Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, just the fic.
A/N: A fill at Comment Fic for Evil Little Dog who prompted "The Scoobies, Never Have I Ever."
Lots of thanks to Spuffy Luvr for being my beta.
Dawn starts them off. "Never have I ever had sex with a woman."
Of course she goes right for the obvious one and Buffy's eye roll is followed by like ones from the rest of the table before they all take their drinks. Willow takes a large sip of her beer and Spike hands Buffy the whiskey bottle when he and Xander have taken their shots. He watches closely as she takes hers. Weirdo.
She makes a face and scrapes at her tongue with her teeth until the taste leaves her a little.
Xander shoves the bottle back into Spike's hand even as he says, "Never have I ever had sex with a man."
He did not deserve to roll his eye at Dawn's obviousness.
Again, the rest of the table drinks.
They look to Spike for his turn. Dawn and Xander went for the obvious, but she can't actually think of an obvious with Spike. He just scowls at them, though. "No, I'm just here for the liquor." And that's an exaggeration too, because she and Xander actually physically wrestled him into that chair to get him to even sit with them.
Willow tries anyway. "Just say something you've never done that you think some of us might have done. It can be like, um, eating a certain food. Or… blacking out from playing too much 'Never Have I Ever.'"
"I'll go again for Spike," Dawn says. "Never have I ever had sex with a Slayer."
The rest of them all drink again and Dawn sits back with a grin.
Ugh. "Bleh." Buffy sticks out her tongue after her shot and coughs, then wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. Poor manners, but at this rate she's gonna be too wasted to care in just a few minutes anyway. "Okay," she says. "Never have I ever…" Um. What hasn't she done than they've done? Maybe she should have been thinking already. "Never have I ever broken my arm."
Once more, everyone else at the table drinks.
"That wasn't a very good one," says Xander.
Whoa. Hey. After his turn he gets to say that? "Excuse me?" Buffy frowns at him and folds her arms. "I got everyone else to drink, just like you did. And it was the only thing I could think of that I know everyone else has done except me."
"Yeah," says Willow, "but you already know we've all done that."
Isn't that what she just said?
"Right," says Buffy.
"Well, but someone's gotta ask something that makes us all look around suspiciously at each other and then go, 'ooh, Xander, I can't believe you did that!' That's the fun part."
"What?" asks Xander. "Why me? Spike's right here." He points. "He's got a whole extra century of terrible stuff he's done and you think I'm gonna be the one with the gross secret?"
"It's your turn anyway," Dawn says to Willow. "So you come up with that question."
"Fine," says Willow. She inhales and lifts up her chin. "Umm… Um." Her confidence is short lived and her shoulders quickly slump back down as she frowns. "I can't think of any."
"Ooh, can I go for you too?" asks Dawn, and before any of them can protest at all she continues, "Never have I ever had sex with a demon."
Everyone else drinks.
"Okay, Will, I'm starting to think you definitely have a point." And also that Dawn might be intentionally working against that point. Or she just wants to show off how much she knows about all of them and their sex lives, the little freak. And speaking of freaks, Buffy leans toward Spike. "I can't believe you don't want to make us confess a bunch of weird sexy secrets."
Spike looks back at her. "Gotta be things I haven't done though, don't they, pet?" He grins slowly at her.
"Ugh." And this is the guy she's in love with. She rolls her eyes. That thing about your eyes sticking from being rolled too much is a myth, right? Hopefully. Because the rest of them are definitely going to make her put it to the test tonight.
"My turn again," Dawn says.
"No," says Xander. "No, no, no. Come on. You gotta give us some slack."
Spike looks to Xander. "Oh? She so sweet and innocent still then? Even now?"
Ew. Gross. But also he's getting the point. But also gross, because that's her sister.
"Never have I ever had sex with someone more than five years older than me," says Dawn.
Everyone else takes their drinks.
"Maybe we should have tried to convince Giles to stay. I don't know his answer for most of those," says Willow. "He could have fun even if he doesn't drink."
"There's soda in the fridge," Spike says.
"First of all, stop offering my things to everyone, that's my soda," says Xander. "Second of all, no."
"Please, no," says Buffy. Now it's in her head. She already has to know the answer to the first one, she can't handle any more. "All of the no."
Spike raises an eyebrow. "So, don't know much about Ripper's private life, then, hm?"
"No." Buffy shakes her head and raises her hands to cover her ears if he says anything else. "That's gross and wrong and gross. Don't ruin my blissful ignorance, okay? I'm very blissful with it."
"Xander, it's your turn," Dawn says before Spike can make things worse.
Xander holds up his hand. "I'm thinking. Don't rush me. It's a delicate process. Took me years to figure how to do it."
"Try to think of something you know one of us has done, maybe," Willow suggests. "But not all of us."
"Okay… Never have I ever had sex with Angel?"
Come on. That's kind of another thing she doesn't want to think about.
She and Spike take their shots.
"But you already know only Buffy and Spike have done that," Willow says. "It's the same thing, except you're letting Dawn get away with being the soberest. Try something we don't know about each other."
"But I don't know what I don't know," says Xander. "I can't think of anything." Then he sits bolt upright and with a look of exaggerated horror asks, "Does this mean we need to make… new friends?" He looks at all of them with a grimace. "I don't think I remember how to do that."
With a feeling of horror she imagines is pretty similar to Xander's, Buffy leans to the side and slumps into Spike's arm. "I'm one of those people," she says. "I'm the kind of person who can't make friends outside their little circle. I've become that." She had so many casual, shallow friends at Hemery too. How did this happen?
Spike strokes her hair while she pouts into his shoulder, then he turns to the group. "Here, I've got one now. Never have I ever wanted new friends just to make getting sloshed more fun."
The rest of the table drinks.