…well he's a redhead…so it's more of a salt and ginger.
Who cares? It's fucking sexy as Hell.
I'd always loved Edward's copper locks. Now, that some gray hair mixes with it I find it even more irresistible. I forbid him to dye it.
"Nathan told me what you saw today," Edward brings me out of my haze.
"Oh," I huff and cross my arms. "I don't like her. I couldn't even look at them," I shake.
"Bella," he scoots closer to me. "He's a man…and he's just as embarrassed as you are," he chuckles. "Believe me."
"How could you laugh?" I ask, in disbelief. "It was horrible. She was in there violating our child!" I halfway screech, causing him to burst out in laughter.
"It's not like we didn't know he was having sex," he reminds me.
Edward and I are very open with the kids about sex. We both feel it's important that they feel they can talk to us even if it gets awkward. When Kennedy was thinking about having sex with Bean, I drove her to get birth control the same day.
Edward got the boys condoms when they turned 14. We're cool. I'll talk about it. I had no intention of seeing it.
"You didn't see it," I shiver. "I blame his no-good uncle," I seethe. "Daniel."
Daniel surprised all of us by settling down…with a woman that was 12 years younger than him. I now have an 8 year old niece who is fucking adorable. However, he felt the need to pass his player ways off to my sons. It didn't take too much with the twins but Nathan soaked it up like a sponge.
He hasn't been the same since.
"He's a growing man," he says again. "It's natural for him to want to…"
"If you caught Bean dining on Kennedy's cooch, I doubt you'd be so damn tranquil," I raise an eyebrow.
"Pssh," Edward rolls his eyes. "She'd never…" I couldn't let him finish before a giggle came out. Those two are always in the midst of foreplay. "What was that about?" he asks quickly. "What did you see?" he question jumping out of the bed.
"Nothing," I lie.
"Bullshit," he opens the door. "BEAN!" he shouts, walking out the room.
"Relax," I run after him and grab his shoulder.
"No!" he shrugs away and storms downstairs.
I follow him to the den downstairs where the two lovebirds are making out. This time its PG. EmJ is sitting on the couch and Kennedy is sitting between his legs with her back to his chest. Just as she was about to straddle him, Edward charges in the room.
"Dad!" Kennedy separates from EmJ and smoothes out her clothes. "You're back," she jumps up to hug her father.
"Mhmm," Edward nods, staring daggers at Bean.
Ever since Ken and Bean started 'dating' when they were 13, Edward has slowly grown to…how do I say this? Hate him. Hate is a strong word but its close. He won't let Bean sit next to Kennedy when we eat together. If for any reason he sleeps over, Bean has to stay in the room next to ours. Edward put a monitor under the bed so he could hear what happened. One time, he stared at the poor boy for 45 seconds without blinking. I think he has a tracking machine in his car. He has yet to confirm or deny that.
He said my father was bad?
"What are you wearing?" Edward asks, pointing to her outfit.
"Edward," I scold. "Nothing is wrong with her outfit," I looking at her modest dress.
"Uh…" Bean slowly gets up.
"Yeah?" Edward gives him the stink eyes.
"Never mind," he sinks back into his chair.
"You guys," Andrew storms into the room. "Dinner is ready," he says, motioning out the room.
"This isn't over," Edward whispers so Bean could hear.
I mouth "Yes, it is," and follow the group out of the room.
I walk to the kitchen and smile when I see all of my friends and family is here.
"Thanks for watching the kiddos," Emmet wraps me in a bear hug. "Rose and I got swamped."
"I've been drafting and approving sketches since I saw you," Alice kisses her fingers.
"I'm looking forward to your latest cuisine, Sir Andrew," Jasper puts Andrew in a headlock.
"It smells great, sweetie," Rose sniffs the air. "How do you feel about starring in a teen cooking show on The Food Network?" she whispers to him, hoping I wouldn't hear. "I can make that happen."
"Rose!" I deadpan. "Stop."
Edward and I decided that just because we're celebrities doesn't mean that our children have to be. We promised ourselves that we wouldn't ask them to do anything unless they approached us first. If the kids want to go into the business, I'll use good ol' fashioned nepotism.
"You can't fault me for having vision," she raises an eyebrow at Andrew.
" Bewwa," Henry wraps himself around my leg.
"Hey, buddy," I pick him up and kiss his cheek. "Aren't you cute?"
Angela was only 22 when I hired her so she wasn't interested in having a family. She married her boyfriend Ben two years after she started working for me. Afterwards, her first book was published and she rose straight to the top. Once she and Ben got married, they put off having kids. When they started trying, they had difficulties. After 6 years of trying, they finally had Henry. He's only 3.
