Napoleon goes to war with Hyrule

By: Shannon

It was a peacful spring day in Hyrule. In the market town, the pitter-patter of feet could be heard. Peddlers in the town sold their wares. Children chased each other as their parents went shopping. Dogs roamed freely about Hyrule Market Town.

Soon, Link entered Hyrule Market Town on his horse, Epona, and a few friends after a hunt in the Lost Woods. The people of Hyrule made way and saluted their king. Link rode Epona through the gates of Hyrule Castle and into the royal stables to dismount her.

"That was a great hunt," said Link. "We'll all be eating venison nonstop for the next few years!"

His friends laughed at his joke.

Link came into the children's room of Hyrule Castle where his wife was playing with his children.

"Link my darling," she cried as she welcomed him with open arms. "How was the hunt?"

"Good as gold. Got a few deer and some stag." Link kissed his wife passionately as his children, Link II and Cordelia, looked on.

"Ewwwww, they're kissing!" wailed Link II. "Let's go play somewhere else."

"Fine by me. Kissing is gross!" snapped Cordelia.

Later that afternoon, a blue light shone in Hyrule Field. A huge army of several thousand soldiers appeared, armed with guns, cannons, and some soldiers were on horses, wielding huge swords. In front of them was General (and French emperor) Napoleon Bonaparte.

"How did we get here?" Napoleon asked his field marshall.

"I don't know, Monsieur Bonaparte," said his field marshall. "First we were going to fight England and now we appear in this strange land."

"Well, I do believe this looks like a good sizeable piece of land here," said Napoleon. "I doubt there's very many people here. Let's conquer this land!"

Thousands of French soldiers, with Napoleon leading the way, stormed Hyrule. They pillaged and burned. They sacked stores, stole valued money from the Bank of Hyrule, and other horrible things.

Meanwhile, at Hyrule Castle, Link and his family were watching a play put on by the Hyrule Acting Troupe.

"Mother, this play is ever so funny!" giggled Cordelia.

"Shhh," said Zelda. "Let's talk about it after it's over."

Suddenly, Alexander Beauregard, one of Link's prime ministers burst into the room.

"Stop everything!" he yelled!

"Now what is so important that you need to interrupt a play, Beauregard?" asked Link.

"It's an emergency, Your Majesty!" he yelled. "Hyrule has been taken over and destroyed by an army of several thousand soldiers!"

"Surely you must be joking, Beauregard," said Link firmly.

"I'm not. Here's a letter from General Spinner."

Link cleaned his monocle, set it to his eye, and read the letter from General Spinner.

Your Majesty,

It is urgent that this letter reach you immediately. We are under attack by a huge army. These men are virtually invincible. Their rifles and cannons outnumber our swords and spears. You must do something at once or the country of Hyrule will be destroyed!

God bless you and carry on!

General George Spinner

"My goodness!" cried Link. "We must prepare ourselves!" Link ran to the nearest balcony and appeared to a crowd of terrified people.

"Good citizens of Hyrule," said Link. "I have a very terrible announcement to make. An army from an unknown land has attacked Hyrule. We fear that Hyrule Market Town may be in danger. Go back to your homes, lock your doors and be sure there is no light in your homes!

Everyone fled back to their homes and did as Link instructed. Meanwhile, Napoleon's Army had seized control of Kakariko Village. They had burned and vandalized homes and vandalized the gravestones in Dampe's graveyard. They left Kakariko Village with several thousand rupees from Kakariko's treasury and other valuables. Families either had damaged homes or were homeless.

Napoleon's army marched up Death Mountain and into Goron City, which they also seized. They held the Gorons prisoner there in their own community, while looting their stores and homes.

When they got to the Hyrule Kingdom walls, they camped out there for the night. All except Napoleon. He marched through Hyrule Market Town, which had been deserted since everyone had locked themselves in their homes. He marched up to the Hyrule Castle gates, demanding entry.