"He's been gushing about you all day," Ben informs, as Henry reaches for him.
"You aren't turning into a cougar are you?" Emmett jokes, walking back into the room with a raspberry lemon tart. "Fuck yes," he whispers after taking a bite, wiping crumbs off of his face.
"Never," I grab Edward and kiss him as he gropes my ass.
"Ewwww," all the kids shiver.
"You're old," Ian shakes, looking at his phone.
"We can make our way to the dining room," Andrew says nervously and we all start to cheer.
Seriously. You have no idea. My son can cook like nobody's business.
"Mom," Nathan says awkwardly. "I'm sorry about what happened this afternoon," he apologizes.
"Please," I put my hand up. "It's okay."
At least it will be.
"I'm sitting next to Daddy," Cassidy shouts, standing next to Edward.
"Of course," he bends down to kiss her hair. "Hey," he points to Bean who is about to sit next to Kennedy. "You sit right there," he points to the chair between Nigel and Ian.
"Da-ad," Kennedy complains.
"Ke-nne-dy," he mocks her, pointing to her chair.
"Ugh," she huffs, sitting down.
"Relax," Nate chides. "You two can go an hour without playing footsie," he laughs. "Ouch!" he yells when his sister hits him on the head with her spoon.
"Shut up!" Kennedy gripes.
"That was uncalled for," he pouts, rubbing his head.
"That's our good china," Andrew points out. "It took me an hour to polish all of it."
"Why are you mad?" Ian asks, confused. "She has to eat with it," he says, giving Meredith a piece of garlic bread. She looks like he just proposed to her. Alice giggles and looks at me.
"Sorry bro," Nate says to Bean. "Ken is on the rag."
"Damn it," I hear Bean whispers, pouring himself some Sprite.
"Am not," Kennedy punches her brother. "No, I'm not," she tells EmJ embarrassed.
"Daddy," Cassidy gets Edward's attention, trying to cut her food. "What does 'on the rag' mean?" she asks.
"Your mother will tell you later," Edward throws me under the bus, giving me "the look," cutting her chicken for her.
We've been beating around the bush to have The Talk with Cassidy. She's the only one that hasn't walked in on me and Edward fucking at one point. Once a child sees it, you kind of have to explain it to them. She's only 6. Is that too young?
"Waaaay later," I raise an eyebrow at my husband.
"Hmph," she looks disappointed, and takes a bite from her garlic bread. She hates feeling left out of the loop.
"Mom, tell Ken to stop abusing me," Nate brings my attention to my son who is being brutalized by his sister. "Stop you Amazon," he rushes, leaning over in his seat.
"Don't call me that," she pinches Nate's nipple causing him to scream out in pain.
"Kennedy," I erupt. "Stop hitting your brother. Nate, don't tease your sister about her height," I order. "She can't help that."
Kennedy is tall for her age…really tall. She's 5'11 feet with no heels on. You can imagine how intimidating some men find that. EmJ is only 6'1.
"Its okay, Ken," Lilly chimes in. "You're hot," she points out.
It's the proud mama in me but Kennedy is an attractive young lady. She has her father's auburn hair, bone structure, and my eyes. She's gorgeous. When she got her period, Edward lost his mind. He got a gun the next week when she developed. She has a shape that's similar to mine too. Last summer, the families took a vacation to San Tropez, France. Some pap took a picture of Kennedy running on the beach in a bikini. It turned up in Us Weekly, Ok!, and People gushing about Kennedy's Curvaceous Bod.
Edward convinced himself that he was having a stroke.
"And you're worth the climb, baby," EmJ beams from across the table.
"Stop," Ken waves it off, blushing. "Really?"
"Ewww…" Scott shivers. "Googly eyes."
"Who are you climbing?" Edward asks Bean. "Who have you been climbing?" Edward turns to ask Kennedy.
"Uh…" Kennedy starts.
It's no secret that Ken and Bean are sexually active. They're 17 for Christ's sakes. If Edward and I were dating at that age, you can believe I would have been tapping that religiously. He just can't stand the thought of his little girl being a woman. It's cute.
"Someone's in trouble," Nigel teases, budging Bean in the ribs. "Can I have your BMW when Edward kills you?" he asks.
"Daddy!" Cassidy cries nervously. "Please don't kill Bean," she grabs Edward's hand. "I don't want you to go to jail. You won't have any friends in there."
I giggle at that. How cute.
" Alice," Kennedy looks for a diversion. "Have you considered that summer thing?"