"I am sorry, Sir," said one of the guards. "You are not allowed entry unless you have permission."

"I demand you let me through," yelled Napoleon. "For it is I who has seized this miniscule country of yours! I am General and French emperor, Napoleon Bonaparte!"

"Oh my," said the soldier nervously as Napoleon aimed his sword directly toward his throat. "Well, p-p-p-p-p-p-please come through. Th-th-th-the King will be p-p-p-p-pleased to see you."

Napoleon put his sword back in his sheath. "Very well, I shall." He smiled evily at the terrified guard as he strolled through the Hyrule Castle gates. Upon seeing what happened to the guard at the gate, the other guards let him in. He was approached by Prime Minister Beauregard, who promptly escorted him to King Link, who was in his study, worried and petrified about the future of his kingdom.

"Your Majesty," said Beauregard, knocking on the door to his study. "Someone is here to see you."

"Send him in, please," said Link, slumped at his desk.

"So you are the king of this little country, eh?" sneered Napoleon. "My men have taken over every part of this little kingdom of yours except for this puny town here."

"Who are you?!" snapped Link. "And how did you get to Hyrule?"

"My name is Napoleon Bonaparte. I was in battle with the country of England when suddenly, my army and I were somehow transported here."

"Why did you take our country, our kingdom?!"

"Link, this small country is a great way to expand France's territory. Besides, your army is no match for the army of France. Besides I have never heard of a country of Hyrule before."

"That's because it is not on your map, Monsieur Bonaparte!" yelled Link, pounding his fist on his desk. How dare you try to take my homeland. I have every right to send my army into battle with you."

"Very well then," said Napoleon. "France now has declared war on your little country of Hyrule. Good night." Napoleon left Link's study.

"Beauregard! Get in here!" snapped Link.

"Yes Your Majesty?"

"We need an army," said Link. "We need to recruit the finest and the most agile young men of Hyrule!"

"You mean..."

"Yes, Beauregard. We are at war!"

That night, Link II and Cordelia climbed into bed with their mother while Link was talking with his ministers-of-state.

"Mama, wake up," cried Link II. "I heard something from Papa's study."

"We both heard it, Mama," said Cordelia. "We're going to war with France!"

"My goodness!" cried Zelda. "Children, I want you to stay here with me, tonight. I don't know what will happen."

The next day, Napoleon's men had occupied Hyrule completely. Link and his officers had to recruit soldiers for the Hyrulian army in secret while the remaining soldiers in the Hyrulian army were fighting battles with Napoleon, who won them all. Several thousands of guns, cannons, and several pounds of ammuniton were also produced in secret. The army trained for months on end in private. Every government related activity was done in private for fear of anything getting to Napoleon's army.

Finally, the moment had come. Link had enough of this. He ordered his new army to face Napoleon's on Hyrule field. Whoever won this battle would have control of Hyrule. If Napoleon won, he would extend the French territory out to Hyrule. If Link won, he would regain control of his country and drive out the French. The French soldiers took their places and marched toward Link's army. Hyrulian soldiers stood by cannons and shot several cannonballs at the enemy. The remaining troops retreated.

The battle dragged on for several hours. Finally, at the end, Napoleon's army was wounded, tired, and beat. One of Napoleon's generals sent a letter of surrender to Link. Link was overjoyed! He had saved Hyrule from the French!

As Link transported the French back to their homeland with a potion, everything returned to normal. Kakariko Village was rebuilt. The lakeside laboratory by Lake Hylia was restored with new, updated lab equipment. Lon Lon Ranch was also rebuilt and it expanded with a new grain silo and a great deal of land for farming crops. Link was celebrated as a hero in Hyrule. The day Link defeated Napoleon became a national holiday in Hyrule called "Day of Liberation."

Meanwhile, back in Europe, Napoleon got a severe beating at the Battle of Waterloo and was forced into exile, only to escape and be exiled again.....on the island of St. Helena.