"Yeah," Alice smiles, after a lengthy silence. "You and Lilly are the new spokes girls for my new untitled teenage clothing line," she claps, as the girls go crazy. "What?"
Ken and Lilly are really into fashion. Kennedy isn't sure what she wants to do with her life so we talked about her having a nice vacation once she graduates high school to try to find inspiration. Somehow, that turned into her and Lilly modeling for the summer in Europe.
"Woah," Edward interjects. "What kind of clothes?"
"Edward," I start.
"Relax," Rose rolls her eyes. "Alice won't have them prancing around in thongs getting soaked under a waterfall."
"It's just some bikinis and summer wear," Alice waves it off.
"I'm going on record saying I don't approve," Edward leans to whisper in my ear.
"Of course," I kiss him. "I'll be there for a part of the time they're there."
"My son is dating a super model," Emmett nods his head in approval. "Nice," he air fist pumps his son.
"I almost forgot," Edward mentions. "I want to see some report cards after dinner," he orders, pointing to the kids.
"Damn it!" Nate bangs on the table. "Who told?"
"It's not my fault you failed a class," Cassidy pouts, eating some linguini.
"What are you failing?" I ask Nate, putting some more chicken on my plate…and more sauce…and some…I'll just get a new plate.
I forgot the older kids must have gotten their report cards too. Honestly, if I get home and no one is dead, arrested or pregnant, I call the day a victory.
"Spanish," he rolls his eyes.
"He no gusta," Andrew chuckles and his twin follows.
"Andrew has a girlfriend that he's hiding from you," Nate reveals.
"What?" Edward smiles, he's not even hiding the fact that he's excited.
I'm surprised. With the cooking, poetry and everything we thought he was gay and was waiting until he was older to tell us like my brother David did.
"What the Hell?" Andrew shrieks.
"Dick move, Nate," Ian shakes his head. "Dick. Move."
"What's a dick?" my youngest asks.
"Your daddy will tell you," I set Edward up.
"At least I didn't get caught getting a hand job under the bleachers," Andrew retaliates.
"WHAT?" I shout. "Was it that same blonde slut?"
"What's a hand…" Cass starts.
"Later, sweetie," Edward huffs, taking a sip of his drink. "Stop saying that shit in front of your sister," he commands.
"I'm so disappointed, Nate, I shake my head. "We taught you better," I remind him. "At least take them home."
"I'm not the only one," Nate holds his hands in surrender. "Nigel…"
"Nigel," Alice whispers, as if she's heartbroken.
"How did I get thrown into this?" Nigel asks, confused.
"Nigel's in trouble….Nigel's in trouble," Meredith sings, bobbing her head along to the beat.
"Go stare at Ian," he rolls his eyes.
"Huh?" Ian asks, not sure what that has to do with the conversation.
"Shut up, Nigel before I stuff you in Mom's purse!" Meredith shouts, crossing her arms and trying not to stare at my son. "You could probably fit in there," she mutters, stabbing her chicken with her fork.
Ahhh… the Alice Anger gene.
"BAHAHAHAHAH" Bean and Lilly burst out laughing their father's thunderous laugh. I look to my right to see Emmett trying to be an adult and not chuckle himself. Overall, he does a good job.
"Oh!" Scott joins in laughing later. "That was a short joke. BURN!" he giggles.
The kids recently discovered That 70s Show. Burn is their new catchphrase.
"Okay. Okay," I settle everyone down. "That's enough talk about that," I hint.
After everyone settled down and stopped telling on each other, we had desert and some conversation. Everyone started to leave around 10 to go home.
"Bewwa," Henry comes up to me with Angela behind him trying to fasten his coat. "You're pretty," he smiles.
"Thank you, honey," I humor him, and hold him still so Angela can get his coat on.
"Can we get married?" he asks.
"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "I'm married to Edward."
"Oh," he pouts and Angela tries not to laugh. "When you're done with him, can we get married?"
"Sorry, buddy," Edward hugs me from behind. "She's mine forever."
"Awww man," he frowns, lifting his arms up so Ben can carry him to the car.
"You have a way with men," Edward kisses my neck as the last of the visitors leave.
"Welll…" I pause, grinding my ass into his groin.
"Hey, mom," Nate comes in the hallway.
"Yeah?" I try not to roll my eyes in frustration.
"Do you have that new episode of Pests?" he asks. "We want to watch it."
"In my purse," I tell him. "Give me a critique, when you're done," I order.
I love those kids. They do my work for me.
"Cassy," Edward calls, picking the girl up and kissing her cheek. "It's time for bed."
"But I want to watch cartoons with them," she says, yawning.
"That's a cartoon for grownups sweetie," I tell her, as I run my fingers through her soft hair. "Come on," I smile. "Let's get you ready for bed."
After she washes up, we brush our teeth and put our pajamas on for bed. Then, it's Edward's turn to read her a story and tuck her in. I'm not welcome in that department. Apparently, I don't do the voices right. I know it's a Cassy/Daddy thing.
I look at the clock and start to yawn. I'd been up since 6 this morning to get the kids ready for school. Plus, I've been running around all day and finishing details for tomorrow's show. It's been a long day. Before the show, I have to go to the studio for a voice over. I got cast in a Disney/Pixar movie called Alex in Outer Space. It's about a little boy who stows away on a space shuttle by accident. It's hilarious. I have to be there at 6. I need sleep.
Normally, I would head to bed. Not tonight.
Edward owes me some peen. I intend to collect.
I step into the kitchen to grab a Red Bull.
"Heading for a long night?" Andrew arches his eyebrow, as I open the can.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Mom," he rolls his eyes. "You and Dad…" he shivers.
"Hey," I warn, pointing to him. "Shouldn't I be interrogating you?" I ask.
His smile drops.
"You have a girlfriend," I remind him.
When you're that young, I use the term girlfriend loosely. It's not like they can drive anywhere together.
"Yeah," he sits down on a chair. "Are you mad?" he asks.
"Mad?" I question, confused. "Why would I be mad?"
"I didn't tell you," he says.
"Mad isn't the right word," I sit beside him. "It's more like puzzled. Why would you keep that from us?"
"It's just…" he starts, like he's searching for a way to express his feelings. "It's hard being your son."
What does he mean? I've always been there for my kids. I pride myself on it. Yeah. There has been a few times when I had to work and not be home but I like to think Edward and I are present in our kids' lives.
"Why?" I ask, hugging him. "Do you feel like we aren't…"
"You aren't doing anything wrong," he shakes his head. "It's everyone else," he points out. "As soon as they find out I'm a Cullen it's weird," he shrugs. "That's why I was glad when Ian and I went to a different school than Nate and Kennedy."
Andrew and Ian go to a high school that is geared more toward the arts. Ian goes because he's great with technology and the school has an amazing program for that. Andrew goes for culinary and literature.
"I imagine the artistic types wouldn't be into names anyway," I nod.
"She's just…cool," he confides.
"What's her name?" I ask. "Where is she from?"
I want details. I wonder if Dad still has clearance to get information. I'll ask him.
"Her name is DeeDee," he smiles off into the distance. "Well, it's really Wadricka but she hates that name."
"She lets me call her DeeDee," she sighs. "She's from Harlem. She's studying at music and dance and Pulllam." He beams. "She's beautiful…and…great."
"Oh," I smile at his obvious joy. "I want to meet her," I tell him.
"Mom," he gasps in horror.
"Yes," I affirm. "I want to meet this girl who makes you come out of this shell," I poke him. "Tomorrow."
"Or Friday," I give him an option. "I'm pretty sure your father wants to meet her too."
"What do you think we'll do? Scare her away?" I ask." I'll make an excellent wingman," I wink at him.
"Tomorrow," I order. "Or Friday," I finish, going upstairs.
I reach the steps and hear Cassidy giggling and Edward making funny noises. I admit. He's good at that.
Suddenly, I feel my phone vibrating. I pick it up, knowing that people know better not to call past 10 unless it's important.
"Bella!" I hear Leah Clearwater shout. "You're up."
"Yeah," I look at the clock. "Why are you calling?"
"I got a brilliant as fuck idea," she rushes. "I was taking a shit and it came to me," I hear the sound of papers ruffling. "I want you on my team, bitch!" she shouts.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow?"
"No!" she refuses. "Now! I'm hype now."
"Well…" I start as Edward walks back in the room giving me the 'I'm gonna fuck you until you can't walk' look (my favorite). "See you later," I hang up and throw the phone across the room.
"Where were we?" he asks, locking the door and stalking towards me.
"Here," I palm his crotch and unbuckle his pants.
It's gonna be a long night.
Life is good.
Thanks for the continued love for this story. Don't forget to hop over to my blog Krys Loves Movies. Like. Subscribe. My latest blog is called *spoilers*
RIP Jon Snow? 3 Reasons Why I REFUSE To Believe Jon Snow Is Dead.
The next entry will be called Franchise Bait: 3 Movies Ruined By A Studio's Desperation To Start A Franchise. This one's title is a work in progress.